A Dib and Tallest Romance
by Merdina
Summary: Dib is transported to Irk as a slave to the Tallest, and feelings soon prevail. This is my first IZ fanfic.  WARNING: Dib and both Tallest Slash, and Red and Purple Slash. Don't like, don't read. Finished at last!
1. Security Breach

Security Breach

Zim woke up and groaned, placing his gloved claw to his head and blinking his eyes blearily. His head throbbed, and his squeedly-spootch gurgled like a broken pipe. How much did he drink last night? More to the point, why did he drink so much in the first place? He sat up on the bed, swaying slightly from the head rush. Above, in the house itself, he could hear GIR singing, but it sounded far-off and disconnected, and he barely registered it. Instead, he tried to piece together what had happened the night before.

"It had been something about the Tallest…" he muttered, and then it all came flooding back to him.

The Previous Night. 4:00pm

"…And _that_, my Tallest, is how I shall take over the world by using nothing more than a plastic lawn flamingo and a wireless radio set."

"Yeah… about that, Zim. You're wasting our valuable time with these transmissions," said Purple, with a small nudge from Red, "It'd probably be better if you, well, you know. Just didn't call anymore."

"Hmmm. I see. But how else can I inform you of my latest BRILLIANT schemes?"

Red sighed.

"Look, Zim. We hate you. No, seriously, we do. You're not on Earth for a mission; we just wanted you out of our way. Now, if you'd excuse us, we have a call waiting from a _real_ invader. So, TTFN. We'd appreciate it if you never called again, all right? All right. Toodles!"

"WAIT! HOW CAN THIS BE?!?" Zim yelled, but the transmission had already been cut off.

---

Back on their ship, Red and Purple grinned.

"YES!" shouted Purple, eyes screwed up with relief and happiness.

"Put it there!" Red replied, as he held up his hand for a high five.

"Boy are we gonna celebrate tonight!"

And they sat back comfortably on the couch, wondering dimly how Zim would take the news. But only dimly. He was already fading into the past, nothing more than an annoying memory…

---

"GIR!!!"

"Yes, my Master!" GIR said, hand in a salute and his duty-mode eyes glowing out of the gloom.

"We have been cut loose from the mission," Zim growled.

"Aw, man!" he trilled, eyes reverting to cyan.

"Bring me the Irken whiskey… BRING IT!!!"

After that, things got a little hazy.

Back To The Present

Zim got up, touching his forehead gingerly. Never again, he vowed, never again. He didn't even want to look at another bottle of that vile, intoxicating, energy-draining liquor. That disgusting, foul-smelling drink. That delicious, pain-easing…

"Stop it!" he scolded himself sharply. But not too sharply. "Ugh. How could this happen to ZIM? I must get back on the good side of the Tallest. I cannot be cut loose from this mission. There must be something I can…"

"Gurrrd morning, master! I made FRENCH TOAST!" screamed GIR happily, opening his head and flinging the soggy, eggy slither of mangled bread straight into his master's horrified face.

"Grrrr… GIR! Clean this up now! And keep the noise down. I have a MIGHTY headache!"

Zim meandered slowly into the elevator and went up to the kitchen, taking a box of large, orange, star-shaped pills from a cabinet and crumbling one onto his outstretched tongue. He sat down heavily on the couch and closed his eyes slowly. Three seconds later, he opened them again sharply.

"SECURITY BREACH!!! SECURITY BREACH!!! SECURITY BREACH!!!" GIR was yelling, eyes red, a large rocket-launcher sticking out of his head and pointing at the open door, where Dib was trying to sneak in, in a disguise only slightly less pathetic than Zim's. Wincing in pain, hands over his antennas, Zim leapt from the couch and hollered "Computer! GET HIM!" at the top of his voice. Mechanical claws fell from the ceiling and bound up Dib tightly, holding him in the air in front of Zim.

Dib glared angrily into Zim's swollen eyes.

"Zim! Let me go!"

"Ugh! Do not shout, Dib-worm. The almighty ZIM is a little delicate this morning."

"Morning? Zim, it's 2 pm!"

"PM, SCHMEE-m, Earth-stink. The Zim grows tired of this pathetic charade. You know, it's sad, really," he remarked with a chuckle, "To think that an eighteen-year old boy would attempt to sneak into a superior alien's base wearing _this_ as his disguise."

Dib looked down at his costume. He was dressed as GIR in a painted cardboard box with several cyan-coloured light bulbs on it. He blushed slightly.

"There's nothing wrong with my disguise, _Zim_!"

"Apart from the fact that you are several feet taller than my robot," Zim smirked, "And me, come to that…" he added under his breath. It was true that all of his class-mates had grown to tower above Zim, who had been, unfortunately, at his full height back at Skool. Oh, how he had been mocked at Hi-Skool…

"Now, then. Computer, sedate this HUMAN scum and send him down to the lab. I must make the punishment suit the crime," he said, with an evil grin, as a yelling, kicking Dib was jabbed with a syringe, and his limp body was transported down below.

---

Waking up with a manically laughing alien leaning over you and wielding a scalpel isn't the most enjoyable venture at the best of times. But, as Dib found out, there are worse things. Add 'bound to an autopsy table' after 'Waking up', and replace 'manically laughing alien' with 'giggling, hyperactive robot', and you find yourself in a much more distressing situation. However, thankfully for Dib, GIR only scratched his finger before running away, screaming at the sight of the blood.

"GIR!!! GET BACK HERE AND FINISH THE JOB!"

"But he's _leaking_, master! LEAKING!!!!!"

Zim sighed and walked down towards the table, pressing a button that pushed it up vertical so that he was staring Dib in the face. Well, he would have been, had they still been at Skool.

"GIR! Fetch me the stool!"

Standing on a stool and looking Dib in the face, Zim grinned.

"Well, well, well, Dib-worm. It looks as though I'll have to think of a more… interesting method of torture."

"Torture? I'll never tell you any of Earth's secrets! NEVER!"  
"IDIOTIC HUMAN! I shall not torture you for mere secrets! I simply want to see you squirm. Like a squirmy… erm… _squirmer_. Bwahahahaha!!!! Now, GIR! Bring forth the _probe-bot_…"

"Yay! Probe-y, probe-y, probe-y!"

Dib shuddered as GIR ran forward carrying a large piece of machinery with a thrusting, revolving spike on the end of it.

"NOOOOO!" he screamed dramatically, and Zim smiled vindictively.

"Yes, my disgusting friend, yes. The Tallest shall rue the day they disposed of ZIM! Well, actually, _you_ shall rue the day they disposed of Zim…"

"Wait… the Tallest? Your leaders. They _disposed_ of you? You're not here on a mission at all?"

"Evidently not," Zim glared, "But if you're thinking of gloating, Earth-Scum, you can think again." Then he sighed. "If only there were some ways of making them think better of me. Perhaps a gift… Yes, that's right! A delicious box of the finest candies! THAT should get me my post back…"

"Or you could send them the Big-head-boy, master! As a tasty treat!"  
"My head's _not_…"

"_Excellent_, GIR! By sending the Tallest this… horrible specimen of a human, they will see what I am up against on this filthy planet, and promote me for sure!"

Zim smiled vindictively at Dib, who was shaking. Possibly from fear, possibly from anger, he didn't care. Soon the human filth would be gone, leaving him to take over this planet in peace. If not for the Tallest, then for himself. Dib spoke in a trembling voice.

"But… what will they do to me?"

"Eh, who knows? Or cares? They might cut you open, they might keep you as a pet, they might put you in a zoo, and they might do experiments on you. Or they might enslave you, bound to work for the MIGHTY Irkens for eternity. Either way, I'm just glad you'll be out of _my_ antennas and into someone else's for a change, eh GIR?"

"Heeheeheeheehee! Master, he taller than yooouuu," giggled GIR delightedly in a sing-song voice, "He should be _your_ master!"

"SHUT UP, GIR!"

---

Red and Purple were finishing off their eighth bottle of champagne when the communicator buzzed. The celebrations at the disposal of Zim had gone on straight through the night and into the next afternoon, and this day had been declared a public holiday for all Irkens. The ID number at the top of the screen registered the caller as Zim himself.

"I thought we banned that number," groaned Red.

"So did I."

"Fine. Let him speak. For the last time. And broadcast the call so that all of the other Irkens can see what a pathetic waste he is!"

Zim's triumphant face flickered onto every screen on Irk. Civilians stopped in the streets to look up at him, confused and interested.

"My Tallest!"

"Yes, Zim, what is it now?" hiccoughed Red, sipping at some more champagne and slurring his's's slightly.

"I have captured a HUMAN to send to you. You may treat him with as much horrible disrespect as you wish."

The leaders looked from each other to the screen, interested in spite of themselves.

"Really, Zim? A creature from the planet Earth to do with what we wish? A slave?"

"Yes. It is so."  
"Do we get one each?" asked Purple excitedly, but he stopped himself at a look from Red and regained his dignified smile.

"Unfortunately, my Tallest, I have only captured a single human. I could capture another, but these beings are tricky. It's not as if they simply stroll around on the streets, you know."  
"Oh, very well. Zim, you may send over the slave straight away. And then there will be no more calls from you, you hear me?"  
"Crystal clear, oh Tall One."

"Unless we specifically contact you."

"Indeed."

"Not likely," muttered Purple, before continuing, "Now. Send the slave, and be gone with you."

"As you wish. Invader Zim, signing off!"

Red turned to Purple with a curious look in his eye, which Purple was returning.

"D'you think he was trying to get promoted?"

"Yeah."

"Hmmm…"

"Well, I dunno about you, but a box of candy would have done it for me."  
"Too right."

---

"Hgn… Hurgh… Nghnn…"

"Y'know, Zim, if you wanna go to the bathroom, there's a special room for it and everything," quipped Dib, trying to sound cocky and carefree in what was possibly the tensest moment of his life. Zim was pushing and pushing, trying to fit Dib into the teleporter.

"If your head wasn't so… hrrrgh… damned big we might be able to… srrf… get somewhere…"

Dib had been about to reply, as usual, that his head wasn't big, when all of a sudden, with a strange thunking noise, his head popped through the glass and he was trapped inside the device with what looked like a pink 60 watt light bulb glaring down at him. Zim closed the hatch with a grin and started pressing buttons and turning dials.

"Zim! Zim, stop it, this is crazy!"  
"Oh is it, Dib? Is it really?"

"Yes!"

"You obviously know nothing of the Tallest. They shall enjoy you immensely."

Zim had no idea how correct that sentence was. He pressed the final button and laughed maliciously.

"Zim! You'll never get away with this!"  
"Teleporting in 10…9…8…"

"Oh, but Dib. I already have! Good-day!" he said smugly, waving his claw at him.

"…3…2…"

The bulb slowly turned green. Dib glared through the glass.

"You motherfu…"

"…1…"

"…ng son of a…"

"…Teleportation now in progress."

There was a bright flash, and Dib was gone, leaving Zim and GIR laughing, alone, in the lab.

---

Red and Purple stood, with many Irken government officials, crowded around the teleporter. Purple bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, and Red rubbed his hands together gleefully. A new slave for their collection. What fun! The machine started beeping.

"Receiving object in 10…9…8…7…"

"I can hardly wait!" said Purple.

"Me neither," replied Red, watching the glass dome.

"…2...1…Object received!"

There was a bright flash, and a pale young boy sat, squashed into the dome, spewing out a furious string of profanity at the horrified onlookers.

"I'm not sure I like this slave as much as the other ones…" Red murmured.

**So, there we have it! Dib is in the hands of the Almighty Tallest for now. Now, filthy humans, REVIEW!!!**


	2. Fitting In

Fitting In

After overcoming the initial shock of being teleported to another planet, Dib was quite excited. If only he had been able to bring his camera, he thought, but unfortunately Zim had confiscated all of the things in his backpack before putting him in the teleporter. The sheer amount of technology on this planet was overwhelming. And he was still in the teleportation device, looking around a room at all of the Irkens looming down at him. One of them, with purple eyes and armour, spoke.

"He looks…weird."

At once, all of the other Irkens except for one, who had red eyes and armour, nodded and murmured their agreement. The red one and the purple one, being the tallest in the room, must be the 'Almighty Tallest' that Zim had spoken of. They opened the hatch and started to pull him out. The hatch, thankfully, was larger on this dome, so he came out with little effort.

Well aware of the many eyes that were scrutinising him, Dib stood in front of the leaders, who looked at him superiorly. They were about a head taller than him, as he had grown a lot at Hi-Skool. He bowed his head slightly, and the red one clapped his hands.

Red and Purple looked at the slave that Zim had sent them. He was quite tall, but not taller than them, of course. He had extremely pale pink, in fact, almost white, skin, and intense eyes behind some primitive goggles. He had no antennas; instead he has what looked like long, thin, wiry fur sprouting from his head, pulled back into a scythe-like shape.

"His head's too big," Red announced decisively, and the boy looked up sharply.

"My head's **not** big!!!" he growled, and the purple one and the others drew in a simultaneous gasp. A horrified whispering flooded the room, and Dib realised at once that he had done the wrong thing. He looked up at the red one, and relaxed when he saw the amused smile on his face. He wasn't relaxed for long, though.

"So. You dare speak back to the Tallest?"

"Erm…"

"Well. There are things we can do about that. Tell me, Earthling, how would you like to become a table-headed service drone?"

Dib bit his lip. He'd been here for five seconds and he had already screwed things up.

"Not talking? Fine. So it shall be. Fetch an assignment chip and an implanter," he ordered, seemingly to no-one, and soon someone scurried in with a tiny metallic chip and a huge, lethal looking stapler that was the size of Dib's arm. Dib screwed up his eyes in horror as the metal spike drew closer to his skin. He felt the cold edge scrape his skin when…

"Stop."

It was the purple leader. Dib's eyes snapped open in surprise, and he wasn't the only one who was.

"Whatdya mean, 'stop'?" asked Red, glaring at his partner.

"Well… There are worse things than making him a table-headed service drone. Why don't we just… Keep him?"

"He's not a pet!" sighed Red exasperatedly, but he relented, not wanting to argue in front of the government officials, "Are you sure? With a head that size, he'd be able to carry so many snacks…"

"Yeah. Well, he can carry our snacks."

"Oh, fine. But he has to do everything we say, D'you hear me?"

"Of course. We're the Tallest. Everyone has to do everything we say."

They both turned to Dib, who looked, with confusion, to Purple. Had he been sticking up for him just then, or did he just want another slave? They were both grinning at him rather evilly. But then again, Zim had an evil grin. Maybe all Irkens did. Red waved away the officials with an imperious hand gesture, and then loomed over Dib, as if to observe him more closely.

"Now then. What is your name, Earth-boy?"

"Dib."

"Dib…?"

"Just Dib."

"OK then, Just Dib, how many of your Earth years are you?"

"I'm eighteen."

Red sniffed, and Purple made an indistinguishable noise.

"Barely more than a smeet…" he muttered.

"And how many are there in your family-unit?"

"What difference does that make?"

Again, the purple one almost choked. Dib looked up at the leaders worriedly. He had evidently become too used to answering back Zim. These two were a lot more dangerous. He coughed and started again.

"I mean, there are two. My father and my sister."

"I see."

Nothing more was said, and Dib wondered why he had asked. He also wondered what dad and Gaz would think when they realised he was gone. If they realised at all. He doubted he'd be missed. The purple one cleared his throat.

"Well. We need to show you to the others."

"The…others?"

"The rest of the Irkens. They'll want to see the latest unsavoury alien scum that we can tower over. So, you'll need to look presentable."

At this, the red one's grin widened by a couple of centimetres.

"Yes. You'll need to get into some decent clothes."

He clapped his hands, and three Irkens emerged from nowhere. One was female, the other two male. Red and Purple were already going out of the door.

"Alright. Helio, Gem, Flo. Do your worst."

They nodded and rounded on Dib, pushing him into a chair that had come straight out of the floor.

Helio, a male with dark green skin and one antenna slightly curled looked at Dib mockingly with striking mauve eyes, a shade that was uncommon in Irkens. The other male, Gem, blinked at him with azure eyes that reminded Dib of GIR. Helio was clearly in charge, and he gave instructions at ease in a slightly camp voice that made Dib think of the boy that cut his hair back on Earth.

"Flo, you can pick out an outfit for this human. Something that says 'I've been conquered by your superior species', but at the same time takes emphasis away from the general head area."

"I'm on it," she replied, flashing a flirty look at Dib, who grinned back. So far, she was the only one who had been remotely friendly.

"Now, Gem, I need your help on this, this, _this_…"

"Hair?" suggested Dib, following the flustered Irken's gaze.

"Yes. If you could call it that. Honestly, how can you go outside looking like this? We need to make you look more Irken."

"But, I'm not Irken!"

"Exactly. But you will be considered as one, even if you're only considered a slave. So we need to try and make you blend in a little more. OK, let's try something here…"

Five minutes later, Dib was staring into a mirror with a look of shell-shocked horror on his face. They had… _vandalised_ his scythe! His beautiful scythe! They had separated it out, and moved it along his head, making it look like he had antennas. He looked so… so…

"…Beautiful," Helio trilled, and Gem nodded in proud agreement, "You look fabulous. Oh, perfect, here's Flo…"

The female had returned with a stack of clothing in her arms. Her pink eyes glittered when she saw what her colleagues had done to the human's hair. Her curled antennas flicked up and down, and she pressed her lips together, as though she was trying hard not to laugh.

She placed her bundle of material down and gestured for Dib to remove his clothes. He shrugged off his trench coat embarrassedly, and stripped to his underwear, which Gem looked at disdainfully. Flo's mouth twisted into an odd smile, and she held out the first of many outfits to come.

Half an hour later, and Red and Purple came back to collect Dib and put him on show. Upon entering the room, Red snorted loudly, but immediately controlled himself and steepled his long, spindly fingers. His crimson eyes glistened with laughter, and he smiled mockingly at him.

"Excellent. These shall be the clothes you are to wear every single day, slave," he said smugly, "And you shall be punished if you wear anything other than your given uniform."

Dib looked down at his 'uniform' sadly, and sighed. He was wearing small, lime green shorts and a long purple shirt that was a lot like the red one that Zim wore. They clashed spectacularly, and he knew that this, combined with his absurd antenna-like hairstyle, made him look more stupid than he ever had in his life. He looked up imploringly at the purple one that had stuck up for him earlier and realised that he, too, was shaking with silent laughter. So this, not his slave status, was to be his punishment. He glared over the top of his glasses at Flo, who gave him a look of despair back. Maybe she had been instructed to give him a stupid uniform, he thought, but this gave him no comfort.

Purple took a step forward, bent double from laughing.

"OK, Dib, come with… come with us."

Dib walked to the door with Purple, and glanced back before leaving. He wasn't sure, but he though he saw Red shaking hands with Helios. Stepping into the corridor, he stood beside Purple as he allowed a blue light to scan his wrist. A door slid open and a metallic voice recited "Welcome, Tallest Purple," in a bored tone. Red caught up with them and they stepped out, greeted immediately with a roar. Blinking in the spotlight that had turned on him, Dib looked up to see thousands of Irkens screaming and waving at them. They made their way across the stage, and Red and Purple greeted the adoring crowd.

"Irkens! As you know, an alien from another planet has been sent for us!"

"Yes, an inferior alien from a planet known as Earth has been teleported here for us to use as a slave!"

"And here he is!"

They stepped aside, and Dib stood trembling, mortified, in front of the enormous crowd. He shuffled in his skin-tight green shorts as the aliens laughed at him until tears ran. Popcorn and chips were thrown, and various insults were shouted. Dib could feel his cheeks burning, and he turned slightly to see Red smirking at him, evidently enjoying watching the one that had answered him back receiving his punishment. Eventually, however, Purple stepped back to the stage, straight in front of Dib, blocking him from view.

"Well, our short trip back to Irk is unfortunately drawing to a close, so we'll be returning to the _Massive_ now, taking this human with us. So, bye!"

The crowd roared their approval, and they left the stage.

"What's the Massive?" Dib asked.

"Ha! _That_, slave, is the Massive," Red replied, and Dib drew in a gasp. The most enormous spaceship that he had ever seen (though he hadn't seen many) was 'parked' outside of the building, surrounded by a fleet of smaller ships. It looked like a flying palace, and as this was where the Tallest spent their time, he supposed it was in a way. Purple grinned at the bewildered look on his face.

"Do you like it?" he asked proudly, as though he had built it himself.

"It's… It's…"

"Massive?" suggested Red, only the barest hint of sarcasm in his voice.

On the ship, Dib was supplied with a room.

"Here you go, Dib," Purple said, gesturing to a small, plain door that looked the same as all of the others around it. There were no markings or numbers on it to distinguish it from the other rooms.

"We'll have to implant an identity chip in your hand, of course," added Red, jauntily.

"Of course," Dib mumbled weakly, and a servant loomed over him with a device in his claw that looked horribly like the stapler from earlier. A loud scream echoed around the corridors. Dib placed his throbbing hand in his mouth, tears streaming from his eyes.

"You scream like a female," taunted Red, and Purple removed a card from his PAK and swiped it along a panel next to the door, which swung open at once.

"C…Couldn't I have just used one of those?" Dib asked, cradling his hand miserably.

"Well, yes. But you might lose it." Red grinned, and Purple nodded wisely. Dib looked into his new room.

It was small and plain, with cold metal walls and a tiled floor. A plain bed was in one corner, with a blanket emblazoned with the Irken symbol. It had a memory foam mattress and pillow, however, and looked comfortable. A dresser and a bookshelf were at the other side of the room, and a large wardrobe towered over everything. Dib opened it, and found two outfits in it that were exactly the same as the one he was wearing, and nothing else. A mirror took up one whole wall, reflecting back at him a weedy, pale eighteen year old with a stupid haircut. He looked down miserably, and then turned to the leaders.

"Thanks. It's…nice."

They looked at him quizzically, and he sighed.

"Thank you, my Tallest. I couldn't ask for a nicer room."

"Yes. It is too good for you," Red agreed, and Purple nodded at him, announcing that he ought to get some sleep as there would be a lot of work the next day, before closing the door.

Dib crossed the room and sat on his bed. It was comfortable, but the room was cold and cramped. He noticed a dial on the wall and went over to look at it. It looked like a heating system. There were several settings, including 'Toasty', 'Cosy', 'Cool' and 'Refreshing'. It was set to 'Chilly'. He turned it up to 'Cosy' and sat back on the bed, feeling a blast of warm air straight away, though he couldn't tell where it came from. Technology was very advanced on this planet, he thought to himself, but the inhabitants weren't. His knuckle smarted from where the chip had been implanted, and his shorts were uncomfortably tight. He wondered why Red was being so unkind to him. Was it really because he had answered back? Purple seemed nicer, but not as intelligent. Neither of them seemed to have the qualities of a leader, apart from their great height. He suddenly heard a strange noise, and something pricked his side. It stung, but he couldn't work out what it was. He yawned. His eyelids had suddenly become very heavy. He crawled under the covers and fell asleep almost immediately.

Purple entered the room again and looked over the unconscious human for a while. Then he stroked one of the antenna-like scythes that the drones had produced, before walking out and closing the door quietly. He had never understood why he didn't like the same things as Red. Red hated this human, and he had like him from the moment he had seen him. He didn't like arguing with Red though. He was more than just a friend to him. And it was funny making fun of the slaves. He decided not to stick up for Dib for a while. Maybe he'd have a little fun of his own. He returned to his room and lay back on his bed, before opening a safe and taking out some snacks.

In the next room, Red had his antenna pressed against the wall. He had heard Purple's door open, and Purple had disappeared for a while. Looking out, he had noticed Purple going in the direction of the slave's room. He was back now, though. He was going to have to keep an eye on his partner from now on…

**Thanks for the reviews last time! I'll update soon, so please REVIEW again! **


	3. Flo

Flo

The next day, Dib woke up woozily. He felt as though he had been anesthetised, but he put it down to all of the excitement of the previous day. He looked around his Spartan room, thinking sadly of his computer back at home. And his family. He had been missing for a whole day; surely his father must be frantically searching for him. Gaz would be worried too. Well, maybe he was pushing it, but he liked to think that his absence would be noted. A thought struck him. Even if his family didn't notice he was missing, the Swollen Eyeball network would miss his calls! So a search _would_ be made, and maybe they would call on all his classmates, and on Zim! Then they would discover that he was an alien, and Earth would be safe! He smiled, relieved by this thought. He was stranded on another planet, forced to work as a slave for two lazy Irkens, wearing an uncomfortable, stupid uniform, but at least Earth was safe.

A device that looked like a futuristic digital clock started buzzing and wailing beside his bed. The symbols on it meant nothing, but it looked like it was supposed to wake him up. He pushed a few buttons frantically, but the buzzing grew louder and louder.

"What do I do?" Dib moaned, as the buzzing became high-pitched, almost fracturing his ear-drums.

"Press the red button, stupid," a voice said from the door. Dib jumped and turned around to see Flo, the female that had picked out his humiliating outfit from yesterday. He pushed it and the buzzing stopped.

"What do you want? Haven't you done enough," he growled, gesturing to the shorts and shirt, "And how'd you get in here anyway? You need a pass."

"We're allowed into the rooms of anyone lower than us."

"And you're a…?"

"Servant. I outrank you 'cause I get paid!"

Dib glowered at her and looked away miserably.

"Thanks for reminding me. What the hell was that yesterday? I have to wear _this_ for the rest of my life!"

Flo sighed and grinned apologetically at him.

"Sorry, erm… what was your name again?"

"Dib."

"Yeah, sorry, Dib, I didn't have any choice. Unless I wanted to get transferred to a dimension containing something… indescribably horrible…"

"Moose room?"

"Yup."

They both shuddered. Flo patted Dib on the back kindly.

"It's not that bad. All you need to do is suck up to them for a while and one of them'll promote you, or give you some privileges."

Something buzzed in her PAK. A small screen came out and a computerised voice barked at her.

"Flo! The Tallest will be waking up in one hour. You need to set out their clothing now!"

She stood up and walked to the door.

"See? I used to be a wardrobe drone. Spent a few months kissing ass, and now I'm the Tallest's personal dresser. I lay out their clothes and… dress them," she said, adding the last part in a shudder. She walked out of the room muttering darkly to herself.

The same voice blared out of a speaker that hovered in the corner of Dib's room.

"Dib! Your first task of the day is to draw a bath for each of the Tallest. Report to the bathroom, stat!"

"Who is that?" Dib asked, confused.

"Ship computer," the voice sighed.

Dib was amazed that a computer could have such a human-like personality. He walked out of the room, still wearing his uniform from yesterday, and located the bathroom. It was all white, and in the centre of the room stood two huge, swimming-pool-like baths. They were deep enough to swim in, he thought, looking at the seats that were carved into the walls of the tubs. He pushed the button that was on the side of one of them, and it started to fill up with pink liquid. Pushing the button by the other one filled it with lilac liquid.

"Hmm," he muttered to himself, "Colour-coded baths. Clever."

He sat down and watched them fill to the brim. The computer sounded again, making him jump.

"You're not finished, slave! You need to set out the towels and light the candles and pour in the scented oils!"

Dib glared at the speaker and hurried around. He found the towels in a panel in the wall. They were so soft that his fingers sunk into them slightly. He placed a pile of towels beside the bath of the corresponding colour. Red and purple candles were behind another panel. He lined the edge of each bath with them, pushing the button underneath them each time before setting them down. When he did so, a flame shot from the wick, the same colour as the candle. Scented oils were easy to find- he followed his nose to a panel at the end of the room. There were two bottles in it. One was labelled 'Oils, Tallest Red', the other 'Oils, Tallest Purple'. Each bottle smelt different, so Dib decided that they were scented according to each leader's favourite smells. He wondered how he could read what was on the bottles. Surely it should be in Irken? But he heard the door sliding open behind him, and he whipped round to see the Tallest wearing bath-robes.

"My Tallest," he said, bowing his head, "I was just about to put the oils in your baths."

Red glared at him.

"You're late. You shouldn't even be in here. Our baths are to be prepared on time, every day, so we can bathe in peace without slaves such as yourself…"

"Aw, c'mon, Red, it's Dib's first day. He probably couldn't find his way here or something. When we were first on the ship, you got lost too, remember? And you had to ask the computer for help, and it laughed, so you had it shut down, and then…"

"Hey! You got lost too!"

Dib coughed, and the leaders turned to him, as though they had only just realised that he was there.

"Ahem. Yes, well. You shall be let off with a warning, slave, this time," said Red, "Now, pour in the oils and go."

Dib poured the oils in, inhaling deeply as he did so. Purple's oils simultaneously smelt of vanilla, chocolate and coconut, and Red's bottle smelt of cinnamon, mango and, bizarrely, freshly mown grass. Upon contact with whatever the liquid in the bath was, a thick layer of heavily scented bath foam rose to the surface. He bowed deeply, before walking to the door. As soon as his back was turned, he heard the sound of the leaders sliding into the baths. He reached up to allow the door panel to scan his knuckle, but the door slid open before he could. Two tall, shapely female aliens (not Irkens, but Dib didn't know what they were) stood in the doorway, wearing crisp white linen robes over their smooth yellow skin. Long blonde, shimmering 'hair' cascaded from their heads, but it didn't look like hair - it floated and flowed liquidly. They blinked their golden eyes at him, and then looked behind him to the Tallest. Red glanced up.

"Oh. Platinum, Strawberry… You're early…"

They glided in and went over to a cabinet, removing some bottles. From these they poured some oil into their hands, warmed it up and proceeded to massage the leaders' shoulders. A table-headed service drone had followed them in, a tray of snacks on his head. He stood sadly between the two baths, passing drinks and snacks to the leaders.

"Any reason why you're still here, slave?" asked Red, but he didn't sound scathing or sarcastic. In fact, he looked too relaxed to care what Dib did. Dib slipped out of the door and went off to be assigned his next chores by the computer.

He walked into his room, and noticed something on his bed. It looked like the electronic devices that the delivery men on Earth used to collect signatures. It had a note scrawled on it in English. Or was it Irken? Dib couldn't decide, but he knew he could read it.

"_Dib_, _meet me in the cafeteria at your lunch break. I'll be at the table closest to the snack machines. I've found out we have the same break periods- neat, eh? _

_Flo x"_

He smiled. It looked like he had made a friend, at least. That's more than he had ever achieved back on Earth. The computer cleared its throat- yes, it actually made that noise- and he turned to face the speaker.

"Yeah?"

"Your next task, Dib, is to go to the Tallest's dressing chambers and help out their Personal Dresser. Now go. It's down the corridor; right, left, right, straight on, you can't miss it."

"OK, thanks, I guess."

Dib set off to the dressing chambers, and walked in to find Flo bustling around, polishing the armour and straightening out creases in the clothes. She looked up when he walked in.

"Hiya!"

"Hey, Flo. You sent for me?"

"Yeah. I need some help, and I'm allowed to request any of the slaves I want. How'd you fancy helping me every morning?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope. You're a slave that has to do what he's told," she grinned, "But I'll give you the option. Bear in mind that the other available job is cleaning toilets until lunch."

"I'll help you," Dib said weakly, and he grinned back, "What kinda stuff do we need to do?"

"Eh, not much at the mo. We just need to wait till they've finished their bath. How long'll they be, d'you reckon?"

"Quite a while," Dib smirked, "They had company."

"Ah, the Blondds."

"The blondes?"

" No. _Blondds_. They're slaves from the Blondd Dimension. There, everything is yellow. And there are no males. The females are attractive to any male that see them, regardless of species…"

"I didn't find them attractive," Dib muttered uncomfortably. Flo's twisted smile returned.

"OK. Any _straight_ male, regardless of species."

"I'm straight!!!"

"You keep telling yourself that, Dib. But you can't argue with evidence."

"What evidence? There is no…"

"Anyway. The Blondd dimension. They have no defences, so they have been taken over by so many different species, it's amazing. They're taken back as slaves, decorations, waitresses and maids…"

"And they're OK with this?"

"That's the beauty of it. They're too stupid. Too attractive to care."

"Too stupid?"

"Yeah. Like, for instance, they decided to come up with surnames. And they couldn't, so everyone from the Blondd dimension's last name is… Blondd."

"OH! Platinum Blondd and Strawberry Blondd! I thought their names were weird on their own…"

Dib was really interested- hearing about different alien species, their beliefs, their history, was fascinating. They sat and talked for a whole hour before the Tallest arrived. They walked in, wearing their bath robes, looking relaxed and clean.

"Oh. Dib. I don't remember ordering you to be here," said Purple, confused.

"My Tallest," replied Flo, with a bow of the head, "I requested Dib to be here, as my helper. I hope that is alright."

"Eh. Whatever," said Red, stepping behind a screen. Dib watched as the silhouette removed the bathrobe. Flo grimaced and went behind the screen as well. Dib passed her the clothes and armour, and she strapped it on. Then the same happened with Purple. They walked out, and Flo bowed deeply until they had left. The moment they were out of the room she shuddered.

"I hate my job," she muttered, "Why can't they dress themselves?"

"Yeah," agreed Dib, "And why can't they push a button to run a bath?"

"They don't do anything for themselves. They're like smeets," Flo said, and Dib smiled. The computer spoke.

"You know, you can get in trouble for talk like that."

Flo bit her lip, and Dib shuffled on the spot.

"But I won't say anything. Dib, you have to prepare the table for the Tallest's breakfast."

"Aren't there already servants that do that?" Dib protested miserably.

"Hey, I just work here. I just say what I'm told to say, take it up with the smeets, I mean, Tallest, if you want another job. I'm sure Red'll be happy to assign you something else."

"Point taken. See you at lunch, Flo."

For the rest of the day, Dib worked like a, well, like a slave. He scrubbed, he cleaned, he picked things up, he carried trays, he dusted, but all the time he was thinking of his lunch break and talking to Flo again. Having just one friend on this ship and being enslaved for the rest of his life seemed better than on Earth, when he was free and alone. He also kept thinking about Flo's jibe about him being a homosexual. She'd only said it in fun, he was sure about that, but he wasn't sure about his answer. He'd never really thought about girls before, even at eighteen, but he'd never thought about boys either. He'd been brought up with an open mind, however, and didn't think that there was anything wrong with that. But he didn't have a lot of time to think about it. His break finally came.

He set off to the cafeteria and saw Flo, sitting on her own and eating a sandwich. He ran over and sat down next to her.

"Hiya 'gain."

"Hey," she muttered, between chomps, "How's your first day working out for ya?"

"Not too bad. Where do you get the sandwiches from? I'm starved."

"The line over there," she said, pointing at a line of about fifty Irkens, "but don't worry, I got you one."

She threw the parcel to Dib, and they ate in silence for a while. Dib had been expecting a weird tasting alien food, but actually, his sandwich just had something that tasted like cheese in it. Even thought they sat in silence, they glanced at each other every so often. His golden eyes met her pink ones and they laughed. She looked up as two female Irkens walked past, and let out a long, low whistle. Her antennas stood up on end, quivering.

"Erm… Flo?"

"Sorry, it's just, they're so…"

"And you were teasing me?"

"Hey, on Irk, sexuality doesn't matter! In fact, here, almost everyone is bisexual. Sexual reproduction was taken over by test-tubes ages ago, so it didn't matter who your partner was, you could get a smeet anyway. Only certain Irkens are allowed to reproduce on their own."

"So why did you tease me?"

"'Cause I happen to know that humans take their sexuality very seriously."

"How do you…

"I chat to Zim from time to time. The Tallest make me, to keep him off their hands."

"Oh. Did he ever mention…"

"You? Now you come to mention it, yeah. He said that he was constantly annoyed by a pale, big-headed Earth-monkey, so I guess that would be you?"

Dib sighed.

"I guess so."

Silence fell once more, but Dib didn't care. They finished their sandwiches and thought their own thoughts for the rest of lunch.

---

Meanwhile, the Tallest ate their lunch silently too. This was unusual for them, and Red decided to break it at last.

"Why did you go to the slave's room last night?"

Purple looked up sharply, choking on a doughnut.

"What… I didn't," he spluttered, "Nope. I went to the… erm… I went for a walk."

"I see. Well, why do you keep looking at him?"

"I can look at whatever I want! I'm the Tallest, right?"

"You keep staring at him. Watching him wherever he goes. It's… weird."

Purple grinned at his partner.

"Jealous, Red?"

"JEALOUS?!? Me? Of that pathetic, pale, _Earth-slave_? You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Purple raised his brow and gave Red a smug smile. It wasn't often that he got the better of his partner, and he loved it when he did. Moody silence fell again, and he finished off his doughnuts before leaving Red, fuming, alone.

---

At the end of the day, Dib collapsed onto his bed. He had done more work today than he had ever done in his whole life, and he hadn't enjoyed it. Red hadn't been as hard on him in the morning but after lunch he had given him hell. All the other servants had laughed at his uniform. Flo had been alright, but had made him uncomfortable with talk about his sexuality, which he usually didn't even think about to himself. He snuggled under his blanket and the looked up sharply. He had thought he had seen some purple eyes looking through the small, tinted window on his door. But they had vanished.

"Great, Dib, now you're seeing things," he muttered to himself, and he rolled over and fell asleep.

**AN**

**I'll update soon. BTW, whilst I don't own Invader Zim (obviously, or why would I be writing fanfics about him?) I do own Flo, Helio, Gem, Platinum, Strawberry… basically any characters I mention that haven't been mentioned on the show. Please Review. Until next time, then…**


	4. Emperor Zim

Emperor Zim

Two months had passed, and Dib had been working harder than ever. Red seemed to get nastier every single day, and Purple seemed to get nicer, defending him from Red's spiteful comments openly now. Flo had also told him that word was, on the servant's grapevine, that Purple and Red kept arguing over him when they thought they were alone. He and Flo were now best of friends, spending every spare moment (although these were becoming rare in Dib's case due to Red) together, chatting about various things. He didn't know a lot about her past, though, and he decided to steer the conversation in that way during lunch.

"So, Flo," he said, giggling nervously at the rhyme, "I've told you about life on Earth with Zim. What was he like back on Irk?"

He hadn't seen this simple question backfiring, and was horrified to see tears form in her eyes.

"He was wonderful… Just wonderful…"

"Really? Why, how?"

"We were, well, he was, that is to say…"

"What?"

"We were mates. We fell in… _love_… one day. Just saw each other, and that was it. He was so kind and gentle. So loving…"

Dib's eyes were wide- he hadn't been expecting this.

"And?"

"We wanted to have a smeet. But not from a test-tube; we wanted to make one of our own. The Tallest wouldn't let us, and we were so upset- Zim was heartbroken. He was so… He left me. He said that if we couldn't have… a smeet… then we couldn't have… couldn't have anything," she sobbed, her head now pressed into Dib's shoulder. They were starting to attract some strange looks from other tables. He patted her on the back awkwardly.

"There, there… So, erm, what happened then?"

"After a break for a few months… we got back together. He even asked me to bind with him- to be his mate for life! But then he… He went off to Invader training school, and when he came back, just before Impending Doom 1, he was so _different_… He was cold and… and evil. I couldn't stand it, and broke the binding off… Then he went and got banished. Even though I hated him, I couldn't bear not to see him again, so I leapt at the chance to talk to him to keep him out of the Tallest's antennas…"

Dib pulled his friend close, and they hugged for a while. Then Flo looked up curiously.

"Dib, why is your heart beating so fast?"

"I… erm…"

The truth was, Dib didn't really know. He hadn't thought he would be attracted to an alien, but Flo was so kind, and funny, and she had been hugging him and crying on him… He wanted to tear Zim limb from limb for hurting his friend so badly. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her tears away… Wait. He loved Flo. So he was straight, right? He had still been undecided those past few months, because Flo pointed out 'good-looking' (for Irkens at any rate) guys and girls alike. He had actually seen what she meant about a lot of the guys, and for some of the girls. The guys more than the girls, however. Maybe he, like her, _did_ like it both ways…

The expression made him smile. He remembered when someone had asked Zim if he 'liked it both ways' back on Earth, and Zim's curious expression, the way he had asked so many people what it meant, and refused to believe it when people explained… But was _he_ bi? It would make things a lot easier, he thought with a grin.

"Dib? Dib?"

He looked up and saw Flo looking at him, her face covered in dried tears.

"Yeah?"

"You haven't spoken in, like, five minutes. Are you OK? I didn't mean to bum you out talking about Zim; it's just nobody's asked me about him before."

"No, no, it's not that…"

Her buzzer went off, and she sighed.

"I've gotta get to the wardrobe department. See you later, OK?"

She gave him a peck on the cheek before leaving.

---

Purple gripped the arm of his chair angrily, his claws scoring a groove in the surface. He was, as usual, watching Dib from the balcony as he ate his lunch, and had seen him hugging, and then kissing, the Dresser. His _Personal_ Dresser. Red yawned in the chair next to him.

"You, my friend, are obsessed."

"No I'm not," Purple snapped defiantly, "I just want to see if Dib's settled in."

"It's been two months!"

"Well _maybe_ if you didn't keep being so mean to him, I might not be so worried about him. You're mean, Red."

"You're mean to the other slaves. I believe it was _you_ who suggested we sent Table-Headed Service Drone Bob into that sun."

"Yeah, well, that's different."

They glared at each other. They argued a lot, any lovers did that, but they had been arguing even more these past months. They argued in secret now, though. Of course the servants knew of Red and Purple's relationship with one another, things travelled fast in the Massive. They had been forbidden to speak of it outside of the ship, but there were rumours on Irk anyway. No two people can spend so much time together without _something_ happening, unless they're related. But if there were rumours of Purple and _Dib_… well, that was a whole different thing. Red muttered something under his breath, and Purple screamed a reply. The servants slipped out of the room quietly. They knew the drill by now…

---

Dib spent the rest of the day feeling very uncomfortable. Purple had practically stalked him, and the way he stared was very unnerving. The more he stared, the more scathing Red was, and if Red was scathing, Purple would leap to his rescue. It was a vicious circle, and Dib was confused. At the end of the day, when he was sitting, alone at last, in his room, he saw the purple eyes again. This time, when he looked up, the door slid open, and Purple walked in. Dib leapt to his feet.

"My Tallest…"

"Hello, Dib. I, erm, came to talk to you about, erm, you."

"Me?"

"You, and erm, your duties and stuff," he added quickly. His face was flushed.

"I am working as hard as I can, My Tallest…"

"Yes. And it has been noticed. So, Red and I have… agreed… that you ought to become our personal servant."

"But I already am…"

"You are a slave. So we are going to start paying you for what you do. And with a new job, you need a new uniform, so first thing tomorrow I shall ask your… friend… Flo in the wardrobe department to find you something nicer."

"Thank you, My Tallest! This is so, well…"

"Is it nice? Friendly? _Compassionate?_"

"Erm… Excuse me?"

"Dib, recently I've been finding myself, well thinking of you more than I usually…"

The door burst open, and Purple leapt up reflexively. Flo practically fell through the doorframe.

"Dib, Dib, guess what? I… My Tallest!"

"Hello, Flo," said Purple, sounding scandalised, "I was just talking to Dib about…"

"Forgive me, My Tallest, but you must come!"

"What? Why? Has something happened to the snacks?"

"No, no, nothing that drastic. But Tallest Red has contacted Invader Zim, and, and… You have to come see this!" Flo said, before rushing out again.

Purple looked at Dib, who glanced curiously back.

"We'll continue this later," Purple muttered, before hurrying out after Flo.

"My Tallest?"

"Yes?"

"May I come and watch the transmission?"

"If you want to."

They made their way to the control room, and when they saw what was on the screen, the most accurate way to describe their faces would be the classic, cartoon, jaw-drops-to-the-floor routine.

The Zim on the screen was no longer in a dingy, dark lab, but an enormous crimson room, settled on a large golden throne. He wore red robes instead of his long red shirt, and had a crown that was encrusted with rubies set between his antennas. Standing one side of him was a woman wearing a grass skirt and bikini top, fanning him with a large palm branch. The other side was GIR, sprawled on the floor and surrounded by pigs. His evil grin looked even more evil than normal, and he was plump and smug looking.

"Ha! My Tallest! I knew you would call! I knew it!"

"Zim?" Dib had run up to the screen, horrified at what he was seeing, "Zim? What… why… you…"

Zim laughed.

"It's _Emperor_ Zim now, Dib-Stink. My flamingo plan worked perfectly after you were gone!"

"You _took over Earth?_"

"Yes, filthy human, yes. But now, My Tallest. Why did you call me?"

Purple glared at Red.

"Yeah, Red. Why _did_ we call him?"

But before Red could answer, another voice on Zim's end sounded up.

"Please, Almighty Emperor Zim, is my sibling on the other line of the communicator?"

Dib gasped. It was Gaz's voice, and yet… Gaz had never spoken to anyone like this in her life, let alone Zim. Zim had brainwashed his sister. He had done it. He had actually taken over Earth.

"Yes, Gaz-Slave. Yes it is."

A pretty young girl walked in front of the screen, and Dib almost fainted. It was _almost_ his sister he was seeing. But she looked so different it was hard to tell who she was. She was wearing a maid's outfit and carrying a pink feather duster. Her long purple hair was now wavy, cascading down her back. Her lips were coated in pink lipstick and her cheeks were plump and cherubic. Her eyes were the only thing that remained untouched. Ringed with liner, they glowed with the spark that was his original sibling. She twitched for a moment, and was herself again.

"Zim, you little… If you don't release me I'll…"

"You'll what?" Dib asked her, a pleasant smile on his face, zippered teeth gleaming. Gaz twitched again and returned to the cutesy little maid that Zim had forced her to become. She walked off, and Dib started shouting and swearing at the screen, much to Zim's amusement.

"Zim, you… you bastard… give me… let Gaz GO!!!!"

"Poor, pathetic Dib-Slave. What will you do about it? Seriously? How can you possibly expect to influence me now?"

The shouting continued, and eventually Zim called it to a halt.

"SHUT UP!!! FOR ONE SECOND! THE ALMIGHTY ZIM HAS SPOKEN!!!" he screeched, so loud that one of the speakers burst open. Red, Purple and Flo had long since backed away from the screen, but they recoiled further and simultaneously hit their heads on the back wall. Dib stood, panting, his nose pressed against the screen. The woman that had been fanning Zim had dropped the fan in shock, and GIR stood to attention, his piggies long forgotten. It seemed that everyone on Zim's end had faced the wrath of his temper, as his shouts had rooted all of the ones visible to the spot, shaking.

"Now," he said, slightly more calmly, though his voice still shook angrily, "I shall speak with you no longer, Dib-Stink. My Tallest, before I talk with you, may I speak with Flo?"

"Yeah… sure thing Zim," said Purple, sounding a little shaken, "Talk to Flo. I'm going to talk to Red anyway. Call us when you're done, Flo." He practically dragged Red from the room. Dib looked at Flo, who was standing timidly in front of her ex-fiancé. She gestured that he should leave, so he turned and went from the room, but not before flipping Zim off. She looked around at the communication technicians, and they slipped away too. They had faced Flo's wrath. Never again. When she was alone, she turned to look at the screen.

Zim smiled. Flo was standing, alone in a dark room. She looked so small and helpless. She looked up at him, her pink eyes sad and round.

"Zim? This is so…"

"_Emperor_ Zim, Flo. Emperor."

"Emperor Zim. It's been so long since we last spoke. You've changed even more than you already had."

Zim narrowed his eyes.

"Ha! I bet you wish you had never broken it off now, eh? Now that I am the supreme ruler of another planet. You must be kicking yourself, having missed the chance to be an Empress."

Flo raised an (imaginary) eyebrow, a pitying look on her face.

"Oh Zim. If I'm kicking myself it's only for thinking that you could ever change back to how you used to be."

Zim glared at her.

"I have not changed, Flo. You were the one that changed. You lost sight of the important picture- me taking over a planet."  
"Is that really what you wanted all along? What about _us_, Zim? Would you still be this way if the Tallest had granted your request to father a smeet?"

Zim surveyed her with stony silence. Flo lowered her gaze. She felt scared of him. He was on another planet- he couldn't do anything, right? But there he was, giving her the same cold glare that he came back from training school with. He was wrong. He had changed. He no longer felt love. That was what scared her more than anything. Zim had a total lack of feeling, a total lack of emotion and compassion. And as she stood here now, watching him lounge on a throne, surrounded by his new dreams, an icy feeling spread through her at the thought of the dreams he had left behind.

---

"You were going to send him back to Earth, weren't you?" Purple demanded. He had pinned Red against a wall with his spider legs, and as his partner squirmed, trying to get out of his grip, he shouted louder, "WEREN'T YOU?"

Red cringed, his eyes squeezed shut. The spider legs were hurting. He could fight back, of course, but he didn't want to. Eventually, however, he had to speak.

"Alright. Maybe I was. But why do you care so much?"

"Because… well…"

Red kicked out, and Purple let go with a grunt of pain. He recoiled against the opposite wall.

"I don't know you any more, Pur. I don't know who you are."

Purple watched as Red stormed from the room with tears of pain in his eyes, but he didn't call him back. He had just realised what he had done. Pinned his best friend, his love, his other half against a wall. Shouted. Threatened him. He didn't know who he was either.

---

Dib had gone back to his room to find another electronic note. It had no name at the bottom, but he could only assume it was from Flo.

"_Dib. Meet me in the wardrobe department. We need to talk._

_xxx"_

He walked silently down the corridor and entered the room.

"Oh. Erm… hi."

"We need to talk, Dib. Now."

"OK… hey, what're you doing?!?"

---

"Oh, Zim," Flo repeated sadly. She wasn't talking to him, he had stormed from his throne room in a rage, but instead she was talking to one of his faithful servants. Zim had taken over almost immediately after Dib's departure from Earth. He was the supreme, but he hadn't contacted the Tallest, as they had strictly forbidden it. But he had told all of his servants time and time again that they would call. He said it every single day. And he had had the throne room built so that his throne was in front of a wall that was taken up by an enormous communicator screen.

"So you're telling me he's sat there, looking at an empty screen for two months?"

"Yes and no. You see, whilst on Irk it's two months, Earth time is ten times faster, so actually…"

"TWENTY MONTHS?!?" Flo did dome quick calculations, "That's nearly two YEARS!"

"Indeed."

"Good bye," she said, cutting the transmission. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't bear the thought of Zim, sitting in front of an empty screen for two years, kept there only by loyalty. Zim had abandoned her, his hope, his chances of a smeet. But he had never abandoned the Tallest. It was a pity the same couldn't be said for them.

---

Dib stood in the middle of the wardrobe department, watching Purple with a shocked look on his face. Purple grinned at him.

"Dib. I can't stop thinking about you. I know it's wrong to hurt Red like this, but I can't!"

Purple started to shed his armour, and as the first piece fell to the floor with a clang, Dib edged backwards.

"I…erm… you… _what_?"

He looked into the leader's eyes and realised it was true. That wasn't to say he believed it.

"You're driving me crazy," he said, and he threw down the final piece of armour before walking towards Dib in three long strides, "I…need…you!"

Dib backed up against the wall.

"What the… What are you doing?"

Purple's face fell.

"Don't you… wanna?"

"Well, yeah, I… _no_…that'd be so wrong on so many levels!"

"Haven't you ever gone against the rules before?"

"Nope," Dib said uncomfortably, "Never."

"Haven't you ever… mated before?"

"No… never…" he muttered, not wanting to hear of it as 'mating'.

"Not once?"

"No."

"Really?"

Dib glared at Purple. This was daring, as he didn't really have the upper hand, but Purple didn't even notice.

"I can do whatever I like. I'm the Tallest."

"You can really do… anything?"

"Yup. I can do anything and any_one_ I like."

Dib gulped.

"What about Red?"

"What about him? He's been nothing but mean to you. I was the one that looked out for you, looked after you. I was the one who let you have such a nice room; Red wanted you to sleep in a dorm with the other slaves."

Dib considered. It was true. Purple had a weakness for him. He could use this to his advantage…

"Fine. I'll…do it."

Purple's face brightened up considerably.

"On one condition. I don't have to wear this uniform any more."

"Done."

"And you do something about my sister."

"Done. Anything else, little Dibbles?"

Dib shuddered. He hated that name. He shook his head.

"OK. Then on the count of three, I drop my robes and you take off your clothes."

Dib closed his eyes and shrugged off his shirt.

"One…"

He took off his shorts.

"Two…"

His hands trailed on the band of his underwear. He had been about to stop, but he had a strange vision of Flo.

_Everyone here is bisexual. It doesn't matter who you mate with. C'mon, Dib, be daring!_

"Three!"

There was the rushing noise of clothes falling to the floor. Then silence.

---

Flo was walking to the wardrobe department to pack away before going to bed. Her hand went up to touch the pad when she heard voices inside. Tallest Purple's voice.

"…Oh, sweet mother of… What on Irk is _that_?"

She smirked. What could be happening? Then she heard Dib's voice, and her heart nearly stopped beating.

"You…You don't have a… Wait, so how does that work then?"

"Let me show you…"

There was scuffling and laughing. How could this be? It _couldn't_ be. Could it? Then she heard Red humming in the distance and sprinted off to her room faster than she ever thought she could. What the heck had just happened? She resolved to confront Dib first thing tomorrow. She only wondered whose room she would find him in…

**AN**

**Aha! Purple has made his move… And more of Flo and of Zim has been revealed (Haha, more of Dib has been revealed as well...)! Again, I don't own IZ, or my name would be in the credits. Please Review! **


	5. A Special Request

A Special Request

Red froze outside the wardrobe department. He could hear Purple, and he could hear… someone else. He didn't know who it was, but he had a pretty good idea. He reached his hand up to open the door, and stopped. He didn't want the door to slide open; he didn't want to see what he knew he would. He clenched his hand into a fist. What the hell should he do? He decided to go for guilt. Purple could never handle guilt. Dib… well. Maybe he'd make him feel guilty as well. Who cared about Dib anyway? Apart from the only person that he cared about, that is. He walked slowly back to his room and sank down onto his bed.

---

Dib collapsed onto his bed. He felt so… different. Who knew that his first time would be with a male alien? It was such a strange feeling. He'd just had his first sex, his first homosexual experience and his first cross-species experience all at the same time. And yet, it hadn't meant anything. He'd only wanted to get his own way, and he had a feeling that if Purple was as smitten as he seemed to be, he would get his own way a lot from now on. He felt bad, though.

Bad for making Purple think that he loved him back. Bad for making Purple cheat on Red. But worse about Flo. He had remembered how upset she was about Zim, and how he had just wanted to kiss her. If he did that now, and Purple found out, heads would roll. But if Red found out about him and Purple, heads would roll anyway. He wondered how Flo was, remembering that Zim had wanted to talk to her privately. But before he could really consider it properly, he yawned hugely. He just needed to sleep now. And take a shower.

---

The next day, he was woken up by the computer.

"Dib. Dib. Tallest Purple has demanded your presence in the wardrobe department. Get over there now!"

He groaned and dragged himself out of the bed down the corridors and through the doors. He had been expecting Purple to be there on his own, but instead Flo, Red and Purple were all in there.

"Do you honestly think that this is a suitable way to present yourself to the Tallest, slave?" Red smirked.

He caught sight of himself in the mirror. His hair was tousled and his shirt was ripped on one of the arms. He bit his lip, thinking of how those spider legs had pinned him down, ripping the shirt in the progress…

He glanced up at Flo, whose annoying, smug, twisted smile had returned.

"The Tallest have instructed me to find you a new uniform, Dib," she said, her eyes glittering. Dib glared at her, remembering the last time she had found him a uniform. She had had the same smile and glittering eyes then.

Red gave a small cough, and Dib turned to him.

"Yes, Dib," (Dib? He had never called him Dib before, only 'slave'…) he said, "I think that you have deemed yourself loyal enough to me to be allowed a new uniform. I think you're trustworthy enough not to answer back. You are a true and loyal subject now. But if you do _anything_ like that again, I'll have Flo find you a uniform to fit the crime."

Dib glanced at Purple, who was shuffling on the spot uncomfortably. Then he glared at Flo, who had made a small sniggering noise at Red's statement. She smirked back at him. He went behind the screen to undress, and Flo walked behind it, out of sight of the Tallest.

"So, Dib, how're you doing? You don't look so good. Tired. Did you get much sleep last night?"

"I'm fine," he muttered uncomfortably.

She raised an eyebrow.

"OK, Dib. Now. What to choose…"

When Dib emerged from behind the screen, he was smiling. He was wearing comfortable clothes at long last, and he actually liked them. Instead of the lime green Lycra shorts, he had comfy black trousers. He had a black top that had the Irken symbol emblazoned on it in purple and large black boots. The only thing that Flo hadn't touched was his hair, because Purple had said that he "Thought it was kinda cute… I mean, cool." When the Tallest had gone to do their 'duties', Flo was free to question Dib properly.

"Dib, what were you doing in the wardrobe department last night? Or should I say _who_ were you doing?"

"I wasn't… I…" Dib stammered, blushing deeply, "It must've been someone else."

"Hmm… So it wasn't Purple?"

Dib sighed.

"Look, I…"

"It was, wasn't it? It _was_ you!" She gasped. She had a strange expression on her face, part way between admiration, nausea and shock. "You know, Dib, when I said about kissing ass, I didn't _actually_ mean…"

"OK, OK, I get it," Dib said hurriedly, glaring at the evil grin she had on her face, "Just don't tell anyone, alright? I don't want Red to find out, or he'll…"

Her smile faltered for a second, but then she beamed at him.

"You're a wild card, Dib. I wouldn't have thought you'd have it in you!"

He beamed back, and then thought of something.

"Hey, how'd your conversation with Zim go?"

She sighed and looked down at her feet.

"He's still so… He's evil. Pure evil. And yet, he's so alone. He's been sat in that throne for twenty months…"

"TWENTY…"

"I know. Earth time's ten times faster… Look. He's been there for twenty months, in front of an empty communicator screen, waiting for the Tallest to call him. He's been abandoned, and I can't help but think if he had some company apart from that ridiculous robot, maybe he'd…"

"You won't change him, Flo," Dib said sincerely, "Ever since he's been on Earth he's been a megalomaniac. He's so power-hungry, so greedy; he'll do anything to get his own way. Did I tell you he stole my lungs?"

"Yes, Dib. Many times. In fact, if I hear about it one more time, I'll be tempted to do the same."

"It's a miracle I survived that long without them, but I guess I've always been a little…"

"…bit special," completed Flo, "I know. I just miss him so much, Dib."

"I know you do," he smiled, and, without thinking about what he was doing, he leant in and kissed her gently on the lips. She shuddered as his saliva touched her skin, not burning, but tingling.

"Hey, hey, hey, Dib! Don't cheat on your boyfriend now!" She teased, and she walked from the room feeling slightly guilty. It wasn't as though she was cheating on Zim, but still. Dib sighed. He felt as though he should be with Flo, but being with Purple meant that his sister would be released. Being with Purple was like cheating on Flo. A pretend affair. And Red had been so nice to him today. He felt like he was betraying his trust. He turned in front of the mirror, admiring his uniform for a while to take his mind off things before heading off to do his duties.

---

Red dragged Purple into his bedroom and practically forced him to sit on the bed. Then he sat next to him, and looked into the indigo eyes with a sad smile on his face.

"Look, Pur. I'm sorry I kept being mean to Dib. You were right to get mad at me. I totally overstepped the line."

Purple blinked. He hadn't been expecting this.

"Erm… OK. I'm sorry I got angry at you, I guess. I overreacted."

"It's just I took one look at him, and thought he was OK. But then I looked at you… You had that look in your eyes, you know? I was so worried that you'd forget all about me. I thought if I made fun of him, and made him look funny, you'd make fun of him as well, and stay with me. Stupid, eh?"

It was all true, and Red hadn't planned on telling Purple this. But if he was going to make him feel guilty, he had to do it properly. He could already see the uncertain, uncomfortable look forming him his partner's eyes.

"Ha-ha, yeah. Stupid. I'd never leave you. 'Especially not for a stupid slave."

Purple looked up worriedly at the ironic grin on Red's face. Did he know something? But then, before he could figure it out, Red had kissed him on the cheek. There wasn't much he could do after that. It only took one kiss from Red to captivate him. It seemed like hours later when they finally pulled away.

---

Zim clapped his hands wearily, and one of the maids scurried towards him, bowing low and kneeling at his feet.

"Yes, Lord and Master of All Mankind?"

"I grow tired, slave. The Almighty ZIM shall now retire to his bedchamber. You shall prepare it for me. GO!"

"Of course, master."

He watched her scurry away and sighed. He had been thinking the same thought for a long time now, and it was making being a supreme ruler become exceptionally boring. He knew that he would rule over this filthy planet for many more of its disgusting centuries, and yet, when he died, what then? Would the humans simply erase all of his work? He had nobody to continue his reign of terror, no heir to his throne. It was that damned Flo's fault. She had reminded him of his failed attempt to father a smeet, and now he was thinking about what life had been like before he had become an invader. Maybe now that he was the ruler of another planet, the Tallest would grant his requests for a smeet. He rose from his throne and turned to one of the other slaves, who shrank back, trembling.

"Slave! Turn on the communicator and send a transmission to the Tallest!"

The slave relaxed, realising he wasn't going to have to fight to the death with a knife-wielding monkey for Zim's amusement like so many others had done before him. He pushed a few buttons and twiddled a red dial until the snow disappeared from the screen and the Com. Room of the Massive flickered into view.

---

A slave burst into Red's room, taking the two inside off guard. They had been playing table-tennis, and the ball flew from the room and bounced down the corridor.

"Aw, Man!" Purple moaned.

"I hope you're happy, Slork. I was thrashing Tallest Purple."

"I am sure of it, My Tallest," Slork said, and then he doubled back at the scandalised look on Purple's face, "But I am sure that Tallest Purple is… also good. But I have a message for you. Emperor Zim of Planet Earth requests your presence."

Purple raised one eyebrow.

"D'you mean Invader Zim wants to chat?"

"Yes, My Tallest."

"Fine, fine. But tell him it'd better be important."

The two Irken leaders walked, in step, in front of the screen, where Zim still lounged on his throne. When they came into view, he sat up straight, and waved his antennas in salute. A signal of utmost respect, only used on special occasions. They were interested now.

"My Tallest. So glad to speak with you yet again."

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Zim. What is it?" asked Red impatiently.

"I have a rather _special_ request to ask of you, my Tallest."

"Oh, really?"

"You see, as the undisputed leader of this planet, I have no heir. I would like to request of you the honour of being allowed to father a smeet."

Purple stepped back from the screen slightly.

"Another Zim? Y…You want us to allow ANOTHER one of you to go roaming around, causing havoc?"

"Eh, in a sense, yes."

"Erm… why don't you chat with our personal servant whilst we talk this over, Zim?" suggested Red, and he pushed a button on his wrist. A few moments later, Dib came running in. Zim's eyes lit up evilly when he saw who it was.

"Ah, Dib-Worm. How nice to see you again. Lost those delightful green shorts, I see. Too bad. They really suited you…"

"Zim," Dib growled, "You're still alive. What a pity."

Purple sniggered, and Zim glared, but said nothing. The Tallest went into another corner of the room to discuss it.

"We can't allow him to have a smeet, Red! We just can't!"

"Pur, if he has a smeet, he won't keep calling us to ask if he can father one. And the smeet won't necessarily turn out like him!"

"But it's Zim! _Zim!_"

"I know. Look, let's just send him a female and tell him to call when the smeet is born. Send him some nachos with our compliments and tell him not to call again. Simple, right? He's Earth's problem now."

"I guess so."

"So. Which 'lucky bachelorette' shall we send, eh?"

Purple remembered who Zim had wanted to mate with last time. Of how the same female was very cosy with his little Dibbles. Of how he had seen them kissing in the food court…

"Why don't we send, oh, I dunno, how about that girl from Wardrobe, what's her name, Flo?"

"Our personal dresser?"

"Yeah. Maybe a few millennia on another planet will be good for her."

"Alright. Dib! You may leave. Tell Flo to come here now. Zim, we're granting your request."

Dib had no idea what this request was, but he sure didn't like the way Zim's evil grin widened by a couple of inches.

---

Flo was lazing around in the wardrobe department when Dib came running in. She leapt up, thinking it was the Tallest, and relaxed when she saw Dib.

"Hiya, Dib. What is it?"

"The Tallest want you in the Com. Room. Zim's on the line."

He watched as her face simultaneously brightened and fell. He patted her on the arm gently.

"It'll be OK, Flo. It's probably nothing."

"Yeah… probably."

She walked to the room the long way, dawdling as she did so. She hung around outside the door for a while, but eventually she had to go in. She glared at the screen, and watched as Zim's eyebrow shot up. An amused grin formed on his face, and the smug look on Purple's face wasn't reassuring either. Dib followed her in. Red looked up.

"Ah, Flo. Into the teleporter, if you please."

"What?"

"Yes. You're going on a little routine trip to Earth, to set up links with the new Emperor."

Purple snorted at the last part, and Flo bit her lip nervously. Dib squeezed her arm and she smiled at him, but only fear showed in her smile and eyes. She stepped into the teleporter, and turned to look at the screen. Zim beamed at her.

"Ah, two lost lovers reunited at last, eh, Flo?"

Her stony glare said all that needed to be said. Purple grinned.

"Well, enjoy your new bride, Zim!"

Flo and Dib whipped round to look at him, and he smiled smugly. But before either could say anything, he dramatically pushed a large red button.

"Teleporting in 30…29…"

"Dammit, I set it for the wrong time…"

Flo turned to Dib wildly.

"Dib! Do something!"

"…24…23…"

Dib looked imploringly at Purple.

"Please? Can't she stay?"

"'Fraid not, Dib. Oh, but I've just remembered… Zim, in return for this you have to release Dib's sister."

Zim heaved a theatrical sigh.

"Oh well… Your wish is my command, my Tallest. The slave girl will be freed."

"…18…17…"

Flo began to sob, the tears rolling down her cheeks like great yellow pearls.

"Dib! Dib, I don't wanna go! I wanna stay here with you! You're right, I can't change Zim, I don't want to, I want you!"

Dib's eyes widened and he watched Purple smile almost vindictively.

"There's nothing I can do!"

"…10…9…"

She pressed herself against the glass, and Dib ran to the glass at the other side. He placed his hand over hers.

"Goodbye, Flo."

She sobbed.

"…6…5…"

"Goodbye, Dib. Good luck with the Tallest," she whispered.

"Good luck with Zim."

"That's EMPEROR ZIM!!!" screeched a voice from behind them. They ignored it. Dib looked into her glossy pink orbs and she gazed sadly into his deep golden eyes.

"…2…1… Teleporting Object!"

There was a bright flash of light, and Dib, Red and Purple watched as, on the other line, Zim swaggered over to his teleporter, where they could see Flo. He opened the hatch.

"Why hello there, Flo. You always were beautiful when you cried…"

**SMACK!**

Flo slapped him across the face, a rage like no other in her eyes. The Tallest were howling with laughter, and even the heart-broken Dib laughed at the look of shock on Zim's face.

Zim staggered in front of the screen, his crown askew between his antennas and a rapidly darkening bruise on his face. He cleared his throat, his cheeks burning from more than just pain, and saluted the Tallest.

"Ahem. Yes, well. Emperor Zim over and out."

The screen went blank.

**AN**

**I noticed that in the last chapter I wrote: "Dib asked her, a pleasant smile on his face, zippered teeth gleaming." Dib should obviously say Zim. Sorry, I just really hate there being huge mistakes in my work. OCD, I know.**

**Please send in a **_**constructive**_** review. The summary gives a warning. If you get offended easily, then please don't read things that'll offend you. I'll update as soon as possible.**


	6. Invitations

Invitations

"She's…gone," Dib murmured, not daring to believe it. He had only had one friend on this ship, just one person that he could confide it, one person that he actually wanted to talk to when he woke up. He didn't know if sleeping with Purple was going to be worth getting his own way if he couldn't share it with Flo the next day. Red patted him on the arm, and Dib looked up sharply. Yesterday, Red would have been more likely to have punched him than to do this.

"She's only a servant, Dib. Like you. Dispensable. She can't have been the only servant on the ship that you talk to, your only friend, can she?" Red said, and he gave a tiny smile when a few tears rolled down Dib's cheeks. Red turned to Purple and looked triumphantly at the guilty, uncertain look in his eyes as Dib broke down into silent sobbing.

"Oh, that's right, she was. So sorry," he added lightly, and left the room with a smirk on his face. He was going to make those lying gits so guilty they'd wish they'd never been born. He felt slightly bad about what he was doing to Purple, but he quickly dispelled the thought with the memory of the sounds coming from behind that closed door.

Purple looked on in horror as Dib cried. He hadn't thought about how much Dib liked Flo. He'd simply seen her as an obstacle that he needed to get rid of. He didn't care what Zim did to her, that wasn't his problem. It was what she did to Dib that he cared about.

"She had to go, Dib," he said softy, trying to sound comforting, "Emperor Zim requested her."

Dib glared at him coldly.

"You never cared about Zim before. What makes him so special now?"

"Now that he controls a planet, he's a valuable link for all kinds of resources for our empire. And snacks. He can send us slaves, he can send us new animals for zoos, he can send us all kinds of other neat stuff. So we have to keep him happy too."

"But why'd you have to send Flo?"

"She's the one he wanted to mate with last time too. Look, just go about your duties as normal, and afterwards I'll make sure you don't miss her," he grinned, but Dib didn't grin back. He drifted out of the room miserably, and Purple watched him until the door closed, suddenly feeling bad about what he had done.

---

Once he had turned off the communicator, Zim rounded on Flo angrily. All of the servants in the room had no idea what to make of the whole scene. They all knew that if they laughed, they would be killed instantly, regardless of how loyal they had been in the past. He placed his hand over the dark slap-mark, and growled.

"You little bitch! How dare you slap the Almighty ZIM?"

Flo was shaking, tears still in her eyes. Her face was so pale it was almost white, with two dark green spots standing out on her cheeks. Her antennas stood to attention in the air, as did Zim's. When there was conflict, an Irken's antennas stood up automatically, to make them appear taller and more threatening. They did the same when they were aroused. It was clear what the situation was here, however, and Flo growled back.

"Y...your _bride_, am I?" she spat furiously, "Your bride?"

"Yes. Well, that was the plan, anyway, Empress."

"I'm NOT an Empress! What did you do, get lonely and decide that you wanted the Tallest to send you some kind of… _sex slave_ or something, you pervert?"

Zim raised an eyebrow and started to walk towards her.

"Sex slave? Don't flatter yourself. If it was that I had wanted, I would have sent for someone much more attractive." He reached her. "Perhaps one of those delightful Blondds the Tallest have…"

Flo spat in his face, and he took a step back in disgust. The servants' eyes were wide. Zim clicked his fingers and a girl ran forwards with a face cloth. He wiped his face delicately and continued as though nothing had happened.

"More lady-like as well. Do you treat the Tallest like this, Flo?"

The maid scurried off with the cloth. Why the Emperor hadn't had this female killed already was beyond her. If she had done that, she would have been making her excuses to Saint Peter in the blink of an eye.

"I treat the Tallest with the respect they deserve. I treat you with the respect _you_ deserve, Zim."

"Emperor Zim. No matter. As the new Empress, you don't have to call me that any more, _darling_."

With a strangled scream, Flo leapt at Zim, knocking him off his feet. His crown rolled away across the floor, and she raised her fist, ready to punch his lights out. But his simply clicked his fingers again, and in an instant two heavily armed guards had pulled her off him and held her in the air under her arms. A servant brought Zim his crown back, and placed it back on his head. He smirked at Flo, who was struggling and panting, trying to escape the iron grip of the burly guards.

"Tsk, tsk, Flo. You'd do well to keep that temper under control. Nasty accidents can happen so easily here."

"Don't… you… _dare_… call me… darling…" she hissed, and he cocked his head on one side innocently.

"As you wish, my dear. Greta!"

The young, towel-carrying girl appeared.

"Yes, Master?"

"You shall prepare Flo the second largest bedroom. And you shall show her around. Let her go, boys."

The guards dropped her, and Flo stalked out with Greta. Zim lowered himself back down onto his throne, and clapped his hands for his personal advisor.

The man scurried over and bowed deeply.

"Yes, Emperor?"

"What do you think about our new arrival?"

"Erm… Well, it doesn't look good, really, does it, Your Majesty?"

"Tell me what I should do next."

"Well, if I may, Your Highness, it seems to me that Flo should know why she is here. She is under the false impression that she's here for… other reasons than simply bearing a smeet. Tell her the truth. And if she needs persuading, a romantic gesture would be a good idea."

"Of course… I'm a genius…"

"Indeed. And, Your Highness?"

"Yes?"

"It might be a good idea to get some cream put on that bruise. It's swelling up."

"Excellent, Jhonen. Send someone with healing-salve and leave."

Jhonen bowed again and slipped out of the room. He couldn't wait to get to his own room so that he could laugh at his master getting owned by the small, feisty female Irken.

---

Red slipped into Purple's room later on and kissed him.

"Feeling bad about Dib?" he asked.

Purple shook his head and returned the kiss.

"Anyway, we'll see that wardrobe girl again in a few days time."

Purple looked up sharply.

"We will?"

"Yeah. At the planet leader's party, remember? They have to bring their spouse, so Zim has to bring Flo."

"Zim's _invited?!?_"

"Well, yeah. We have to invite him now. It'll be a laugh, though. We'll get to listen to him!"

They both laughed, and started to kiss again. Then Red broke away for a second.

"That Dib can come too. To see his friend again. We only have those parties once every ten years; he won't see her again for ages."

"Yeah. OK, I guess."

"I love you, Pur, you know that? You always think of others before yourself. Perhaps a little too much to be a leader. But I like it. I know you'd never hurt me."

Purple nodded and tried to smile. But inside he was groaning. Why the hell did Zim have to send Dib over anyway? Look what it had done to him. He wished Red wasn't being so damned _nice_ all of a sudden; it was making him so uncomfortable.

Later on he called Dib into his room. Dib walked dejectedly down the corridors. He had missed Flo at lunchtime. He came to two enormous doors, one with an image of Red on it, the other with Purple. He knocked on the door and walked in, and instantly thought he was in the wrong room. Everything was crimson. The floor, the walls, the bed, everything. But Purple was sitting on the bed, looking very out of place. Dib had to ask.

"Erm… Why isn't everything purple?"

"Red's my favourite colour," Purple replied simply.

"Oh. What's Tallest Red's favourite colour?"

"Purple."

"O…Kay… You called?"

"Yes, Dib. I wanted to cordially invite you to the Planet Leaders' Party that's in two days time."

Dib looked up in disbelief.

"I'm not a planet leader."

"You can be a guest of honour."

"Really?" Dib was suddenly extremely excited. "Will I get to listen to you and all of the other leaders discussing world affairs?"

"Eh… no, not exactly… You see, Dib, not many people know this, but when the planet leaders meet up once a decade, it's not to discuss affairs, but it's actually a karaoke party."

Dib coughed. It was the only sound he could conjure up. Purple continued.

"Yes, erm, so you'll come and get to enjoy yourself, and sing…"

"I don't know any Irken songs!"

"Ah, that's the beauty of it. You see, after years and years of tapping into Earth communications, aliens discovered your planet's radio stations. And it was agreed that Earth songs are by far the best, albeit a little hard to understand. So you can just pick your favourite song, right?"

Dib couldn't believe it.

"You mean to say that every single alien race knows Earth songs? C'mon, that's too unbelievable!"

"Shush! It'll make for a good chapter later on!"

"Erm… _What?_"

"Erm… well, um, if somebody was writing about what happened when you were teleported here, it would make a good chapter. That's all."

"And _is_ anyone writing about my time here?"

"Ha-ha, no! Don't be stupid!"

"So, who's coming?" Dib asked, suddenly interested to know which planet leaders could be bothered to come to a karaoke party when there must be so many other important things to do.

"About three hundred leaders. But this year, two new people are coming too. Emperor Zim of Earth, and his Empress, Flo."

"ZIM'S coming?"

"Yes he is," Purple snapped, before adding, in honeyed tones, "And so is Flo, and we'd be _ever_ so grateful if you came."

"Why do you want me?"

"I… I want to hear you sing," he blushed, and then gave a small grin and kissed Dib's forehead. Dib reached up and stroked one of Red's antennas, grinning as the alien moaned. He had quickly found out that the antennas were the most sensitive part of an Irken, when he had pulled Zim's during a fight. But he had also found that touching them gently was a… nice experience for Irkens as well. He blew on them and kissed them until Purple fell off the bed and landed, with a heavy thudding noise, on his red carpet.

"OK. I'll go," Dib said, and he slipped out of the room, almost colliding with Red as he walked down the corridors.

Red looked into Dib's flushing face and realised at once what had been going on.

"Ah, if it isn't my favourite servant, Dib. I've been thinking, maybe a pay rise should be coming your way. I'll just go discuss it with Purple."

Dib thanked him guiltily, and dawdled down the corridor, breaking into a sprint when he heard Purple say "Come back for more, eh?" and skidding through into his room, locking the door behind him. Of course, if Red wanted to come and beat him up, the locks were useless…

---

Flo sat sulkily on her bed. Zim's palace, it had to be said, was amazing. So luxurious, with rooms stuffed to bursting point with snacks, entertainment, even a room of pigs for GIR. Her room was huge, a perfectly circular bed in the centre with a gossamer, silky curtain draped down from the ceiling around it. There was a dresser, a walk-in wardrobe, her own library (which contained many books about Zim, including such titles as 'I AM ZIM! Obey My Fist!' and 'Life Among The Water- The Tale Of My Survival'. She doubted that anyone but Zim and his servants had read these.), an En-Suit bathroom and many other things besides. The whole place was filled with cushions and every so often, a glass bowl full of candy or rose petals, on its own dainty table. An enormous marble fireplace with a comfy sofa on it had a large portrait of Zim above it, to remind her of who her host was.

There was a knock at the door, and Zim came in, lighting the fire and sitting on the sofa. He patted the seat next to him and, grudgingly, Flo came and sat next to him, but she edged as far away as possible, to the other side of the sofa. He sighed, taking a handful of chocolate from a bowl and stuffing it into his mouth. They sat in silence for about ten minutes, staring into the flames.

'Say something, Zim,' he shouted to himself inside his head, 'Say anything!'

He looked at her for a moment, as though sizing up a steak at a butchers (though he wouldn't go near an Earth butchers. Too much meat).

"You, erm… You've lost weight," he stuttered, not sounding like his normal self at all.

"You've gained some," Flo replied coolly, and Zim bit his lip. It was true. Nearly two years of lazing around on his throne had caused him to gain weight, but not that much, surely. He was just plump. Not fat. He threw the chocolate he was holding into the fire, and the flames shot up about a food from all the sugar. He blushed, and then laughed.

"Don't tell me you don't find me attractive, Flo," he said, "You always used to tell me I was too skinny."

"Yes. I did. And I suppose it's not as if you've turned into Invader Skoodge," she muttered, and she looked at Zim properly. He did actually look slightly better now, not stick thin and wiry as he used to be, but rounder. He looked happier, smug, yes, but happy all the same. His crimson eyes twinkled playfully as he watched her. Silence fell once more.

Zim slid along the sofa slightly, and Flo pushed him away with a spider leg. He glared at her.

"_Never_ push the Emperor, Flo," he said in warning tones, but she was glaring back.

"Don't push _me_, Zim…"

"EMPEROR Zim, Flo!"

"Whatever! Emperor or not, you had no right to just send for me, and expect me to want to… do whatever it is you want me to do."

"Yes. That's what I came to talk about. Look Flo, I don't want you here for meaningless sex," Zim said lightly, "I simply want you to bear a smeet for me…"

"WHAT?!?!"

Flo leapt up from the sofa in horror. Zim stood up and took a step towards her, and she backed away angrily.

"I said, bear a smeet for me. I need an heir, Flo, and you are the one that I would like my heir's mother to be. That is all. A simple task, surely?"

"I…I think you've lost it, Zim. You… you can't just expect me to… mate with you and bear a smeet and think of it as a…as a simple task?" She gasped, breathing heavily. Zim shrugged.

"I wouldn't know, Flo. Is it a simple task?"

"NO! Zim, you… Once upon a time, you wanted a smeet so we could have a family, not as the heir to the throne!"

Zim narrowed his eyes silently, and Flo continued, feeling slightly hysterical.

"Zim, if that's what you wanted, why does it have to be me? Can't you send me back and send for someone else?"

Zim drew himself up on his spider legs and moved towards Flo, a menacing look in his eyes.

A servant knocked on the door and came running in.

"Emperor Zim I… Oh. Am I interrupting…?"

"No, no," Zim sighed, lowering himself to the floor, "Continue."

"The Almighty Tallest wish to speak to you, sir."

"Aha! Flo… Goodnight," he said curtly, and he left the room hurriedly to get to the throne room.

---

Red and Purple stood in the Com. Room, waiting for Zim. Purple was sulking, still not happy about inviting Zim, and Red was fuming silently about what Purple had said when he had entered the room. Eventually, Zim came hurrying onto the screen.

"My Tallest."

"Hello, Emperor Zim," said Red politely, "We have come to invite you to the Planet Leaders Party in two days time. We hope you can both make it."

"My Tallest! Such an honour… But of course, I deserve it."

"Excellent. It shall take place on the Massive. I look forward to seeing you and Flo again."

"And Flo?"

"But of course. You have to bring your wife. It's traditional. As stated by the… um… karaoke party tradition rules of…" Purple trailed off.

"She has to come," Red finished, "That is working out ok, right?"

Zim shuffled uncomfortably.

"That? Oh yeah, that's working out…just fine."

"Are you sure? 'Cause it didn't look like it got off to a good start," Red smirked, and Purple burst out into a fit of giggles at the memory of it. Zim growled, and suddenly drew himself up on his spider legs to full height again.

"YOU DARE QUESTION EMPEROR ZIM?!?!?" He yelled, and then, in midair, he stopped, a look of horror on his face. He dropped to the floor at once, squirming at the looks on Red and Purple's faces. They had dropped their snacks in shock and backed away from the screen.

"I… My Tallest… I apologise for…"

"You may rule a planet, Zim, but don't you forget where you stand in Irken terms. We're still your superiors, you know," Red said in a shaky voice, his eyes narrowed. Zim looked at his feet. They stood there in silence for a while, and then Zim looked up.

"I apologise, My Tallest. I… I guess I'm too used to getting my own way," Zim said shakily, not used to having to apologize for his outbursts, "Does the invitation still stand?"

"Yes, Zim. We'll see you and your bride in two days," Purple replied, and cut the transmission before anything else could be said.

He turned to Red.

"You still think this is a good idea? He's turned into a monster!"

"A monster that has a whole planet at his disposal, Pur," Red said patiently, before adding in a low voice, "We'll have him destroyed soon enough."

---

Zim glared at the empty screen.

"OK, Flo. If you're not gonna make this work, I am," he muttered, before slipping away.

One hour later, Flo heard something. The sound of an engine, followed by something hitting the door that led to her balcony. She got up and walked over to the door nervously, before opening it altogether. She gasped.

**AN **

**Sorry about that weird conversation with Dib and Purple about chapters, I was running low on conversation ideas. I already have the next chapter written, so when I get a few reviews for this, I'll post it up. So, erm, please review and I'll update soon, I guess.**


	7. A Whole New World

**AN**

**I got a lot of reviews very quickly last time, so I decided to put this up now.**

**This chapter is set out differently, because I wanted to write it as a Zim/Flo based songfic/parody with a little bit of fluff. The lyrics are below, and the chapter is under that. It's basically the balcony scene and magic carpet ride from Aladdin, but in Zim's Voot Cruiser with Zim and Flo. If you need reminding, there's a link to the video of the carpet ride on my profile. Hopefully that made sense… if not, oh well. **

A Whole New World

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can show you the world,  
Shining, shimmering, splendid.  
Tell me, princess, now when did  
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes,  
Take you wonder by wonder,  
Over, sideways and under  
On a magic carpet ride.

A whole new world,  
A new fantastic point of view.  
No one to tell us no,  
Or where to go  
Or say we're only dreaming.

_A whole new world,  
A dazzling place I never knew.  
But when I'm way up here  
It's crystal clear  
That now I'm in a whole new world with you.  
_Now I'm in a whole new world with you.

_Unbelievable sights,  
Indescribable feeling.  
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling  
Through an endless diamond sky.  
_  
_A whole new world  
_Don't you dare close your eyes  
_A hundred thousand things to see_  
Hold your breath - it gets better  
_I'm like a shooting star,  
I've come so far,  
I can't go back to where I used to be.  
_  
A whole new world  
_Every turn a surprise  
_With new horizons to pursue  
_Every moment red-letter_  
I'll chase them anywhere  
There's time to spare  
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world  
That's where we'll be  
A thrilling chase  
A wondrous place  
For you and me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flo stepped out into the cold night air on her balcony, and saw, to her surprise, Zim's old Voot Cruiser hovering gently by it. Zim stood on the balcony, his robes billowing gently from the blowing air coming from the ship's engine. He was smiling.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped. Zim twitched - nobody ever dared speak to him like this - but he regained his smile.

"I thought you'd like a guided tour."

"Well you thought wrong, _Emperor_ Zim. You thought wrong when you thought that you could just make forget about all the things you did to me by taking over this horrible little planet, you thought wrong when you thought I'd want to come back here and mate with you, and you thought wrong now too. I guess being an emperor isn't everything, eh?"

"The Almighty ZIM is never wrong, Flo. NEVER!!! You will want to come with me in the Voot Cruiser."

"You still have that rusty old bucket?"

Zim gazed fondly at the old ship. He had access to any ship he wanted, but he couldn't bring himself to get rid of the old cruiser. He allowed the windshield to slide up, revealing the worn, comfy seats inside. She looked disdainfully at him, but she couldn't stop the corners of her mouth perking up into a small smile at the sight of the familiar ship. She shook her head slightly, and he gave his theatrical sigh.

"Fine, Flo. Fine. If Zim is to have no heir, what difference does it make if he dies now or in a century?"

She looked at him, confused, as he walked to the edge of the balcony and stood on it, before giving her a quick half-wave and falling backwards over the edge. She screamed and ran to the edge. Zim was sprawled in a heap on the ground below and next to him was his hyperactive robot.

"DAMMIT, GIR, You were supposed to CATCH me and fly me back up when she screamed!!!" Zim yelled.

"There's an ant on ma head!" he screeched back. Flo smiled, and Zim climbed back up to the top of the building with his spider legs, looking battered and bruised.

"Oh, fine, fine, if you're going to throw yourself off buildings, I'll go in your stupid Voot Runner," she sighed, and he grinned at her. He jumped into the Voot and held out his hand to help her in. She ignored it coldly and stepped into the ship, and Zim set off without closing the windshield, the wind whipping in their faces.

They flew over the palace and down to a city below. Flo looked at the primitive buildings in comparison to Zim's palace. So small, so hopelessly low-tech. Most of them were made of brick, for heaven's sake! They were flying low, through the streets and past windows. Zim reached out with a spider leg and plucked a flower from a vase on someone's window. He passed it to Flo and then went back to controlling the ship. She sniffed it appreciatively, and glanced at Zim, before looking back to the small, pink flower that she held in her lap.

Zim glanced back at Flo. He was hoping that a 'romantic' ride in the Voot Cruiser would make her more relaxed towards him. Suddenly he gave a huge yawn, stretching his arms out, and placing one arm around her shoulders. He tried to pull her close, but she pushed him away and glared at him.

"No, Zim! I'm only coming with you to see Earth. I honestly don't want to mate with you. I'm sorry, but it's true."

Zim took the flower from her hands and smiled at her suavely.

"Are you sure you haven't been taking orders from the Tallest for too long, Flo? Have you made a decision for yourself lately?"

He gently threaded the flower around her antenna and took one of her hands in his.

"It matches your eyes," he said, before dropping her hand, turning back to the front and steering the Voot to the right.

Flo stared at him, her hand subconsciously going up to touch the flower. He had a point. She hadn't made any of her own decisions in a long time. But that didn't change anything. She still hated Zim. Didn't she? She looked forwards and gasped.

"Oh Zim, it's…"

But her words caught in her throat. Below them was an enormous expanse of liquid that moved as though it were alive. Waves were tossing and rolling wildly and spewing spray into the air that sparkled and glittered in the moonlight like liquid diamonds.

"Pretty neat, eh?" Zim beamed.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, and it was true. She had never seen anything like this before in her life. "What is it?"

"_That_, Flo, is the ocean. The waves are caused by the gravity of this planet's moon, which, by the way, has no life on it whatsoever. It is pure water. Beautiful, but deadly," he said, before murmuring, "Just like you," and placing a hand over the still slightly throbbing slap-mark. He pushed a button and the windshield rolled over their heads. Then he pushed the joystick forwards, sending the ship plummeting down into the water, before flying out again seconds later, the ship rolling and somersaulting in the air like a dolphin. Zim looked at Flo from the corner of his eye. She was laughing.

He pulled the ship out to just above the clouds, and Flo's beautiful round eyes widened.

"Is that water vapour?"

"Yup. It forms clouds. They look pretty fluffy, but if you're thinking I could roll down the windshield and we could both catch a handful, you'd be mistaken. It condenses into water on touch. I found that out the hard way…"

Flo laughed again, and then suddenly realised that she and Zim were holding hands. 'How'd that happen?' she thought, but she didn't do anything about it. Sitting back in the old Voot and laughing with Zim was… nice. It was like the old days, before he had gone off and become a heartless invader. Maybe he wasn't a heartless emperor… The ship was moulding the clouds into wispy, fluffy shapes. It really was gorgeous. The Earth's moon was enormous and round, a large yellow/white globe hanging in the deep blue sky. A flock of large, white birds were flying around them.

"Wow! What weird animals," she said.

"Hmm. They are. So beautiful, they sing in the mornings with a…"

There was a sudden bump, the ship rode up and down, and a strangled squawk was heard.

"What on Irk was that?" Flo asked worriedly.

"Eh… nothing. Just some turbulence," Zim replied, glancing back out of the windshield as the blackened carcass of a bird that had flown through one of the engine's air vents spiralled towards the water below.

Zim sped up the cruiser and they soon found themselves looking down upon a sheet of pure white, with small white crystals that looked like soap flakes fluttering all around them.

"The North Pole," Zim announced, "It's very cold. The flakes are frozen crystals of water vapour. Again, beautiful but deadly."

Zim was right. It was very cold. Flo found herself shivering, and Zim noticed.

"Cold? Here…"

He took off his thick, velvet robes and draped them over her shoulders. She smiled and snuggled up inside them. They were still warm, and they smelt like Zim- the faint, slightly spicy aroma of nutmeg. She found herself leaning against his side, her eyes closed and her heart beating fast. Zim put his arm around her again, and this time she didn't push him away. She kept her eyes closed.

When she eventually opened them, she gasped. They were in a world of green, large towering plants all around them.

"Where are we?"

"A rainforest. Full of trees and plants and. But the air is thick with water."

"Looks like you got a really dangerous planet, Zim. There's so much water."

"That's EMPER… Yes. It is dangerous. But I battled it all and took it over anyway."

Flo looked around her at the exotic animals. Zim listed them all as they flew past.

"A rangatan, a panter, a crockydyle, no, wait, an aligrater, a snake, ooh, that's a kinky Jew, like a type of monkey."

Flo grinned. The screen was listing the animals as it scanned them. An orangutan, a panther, an alligator a snake and a kinkajou. Zim's way of mispronouncing words was one of the reasons she loved him. No. She _had_ loved him, she didn't anymore.

"Then why are you snuggled up against him, wrapped in his robes with his arm round your waist, idiot?" she muttered angrily to herself.

"Eh? What?" Zim asked.

"Nothing," she said, gazing into his eyes.

Zim piloted the ship back to the balcony, but neither of them got out. Zim still held Flo close to his side, listening to her heart beat.

"So. Do you like it?" he asked.

"It's so beautiful. A whole other world," she breathed.

"Do you want to co-rule it?"

She pulled away.

"Zim, tonight doesn't change anything. I'm not going to mate with you, and that is that."

He touched her arm gently.

"I'll change your mind yet."

"I don't think you can, Zim."

As Flo climbed out of the ship, a gust of wind blew the flower from her head. Zim looked at it, and she stepped on it, squashing it flat, before running into her room. Zim sighed flew off to put the Voot in the garage. Flo collapsed onto her bed. She still hated Zim. She hated him, because he was was starting to remind her of the Zim he used to be, and she didn't want to love him. He was supposed to be her enemy. Dib's enemy. Dib would never forgive her if she fell in love with Zim.

"But Dib's not here, is he?" she asked the empty room.

Zim listened over the speakers in the Voot. He had had a microphone planted in Flo's room when she had arrived.

"No he's not, Flo. The Dib's not here any longer…"

**As usual, I'll update as soon as possible. ****In coming chapters I'm doing another one of these parodies to the Beauty and the Beast scene 'Tale as Old as Time'. Please send in a review to this chapter even if you haven't reviewed before, because I'm quite proud of it and I want to know what everyone else though. **

**Thanks to everyone that pointed out the part where I called Purple Red, I hate it when I do this, but sometimes I go to fast and make mistakes like this, and I sure as hell wouldn't have spotted it if you hadn't pointed it out to me. I did notice some other typos as well. I'm going to have to proof-read more carefully from now on…**

**Thanks!**


	8. Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

It was the big day of the party at long last. Dib hardly saw either of the Tallest at all because they were rushing around and making last minute decisions about snacks, decorations and seating arrangements. They were also making final alterations on the special effects for their performance.

"Will we all get special effects?" Dib had asked, having images of him singing, surrounded by shooting flames, Flo swooning in the audience for him. Of course, he had no idea what he was singing yet; a terrifying thought.

"Oh my, no," laughed Red, "Only the leaders of the location have access to special effects. Luckily, we host it every decade, so our performance is always the best."

"Quiet, Red, I'm trying to remember my lines!" Purple snapped, and they went off down the corridor, bickering like children.

Dib would usually have been happy to be out of the Tallest's company for this amount of time, to chat with Flo, but she wasn't here. Still, he didn't let it get him down too much, she was still coming to the party, and he would see her for all of tonight. Unfortunately, Zim was also coming, but you couldn't have everything, he thought. And he would get to hear Zim singing! He gave a little snort at the idea, and went back to dusting the Tallest's rooms, an honour that Red had bestowed upon him. He should feel special, according to one of the maids that had been eyeing him up since he got his new uniform, because only their favourite servants allowed them to do such a thing. But he simply saw it as yet another meaningless task that he would have to do every day. He would break his back trying to get the room spotless, only to have to do exactly the same thing the next day. He felt that there was very little point to his life at all.

---

The door opened, and Flo woke up with a start. A chink of light flooded into the room, leaving her blinking stupidly in the shadows. Zim was standing in the doorway.

"Knock, knock," he said, rapping the doorframe as he did so. Flo groaned.

"What do you want?"

"Aren't you up yet? You'd better hurry up, we have to leave in three hours!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the planet leaders' party," Zim said, with exaggerated patience, "We've been invited, and we have to leave in three hours."

Flo sat up in her bed.

"I've been invited to the planet leader's party?" She said, in utter disbelief.

"As the bride of a planet leader."

She sank back down. She should have known it would be too good to be true.

"I have reason to believe that that large-headed freak you are so hopelessly attached to is also attending."

"Dib's going?"

"Yes. So, you coming or not?"

"OK. I'll come."

"Of course, there is one condition."

Flo narrowed her eyes, looking spookily like Zim did when he was annoyed or suspicious.

"Go on…?"

"You have to act as the perfect wife," he smirked, before quickly adding, "But only for the party. Afterwards you will be free to continue your smeetish grudge against me."

Flo sighed and nodded. A smile spread across Zim's face.

"Excellent. Now, get changed."

Zim left the room and Flo leapt up, wondering what to wear, and also how she was going to last a whole day of pretending to be hopelessly devoted to Zim.

"Just think of last night," she told herself before sliding into a hot bath.

---

Dib had spent the day desperately thinking of possible songs that he could perform at the party later on. A few crossed his mind when he thought of Flo, and even a few when he thought of Purple, but none of them he really felt confident about performing in front of three hundred world leaders. He decided that it would be best just to see what selection of songs there were and improvise. No use getting worried about it, the only thing he had left to lose was his pride and dignity, and very little of that still remained.

He was relieved that he would be seeing Flo again. After she had slapped him, who knew what Zim would do to her? As long as she was unharmed, unmarked, as long as Zim hadn't hurt her in any way, Dib would feel slightly better about the whole situation. But only slightly. He didn't trust Zim- from what he had seen going on in his base back when he was a mere Invader, anything could happen to Flo. He was dawdling down a totally deserted corridor when Purple ran up to him, opened a door and forced him inside, all in one fluid motion, so fast Dib barely had time to work out what had happened.

He looked around. They were squashed into a kind of cleaning supplies closet, and Purple's eyes twinkled in the dark and gloom like swollen indigo fireflies.

"Meet me in here half way through the party," Purple said quietly, before quickly wrapping his arms around Dib and walking out. Dib stood alone in the cupboard, looking slightly bewildered. But not unhappy. Whilst his previous "encounter" with Purple hadn't meant anything to him, that didn't go to say that he hadn't enjoyed it. He smoothed back the antennas that Flo had laughed so hard at so many times, and stepped out, trying to look casual. Nobody was around. Dib wondered, for the first time, why. This corridor was usually the busiest one in the ship. He dimly remembered an announcement that all non-authorised servants had to go to their rooms early, so the corridors weren't crowded when the other leaders arrived. So that must mean that…

Dib rounded the corner, and was met by a wall of people. His mouth dropped open, and stayed open. It was an awe-inspiring sight; hundreds of all-powerful beings, each with entire planets at their disposal, all gathered, united for the same cause. A karaoke party. He made his way down the rest of the corridor at a snail's pace, trying not to gawk at the different aliens, but finding it a difficult task. He eventually managed to force his way (politely) into the doors of the meeting hall and he still couldn't manage to close his mouth. The stage was so huge; it looked to be around the size of the assembly hall at his Hi-Skool. The rest of the room was even larger, he couldn't think of anything to compare it to. It was full of round tables, with a huge buffet and bar area in the corner. Leaders were already filling the tables, and Dib overheard many different conversations.

"…The show's going to start really soon, best get a good table…"

"…What're you singing? I'm thinking of going for a classic…"

"…Have you heard? _Zim's_ here! An Emperor now, apparently. That girl he's with… well. Let's just say she must've been brainwashed to be that devoted…"

_Brainwashed._

Dib looked up and started staring wildly around the room. But he needn't have bothered, because he heard Zim long before he saw him, surrounded by at least 18 leaders and their partners. He appeared to be telling some witty story, but kept pausing to laugh at what was coming every so often, so it was hard to keep up with where he was.

"…So I said… I said… Sorry, it's just, it's too funny… I said, 'Sorry, mate… S…Sorry mate, I thought it was too soft to be real!'"

Uproarious laughter erupted from the crowd, and Dib could easily pick out Flo's fast, hysterical giggle, the one she usually reserved for his own hilarious jokes about Zim. He pushed his way through to see Zim, in all his finery, in the middle of the circle, with Flo hanging onto his arm. She had a small silver tiara on her head, and was wearing a sexy black dress that was cut quite high up the legs. It was sewn with sequins, and glittered whenever she turned.

A large, translucent, blob-like creature slimed it's way over to Zim and patted him on the back with a satisfied squelching sound. Dib grinned as Zim tried hard to regain his smile and not give in to the look of horrified disgust at whatever had spread over the back of his robes.

"Well, Zim, great to see you looking well. And may I say congratulations. Your partner is positively radiant."

"Why, thank you, Slorgph. And might I offer my own compliments on your own beautiful wife?"

Slorgph's eyes narrowed and flashed.

"You might. Of course, Dlort here is my husband, and I am his wife, but thanks all the same." Zim's eyes widened slightly, and he laughed uncomfortably.

"What Zim _means_ to say that it is that _you_ are a beautiful wife. And he's right- you are. It's just that Zim mixes his words up when he's erm... full of admiration, isn't that right, darling?" Flo said, her voice dripping with honey, her eyes round and earnest.

The blob creatures smiled and squelched off, and Zim let out a sigh of relief and beamed at Flo. She gazed into his eyes, and then turned around when Zim spoke to someone.

"Why, if it isn't the Dib-Slave. Your sister's been ever so worried about you. In fact, as soon as she was released, she attacked me," he said, and then, with an evil glint in his eye, "But don't worry. She won't be doing _that_ again."

Dib ignored him, instead looking at Flo. Zim caught his gaze and smirked, looking amusedly into Flo's face. She clenched her jaw, and looked straight through Dib as though he wasn't there.

_Brainwashed._

There was a sudden rush of feedback over the speaker system, and everyone clamped their hands over their ears/antennas/heads. Purple's voice flooded the room.

"Ahem. Ladies and Gentlemen, let the show begin!"

The lights went down, and everyone hurried to their places. Dib found himself, to Zim's disgust, on the same table as him and Flo. A bright spotlight hit the stage, and Red and Purple emerged, on small hover lifts, out of the smoke filled stage floor.

"We're going to start with an ancient tribal chant about a shaman and his work," Red smiled, and an excited whisper rose among the audience. This was obviously something of a favourite. Dib strained his memory, trying to think of when there had ever been a tribal chant on the radio. When Purple cleared his throat and spoke into the microphone, Dib looked up, shocked and amused.

"Hey, Witch Doctor, Give us the magic words!"

He held out his microphone to the audience, who chanted, unrehearsed, as one.

"Alright. You go Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!"

"Alright!" Purple shouted, and Red started to sing.

"Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang. Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!"

As he repeated this, drums came in and Dib's mouth began to perk up at the edges, finally breaking into a smile when Purple sang, in a wonderful, rich, deep voice that was totally unlike his own.

"Doo, Doo, Do-Doo Doo Doo Doo!"

The music flooded the room, and as they repeated the chorus, two Blondds (that looked too much like Strawberry and Platinum not to be them) came in at the sides of the stage, each standing with one of the leaders and doing a short, repeated dance routine that involved a lot of shaking and spinning.

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you!"

"Doo Doo Doo Doo!"

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you!"

"Doo Doo Doo Doo!"

"And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do! He told me…"

Dib turned away from the stage to watch Zim and Flo. He was transfixed. Flo seemed to be trying to ignore him, fixing all of her attention onto Zim instead. She was taking peanuts from a bowl on the table, shelling them, and popping the nut into Zim's waiting mouth. It was almost sickening to watch. Zim glanced to the side and caught Dib's stare. He treated Dib to a nasty grin, before turning back to Flo, who was smiling. Her teeth were clenched. Dib sighed and turned back to the show in time to see Purple catch an instrument that looked like a futuristic saxophone that had come floating by. He started to play, his eyes closed, fingers a blur on the keys, whirling on the spot, and then taking it quickly out of his mouth to sing his 'Doo Doo Doo Doo'. Red started to sing again. Dib found himself drumming his fingers on the table to the beat. The song went on, and Flo was still fussing over Zim, playing with his antennas and messing with his crown.

As the song drew to a close, applause erupted among the audience and the Tallest took their bows.

"Thank you, thank you," Red said crisply, with one of the Blondds hanging off his arm.

"Thank you! I know! I only started taking lessons a month ago!" Purple was yelling, holding his saxophone thing up and grinning like a loon.

Somebody in the audience shouted.

"What does the chorus even mean?"

"Well, as it happens, we have a representative of planet Earth here tonight," Purple grinned, "So. Dib. Will you tell the planet leaders the answer to the question that has been asked for many years? What does 'Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang mean?"

Dib looked up. The entire audience were craning around to get a look at him. He smiled mysteriously.

"I guess that's just one of the biggest mysteries of the universe, my Tallest."

The Tallest nodded, apparently satisfied with this cryptic answer.

"Now, the show must go on. But, as we have newbies in the audience, a reminder of the rules first. You can have up to three songs, and you'll be judged on all of them. The winner will receive the amazing silver cup that has stayed on the Massive for 70 years running," Red said, giving an amused cough, "And a prize of 1000 Monies. The stage is open, the bar's over there. So, who wants to go next?"

Hands, claws, paws and tentacles flew into the air, the planet leaders clamouring like children at a birthday party. Zim raised himself slightly above the rest of the audience with his spider legs, his black gloved claw stretched up high.

"ME! Let the ZIM sing!!!"

"Ah, what the hey? ZIM, Come on down!" Red shouted, to the applause of the audience. Zim walked, with his usual swagger, up to the stage, nodding to acknowledge the applause. He looked like he had been practicing for this moment all his life.

Flo beamed and waved at him until he got to the stage. Then she turned to Dib.

"Oh, Dib, it's so great to see you again!!!"

"Flo? What was all that with Zim? I was worried he'd brainwashed you or something."

"I know, but he wouldn't let me come unless I acted like that, and I needed to see you again, even if it's only for today! I…"

Zim cleared his throat and grabbed the mike.

"I'd like to sing a classic Earth funeral song…"

Dib raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Evidently Irkens knew very little of what songs actually meant. The music started up, Zim humming along to it as he sang. Dib had to admit, though he'd never say it out loud, that Zim actually had quite a good voice.

"Steve walks warily down the street with the brim pulled way down low…"

Flo smiled to herself, and said nothing. Dib looked up and grinned at her, presuming the smile was for him.

"What're you going to sing, Flo?"

She tapped what he presumed to be the side of her nose, and tapped her fingers to the beat of the music, humming to the beat of the chorus as Zim was.

"Doo-Doo-Doom-Doom-Doom. Another one bites the dust! Doo-Doo-Doom-Doom-Doom. Another one bites the dust! And another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust. Hey, I'm gonna get you too, another one bites the dust!"

Zim was dancing in the spotlight. He whirled and thrusted, he kicked and span. He actually looked pretty cool. Dib found it hard to break away to talk to Flo again, but when she asked a question, he had to.

"How's it going with Purple, Dib?" she muttered quietly, so nobody else could catch what she was saying.

"Not bad," he whispered back, "Actually, I have to meet him half way through the show."

Flo wiggled her 'eyebrows' up and down, and they both burst out laughing. Zim glared over imperiously, but continued his show. When he finished, the audience applauded and he went, smugly, back to his seat to break up any conversation that Flo and Dib might have had.

"What did you think, _darling_," he asked jauntily, and Flo forced her face into a smile. Her left eye twitched.

"Wonderful. Just wonderful, honey," she said, in a voice that Dib didn't recognize.

Zim gave Dib a smug, slanted grin, and kissed Flo gently on the lips. He smirked when Dib ripped his napkin in half, stood up and when off to get a drink. Flo followed him over five minutes later, under the pretext of fetching drinks for her and Zim.

"Dib, I need to tell you something about Zim."

Dib looked up from the blue drink that he was slowly gulping down. He didn't care what it was.

"What?"

"He told me why he wants me on Earth with him."

"Really? Why?"

"He wants me to bear him a smeet."

Dib sprayed the drink from his mouth in shock. He could have swallowed it, but he'd always wanted to do that.

"_What?!?_"

"I know…"

Zim called her back, and she sighed and grimaced at Dib, before carrying the tray of drinks back to the table. Dib looked down at his half-empty glass, considering asking for a refill. Then he looked up at the bar-man. He was standing perfectly still, dripping with the drink that Dib had spat out. Dib grinned nervously and slipped back to the table sheepishly.

A few acts and a lot of drinks later, Dib was volunteered up. He bit his lip nervously, and Flo squeezed his arm, rather daringly, as Zim was watching her every move. But this simple gesture installed a lot of confidence in Dib, and he stumbled onto the stage, blinking foolishly in the bright spotlight. He had gone through the song list and found one that he knew all the words to. It had been his mother's favourite, apparently, so he had gone to great lengths to learn it by heart. He cleared his throat.

"This is a song for a friend in need," he said, looking straight at Flo. Zim bristled angrily. The guitar sounded.

"Let me be your hero," Dib breathed, and he started to sing. He didn't have a particularly good voice, but he sang with such feeling that from the first word the whole room was transfixed. Flo gazed straight at him, unblinking, Zim glaring angrily at the side of her head.

"Would you dance, if I asked you to dance? Would you run, and never look back? Would you cry, if you saw me crying? Would you save my soul tonight?"

Purple gazed at Dib, convinced he was singing for him.

"Would you tremble if I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this. Now would you die for the one you loved? Hold me in your arms tonight."

Flo's fingers touched her lips, thinking of when Dib had kissed them. There were tears in her eyes, to Zim's disgust.

"I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away."

Red watched the stage, not focussing on anything else. He was seeing the slave in a whole new light. Feeling, caring, passionate. He was looking at Flo, singing from his very heart, and he obviously thought nothing of Purple. Purple was the only one who felt anything here. That stung him. But he didn't think about that. He was too busy listening.

"…Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care, you're here tonight."

Tears rolled down Purple's cheeks. The song went on, and Dib's voice rang out clearly through the silence that had gathered.

"I can be your hero…"

When Dib finished the last note and looked out at the audience nervously, he was amazed. He had reduced a room of monarchs, leaders and dictators to tears. Only Zim had control over himself. And he didn't look pleased. Dib bowed to the clapping, and walked to his seat. The room was silent. Purple looked at Red. His blood-red eyes were misty, as though he was trying hard not to break down. Zim was glaring at Flo. She was trembling in her seat, and through the performance had started to cry on his shoulder. Only when he had roughly pushed her away had she stopped. He was fuming.

Eventually the break came, and Dib stepped out of the room to find Purple. He slipped into the cupboard and was immediately greeted with a passionate kiss. Purple's eyes glistened.

"You were spectacular," he breathed, and Dib smiled.

"No, you were! How'd you get your voice that deep?"

Purple grinned.

"It's a gift," he rumbled, and Dib laughed. It was weird to hear such a deep voice coming from Purple. He had a sudden idea. Of how he _could_ be a hero to Flo.

"Flo's being mistreated by Zim. He wants her to bear him a smeet or something," He said, moving slightly closer, "Can't you do something?"

Purple sighed.

"Sorry, Dib. Nothing I can do."

"No even if I…"

---

Zim pushed Flo away. She didn't complain, though. It was a relief actually, and she wanted Dib to come back and find her again.  
"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Just for a walk," he grunted, and mooched off out into the corridor. He was going to find Dib and… Do something to him. He had spent a whole night trying to reel in Flo on that Voot ride, and Dib was undoing all his work. He put his antennas up in the air and listened for his voice. He walked slowly down the corridor, and heard him eventually. And Purple, strangely enough.

"Sorry Dib, nothing I can do."

"Not even if I…"

Then Purple moaned, and Zim's jaw dropped. But before he could do anything, he was surrounded by people.

"Great performance, Zim! Loved every second of it!"

"Yeah! Who knew you had such a good voice?"

He groaned and pushed his way back into the crowded room, sitting next to Flo with a shell-shocked look on his face.

"What's wrong, _honey_?" She asked in a forced voice, but he said nothing. She looked at him curiously, suddenly slightly worried. "Are you OK?" she asked with concern in her eyes but not in her voice. Zim looked up.

"Me? Oh, _I'm _fine. FINE!" he said, and walked off to the bar without another word.

---

"Wow," Purple panted some time later, sweat trickling down his forehead, "Wow."

"So, can you save Flo?" Dib grinned, looking down at the alien with a glint in his eyes. Purple sighed.

"Look, Dib, you can be as… persuasive as you like, it won't change my mind," he said, gazing up at the slave, "Although you're welcome to try."

Dib glared down at him.

"Fine. I won't try and change your mind again," he said huffily, "Ever."

"You'll do what you're told. That's your place in life, and you should be happy you're so damned attractive or you'd be scrubbing toilets in Foodcourtia right about now."

Dib, very daringly, stuck out his tongue in a cheeky way. Purple just grinned.

"We ought to be getting back," he said, and the couple exited the cupboard looking very hot and rumpled.

They made their way into the hall, and when they entered, Zim looked up at the bar. He called them over.

"Hey… Hey, my Tallest! Could I have a word?" he shouted. Dib and Purple exchanged a look, and Dib glanced at Flo, who looked mortified. Zim was clearly roaring drunk. They walked over.

"Whoa, Zim, did you drink all this?" Purple asked, in a voice that suggested that he was impressed, surprised and also kind of disgusted. Zim looked at the empty glasses and bottles that littered the bar.

"Eh. I think the question is, my Tallest, how long have you been doing the Dib-Worm?" he said woozily. Dib and Purple exchanged looks of utter horror.

"Are you drunk, Zim?" said Purple.

"Maybe just a little. But did you and Dib just… get together in the cleaning cupboard?"

"Erm… That depends," Purple stuttered, "How long were you standing outside?"

"AHA!" Zim shouted triumphantly, and many people looked around, "YOU DID!!! It's no use trying to lie, the ZIM can always tell!!!"

He rose up on his spider legs and scuttled to the stage. A blue female creature was singing 'Kiss Me'. An ethereal blue glow surrounded her. Zim pushed her away from the microphone, and Flo hurried over to Dib.

"What's going on, Dib?"

"Oh, Flo! He knows about me and Purple," Dib moaned, "You have to do something!"

They both looked at Purple, who seemed to have frozen.

Zim cleared his throat on the stage. All eyes were on him, and Purple was looking, in horror, at Red, who was surveying Zim with interest.

"Great," Flo grunted angrily, "Just…bloody…great."

"Ladies… and Gentlemen," Zim hiccoughed, "I have some imp… important news!"

Dib turned to Flo, but she had gone. She was sprinting to the stage, a black and green streak. She flew up the steps. Zim opened his mouth, and Flo promptly attached her mouth over his in a show-stopping, movie star kiss. Zim's eyes widened in shock, and then he relaxed and kissed her back. She broke away and turned to the silent audience.

"What Zim wants to say is that I have accepted his proposal and we're getting married."

Dib groaned, and a stupid grin spread across Zim's face. Purple sighed in relief, and Red stood up, starting a slow clap among the audience. Zim grinned spitefully at Dib and pulled Flo into another kiss. The audience burst into rapturous applause, screaming and wolf-whistling. Flo somehow resurfaced, breathing heavily. She looked like she was crying. Dib knew he was.

**This was a really long chapter, so sorry if you got bored. But an update will be on it's way, so please review. **


	9. Things Are Gonna Change

Things Are Gonna Change

Red slammed his fist down on the table.

"I demand a recount! A RECOUNT, d'you hear me?"

"Fine, fine, we'll recount. Again," Purple sighed.

"So. All those voting for Dib, raise their limb," Red said, with an air of patience in his voice, as though he was explaining something to a bunch of children. A sea of hands and tentacles rose up. Purple raised his own arm, and Red slapped it down.

"_Fine_," Red continued, with gritted teeth, "Now, all voters for the _Almighty _Tallest raise your limb."

He raised his pointedly, and, after a sharp dig in the ribs, so did Purple. Nobody else moved.

"OK… so that's two votes for the Tallest… two hundred and eighty four for Dib," Purple said, counting on his fingers. Red groaned.

"Fine. Fine. Alright. The winner of this decade's karaoke party is D…" he trailed off for a moment. It was obviously a struggle to get the words out. "The winner is Dib," he gabbled, stuffing the money-filled silver cup into Dib's arms and turning away sulkily. The audience clapped, and Red waved them impatiently into silence.

One person continued to clap loudly, ignoring Red. It was Zim. The Tallest glared in the direction of the bar, where Flo was trying to get Zim as drunk as possible. Dib had suggested it, and Purple agreed that it would be the best way to ensure that he didn't remember what he had heard without breaking the rule that no planet leader used drugs or mind-control techniques on another. Whilst she looked embarrassed, Flo also looked amused as Zim became drunker and drunker. She was sneering superiorly at him as he swayed on the spot. She shushed Zim in a motherly way, with her claw over her lips. Zim mimicked the action.

"SHHHHHHHHHH!!!" he hissed loudly, before falling face down on the bar counter with an audible _smack_. Flo looked up at the staring leaders and grinned sheepishly, before turning back to her own drink and swallowing it in one gulp, as if to say '_I_ can take my alcohol, it's just _him_'.

The stage was still open, but not for the competition any more. Everyone settled down to relax and listen to the music, and Dib hurried over to Flo.

"Flo! What were you thinking? Now you've _got_ to marry him!"

"I was thinking that if I say I'm marrying him, I'll still see you alive and both of the Tallest ruling Irk. And I was also thinking that it takes a whole new level of stupid to do whatever the hell you were doing in a _cleaning cupboard_ for heaven's sakes, with no soundproofing whatsoever."

"I didn't choose the destination…"

"Yeah, well. Be more careful next time, 'cause after tonight I'm only gonna see you on a communicator screen. You're on your own, with no one to watch your back. And if Red finds out, he'll have your head on a stick."

"On a…"

"It's not important _what_ he'll do, it's important that you stay alive. I don't think I'll be able to survive marriage to _this_…" she gestured violently at Zim, still slumped over the bar with his face in a bowl of peanuts, "without you to talk to. You can't break it up with Purple, or he'll probably have you killed as well."

"Oh God," Dib groaned, "What've I done? I shouldn't have ever got into this."

"If you said no, he'd probably kill you anyway. Or just do it without your consent. He really can do anything he wants, you know. You can't change his mind, you're just a slave."

"I got him to save Gaz," he reminded her, and she scowled.

"But Gaz wasn't anything to do with him. You couldn't save me, could you? He probably only does stuff for you 'cause he loves you, and he wants you to love him as well."

Dib fell silent. He hadn't thought of it like that. Did Purple actually love him? It was a worrying thought. He had presumed that Purple loved Red, and he, Dib, was just a… fling. But love, that was different. Flo nodded triumphantly, knowing she had won the debate, and turned back to Zim, stroking his antennas absent-mindedly. Dib stared, and she stopped abruptly. Zim wasn't conscious, so she didn't have to act any more. He stirred, and his red eyes flickered.

"D'you want another drink, honey?" Flo asked brightly, snapping her fingers and ordering a bottle of what seemed to be vodka. Zim clumsily poured it into a glass and swallowed it down as though it was water. Dib had to admit he was impressed that Zim was still capable of holding the bottle after the amount that he had drunk; in fact, he was impressed that he was still capable of consciousness. And yet, within the next ten minutes, Zim and Flo had consumed the entire bottle, and Flo had only had two shots. Flo turned away in mild disgust and smiled at Dib's bemused expression.

"Purple's right you know, Dib. Those antennas _are_ cute." Flo said, teasing the ends of Dib's bizarre hairstyle to them to make it stand up more, and smoothing it out. She got up and went off to the buffet, leaving Dib alone with Zim, who turned to him with an inebriated smile on his face.

"She's something special, isn't she, Earth-Stink?" Zim slurred, and Dib nodded in agreement.

"You'd better treat her right, Zim. You'd better not hurt her. I think she still loves you, you know?" Dib said firmly, knowing that Zim wouldn't remember any of this the next day.

"I _knew_ she couldn't resist me," Zim grinned, punching the air triumphantly and falling straight off the barstool. Dib smacked his forehead exasperatedly, and turned back to his drink.

---

Purple and Red were squabbling at their table. Red was more than a little miffed that Dib had won the competition, and Purple was annoyed because Red was insulting Dib.

"Look, Red, he won fair and square. And you loved his performance, I saw you sniffing and trying not to cry. Why do you still hate him so much?"

Red choked on his drink, and his eyes flashed.

"You… you want to know why I hate him, Pur? You idiot, I know you're doing him behind my back! How _could_ you?"

This time it was Purple's turn to choke. He started to have a coughing fit, tears in his eyes, shaking violently.

"I… I… What did Zim say to you?" he spluttered, and Red's eyes narrowed.

"_Zim_ knows? How many people did you plan on telling before me, Pur? How about a news broadcast across Irk? A message to all the planet leaders? Did you want me to look like a complete idiot when you told me?"

"No! No, no, no, I didn't, Red! Please, I didn't mean to! I… wait, so how'd you find out? Was it Flo? That little…"

"Oh, so Flo knows too? I heard you two 'getting it on', you dumbass!"

"In the cleaning cupboard?"

Red spluttered angrily.

"N…NO! The Wardrobe Department! How many times WERE there?"

"Only those two!"

"ONLY!!! THERE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN TWO TIMES!!! THERE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN _**ANY**_ TIMES!!!" Red screamed, making Purple fall backwards off his chair as he backed away.

The whole room had fallen silent, and everyone was staring. An icy feeling was spreading through Dib's abdomen, and he couldn't feel his toes. Flo looked at him in despair.

"I'm so screwed," Dib mouthed at her, and she bit her lip, looking terrified.

Purple's eyes started to fill up.

"Please don't shout, Red, people are looking," he squeaked, and Red slowly turned to his audience.

"I'm… erm… rehearsing a part in a play…" he said hopefully. It was clear that nobody believed him, but luckily it was at that moment that something happened that drew all the attention away from the Tallest.

---

Whilst Dib had been distracted with his drink and his thoughts about Flo, Zim dragged himself to his feet and staggered away. Flo hadn't noticed him meander his way past the table where she, Gem and Helio were catching up, and soon he had made his way out into the corridor and away from the party. He got as far as the cleaning cupboard where he had overheard Dib and Purple, but he got no further. It was here that he was stopped short with a burning pain in his abdomen. He gasped and leant against the wall, sliding slowly to the floor. He started to cough, and he felt the raw sting of blood in the back of his throat. He gagged, and threw up. A far-off scream in the distance and the pattering of someone running past him slowly registered in his head. Then the world broke up in front of his eyes into a series of multi-coloured dots, a sinister kaleidoscope of whirling and noise. He blacked out.

---

The planet leaders dragged themselves from the scene in front of them as a servant came hurtling into the room, white-faced and panting.

"My Tallest! My Tallest!" she squeaked, "You need to come now!"

"What is it, Iola?" Red snapped impatiently, "Pull yourself together!"

"Forgive me, my Tallest, but it's an emergency. The Emperor Zim, I think he's dying!"

Dib looked up and saw the look of horror on Flo's face. Purple looked slightly worried as well. Red took charge of the panicking audience.

"SILENCE! Right. Carry on with the party. Me and Purple shall go, along with Empress Flo. Dib, you can help us attend to the Emperor."

He stalked from the room, followed by his nervous entourage, and made his way along the corridor. But even he stopped in horror when his saw Zim. A strangled sob from Flo echoed along the corridor. Zim stirred.

Zim was keeled over on the floor, lying in a pool of bloody vomit, his eyes swollen so much they nearly burst from their sockets. His whole body shook violently, and a stream of blood flowed from his mouth. He turned slowly towards the sound.

"F…Flo? Flo?" He murmured, and he reached out to thin air, lifting his arms as though they had been dipped in concrete.

Dib looked at Flo as she sobbed. She walked towards him, about to gather him in her arms, but recoiling at the vomit that stained his front. She turned to Dib and the Tallest desperately.

"Help me, please!" She pleaded, and whilst Dib stepped forwards, the Tallest hung back in disgust at the scene.

Zim was searching blindly for Flo, swinging his arms in the air. She knelt next to him and gently swept one of his antennas away from his eyes and he trembled helplessly, coughing up more blood onto the floor.

Dib observed Zim worriedly, and cleared his throat.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, turning to the Tallest. Red furrowed his brow.

"It looks like he's consumed more than the fatal dose of alcohol," he concluded, and Flo made a strange, squeaking noise

"I made sure he didn't! I made sure!" she sobbed, "I only gave him enough to make him forget!"

"But we don't know how much he'd drunk before," Dib reminded her, suddenly horrified at what he had done. Giving Zim so much to drink had been his idea, after all, "What'll it do?"

"The alcohol will eat away at his organs from inside out," Red muttered, "We need to get a doctor right now. He might not have had the fatal dose; we can still pump his squeedly-spootch."

"I'll get the doctor," Purple said, and he hurried off down the corridor.

Dib turned back to Flo, who was now hugging Zim, whose limp body flopped in her arms. He hands were trembling, and she seemed to have forgotten about the vomit now. She pressed Zim against her chest and kissed his forehead whilst he spluttered and moaned.

"It… burns…" he groaned, and she squeezed him tighter, "Flo…love…smeet…"

"He doesn't have an heir," Flo wailed, "I refused and now he's dying!"

Dib patted her shoulder and she slapped his hand angrily. The doctor came running down the corridor and, to a horrified squeal from Flo, shoved a needle into Zim's arm, drawing some blood directly from the vein. It was thick and discoloured. Dib felt faint. The doctor emptied the blood into a bottle that was marked 'Water. DANGEROUS!' and watched as it separated out. The blood sank to the bottom, and a starburst of yellow came from it, staining the water as it did so. From here, the doctor siphoned out the blood and placed an electronic stick that looked like a pregnancy test into the water. He read the side and let out a long, low whistle.

"He's one unit under the fatal dose. One more sip and he'd be dead by now. We need to get him pumped out! NURSE!"

A nurse appeared out of nowhere and rolled Zim onto a stretcher, which hovered off down the corridor with Flo jogging after it, holding Zim's hand. Dib looked up at Red and recoiled at his eyes. Never had he seen eyes so cold. They walked after the stretcher in a silence that Dib hoped would never end.

---

Dib watched as Flo sat next to Zim, glaring. He had been fully conscious for less than five minutes and he had already made her stop loving him. It was pathetic really, Dib thought, that Flo could only love Zim when he was on another planet or dying. Every other time, she seemed to hate him. But now was not the time to dwell on such things, because his fate was being decided in front of him. Red and Purple were arguing over his life, and it seemed that Red was winning. Finally, they turned to him.

"Banished," Red announced, "Dib, you are banished from this ship for attempting to intoxicate an Emperor to the point of fatality, and for having an affair with my partner, you sneaky son of a whore."

Dib blinked, and Purple wailed.

"Banished? To where?"

"Back to his own planet. Emperor Zim, I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago, and sending this slave back to where it came from."

Zim glared, but said nothing. He had just been reminded of Dib and Purple, and was slightly pre-occupied with that thought. Purple pushed Red in the chest, making him stagger backwards.

"You can't send him away! _I_ still have power on this ship too, you know!"

A malicious grin spread on Red's face, and there was a disturbed glimmer in his eyes.

"Oh you do, do you, you cheating bastard? Fine. So, Pur, how come the ship computer didn't pick up on you and Dib? You had its surveillance system shut down, didn't you? Well. You know that's illegal, right?"

A shocked look spread across Purple's face. It was clear that he hadn't known this.

"I… well… It is?"

"Yes, Pur. It is. And you know what the punishment for breaking the law is, don't you?"

"Oh no… You can't mean…"

"I can and I will. _Abdication._ You have to hand over your power or be forcefully removed from the throne. So, what'll it be?"

Purple gulped and walked to the door.

"I'll pack my bags. I thought you were different, Red," he murmured.

"I thought you were in love with me, Purple," Red retorted, and Purple stopped. Red hadn't called him Pur. He always called him Pur. He swept out of the room, and his sobs echoed down the corridor. Zim, Flo and Dib had all frozen, silent and shell-shocked.

"Things are gonna change around here," Red chuckled manically, and Dib saw something in the leader's crimson eyes. He looked like Zim had done when he had been trying to take over Earth. Insane. But there was something else. Guilt. Dib turned to Flo and squeezed her arm. Things were going to change. He could sense it.

**AN**

**Finally, I've written this chapter! Sorry it's been so long, but I've had a project at school that has rendered all other aspects of my life (including eating and sleeping) obsolete. But now it's over, and the holidays have begun, so here it is! I'll update whenever, but I'm going away a lot, so it could be a while. Hope you enjoyed this, and please review.**


	10. Lonely

Lonely

"You should both be killed. KILLED, I SAY!" Zim screeched, the second they were back on Earth.

Dib and Flo exchanged a glance.

"Why?" Dib asked, and Zim shot him a glare.

"You two filthies have HUMILIATED the all powerful Zim in front of all the planet leaders! _You_ nearly killed me," he shot at Flo, pointing angrily, "And _YOU_… Well, I just don't like you. You… Tallest-Raper, you!" he shouted at Dib, who laughed.

"_Raper?_ I'm no rapist, Zim, HE came onto ME!"

"Psh," Zim grunted, and he stared coldly at Flo instead, who was trembling.

"I didn't mean to give you so much alcohol, Zim! I didn't plan on you nearly dying! I didn't know you'd already nearly drunk yourself into an early grave, did I?"

"It is no fault of Zim's what you did. It isn't customary for the fiancé to poison her future husband." Zim retorted calmly.

"I'm not _actually_ going to bind with you! I was lying to stop you from telling everyone about Dib and Tallest Purple!" Flo shouted.

Zim's face fell, and Flo felt that annoying pang of guilt again. Should she have told Zim that, only a few hours after he had nearly died? But it went away as quickly as it had come when Zim grinned evilly.

"Well, no matter. Either way, you shall bind with me. And bear my smeet. It's just a shame that you'll be doing it against your will. I… whoa…" Zim trailed off, and whirled on the spot, falling to the floor. A servant rushed forwards and propped him up.

"What is it?" Dib asked, uncaringly, and Zim's eyes flickered for a second.

"Head rush," he muttered, before adding pointedly to Flo, "From the alcohol."

Zim went off to his room shakily, and Flo turned to Dib.

"I really didn't mean to," she said quietly.

"I know," he replied, "But how did he drink so much? Surely you can tell when you've had too much to drink before it goes over the limit?"

Flo shrugged, and out of the shadows stepped Zim's advisor.

"The Emperor drinks a lot. He spends most of his days alone, and he says it passes the time and makes him feel less lonely. If I may, slapping him, punching him and rejecting him is probably not the way to make him improve, my mistress. Indeed, you can only expect this brutish behaviour to continue and, undoubtedly, worsen."

"Jeez, did Zim forget to remove the probe from your ass? If I may? My mistress? Brutish? Why're you talking to me like that? Are you taking the…?"

"Forgive me, my Empress, if I appear too formal, but the Emperor and his spouse are to be addressed with the utmost respect. Anything less would be an insult to their supremity."

"_Empress?_ Not yet… Jhonen," she said, reading his name tag, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"Probably not, Mistress Flo. I am the Emperor's personal advisor. And I'm advising you to try not to do anything to him so he doesn't do anything back to you… drunkenly. Do you understand?"

He stepped back into the shadows and promptly disappeared. Dib tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Zim has a drinking problem, eh? We could use that to our advant…"

"What, like we just did? When we nearly killed him? No, Dib! Where have you been for the past three hours?" Flo interrupted, and then she stopped herself.

"I'm sorry about you being banished and junk," she said, "You must miss Purple. But at least you'll see your sister and your dad again, right? They must have missed you."

Dib sighed. Flo was trying to comfort him, but her soothing tone just irritated him as he thought of his family. They probably hadn't noticed he had been gone for the past two years. They probably hadn't even noticed Zim was the Emperor. Gaz was caught up in her Gameslave and… Wait. Gaz had been brainwashed. Who knew what had happened to his dad? But a sudden feeling of joy passed through him. He would see his family again, but also, they would have to admit he was right! That he wasn't crazy! He looked up, smiling, and Flo beamed back.

"That's the spirit! Look, I'm tired, I'm off to bed. I'll find Greta and get her to find you a room." She said, squeezing his arm as she had done so many times before.

They set off down the corridors, reunited at last, banished for Dib, away from Irk for Flo. But together at least.

---

"Hey, you! YOU! YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU, SHORTSTUFF! FETCH ME A COMMUNICATOR!!! Jeez, what do I have to do to get a little service around here?"

The tiny servant ran off in tears. Red had become extremely bad-tempered since Purple had left, insulting anyone unfortunate enough to be in his sightline and shouting instead of speaking, and if anyone was stupid enough to mention the name Purple, he would sulk for hours and have something destroyed, such as a nearby asteroid. Once, an especially dim-witted servant had continued to talk about the ex-leader, ignoring all of the warning signs, and Red had ordered an entire planet and all of its inhabitants to be thrown into a nearby sun. Nobody dared speak back, nobody dared oppose him, and everyone prayed for the day when Purple would be forgiven of whatever he had done, and accepted back onto the Massive, so that everything could go back to normal.

Red lay back on his reclining chair and clicked his fingers, ordering a Blondd to feed him cherries. He was _so_ bored. He'd actually appreciate the massage that one Blondd was giving him, and the sweetness of the cherries if Purple were next to him, but that was out of the question. He spat the cherry pip into the coffee cup of a passing slave, glaring at him as though daring him to protest. But he didn't. The slaves never protested. The slaves did what they were told to, when they were told to, just like Dib had done Purple when he was told to. He gripped the edge of the chair, and Platinum stopped the massage and raised a small protest.

"Please, my Tallest, you're tensing up. Just relax and enjoy the massage."

He turned to face her, staring her out.

"You dare tell me what to do? You don't get paid for giving instructions; you get paid for following them. So shut up and massage me, dammit!"

"Of course, my Tallest," she replied humbly, and carried on without another word.

The tiny servant returned, carrying a portable communicator over his head. Red started at him until he cleared his throat and spoke, thinking that Red didn't know what he was doing there.

"Your communicator, my Tallest."

"I can see that, midget. I was just wondering what you're doing standing in my light five minutes after you completed your errand. GO AWAY!!!"

The servant bowed and backed out of the room rapidly, hoping that his transfer to the engine rooms would clear, so that he wouldn't have to see the Tallest at all. Unfortunately, so many others had also applied to be sent away from Red that he could be waiting for a while to come.

Red tapped in a number into the communicator and waited. Minutes later, Purple's face swam onto the screen. His heart skipped, and for a second, he pretended that Purple was back on the Massive with him, and this terrible loneliness, despite being surrounded by hundreds of servants, could finally end. Now he knew how that jerk Dib had felt when Flo, his only friend in a thousand Irkens had been sent away. But the second ended, and his softened expression grew cold and uncaring.

"Purple. I just wanted to see if life as a commoner back on Irk has destroyed you yet. But it hasn't. Proof that there isn't a God."

"Hello, _My Tallest_. Life's just fine, actually, and I'm having fun. It's great, you know, having to… feed myself and clean up and… do work," Purple said, sniffing as he spoke, "It's great. It's exciting too. Like, yesterday, I fell asleep on the sidewalk 'cause I can't afford an apartment, and someone took my shoes! I had to run twelve blocks after him to get them back, and when I got back… all my stuff had been stolen!" he gabbled, and burst out into a fit of laughter that sounded as though it was masking sobs.

Red grinned at him spitefully.

"Good. I'm glad to hear you're having a good time. It's great here. And I'm not lonely. Definitely not lonely."

"What're you doing?"

"At the moment I'm having a massage. From Platinum."

"But she was _my_ masseuse! You always had Strawberry 'cause strawberries are red!"

"But Platinum gives better massages, Purple. And that was the real reason I let you have her. 'Cause I loved you and wanted _you_ to have a more relaxing massage. But then you stabbed me in the back, so all that went down the drain, and here I am, relaxed and eating cherries, and there you are, living in a doorway with your shoes and nothing else! Funny old world isn't it?"

"I know what happened, Red. But, to be honest, you don't look like you're having a great time. I mean I'm not having the best time; I'm gonna have to sell my communicator for food soon, but you have it made and you look… miserable."

"I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME! I DON'T MISS YOU AT ALL! I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYONE!"

"I didn't say…"

"GOODBYE!"

Red drew a laser gun from under his armour and shot the communicator. He had taken to carrying the gun around recently, because Purple had given him it for his Birthing Anniversary, but he had never shot anything with it before. He stared at the white-hot metal barrel for a while, and then rounded angrily on the servants, who drew back in alarm. He put down the gun.

"YOU! Cover me in chocolate. YOU! Lick it off!" he said, pointing at Strawberry and Platinum respectively, "I'll show him who can have a good time!"

But he didn't think he would even enjoy this if Purple wasn't there to be dipped in chocolate with him…

---

GIR was running through the palace at top speed. It was a lot more fun than running through the base had been, because there was a lot more space to run in, and a lot more things to knock over. He hurtled through the corridor and flew into Flo's room. Straight through the closed door, shattering it as he hit it. Flo leapt up from the couch, and then relaxed.

"Oh, it's only you, GIR."

"I don't have a nose!"

"Nope. Neither do I." Flo grinned, and the robot plodded over to her excitedly.

"Come with me, Mistress! I wanna show you something!!!" he squealed, tugging at the hem of the black sequined dress that she still hadn't changed out of from the party.

Flo followed curiously, but she knew that whatever it was, it would be some pointless distraction that meant little to anyone but GIR himself. Like Derek the Pebble; GIR's special friend, or the large orange leaf that he sometimes wore as a hat. As she walked down the corridor, she watched as people were already repairing her shattered door. Evidently the palace was well prepared for GIR's antics.

GIR lead her to Zim's side of the palace, the most luxurious side. The sound of Flo's clomping boots was quickly deadened by the considerably thicker crimson carpet, and yet another large portrait of Zim adorned the walls. GIR showed her a door that had a large notice on it, saying 'DO NOT ENTER ON PAIN OF DEATH'.

"Pretty door! My Master told me I couldn't go in. But you're here now, Mistress!"

"Erm… GIR? I don't think I count as…" Flo began nervously, but GIR had opened the door and pulled her in before she could continue. It was pitch black, the only source of light coming from GIR's glowing eyes. Flo fumbled around for the switch, found it and flicked it. As light flooded the room, Flo gasped, and GIR squealed.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!"

---

Zim sat up in his bed. The head rush had gone by now, but he had heard something. GIR, squealing in the next room. But he had specifically forbidden GIR to enter there. There was a sign and everything! He leapt up and threw on a robe, hurrying out of his bedroom. The door to the forbidden room lay ajar, and he could hear GIR running around inside. Great. He had been about to go in when someone cleared their throat behind him, making him jump a foot in the air. He turned to see Dib standing there, bold as brass, still wearing his uniform from the Massive. Black, black, black, with the purple symbol on it. No wonder he hadn't noticed him, he blended into the shadows with his dark clothes.

Dib grinned at him.

"Nervous, Emperor?"

"That's EMPER… oh. Well done, Dib-Slave. You remembered. And the almighty greatness that is Emperor Zim is never nervous. NEVER!"

"Hmm. So, I was wondering where my sister was. Because I wanted to see her before I go to bed."

Zim raised his eyebrows.

"Incest, Dibling? That's a whole new low, even for you."

"EW! NO, Zim, that's disgusting! I can't sleep 'cause I'm worried about her, you pervert!"

"One, It's **EMPEROR.** Two, you, Dib-Worm, are the pervert for doing what you did to my leaders. Three, what're you doing here? This is _my_ part of the palace!"

"Where is she?" Dib continued, ignoring Zim's questions. Zim sighed.

"The Dib-Sister is fine. You can see her tomorrow. As is the Dib-Father. They are living in the palace grounds. Now GO!"

Dib sighed and turned to leave, but he kept right on turning when he heard Zim swearing under his breath. Zim walked silently into a room, just as GIR skipped out, and nothing more was heard for ten minutes. Curiosity got the better of him, and Dib walked to the door. He gasped at what he saw.

---

Flo couldn't believe her eyes. The lights that flickered on were pink, and the entire room was filled with… stuff… from the past. She walked through it in awe. Photos adorned the walls, a portrait of her above a fireplace, as well as a calendar with her Birthing Anniversary and the day that she had accepted his proposal marked on, the dates ringed with tiny hearts. The calendar was from several Earth decades ago, though, as the year on it was the year Zim started his Invader training. The small music box that she had given him as a goodbye present lay on a table, and she opened it gently, jumping as the song that she had refused to listen to for all these years began to play.

_If I could fall into the sky_

_Do you think time would pass me by?_

'_Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles_

_If I could just see you_

_Tonight._

She slammed it shut.

There was a cabinet full of presents and a large filing cabinet that Flo discovered was full of letters. It was all stuff from when she and Zim had been mates. She picked up one letter and opened it, her eyes welling up as she remembered writing it.

_Dear Zim, _

_Sorry I can't be with you on your special day, but I've just been accepted for a job on the Massive, in Wardrobe, and as you know, working with fashion is my dream. I feel bad for missing your induction to Invader Training Camp, though. I can't believe you're going! Still, I can't wait to see you again and I'm really excited for you! _

_Things will change whilst we're apart; I know that things will be different for you at the camp, and I'll be making friends and acquaintances on the ship, but know that I'll be thinking of you every day we're apart and waiting for you to return. I want to bind with you more than ever, and having a smeet of our own doesn't matter as long as we're together._

_I hear the exercise regime is really tough on the camp, so you'll probably come back all muscular and fit! One of my friends actually came back taller because he'd bulked up so much! But don't go changing too much, honey, or I won't recognise you when you get back! _

_Loving as always, _

_Flo xxx_

'But he did change. And I didn't recognise him when he got back,' she murmured, and she picked up another, a brightly coloured electronic card.

_Dear Zim,_

_Happy Birthing Anniversary!_

_I hope that spending your 22__nd__ in Training Camp isn't too bad. Your last letter was a little weird... why did you keep writing your name in capitals? Is it an invader thing? _

_I've put your present in, and a picture on the back so you don't get too lonely (x)._

_Loving as always,_

_Flo xxx_

Flo turned the card over and found the small, looped video of herself on the back, wincing as she did so. She was wearing very little, and was moving into a _very_ suggestive pose.

'Why did I style my antennas like that…' she cringed, placing the electronic card back in its file.

She turned to the cabinet on the wall and found the present she had sent him; a pair of customised Invader boots that she had saved for months to buy. Never once had he worn them, and she had presumed that, in his coldness as an invader he had thrown them out. But there they were, pristine and clean, shining as though they had been recently polished. She looked through the photos on the wall, all of them showing her and Zim in different places. One of them showed her sliding her hands over Zim's eyes, her mouth over one of his antennas. It had been taken at a party, and she and Zim's friends had all laughed at the look of surprise on Zim's face.

Suddenly, the music box started to play again and a pair of black gloved hands came down over her eyes.

"Guess who," Zim whispered, and she shuddered as his breath tickled her antennas. She whipped round on the spot, and Zim put his hands together, locking her in between his arms in an awkward embrace. Any closer and they'd be kissing. There was a gasp at the door and they leapt apart.

---

Dib looked around the room nervously. Zim had created some kind of… obsessive shrine to Flo. He looked around and saw Zim and Flo in the corner, Zim holding Flo close, her face millimetres from his own. They sprang apart, and Flo backed away a couple of steps.

"What _is_ all this, Zim? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Yeah, Zim? What the hell is this?" Dib added, for good measure.

Zim laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck.

"Well… This is awkward…"

Dib raised one eyebrow, and Zim glared at him, his eyes twinkling under the pink lighting.

"Say nothing, Dib-Stink, and you may be spared from all this," he growled, before turning to Flo and adding, "This is all my stuff from before I was an Invader. To remind me. Nothing more."

"Zim, this is all _our_ stuff from before you were an Invader. I thought you'd thrown it all away."

"Eh… I was meaning to get round to doing that, but the damned waste-disposal vehicle left before I could throw them away."

"Zim, you've had this stuff for years," Flo said quietly, touching his arm. He shrank away.

"Don't you get lonely, Flo?" he asked her venomously, "All these years, and the Zim has had no one. Nobody but GIR to be with on this _pathetic_ lump of rock. All these years, you could have contacted, but _no_, it was ZIM that had to call the Massive in the hope that the Tallest would force me upon you. But you didn't care even then, did you? Poor Zim, poor, insane Zim, calling yet again. Well, Zim needs NO-ONE! I'm an Emperor, Flo, an Emperor, all I need is an heir and then life will be complete!"

"So you've been lonely," Dib summed up tactlessly, and Zim cracked his knuckles threateningly.

"Lonely? Once. But I had my room of memories," Zim jabbered, sounding extremely disturbed, "And now I'm a ruler. I don't need this room any longer. I just can't get rid of it…"

The music box ground to a halt.

**Please review. That's basically all I have to say for now… Apart from that I don't own Zim etc, etc, but I do own Flo and the Blondds (not that the latter are particularly important) and all that jazz. TTFN!**


	11. The Almighty Jerks

The Almighty Jerks

Flo leant in and kissed Zim's forehead, much to Dib's disgust, but Zim pushed her away.

"You had your chance, Flo. You don't love me, and I don't love you."

"Yeah. That much is clear," Dib snorted, and both Zim and Flo turned and glared at him.

"Maybe you need to get rid of this stuff, Zim. And you're wrong. I do love you. Just… not as much as I used to," Flo said softly, lightly touching his arm, "I'll probably never love you as much as I used to. You need help, I want to help you. It's that kind of love."

"So help me, Flo. Bear me a smeet," Zim said in a low voice.

"I don't want to help you that much," she sighed, and took one last look around the room before leaving. Dib smirked at Zim and followed her out.

The second the door closed, Zim's face brightened.

"Excellent! I'm a genius! And a good actor…" he crowed to himself. His plan had worked perfectly, right down to the last detail. He had dragged all of this dusty old crap out of storage and set it out, hoping that Flo would stumble upon it and feel sorry for him. He had long since discovered that sympathy was the key to females, and if Flo thought that he still loved her, he would instantly double his chances of success.

And yet… something had seemed wrong when he had lied to her. And something had happened when he had opened the boxes that had contained all this stuff. He'd sat in silence and looked at all the photos and letters for almost half an hour before remembering himself. He wondered why he had kept all this stuff in the first place, but every time he had gone to throw it out, he couldn't bring himself to do so. And when he had heard GIR in the room, he had been struck with fear, terrified that the robot would mess up his memories, destroy them, play with them, get them covered in something… sticky.

But he needed to think of the bigger picture, which was Flo falling in love with him, eventually enough to make her accept to mate with him. He didn't want it to come to him forcing Flo to bear a smeet, but he needed an heir so badly that he knew that he would if it came to that. The Tallest sending back Dib had certainly thrown a spanner into the works, but the slave-boy could easily be disposed of if necessary. Still, he would permit Dib to live in the palace grounds. He knew that this would please Flo, and for some reason, that seemed like a good enough reason to allow the human to live.

---

"Spare some change? Please? Oh, c'mon, I'm taller than you, I deserve better than this!"

The short Irken sighed and fumbled around in his pocket.

"Here. Five monies. Go buy yourself some food," he grunted, and he walked off muttering darkly about the economy. Purple clutched the handful of coins tightly, and hurried off to buy something to eat. He was so hungry that he had contemplated amputating one of his fingers and eating that. It wasn't as though he needed them, the only thing he had used them for was clicking, to summon servants, and it didn't look like that would be happening again any time soon. But actual food sounded more appealing, and so it was with a heavy heart that Purple, the once proud co-leader of the Irken Empire had settled down on a cardboard box and begged for money.

He bought as much food as he could with the five monies that had been thrown so carelessly at him and slouched off, shoving it into his mouth as though somebody was going to try and steal it from him. He had been on the streets for one day, and he didn't think he'd be able to survive another hour. He passed an alleyway and saw a fire in a garbage can, a load of hobos crowded around it. He shivered in the cold Irken wind, and one of them beckoned him over.

"Hey. I've seen you around. Aren't you a little tall to be begging?" one of the five asked, and Purple's face flushed.

"I… I used to be important. But I'm finding out that one mistake can make you a lot less important than you think you are."

"Tell me about it," muttered another, and a chorus of 'here, here' rushed around the flickering, stinking flames before the apparent leader of the gang continued, "We all _used_ to be important, mate. But no matter how important you think you are, you're not indispensable. I'm Gort, by the way."

"Purple."

"Ha! Like the Almighty Tallest Purple? You look about tall enough!"

Purple's chest swelled with pride and he opened his mouth; about to show them just how important he had actually been.

"Pah. The _Almighty _Tallest? Don't even get me started on those jerks," cut in the shortest of the group, and again, a muttered wave of agreement passed around the circle like a game of Chinese Whispers.

"Yeah. If I ever got close enough, I'd lay into them 'til even their PAKs would reject them," another replied in a gravely voice.

"W…Why on Irk would you do that?" Purple asked nervously, and at once there was an outcry.

"Why else?" Gort cried dramatically, "Whose fault is it that we're in this mess?"

"Society?" Purple asked hopefully, and Gort gave him such a glare that the flames seemed to turn cold.

"The Almighty Tallest are a parasitic waste of space that feed off the economy and give nothing back."  
Purple laughed.

"It's no wonder that you lot are all down here. If you talk about the Tallest like that, your job's taken… away. Oh. I see."

The hobos proceeded to tell Purple about how they'd all sank to the gutters. Gort had been a failing spaceship designer, and one day, his big break had come. He had been asked to submit a design for a ship for the Tallest, a ship that would be called 'The Massive'. He slaved for months designing every feature of the ship; the positions and angles of the lasers, the size of the engine room and the capacity of the engine's fuel tanks. He had turned down twelve other offers, all of which would have doubled his money and allowed him to provide for his mate for a long time to come. He had even abandoned a project that he had been working on for two years, because this was an opportunity that couldn't be missed. When he had come to submit his blueprint, however, the Tallest had immediately rejected it on the grounds that it didn't have enough snack-storing facilities. Soon after, his mate had left him, taking half his money, and he found himself on the streets a month later, unable to find work.

Mal and Jif had worked in the same office for years together, and were rising to the top of the employee listings. Then the Tallest had ordered for the building to be knocked down to make way for a snack bar, which they never used anyway because they lived on the Massive. Kikon had been fired after the Tallest decided on a minimum height for workers, and Joa had unknowingly pushed in front of the Tallest in a queue on Foodcourtia, and they had ordered for his PAK to be wiped of all career information, meaning he could no longer work.

"I thought I recognised you from somewhere!" Purple had cried, before quickly adding, "I… was in the queue also. At the back. Horrible, horrible affair that was…"

The hobos gathered around Purple, seemingly more friendly towards him now that they had told him about their pasts.

"So, Pur!" Kikon said, clapping him on the back.

"Please. It's Purple. Not Pur."

"Purple. Why're you here? You're tall; you could probably get any job you want. Lemme guess- it's Tallest related, right?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. It was my fault, though; I broke the law. And someone's heart."

"Ooh, dramatic," yawned Gort, and the others laughed, including Purple.

"Ha-ha, yeah. It's a boring story, you wouldn't be interested."

"So, what'll you do if _you_ ever see the Almighty Jerks, Purple?"

"Don't you mean _jerk_?" Purple corrected, "Didn't you hear about what happened to Tallest Purple?"

"Nah. Can't afford to buy news-chips! What happened? Did he die?" Gort asked, sounding mildly interested.

"Nope."

"Ah, well, we can live in hope, right guys?"

Uproarious laughter echoed around the cold, dark alley, and Purple drew in closer to the flames, seeing the way he and Red had run the empire in a whole new light, and horrified that people would laugh at the thought of him dying. He wanted to be back on the Massive and into Red's arms more than ever.

---

Flo ran down the corridors to her room and locked the door. She had heard Dib calling after her, but she just wanted to be on her own. Zim had screwed things up decades ago, and yet he seemed to still love her. That was clear from the way that he had hoarded away everything that he had that reminded him of her. He was clearly extremely lonely here on Earth- she had been right about that for a long time. What was she supposed to do? She still hated the way that he acted so cold towards everyone and everything. She still hated the way that he expected her to fall in love with him at the click of his fingers. Most of all she hated the way that he _could_ make her fall in love with him at the click of his fingers. She remembered how she had acted on the Voot ride, disgusted at herself. Was she really that desperate?

Dib was hammering on her door now, shouting her name.

"Flo! Flo! Please let me in!"

"Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!" she called back, and they both laughed. Back on the Massive, Dib had been explaining to her the concept of fairy tales and nursery rhymes, and they had enthralled her. The only books in her library that had been thumbed through regularly were books of children's stories.

Flo opened the door a crack and Dib walked into the room, his jaw dropping as he did so.

"Whoa! It's huge! My room's barely bigger than my one back on the Massive!"

"Yeah. I know. I think Zim's trying to bribe me. But his collection back there was so impressive he may be trying to flatter me into his arms instead."

Dib hugged her, taking her by surprise and squeezing her tightly. She gave him a quick hug back and smiled at him.

"Flo, I don't know if Zim loves you. That… display back there could just be something that he put together to remind himself of Irk. Or to stop himself from sinking into the past too much. Or…"

Flo put a claw over his lips, silencing him immediately.

"Dib, I don't wanna talk about it. How about we just go to sleep and see if it all clears up in the morning?"

"Alright, Flo," Dib sighed, "But you know I'm here for you, right?"

"Thanks," she smiled, kissing his cheek and then closing the door in his face. But gently.

---

The next day Dib woke up bright and early, excited to be seeing Gaz and his dad again. He forced his way into the bathroom that he shared with the servant in the room next to him and leapt into the shower, rubbing shampoo into his antennas (that he couldn't be bothered to correct) so quickly that he almost blinded himself with soap bubbles. Blinking away the pain, he scrubbed at his face violently with a towel and dressed himself again. He came running out barely five minutes after coming in and sprinted down the corridors to Zim's quarters.

He hammered on Zim's door, which was opened, not by the diminutive Irken, but by the tall, large-breasted woman that Dib had seen fanning him on the on the communicator. Her sleek blonde hair was tousled, and she was wearing a long red 'invader' shirt and nothing else.

"I…hello. I'm looking for the Emperor… Is this the right room?" Dib asked, bewildered, and the woman giggled.

"Yeah, you got the right room, honey," she beamed, before turning back into the room and calling, "There's a large-headed boy at the door, your Highness!"

A groan was heard from the depths of the room, and a minute later Zim was standing before Dib, wrapped in a red robe. Red lipstick was smudged on his face, and he was desperately smoothing his antennas, trying to get them to lie flat, to no avail. They stood to attention on his head stubbornly, and this seemed to be embarrassing Zim. Maybe he was just vain, but maybe… Dib decided to ask Flo about Irken antennas later.

"What do _you_ want, Dib-Slime?" he demanded, "Look at me when I'm… Yasmine, go away."

The woman walked off down the corridor and Dib stopped staring at her and turned, reluctantly, to Zim.

"I wanted to see my family today. You promised, erm, Your Highness."

"Oh. Come back later," Zim muttered, apparently mellowed by Dib using his proper title, but turning away all the same.

"Please! Just tell me where to find them!" Dib pleaded, and Zim sighed.

"They live in the house by the gardens. But at this time, the Dib-Father will be in the lab in the third basement of the palace, and the Gazling will be in the entertainment room on fourth floor. Now go, filthy human, and leave the Zim in peace," Zim rattled off, in a monotonous voice, before adding in a lusty whisper, "And if you see her, send Yasmine back here."

Dib nodded in disgust and hurried off down to the elevator. He decided to find Gaz first, because he had always been closer to her than he had been to his father, so he pressed the button for the fourth floor. The doors slid open, and he found himself staring out at around fifty doors that all looked the same.

'Great. How do you find the entertainment room in all this?' he muttered, and set off down the corridor. He found it faster than he had expected.

The sound of lasers and explosions was flooding from under the door of one of the rooms, and Dib opened it to see a two spaceships zooming around on a wall, which he realised was a cinema-sized screen. Sitting in the middle of the room were Gaz and Flo. One of the ships was getting smashed up pretty badly, and Dib grinned proudly at his sister's gaming skills. Finally, the ship exploded, and the words 'PLAYER TWO WINS!' flashed on screen, followed by 'NEW HIGH-SCORE SET. ENTER NAME:'

Dib's jaw dropped when the letters F – L – O appeared, and the high-score table showed up on screen. Flo was at the very top, with 5,012,345, and underneath her were nine of Gaz's scores.

Flo smiled warmly at Gaz.

"So. You owe me your Gameslave, young lady," she crowed, walking to the door. Before she left, however, she grinned at Gaz and said, "But you can keep it for now. You _really_ need the practise," and she winked before slipping back out into the corridor.

"D…Dib? What just happened?" Gaz asked in a flat, horrified voice, without turning to look at her brother.

"I…_think_ Flo just beat you at a video game," Dib stuttered, not quite believing what he had just witnessed.

Gaz turned slowly to face Dib, and he saw how much she had changed in the time he had gone. Twenty Earth months was a long time. Her long purple hair was no longer in the wavy ringlets that Zim had forced upon her, but it was waist-length and straight, and it fell over her face, obscuring half of it and covering one eye. Her eyes were wide and still framed with dark liner, and she was a lot taller. She had lost the maid's outfit (obviously) and was now wearing black drainpipe trousers and a ripped yellow vest-top with a dark skull on it, and long yellow arm-warmers. She looked a lot brighter than she had done back before Zim had enslaved the human race, and yet still as dark as ever.

She was as also as tall as Dib now, and a thought struck him.

"Gaz. How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen, you idiot."

"But… that means that I've missed two birthdays. You're the same age as me now… this is weird."

"No it's not. Earth time is ten times slower, so I aged ten times faster than you did. Big deal. Look, I need to play this again… I need to set ten new high-scores and wipe your girlfriend off the board."

"Flo's not my girlfriend, you know," Dib began, and Gaz shot him a knowing glare.

"But you want her to be, don't you? Now leave me alone, Dib," she growled, but before he left, she gave him a quick hug, muttering, "It's been weird without you annoying me, Dib. I kinda missed you. And if you tell anyone about that, I'll plunge you into a world of pain from which there is…"

"…no escape," completed Dib, and he grinned at his sister before leaving the room.

Dib came back from seeing his father feeling light and floaty. Professor Membrane had just admitted to all the other scientists in Zim's lab that he had been wrong, and that his son, Dib, had been the one to first notice that aliens were on Earth. Life was complete- people no longer thought that he was crazy. But was life complete? To prove that he was sane, he had had to allow Zim to take over the world and enslave them all. But this apocalyptic event actually didn't seem as bad as Dib had thought it would be. The humans had been enslaved, but they were still alive. His father and sister seemed fine, in fact, his dad was working in a lab that was even larger and much more advanced than his old one, and his sister now had access to advanced gaming technology. They seemed happy enough, and there wasn't a lot that Dib could do now under the situation, as Zim had an army that he could use against him. He decided that the best thing to do was the last thing he would ever consider- accepting the situation and concentrating on getting back to the Massive.

Wait. Back to the Massive? That wasn't right. Did he really want to go back to the place where he had to work as a slave, the place where the Tallest ruled, where Flo was no longer, where he would never see his family again?

'Yes,' he found himself mumbling, 'I miss Purple.'

The words he never thought he'd say. But they were true. For some reason that he couldn't quite fathom, he really wanted to be back on the Massive, stroking Purple's antennas or something like that. But even if he did go back, it would only be to Red, who seemed to have turned insane with jealousy. Purple was outcast on Irk, and Dib knew that he, having spent his life being pampered and fussed over, wouldn't last one day in the real world. He wondered if Red was missing Purple too.

---

Red groaned. He was watching a pitiful theatre production that was being performed by a bunch of young Irken children. Their Youth Theatre programme had won a competition and were here to 'entertain' him. They were failing miserably. Finally the intermission came, and Red stood up and went over to their instructor.

"Go home," he said, "Go home and never return to my ship again."

"But… My Tallest! The second part of the performance is nearly ready and…"

"I don't care. The acting is terrible, the story is boring, and don't get me started on the ice-cream I was given at the beginning…"

"Please, my Tallest, they're barely more than smeets, they're trying the best they can…" begged the instructor, her green eyes earnest and pleading.

"And I'm sure you tried the best you could too. But I don't care. I don't have to stand around here arguing with a pathetic theatre instructor that's half my height and twice my weight, I'm the Tallest. I have better things to do than watch this poorly-acted charade. Now, if you don't mind, fatty, I'm off to do something worth-while."

The dumpy female Irken burst into tears and scurried off into the changing rooms. Red walked slowly down the corridor until he heard the sound of crying children, and then sped up, suddenly disgusted with himself.

'Pur wouldn't have let me say that,' he groaned to himself as soon as he got into his room, and it was true. He was letting his true personality get the better of him again.

Red had always been impatient and hot-headed, conceited and imperious. Purple was the one that always calmed him down, Purple was the one that made him stop and see reason before he blew something up. Purple was the one that soothed him when he was upset or angry. If he and Purple had been watching the children acting, Purple would have made a comment about how cute they were, how they were trying their best, how funny it was when they mixed up their lines. That would have let Red see the bright side of the pitiful play. But it wasn't just Purple that Red was missing. For some strange reason, he also really wanted to see Dib again. Why he had no idea, but he had become so used to seeing the slave around that he had become part of the leader's life.

Letting them both go had been the worst mistake of his life, and he wanted to see them again. He knew that he could have stopped the affair in a better way than splitting them off, not just from each other, but from him as well. But whilst Purple had been on the ship, he hadn't been there to soothe Red's temper. A stray tear rolled off Red's cheek onto his purple carpet, and he scrubbed at his face angrily.

'I've been such a jerk…' he muttered to himself, and he turned off his light, enveloping himself in the darkness to help himself think of a way out of the mess he had made.

**AN**

**Woo, next chapter is up! Please review, hope you enjoyed it etc, etc. **

**I own the hobos, but they probably won't show up again, so they're not important. IZ and all the characters but Flo (oh, and the fan-servant Yasmine) are Jhonen Vasquez's. Lucky guy.**


	12. Bringing Sexy Back

Bringing Sexy Back

"So what you're saying is; if the Tallest hadn't torn up the last forest on Irk for parking-space, we wouldn't have to use artificial trees in recreational areas?"

Gort nodded, and Purple scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"You see, they took over Planet Blorch as parking space, so there wasn't any need to get rid of the last forest. We could have used those trees to replant entire forests, and then we wouldn't have to purify the air on Irk," Mal added helpfully.

Purple had learnt a lot from his new 'friends' in the short space of time that he had been living with them. He had learnt how to stay warm in the freezing Irken winds, how to cook basic food and how to start a fire using the lasers on his spider legs. He had also learnt all of the things that he and Red had done wrong whilst they were leading the planet.

"But our PAKs let us breathe any air, right? It doesn't matter if we have to purify the air we breathe naturally as well, does it?" he asked, and they sighed exasperatedly.

"But why let our PAKs power a purifier 24/7? It wastes the power that we could use for something worth-while," put in Kikon.

"That _does_ make sense…" Purple mused.

"Exactly. Yet another reason why the Tallest are so incompetent."

"Hey, hey, hey! Now you see here," Purple began defensively, "The Tallest may be… total jerks… but I'm pretty sure they can get to the bathroom by themselves!"

Gort smacked his forehead and the others sighed. The latest addition to the gang was clearly an idiot. It was no wonder he was begging. It looked like height couldn't measure up to intelligence.

---

Red allowed himself a small smile; something that he had done rarely since Purple left. He had the perfect plan to get his old partner back, and it would allow him to see Dib again as well. In fact, Dib was the central part of the plan. He was going to get Zim to send him back to the Massive. Then he would call Purple and tell him that Dib was back on the ship to get him to come back. If needs be, he could send Dib back later. He would be happy just to have Purple back. He even had a back-up plan, which was to find Purple by tracking the communicator.

He walked into the communications room and called the communicator in Zim's palace. A servant's face appeared, and she assured Red that she would find someone at once. Soon, Flo walked in front of the screen.

"My Tallest! I'll fetch Emperor Zim at once. The servants keep fetching me; they assume I'm their mistress or something like that… What shall I say you've called for?"

"It doesn't matter about the Emperor, Flo, you're just as good. I actually need to talk to Dib."

"Dib? Why?" Flo looked shocked.

"It's regarding his exile. He can come back to the ship. Now."

Flo's face had fallen; she looked horrified.

"I… I'll get him for you."

Red sat back and waited, and minutes later Dib came running into the room. For some reason, he was happy to see his face again, even though the sight of him should have filled him with anger at the thought of him and Purple. Dib's face was a little flushed, as though he had run here. A though occurred to Red- maybe Dib was eager to see _him_. But he had to dispel it at the way Dib's face fell when he explained what he was calling about.

"But… My Tallest. I was exiled for a good reason, I should stay here! U…Unless Tallest Purple is also on the ship...?"  
Red scowled.

"He's not here, Dib. But you should be. Still, you have very little choice in the matter. Fetch your master. Or mistress, I suppose."

"My master? Mistress?"

"Emperor Zim, idiot. He's the ruler of your planet, isn't he? Flo, as his fiancé is your mistress. Fetch one of them, now!"

Dib ran off and Red lay back on the couch tiredly, waiting.

---

Dib ran down the corridors, musing over the thought of Flo being his 'mistress'. It was, to say the least, an interesting one. Dib sank deeper into his thoughts. He was Flo's _slave_, an object that she could do with what she willed. That was kind of kinky… Then he heard Flo's voice and he stopped the chain of thought abruptly. He went to the door, about to go in but stopping to eavesdrop when he heard her crying softly. Then Zim spoke, and Dib pressed his ear to the door.

"So… you _don't_ want me to get rid of the Dib-Worm?"

"Exactly! Please Zim, let him stay. I don't want to be apart from him again!" Dib could imagine Zim's eyes narrowing, and sure enough, Flo quickly added in a nervous tone, "But I want to be apart from his… ugly face. He's so hideous. I can hardly bear looking at him… Definitely not attracted to him."

Dib smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. It was so obvious that Flo was trying to cover something up; she was definitely screwed.

"Wait… If she's covering up, does that mean she does like me?" he thought aloud, but he went back to listening, as Zim apparently seemed satisfied with Flo's lame excuse.

"Really? Excellent. Well, Flo, the Almighty Zim shall do what he can for you… So what will you do in return?" Zim asked slyly.

"I…" Flo gave a sigh. "I'll…" She lowered her voice to a whisper, and Dib opened the door a crack to see her whispering into Zim's antenna. At each thing she said, Zim's eyes widened slightly, and the creepy grin on his face widened as well.

"…"

"Hmm…"

"…"

"_Hmm…_"

"…"

"That sounds… Keep talking…"

"…"

"_Tinsel?!?_"

Dib closed the door and started to edge away from it in disgust. But he was also touched that Flo would do… things… to Zim for him. But still disgusted. And kinda curious as to what Flo was planning to do with the tinsel… He heard Zim cry "I'LL DO IT!!!!!" and turned around to walk back to the door, trying to look as though he was casually looking for Zim. The door burst open, and Zim came out, practically skipping, bumping straight into Dib. He didn't shout though; in fact, to Dib's horror, he hugged him briefly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Zim gabbled, and was about to run off when Dib tapped him on the shoulder.

"Emperor Zim? Tallest Red wants to talk to you about something."

"I know, Dib, I know!" he replied, practically sprinting off.

Dib stood, shell-shocked, in the corridor. Whatever Flo had promised Zim, it must be something really sexy. Zim hadn't added anything to the end of his name. No -Stink, -Worm or -Slave. It was scary. He waited five minutes so it didn't look as though he had been listening and then walked into the room. Flo was lounging on a chaise lounge.

"That was quick," she said in a slow, husky, spine tingling, sexy voice, "You're eager." Then she looked up. She leapt up defensively when she saw who it was.

"Oh… It's you. Hey," she said awkwardly, blushing deeply.

"Hiya Flo," Dib said, sounding as though nothing had happened, "I just found out what Red wants. I don't want to go though."

Flo looked at him sadly, patting the seat next to her. Dib sat down and she turned to face him, taking his hands in hers and looking deep into his eyes, as though she could see right past them into his soul.

"Dib, I don't want you to go either. But Zim's your master now, so it's all down to what he says. I think he'll stick up for you, though."

"You know, _you're_ my mistress," Dib said slowly, "You could just refuse to let me go. Red told me I'm your slave too."

"And I'll bet that he'd tell you that as a fiancé I don't count if I said no. Look, Dib, if I could, I'd do anything for you."

"Even Zim?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Thanks, Flo. I appreciate what you're doing for me," Dib said, wriggling his hands free of hers and walking out of the room, leaving her looking confused and curious.

---

"What'dya mean, no?"

"My Tallest, _believe_ me, it's really, really important that the Dib-Slime stays. I'd love to send you him, but I can't."

"Zim, you'd better have a good explanation why. I need that slave back on the Massive. Why can't you send him?"

"Well, you see, my Tallest, if I keep him here, Flo's gonna… I mean… He doesn't want to go unless Tallest Purple's on the Massive."

"So what? He's your slave, you can do what you like."

"I gave him to Empress Flo as a gift. She controls him, and she'll only let him go if he want's to. I'm sorry, my Tallest, but it's out of my hands," Zim lied quickly, amazed at how quickly he could think when he was faced with an hour of Flo... and tinsel. Red wasn't as amazed.

"Fine," he growled through gritted teeth, "I'll find Purple."

And without another word he cut the transmission. Zim stood staring at the blank screen for a while, then shrugged and sped off down the corridors, skidding through the door.

"Flo!" he called, "Flo! Zim has arrived! I'm ready for the tinsel-y pleasure to begin!"

Flo looked up from the chaise lounge with twinkling eyes.

"Did Tallest Red promise to lay off Dib?"

"Eh? Who? Oh. Sure, yeah, whatever."

She smiled, walking up to the Emperor and pulling his robes from round his neck. Then, without a word she ripped his shirt off, tearing it straight up the back. Zim grinned. So Flo hadn't accepted to mate with him. That didn't mean she couldn't make him…

Dib passed the corridor and heard Zim's moans. He ran off, retching, with his hands clamped over his ears.

"Lucky guy..." he muttered.

---

Red was walking quickly through the corridors, grumbling to himself about Dib. What the hell was he going to do? He needed Dib here to get Purple and Purple here to get Dib.

"Stupid… Flo and Zim… Damn slave…" he muttered, kicking a door and getting a stubbed toe for his troubles. As he hopped down the corridor, swearing in agony, he accidentally pushed the button for the light colour changer that he used at parties. Purple light flooded the corridor, and he looked up at a portrait of himself in a flash of inspiration. The purple light had tinted it so that he had purple eyes and armour. He looked exactly like his partner.

"…Only more handsome," he muttered to himself. He suddenly knew exactly what he was going to do.

He pressed a button on his arm band.

"Helio!" he barked, "I want you to make me some robes and armour exactly the same as the former Tallest Purple's were. Do you understand?"

"Yes, my Tallest, but why…"

"You don't question me. You obey me. And are there any purple contact lenses left over from that play we had the other night?"

"Yes, my Tallest."

"Excellent," Red laughed, switching off his communicator. _Now_ he had the perfect plan to get his old partner back. It looked like intelligent and height came in pairs.

---

Three hours later, Zim woke up with a groan. He dragged himself out from under the couch and looked around for Flo, but she wasn't there. His shirt lay on the floor, in shreds, and his robes were draped over a lamp. He buzzed one of his servants and ordered them to fetch him a new shirt, wrapping himself up in the robes in the meantime. Whilst he waited for the servant to appear he wandered over to the bar and poured out some whiskey. He gulped it down; replaying everything Flo had done in his head as he did so. Damn, she was hot. He laughed. Judging by how willingly she had… well… it looked like she was one step away from accepting to mate. Perfect. The servant came in with the shirt and looked around at the mess bemusedly.

"Should I tidy this up, your Majesty?" he asked, and Zim nodded curtly before pulling on the shirt and leaving the room.

As he wandered through the palace, he came across Dib and Gaz coming out of the entertainment room. He practically floated over to them, and he clapped Dib on the back.

"Thanks again, Dibling. You _are_ useful after all…" he beamed, before grinning at Gaz and strutting off, singing to himself.

"Zim's bringing sexy back… Dib and his sister don't know how to act… Doo doo doo doo doo… Sexy back…"

Dib turned to his sister, dreading the explanation he was about to give. But he was met with a knowing smirk.

"He's had some, then," Gaz sniggered, and Dib nodded. She gave a 'sympathetic' snort and added, "With the Goddess of Gaming?"

"Uh Huh." Dib grunted miserably, and she gave him a rare smile.

"Eh, who cares? She'd only reject you, anyway, right?"

"Right."

She squeezed his hand, but gave him a warning look. He smiled.

"I won't tell anyone, Gaz."

They set off in the direction of the gardens. Gaz was going to show Dib her new house. Dib tapped her on the shoulder.

"Whatdya think, Gaz?" he asked, and he cleared his throat. "_Dib's bringing sexy back_..."

"Dib, it didn't work with Zim, it's not gonna work with you."

"_…I'm gonna get you in my…_ OW!!!!!"

They went the rest of the way in silence.

**AN**

**There you go. Sorry about the 'Sexy Back' thing. I couldn't help it.** **It won't happen again, I promise.**

**Please review, I only own the hobos and Flo, and I'll update soon.**


	13. The Perfect Plan

The Perfect Plan

Red grinned as Helio revealed the shiny purple armour. The wardrobe drone had been working hard all week to make it, as Red had promised to promote him if he did. Blondds had taken over Flo's post, much to Helio's disgust, and so it had been easy to encourage him to work harder with the promise of a better job.

"It's perfect. Down to the last detail," Red said admiringly, stroking the metal with a claw, "You've done well, Helio. Now go."

The newly-promoted dresser skipped from the room, and Red opened the vial that contained the contact lenses. The young Irken actors had been performing a play about the leaders of the Irken Empire, but of course, they hadn't been able to capture Purple correctly. However, they had left behind the purple lenses, and Red plucked them from the cleaning liquid and gingerly inserted them over his eyes.

"AH! Ooh, they're all scratchy…" he gasped, his eyes watering horribly. Still, when he looked in the mirror, he saw Purple staring back at him. He blinked away the pain and tried not to rub his smarting eyes.

He stripped off his armour and robes, starting to dress himself in the purple substitutes. He didn't call for the dresser. This was something he'd rather do alone. It took him a while however; as he wasn't used to dressing himself, but eventually, the transformation was complete. He had become his partner. He twirled in the mirror and cleared his throat loudly.

"Hi, Dib! Guess what, Red let me come back!" he said, in almost perfect imitation of Purple. The voice was a little deeper than it should have been, but other than that it was fine. He changed back into his own armour and robes and removed the contacts. He was pretty sure he could fool Dib into thinking he was Purple. Then all he had to do was get Dib to come to the Massive, show him to Purple and then he would have Purple back. Perfect. He would wait a few more hours and then call Zim's communicator. Soon he would have his partner back.

---

"Master!"

"Go away, GIR. The Zim is busy."

"Master!"

"GIR, go away."

"_Master!!!_"

"GIR, I'm warning you!"

"MASTER!!!!!!"

"GIR, GET OFF MY HEAD!"

The robot obliged, bouncing around Zim's study like a flea. A flea on an e-number binge. Zim sighed.

"What is it, GIR?"

GIR stopped bouncing and went into duty mode.

"It's Flo's birthing anniversary in a week's time, sir. You need to get her a gift," he stated, and his eyes reverted to cyan when he added, "I'm making the cake!"

"No, GIR. No more cake-making. But you _are_ right; Flo's birthing anniversary is getting close. A large party is in order… I could invite the planet leaders! Tallest Red could come… Yes, a party will be perfect. GIR!!! Fetch the Dib-Stink. As Flo's friend he can help me plan. GO!!!"

"Yessir!"

As GIR ran off to fetch Dib, Zim settled back at his desk. This party was the perfect plan. When Flo saw all the time and effort he put into her birthing anniversary, she'd think he really cared about her. She seemed pretty into him the other night; this could be what he needed to tip her over the edge. All he needed to do was throw her a party that she couldn't refuse- a party with the planet leaders. He wondered how many would come. If it was just a party, they probably wouldn't come at all. Themes were important with these people, the more the better. He decided that it would need a 'fun' theme for the leaders, and a 'romantic' theme for Flo.

"Fun is easy," he said to himself, "A costume party can be arranged. But what would Flo find romantic that I could disguise as a theme?"

He thought long and hard and finally came up with something. He had met Flo at a formal dance that he had been forced to attend by one of his friends. He hadn't wanted to be there, and he had sat at the bar whilst his friends danced with their mates. Of course, he had no one. There he had met Flo, who also had been dragged there, and they had got to talking. They spent the rest of the evening dancing together, waltzing around the room with eyes for nobody except each other. As he reminisced that beautiful evening, Zim found himself humming the song that had been playing. He was brought back to reality when Dib tapped him on the shoulder.

"You called?" he asked. Zim didn't glare at him, however, still slightly caught up in his memories.

"Ah… yes, Dibling. I need your help in planning a party for Flo."

"What kind of party? And why do you want _my_ help, anyway?" Dib asked, confused.

Zim smiled.

"As Flo's friend, who else should I call on for assistance? You will be sure not to ruin the surprise. In exactly one of your filthy Earth weeks it is Flo's birthing anniversary. She will be two hundred and fifty Earth years old. Twenty five in Irken terms. I'm inviting all the planet leaders."

"Oh, so it'll be a bit like the last party, then? All the planet leaders get together, we sing, I have sex, you get drunk and humiliate yourself, Flo says she'll marry you, and then, for the climax, you have to have your squeedly-spootch pumped and get hooked up to a life-support machine for a while?"

Zim gave Dib a superior smile.

"Only two out of six, Dib-Stink. I'm disappointed. The planet leaders shall get together, and Flo will say she'll marry me, but other than that, you're completely wrong. FOOLISH HUMAN!!!"

Dib stood back when Zim shouted.

"Why's Flo marrying you all of a sudden? What makes you so sure?"

"Well, a little incident a few days ago was the first clue," Zim smirked, "But this party is going to be so full of _lurve_ that Flo will be unable to resist me. You see, Dib-Worm, I am going to throw a ballroom dance. Slash costume party."

"Slash costume party?" Dib repeated in a flat, bemused tone, "So what, we waltz whilst wearing chicken costumes and superman outfits?"

"IDIOT! The ballroom dancing comes first, and Flo and I shall dance. The leaders shall bring their costumes to change into afterwards. Now. I have prepared the date and time. It is _your_ job, Dib-Stink, to send an invitation to every single planet leader on this list. Here is a communicator. BEGIN!"

And with that, Zim strutted from the room, humming the tune he had been when Dib had so rudely interrupted. Dib sighed and sat back in the chair. It sounded like Zim was onto something with this ballroom dancing thing. He remembered Flo telling him how she enjoyed dancing. It had been at the karaoke party. He grinned to think of watching Zim singing. He never did find out what Flo had been going to sing. He looked back to the list. Zim had been foolish to put his trust in him. He was going to sabotage this party. He would make Zim look like an idiot, and make Flo mad at Zim. But how?

Eventually, it came to him. He would start hinting to Flo that Zim was trying to get her on her own, that maybe he was planning to try and mate with her. Not much, just enough to arouse her suspicions. He would call all of these planet leaders, but give them the wrong time. An hour late would do it. Zim would call on Flo to take her to the party, and find themselves together in an empty room full of romantic music. Dib grinned. Flo would get so mad at Zim, and an argument would follow. He himself would join in to keep it going. Then, the master-stroke of his plan, the planet leaders would all arrive and see them arguing. They would know that Flo hadn't married Zim, and Zim would be humiliated.

Dib smirked. He had the perfect plan.

---

Flo looked up when there was a knock at her door. Zim walked in, a huge grin on his face. Flo cringed slightly. Ever since the 'tinsel incident', Zim had been grinning every time he looked at her. It was all her fault, of course. She had been over-enthusiastic; she had got carried away with herself.

"What?" she grunted.

"You might want to start planning a costume. Nothing's been said yet, but I've heard that Tallest Red is planning a costume party. Just to be prepared, you know. Well… bye."

And he walked out again. Flo stared at the door for a while, and then Dib burst through it, taking her by surprise.

"DIB!!! Knock! Please!"

"Sorry, Flo. I just thought I'd warn you; I think Zim's planning to try and get you on your own, if you know what I mean."

"Hmm. Look, I don't want to talk about Zim at the moment, Dib. To be honest, I don't even want to be near him."

Dib nodded. He knew why, even though he would never tell Flo. She was embarrassed around Zim because of whatever she had done. Flo looked out of the window.

"Dib, isn't your sister living in the grounds?"

"Yeah. It's weird; Zim's letting her live there if she looks after a few of the gardens."

"Why is that weird?"

"It's what he's growing. There's a whole... I guess it'd be called a plantation… of nettles. Hundreds of them. Are they beneficial to Irkens or something?"  
Flo had an eyebrow raised, and she smirked at the last part.

"I guess you could say that," she grinned, "The acid nettles sting humans with is an aphrodisiac to Irkens. Oh," she added, her face falling, "So maybe Zim's growing them to get me on my own. Gotcha, Dib."

Dib beamed to himself. Whilst he hadn't known about the nettles, they had just benefited his plan, although he was beginning to wonder if there was some truth behind what he had been telling Flo. She stood up.

"I'm off out for a walk, Dib. I might check in on your sister, see if she's got any better at _MegaDoomer 4: Rise of the Ships_. God, I love that game… If not, I'll head off to that statue garden. It's kinda peaceful there. I want to clear my head."

Dib walked out of Flo's room and accompanied her through the palace for a while, but he turned back when a servant ran up to him and informed him that there was a call waiting for him from the Massive. Flo didn't mind, though. She wanted to be alone.

---

Red beamed at Dib on the communicator.

"Good news, Dib. Purple is back on the ship with me. So now you can come back and we can stop this exile."

"My Tallest, why do you want me to come back?"

"Purple wants you back, Dib. So I'm letting you come back for him."

"Really?!?" Dib was shocked. He could see Purple again! Then a thought struck him. "By the way, My Tallest, you and Tallest Purple are invited to a ballroom dance slash costume party in honour of Flo's birthing anniversary. Come dressed for the dance, and bring your costumes, according to the Emperor."

"Excellent, excellent. Send the details later. Purple wants to talk to you, but I don't know where he is. I'll go find him, and you can chat. Then you can come here, right?"

"OK…"

Red ran off without waiting for another word. He sprinted to his room, where he had hidden his disguise, and changed as quickly as he could. Then he ran back, and skidded in front of the screen, out of breath, his face flushed.

"D…Dib!" he panted, in his almost flawless imitation, "So good t…to see you again!"

"Purple! I've actually missed you so much!"

"Actually? Don't sound so surprised!"

Dib looked curiously at Purple. Something wasn't right. Maybe it was his voice.

"Is your throat OK? Your voice is deeper than usual."

"Yeah… I've got a cough, that's all," Red said, giving a huge, hacking cough.

"Oh. Fair enough. Is Red really letting me come back just for you? It seems very selfless for him. He doesn't usually think of anything but himself, right? You said so yourself."

Red narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah. He is. He's nice like that, you know? So, you coming or not?"

"Erm… give me a few days. I have a party to plan. I'll come, though. But I want to say goodbye to Flo and Gaz and Dad."

"Fine, fine," Red sighed, "I'll get Red to call in two days. I love Red."

He cut the transmission and ran back to get changed. It was vital that none of the servants saw him. He'd have to wait another two days, but soon he'd have Purple back. Soon.

Dib looked at his watch. That short conversation had taken forty minutes, because Red was gone for so long fetching Purple. Suspicious, but then again, the Massive was a huge ship. He looked out of the window. There were dark clouds, and it was starting to rain. He hoped Flo was OK.

---

Flo was relaxing in the statue garden, looking up at an enormous metal statue of Zim. It showed him in a triumphant, 'Victory is Mine!!!' pose, and she had a feeling that the sculptor had exaggerated Zim's good looks. This had definitely been sculpted before Zim had put on weight, as well. She lay on her back and looked up at the sky. The beautiful, fluffy clouds of water vapour had changed colour. They were dark and menacing, and the wind was picking up. It was starting to get cold. She continued to stare upwards.

A droplet of liquid landed next to her head. She looked at the grass curiously, and then saw another fall a little way ahead. Then more of them started to come down. One of them touched her hand, and she gasped. It smarted and burnt, and smoke started to rise from the place it had been. Of course, she had heard about the effects of water on Irkens, but she hadn't experienced it before. She could never have imagined how painful it was. Then, without warning, a downpour started. Flo shrieked in agony as the liquid washed over her, and sprinted to Zim's statue, trying to shelter underneath it. He bare arms were burning, her face was on fire, but the statue kept most of the rain off. She was breathing heavily, face contorted from pain. There was a sudden bright flash. Flo looked up to the sky, confused, and there was an enormous rumble, which made her jump.

"What the hell?" she squeaked, but she didn't have time to figure it out.

A bolt of electricity hit the statue, and she screamed and leapt out from underneath it. The terrifying roar sounded again, and another bolt hit a nearby tree, setting it on fire. Flo began to sob, as the rain was hitting her again. She ran through the gardens as the rain became heavier, and heard something over the rush of the liquid and the roar of the electricity. It sounded like humming. She hurtled round a hedge in search of the sound, and collided with Zim, who was strolling along under an umbrella.

He looked at her with mild interest.

"Flo? You went out without an umbrella? Have you the brain worms?!? What were you thinking?"

She pressed herself against him, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Zim! Thank God you're here! What is all this? What's that noise? It hurts so much…"

He shushed her as she had done to him at the party, and pulled her closer under the umbrella, so she was forced up against him. He looked into her eyes and saw the terror and agony in them.

"It's just a rain storm, Flo. It'll be OK, just stay here."

He kissed her lips gently, and shuddered as the water touched his skin too. Then he hugged her close, and she pressed herself into his robes, shielding her face from the storm like a young child cowering into her mother. Zim put his arm around her.

They stood together until the storm was over.

**AN**

**Please review and I'll update as soon as possible.**

**Any suggestions as to what Dib and Zim should wear to the costume party are welcome. Or Gaz, or the Tallest for that matter.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Flo and Helio belong to me.**


	14. A Practical Joke

A Practical Joke

"Can my daughter and son come?"

"Erm… Show them to me," Dib said to the leader of Planet Smort, who pushed a button on his throne. Out of a door at the side came a sexy teenage Smortian, who reminded Dib of the Blondds, only with deep blue skin. She flicked her long silver curls at him and he grinned. "Yes. She can definitely come. What's her name?"

"Princess Giaré. And her twin…" he pushed another button. "Prince Gair."

The Smortian that came out of the next door was tall and muscular, with curly silver hair that flopped elegantly into his eyes. He stood next to his sister. Just looking at the two was enough to get Dib drooling.

"They can both come… bring costumes… bye," he gabbled, and switched off the communicator before he embarrassed himself.

The King of Smort was a fat, bald, ugly creature. How he could have fathered such exquisite children was beyond Dib. He was looking forward to seeing the Queen of Smort at the party… But he stopped himself. Purple was also coming, he reminded himself, and he sighed. Red was going to call today, and he was going to leave for the Massive. Flo had helped him pack that morning, and had said very little on the matter, keeping a calm, cool appearance whenever he spoke about it. Smort was the last planet on his list, so he was all set to go with his sabotage plan. He was going to arrive early, to 'help out', and Red and Purple would come later. He was also planning his costume, and Zim had kindly allowed him to use something from wardrobe in his palace.

He had, however, no idea what to go as. He had considered Bigfoot, but there wasn't enough fake hair. He had asked Gaz if they could dress in matching costumes and be the Men in Black, but she had glared at him and told him she already had a costume planned. Or words to that effect. Zim had been bragging that he already had a _superior_ costume idea, but Dib doubted that this was true. For the tenth time that day, he wandered into the wardrobe department, and saw Flo standing in a corner, facing the wall, shaking as though she might be crying. Dib wondered if she was upset that he was leaving. He walked up to her and gave her a hug from behind but she whipped around angrily. Dib gasped and scrambled away from her in disgust.

---

Red slowly dressed up in the Purple disguise for the third time that day. He had taken to wearing in at every moment he had on his own. He had started off by telling himself that it was just to practise for when Dib came, but now he had a feeling that there was something more than that. Because whilst he had been practising talking to Dib in front of the mirror, he had also been having conversations with himself.

"C'mon, Pur, you can hit better than that!"

"You know I'm no good at table tennis, Red! Don't hit it so hard!"

"I'm not hitting it hard, Pur, you're just not trying!"

The ball bounced back and hit him in the eye, and his contact lens fell out. He looked at himself furiously. He had pulled the table tennis table up to the mirror, and was hitting the ball at the mirror whilst wearing his disguise. It looked for all the world as though he were playing with Purple again. He changed back into his own robes, disgusted at himself.

"The sooner Dib gets here the better…" he muttered, pulling the table back to where it used to be.

---

"ZIM!" Dib gasped, still edging away from the Irken, "What the…"

"I can explain!" Zim said quickly, "It was…"

"No, no, sorry," Dib said, "I didn't mean to hug you. It's just… you look an awful lot like Flo from behind. Maybe it's because you have the same shaped head. Or maybe it's because you're _wearing her clothes!!!_ What the hell are you doing?"

Zim glared at Dib, blushing furiously.

"It's not how it looks, Dib-Slime. I was looking for a costume when Flo walked in. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was planning a costume for Tallest Red's party…"

"What?"

"I told her that so she could prepare one too… anyway. She suggested that, as a joke, we went as each other. Of course," he said urgently, "I refused. But she said it would be fun, and… undressed, so I felt obliged. When I'd dressed in her clothes, she ran off with mine! She always did like practical jokes," he said, giving a nervous chuckle.

Dib was speechless with laughter. He had slumped to the floor, a giggling wreck, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Y…You actually… oh my… ha! I can't believe… oh _God_ this is too funny!"

Zim kicked him hard, and Dib bent double. He looked up at Zim, still laughing slightly. Zim glared.

"SILENCE!!! You, Dib-Worm, shall not speak of this. _EVER!_ Or I'll…"

"What? Slap me with your handbag?" Dib snorted, and he broke out into another fit of giggles, "I wish I had my camera…"

This time it was Zim's turn to laugh.

"HA! No camera, eh? Well, maybe I'll make you _really_ wish you'd brought it," Zim declared, and Dib looked up, confused.

"What? Oh…"

Zim strutted around the room like a catwalk model, striking different poses every so often; pointing one of Flo's treasured mauve high-heeled boots, placing a hand on his hip, flicking his antennas. Dib looked into a mirror to see GIR looking round the door delightedly. Dib gestured taking a photo by pretending to hold a camera at Zim, and GIR saluted him, reverting to duty mode. As Zim struck each pose, GIR's eyes flashed and a photo printed out of his mouth. Dib grinned, and began applauding Zim, who seemed to be getting into his role, striking more and more dramatic poses. Dib gave GIR a thumbs up sign, and the robot ran off, leaving the pile of photos on the floor. Dib crawled over to them and flicked through them, smirking.

"Zim, I never thought I'd say this, but you look really good in a short pink dress," he laughed, and Zim froze in mid-twirl, looking at the stack of photos with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"GIVE ME THOSE!!!" he yelled, and Dib ran out into the corridor, spluttering with laughter as Zim sprinted after him. Dib ran to the throne room, and Zim stumbled behind him, tripping through the door. As he dragged himself to his feet, the servants looked up, and silence fell. Zim was dusting down the dress, and rubbing his ankle angrily.

"How the hell does she run in these heels?" he muttered aloud, and Dib snorted. Zim looked up, an expression of dawning horror on his face. All eyes were on him. A fast, hysterical giggle cut through the silence. Dib and Zim slowly turned around to see Flo reclining on Zim's throne, dressed in his red shirt and black pants, his long crimson robes wrapped around her and his crown placed at a jaunty angle between her antennas.

"Well, if it isn't the Dib-Stink. And who's your pretty friend?" she said in Zim's voice. She laughed. "Tell the Almighty FLO!!!"

Zim had never felt more humiliated than he had at that moment.

"Oh well," he said aloud to himself, "At least it can't get any worse."

---

Red stood in front of the communicator screen and pressed the button to call Zim. The throne room of Zim's palace swam into view, but Zim wasn't sitting on the throne. Instead, Flo relaxed there, her legs swung over one of the armrests lazily. She was wearing Zim's clothes. She looked up at the screen and burst out laughing.

"Oh can't it?" she spluttered, to Red's confusion. Then the sound of Dib's laughter came in from the corner of the screen.

"Oh, God, this is just too perfect! Priceless!"

"Would someone kindly tell me what's going on?!?" Red shouted, and Flo smirked.

"Sure thing, my Tallest," she grinned, and Dib dragged Zim into view.

It wasn't until that moment that Red knew that it was possible to die laughing.

Zim cringed in front of his leader, wriggling the hem of Flo's short, strapless pink dress down his thighs self-consciously. Red was crying on screen, laughing for the first time since Purple had left.

"I don't know what's going on here, Zim, so don't tell me. I think it'd ruin it. Dib, are you ready to come back?"

Flo stopped laughing, and Zim grinned.

"Yes, my Tallest. My bags are all ready."

"Excellent. Zim, teleport Dib here in half an hour."

"Of course, my Tallest." Zim muttered.

"Thanks, babe," Red smirked, and he cut the transmission.

---

"Why hello there, Zim. You always were beautiful in pink," Flo grinned, stepping off the throne and swaggering over to Zim in such perfect imitation that Dib couldn't help but laugh.

"DAMMIT, FLO, GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK!!!" Zim screeched.

"Do you treat the Tallest like this, Zim?" she asked calmly, and Zim froze with déjà vu. Flo was mocking him. He swiped out and grabbed his crown.

"Enough playing," he growled, and she sighed.

"Aaw! I was enjoying myself!" she whined, "Being a total jackass is a lot of fun, I can see why you do it, Zim. By the way," she added, "If you were stuck in Wardrobe all that time, why didn't you just change clothes?"

Zim's eyes widened slightly with realisation, and Flo smiled. She shrugged off the robe and Zim wrapped it around himself so that only the mauve boots could be seen. They went off to swap their clothes back.

Dib went off to Gaz's house.

"Gaz?" he called, "Gaz, I've come to say goodbye! I'm leaving for the Massive again!"

He heard the electronic music blaring from upstairs stop, and Gaz came down the stairs.

"See you soon, big brother," she smiled, giving him a quick hug, and Dib grinned at her.

"I can't wait to see you at the party, Gaz. I love you, you know?"

She glared at him.

"You're so soft, Dib," she said, giving him another hug for luck, "Dad's in the lab. You should say goodbye to him too."

"Ok," he said, "Tell me if you ever beat Flo at _MegaDoomer 4_, alright?"

"You _swore_ you'd never mention that," she growled, and then she sighed. "I'll beat her for you, Dib. I'm gonna miss you. Here," she added, reaching under her vest top and pulling out her skull pendant, "Take this."

He put the pendant round his neck and tucked it under his own shirt.

"Thanks, Gaz."

He left the house and went to the lab. His dad didn't seem as bothered about him leaving as Gaz, but Dib didn't care. So long as he had said goodbye, it didn't matter to him what his dad said. Saying goodbye to Flo would be the hardest.

He stood by the teleporter, putting the last suitcase in. As his possessions were sent to the Massive, Dib thought how lucky he was. The first time he had been sent there, he had had nothing. He turned to Flo.

"I guess this is goodbye, then," he said, and she hugged him tight.

"I guess so. You'd better call me."

"Every day," he promised. "And I'll see you at parties and stuff." Then he sighed. "I love you, Flo."

Flo smiled.

"It wouldn't have worked out, Dib. I'm more than two hundred years older than you, for a start. But I knew you'd never leave Purple, even though you said it meant nothing. You love him too much," she sighed, before adding, with a small smirk to Zim, "The Flo can always tell."

Dib grinned sheepishly.

"Goodbye, Flo."

"Goodbye Dib. Good luck with the Tallest."

"Good luck with Zim."

Flo kissed him, but Zim didn't complain. Flo had more or less refused Dib, so it didn't matter to him.

He twirled the last dial and leapt down from his seat, stepping between Flo and Dib.

"Alright, break it up, break it up. Into the teleporter, Dib."  
Dib looked up.

"Not Dib-Stink?"

Zim blushed.

"I forgot, Dib-Worm. Now go. Get off my planet!" he exclaimed, but whispering, "I'll see you in a week."

Dib nodded and climbed into the teleporter. Zim pushed the button.

"Teleporting in 10…9…8…7…"

"See you on the other side, Flo!" Dib called, and Flo sighed.

"Don't be so melodramatic."

"Sorry!"

"…1…Teleporting Object."

The bulb turned green and there was a bright flash. Zim turned to Flo, who was looking at the empty glass dome with a wistful look in her eyes.

"Alone at last, eh Flo?"

"Shut up, you big transvestite," she growled, and left the room.

---

Red was standing by his teleporter, wearing his Purple disguise. He was tapping the dome impatiently, pulling at the robes and twirling his fingers obsessively. Finally the bright flash came, and Dib was squashed into the dome once more. He opened it excitedly.

"Dib!!! I'm so glad to see you again!" he exclaimed, and Dib stood up happily, smoothing down his clothes.

"I've missed you too, Purple," he said, suddenly choked up, "Where's Red? I wanted to thank him for letting me come back. It's been weird living back on Earth now that it's under Zim's control."

"Red's… sick. He can't be here. I think he got my cough, but it's more serious. He'll be fine, though."

Dib hugged him, standing on tiptoe and kissing Red's cheek. Red pushed him away slightly.

"What?" Dib asked, "Don't you like me any more?"

"I… erm… It's wrong to do this to Red."

"I thought you didn't care about that? I thought you said that it felt right? And what about all that he did to you? What he did to me?"

"Hey, now _you_ deserved it!" Red began, and then he stopped himself, "Kidding. Look, Red really loves me, I can tell."

"How?"

"I… can tell how he's feeling. Dib, it'd be wrong to do anything behind Red's back."

Dib gave him a sly grin.

"But I thought you said I was better than Red? That I was the best you'd ever had? That it'd be hard to go back after me?"

Red's mouth hung open.

"I can assure you, Dib, that _nobody_ is better than Red."

"Ha! You're in denial," Dib teased, and Red glared at him.

"Show me," he said, without thinking, and Dib stood up on tiptoe and started to lick his antenna. Red's eyes widened, and Dib grinned. He put his entire mouth over it, and a minute later Red had wrestled him to the ground and out of his clothes.

Twenty minutes later, Dib looked up, gasping.

"Oh… My… God… Did you get better?" he asked, and Red smirked.

"I told you so," he grinned.

"No you didn't. You said no-one was better than Red."

"Ah, whatever. _You_, my friend, are good. Well, there are your bags, I'll send them to your room, goodnight," he said, in a rush, and he pulled his armour back on and sprinted to his room.

He slammed the door and sat on the bed, looking at himself in the mirror. Purple stared back at him, his face flushed and a guilty expression on his face.

"Sorry, Pur," he mumbled, "I got carried away. But I had to prove it to him, y'know? I _had_ to prove that nobody's better than Red in Bed."

Purple glared back, an unforgiving look in his eyes.

"But, he's good too. I can see why you liked him so much."

Red took out the contacts and got changed for bed. Sometimes he despised himself.

**AN**

**Review please! **

**And I would like to point out that I didn't steal this idea from LoneHowler ;)**

**More costume ideas are welcome, as I'm still undecided about the following characters:**

**Zim**

**The Tallest (I have an idea, but if anyone has anything better, I'd like to hear it.)**

**GIR**

**I own Flo and the Smortians from this chapter, but nobody else. **


	15. Sealed With A Kiss

Sealed With A Kiss

Red sat down for breakfast, still dressed in his Purple disguise. Dib had been given the honour of having breakfast with him, and he was sitting next to him at the enormous table, looking at the mountains of food in awe as each plate was set down.

"How… How do you eat all this?" he asked, and Red smirked.

"We don't eat all of it, silly," he said in Purple's voice, "It's just for show."

"What do you do with all the extra food?"

"Eh, sometimes we let the servants have it. Usually we just throw it away, though."

Dib looked at the table. There was enough food here to feed twenty people and still have leftovers. Life on the Massive was extravagant, to say the least. Red loaded up his plate, and Dib followed suit, taking everything that he had.

"Purple, where's Red? Is he still ill?"

"Erm… Yeah. Ill. He'll have some food sent to him or something. You need to try this, it's delicious," he said, stabbing a pink fruit with his fork and feeding it to Dib, trying to get the fond look in his eyes that Purple used to have for him. Dib smiled and chewed it, returning the gaze. Red sighed. These two were clearly in love. But he had screwed things up so badly last night by having sex with Dib. He needed to tell Dib that it was just him in disguise so that he could talk to Purple on the communicator, but he had no idea how he was going to do that now.

Dib finished his plateful a lot faster than Red did, and went back for seconds. Then thirds. Red laughed.

"Hey, slow down! Its not gonna disappear, you know!"

"I… don't want it to… go to waste," Dib said in between chomps.

Red looked at him in confusion.

"So what if it goes to waste? Who's it gonna affect?"

Dib just sighed and ploughed his way through his fifth plateful. He'd barely even made a dent in the wall of food. Red rolled his eyes and finished off his second plate, gulping down some juice and watching the human stuff himself. He had to admire Dib's determination, but he was more interested in working out when the slave was going to throw up. He wondered if he should attempt to stop him, but it was an amusing sight. He wondered how Purple was doing, and drifted off into a daydream about Purple coming back to the ship. It was broken up by a retching noise behind him.

---

Flo ran out of the throne room in exasperation and sprinted off to the entertainment room. She had been thinking about what Dib had said about Zim, and now it seemed that he was constantly trying to get her on her own. Whenever this happened, she would go off and play video games with Gaz, whose skills were improving even further under her guidance.

Gaz barely looked up from the screen when she ran in.

"Hey, Flo. I'm playing…"

"_MegaDoomer 1: The Revolt. _Cool. Going back to basics, then?"

"Mmm hmm." Gaz mumbled, jabbing at the controls violently.

"Sidestep! Sidestep! Now triple jump and…" Flo began urgently, and Gaz completed the sentence with a final push of the controls.

"…Launch rockets! Only one level left to go…"

Flo grinned and grabbed a controller.

"Room for one more?" she asked, but before Gaz could answer, Zim spoke from the doorway.

"I was about to ask the same question," he said, leaning casually against the doorframe. Flo glared, and Gaz followed suit, but Zim just smiled at her. "And also this. Flo, how do you feel about arcade games? Personally, they are too noisy for the almighty ZIM, but I was considering putting an arcade here."

Flo's eyes lit up.

"Really? An arcade? Zim, you know I love arcade games. I love any games."

"I do. So, how about an arcade? Would you like one?"

"Yes!"

"And what about the Gazling?"

"Sure. Sounds good."

Zim grinned at the two and slipped out of the room, leaving Flo feeling bad about being so cold to him.

---

Dib opened his eyes slowly, and saw a pair of indigo orbs hanging in the air above him. He blinked and looked again, but they were still there. Slowly, a green face swam into focus around it, and he realised that Purple was looking down on him, his face riddled with concern. He tried to speak, and became dimly aware of the sting of vomit in the back of his throat.

"Wh… wha?" was all that he could manage. Purple stroked his face gently.

"Dib! Thank goodness you're alright!"

"Huh?"

"You ate twelve plates of food and started throwing up everywhere. Then you passed out. That was twenty minutes ago. I was getting so worried!"

Slowly things started to come back to him. He remembered eating and eating, and Purple laughing, and then throwing up.

"Why did you eat so much in the first place," Purple asked, running his fingers through Dib's hair gently, still looking worried, but also relieved that Dib was talking.

"I told you! I didn't want all that food to go to waste!"

"Dib, you threw up everything you ate. So it did go to waste! Why would it matter?"

"There are starving children in Africa…"

"What? Where?"

"It's a country on Earth. Bad example… Fine. Aren't there homeless Irkens?"

"Of course."

"Well, they can't buy food all the time, so they'd be happy to get this food, and you're just throwing it away. My mum wasn't alive all my life, but she used to tell me off for wasting good food."

Red furrowed his brow. Had the slave really done that just for the principle of hungry Irkens? That was so sweet, so caring, so…

"Stupid. Stupid, you hear me? Look, Dib, the homeless always get food in the end, and they wouldn't have got any of mine either way. There's no point in stuffing yourself to the point of a heart attack just 'cause somebody out there can't afford food. That's their problem, not yours."

Dib glared at him.

"That sounds like something Red would say. How can you be so uncaring about _your_ citizens? They're your responsibility!"

Red looked down fondly at him.

"You're so sweet, you know that Dib? I do care about them, but you're more important, OK?"

He stopped himself. He wasn't even acting any more. He was starting to scare himself, because suddenly he was seeing the slave in a whole new light. Loving, compassionate, adorable. Just like Purple. It was worrying.

Dib groaned, bringing Red back to Irk.

"I still feel sick," he muttered.

"You look fine," Red said cheerfully, "Your face is a nice, healthy shade of green."

"Purple, it's not supposed to be green!"

Red peered at him worriedly.

"You might be allergic to the pinkfruit. Purple is; if he eats too much he throws up all over the place."

"Purple? That's you!"

"Oh, right! I mean Red," he said nervously, "There's medicine somewhere, I'll send for it."

He pushed a button on his wrist and muttered into it, and soon Strawberry came scurrying in with a large yellow bottle. Red poured some of the mixture onto a spoon and gave it to Dib gently. Dib's mouth crumpled up at the corners from the bitter taste.

"Ugh! That's disgusting!" he choked, but he swallowed it all the same and smiled at Red. "Next time we have a meal, I won't go overboard, OK? I promise. But as long as you promise not to waste all that extra stuff."

Red nodded. "Seal it with a kiss?" he said, almost hopefully, and he gave Dib a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Purple? I love you."

"I love you too, Dib," Red replied. He meant it too.

---

Purple sighed and crouched in the corner of the alley. He felt as though he had been ignored, as though he had been overlooked somehow by Red and Dib alike.

"I've probably missed loads of stuff on the Massive," he muttered, and Gort looked up.

"What?" he asked gruffly. He had decided that he didn't like Purple; he was stupid and annoying and he stuck up for the Tallest a lot. He also mumbled to himself a lot, and the whole group wondered if he was going crazy from life on the streets like many had done before him.

"Nothing," Purple said, "Just… ah, whatever. It's nothing."

"You sure, Purp? You look kinda… withdrawn. Creepy, you know?"

A cry from outside the alley dragged their attention away, and a young female with a microphone came scurrying down, camera hovering beside her.

"OH. MY. GOSH!!! I knew this day would come! I _knew_ it! They said it would be impossible to find you, but I knew that if I combed the streets I'd get you sooner or later!" she gabbled, and Purple looked up with mild interest.

"Do I know you?" he asked, and she gave him an evil grin.

"Roll camera," she barked to the floating device, and her face broke out into a fierce, dazzling smile. "Hi there. I'm Emory, reporting for ITV 3, the third and _only_ TV station for Irkens everywhere. It's been weeks of searching, but the wait is finally over…"

Mal limped over to Purple, looking confused.

"What the hell is this, Purp? Who's the gal?"

Purple shrugged, and the reporter carried on regardless.

"The former Almighty Tallest Purple is here with me, ready to be interviewed. Isn't that right, Purple?" she added, smirking at him superiorly. Purple looked up, bewildered, and the hobos drew together in horror.

"You _are_ the Tallest!" Gort gasped, and Purple backed away in alarm. They stepped forwards as one.

"I… Yes. I am. Was. But that's all in the past, right? And I'm really, really sorry about you all. Seriously, I…"

They rounded up on him, cracking their knuckles threateningly. The reporter grinned ghoulishly.

"Well, well! Looks like trouble!" she crowed, "Stick around to see the former Tallest getting beat up by hobos!"

Purple ran over to her and slapped the mike out of her hand, stamping on the camera.

"There. Now. I think we can talk this over like reasonable Irkens…" he began. The looks on their faces said otherwise.

"What was it I said I'd do?" Joa pondered, and Mal grinned spitefully.

"You'd lay into him until even his PAK would reject him," he reminded him helpfully. Purple blanched, and backed away.

"OK. All right. I understand this is a little awkward; you don't like me, I don't like getting beat up, so let's that this one smeety step at a time. How about this? I'll go. I'll go far away. I'll find myself. I'll give you my old communicator. It has a direct link to t he Massive. Give Red hell from me. And if he ever calls, tell him what I've told you."

He tossed the communicator over to the menacing group, who looked with interest.

"So, we can, like… prank call the Massive and stuff?" Mal asked.

"No. Even better- you can prank call Tallest Red himself. Like I said; give him hell from me, boys."

They looked up, puzzling it over.

"Why'd you want us to do that?" Kikon asked.

"I've realised what a jerk he is. What a jerk _I_ used to be. And he obviously doesn't care about me, or he'd have come to rescue me by now. So I'll go off to find myself. If he ever calls, you tell him that. And think of me when you call him at one in the morning. See you around, guys."

They grinned and waved at him, and Purple went off, ignoring the reporter's pitiful wails about missing a great story. As soon as he rounded the corner, he was struck with a thought.

"What does 'finding yourself' mean? How the hell do I do that?" he groaned, mooching off down the street, leaving his fickle friends and his link to Red behind.

**AN**

**Please review; I'll be gone for two weeks and I'd like to come back to an inbox full of comments! **

**I have costume ideas for everybody now, so thanks to everyone that sent them in.**

**I don't own Invader Zim; that's Jhonen Vasquez's. I own Flo, the Blondds, the hobos and Emory the reporter. I own ITV 3; the third and **_**only**_** TV station for Irkens everywhere. But I don't own ITV 3; the branch of ITV that shows re-runs of soaps and old movies.**


	16. Cravings

Cravings

The communicator beeped. Red groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. In the dark, at the other side of his room, a green light pulsed with every beep. He sat up properly and slid out of his comfy bed, crossing the room quickly. Few people had his personal communicator number, and fewer still called it. Calls were generally sent to the main communicator on the Massive. The only person he knew that would call at this time was…

"Number blocked?!?" he groaned, the feeling of anticlimax and disappointment tightening his throat. He pushed the accept button and squinted at the dark screen. There was no face on it either. "Hello?" he said curiously.

"Yes?"

"What? Hello?"

"Can I help you, sir?" The voice was gravely, and it sounded as though it was spoken through a smile. Or a smirk. Red frowned.

"Excuse me? You called me."

"No, sir, sorry. You called me. Now, can I help you, or can I go? Do you know what time it is? Some people are trying to get some sleep."

"Do _you_ know who I am? Of course you don't. You wouldn't be stupid enough to call me otherwise."

"Look, I'm gonna hang up. You're wasting my time, sir. Goodbye!"

The screen went blank and Red groaned, slumping back into his bed. He had been so certain that Purple would call him. _So_ certain. He began to doze off again, slipping off into a blank, disappointed slumber when the communicator beeped again. He pulled himself out of bed again and glanced at the top. The words _Number Blocked_ glared back, green and lurid in the gloom. He clapped his hands and the lights flicked on. He pressed accept.

"Hello? Who is it?" he muttered, and the gravely voice answered back, sounding suitably annoyed.

"You again? Look, mister, if you don't stop calling me, I'm going to the authorities."

There was an outburst of laughter that was cut off halfway through by Red. He growled and sank into a chair. Great. Prank callers. But how did they get his number? Information such as that was kept secret from the public. The thought that it could have been Purple was still swimming round his head. So lonely, so miserable. Surely Purple felt lonely too? Surely he would have called by now. Unless… he couldn't call? What if something had happened to him? What if he had starved, like Dib had said, or been beaten up? Red realised that he was moaning softly, and stood up. He didn't feel like going back to sleep. He pulled his red bathrobe on and made his way out of the room to go to the kitchens. He could have called for a servant to bring him something, but he wanted to go for a walk to clear his head. He floated down the corridor slowly.

As he drew closer to the kitchen, he almost collided with Dib, who looked up at him at first with shock, and then with a smile.

"My Tallest! Are you feeling better?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, and then stopped. He used Purple's voice whenever he talked to Dib, but he wasn't in disguise this time. He started to cough violently. "S…Sorry, Dib," he spluttered, in his normal voice, "I… had something in my throat. No, I'm not feeling better, idiot. Do I look well? I wanted a drink."

Dib blinked. Red was grouchy. Then again, if he was ill, he had an excuse. But if he was ill, what was he doing wandering the Massive at night? Red seemed to read his mind, and gave his excuse listlessly.

"The doctor said I needed to be up and about. I couldn't sleep. Why are you out of bed?"

Dib gave a tiny smile at the question; Red sounded like his father.

"I… also couldn't sleep," he said. It was the truth, but only half the truth. He really wanted to see Purple. Well, 'see' was a bit of an understatement, actually. Ever since Purple had… greeted him on his return, Dib had craved to be 'greeted' again. It was an intense buzzing at the back of his skull, like a nest of hornets or an angry alarm clock. He had knocked on Purple's door and received no answer, so he had slipped inside. Purple hadn't been in there, so he had gone searching for him. He looked up into Red's eyes and saw something there. Red couldn't sleep because he was worried about something, but what?

Red studied Dib for a while. The boy couldn't sleep, but there was something else, something that he hadn't said. He knew that there were things that he hadn't said to Dib as well, things that he really needed to tell him. If he didn't tell Dib that he had been pretending to be Purple he would never get to see Purple again, and if he waited much longer then something might actually happen to Pur. But what to say? He couldn't. Not just yet. Dib was so in love, and so was he. That was another thing that he would have to tell Dib; that he thought that he might be in love with him. That was another thing that was keeping him awake at night. He was so confused, craving Purple, but craving Dib at the same time. The silence was becoming unbearable, and Dib broke it eventually.

"Erm… Can I go with you to the kitchens? To get a drink?"

Red nodded and they carried on walking. Silence fell again.

They sat together on the couch, glancing at each other awkwardly. Red sipped his drink quietly and Dib looked down at his apprehensively.

"What did you say this was again?" he asked, studying the steaming mug.

"Just hot milk," Red replied, cradling his own mug in his hands and revelling in the warmth.

"But… it's yellow…" Dib muttered, but he took a sip and relaxed. It tasted just like cows milk, only sweeter. It was nice. He looked nervously to Red. "So, you… how do you…"

"Feel?" Red asked, and Dib nodded, staring determinedly into his mug. Red sighed. "I'm ok. I guess. Look, Dib, I need to tell you something. I…"

The door burst open and Red leapt up reflexively. Dib was strongly reminded of Purple, about to tell him that he loved him but being interrupted by Flo, and pushed the thought to the back of his mind furiously. Now was not the time. Red was glaring at the figure in the doorway.

---

It was cold. Unbearably cold. Of course, the winds on Irk were freezing, and only weak Irkens admitted that they were uncomfortable, but Purple didn't care about how strong he appeared. He was alone, anyway. All alone. But that was good, it was good because, alone meant that he could think, alone meant that he could be peaceful, alone meant that he could concentrate. But on what? What was there to concentrate on in this cold, draughty warehouse?

He had walked for a day to find this abandoned Voot warehouse. Few Irkens came this way, and nobody came into the warehouse, save a few teenagers looking for a peaceful place to get high, or get laid. Now that he was living in it, they didn't come anymore. His height, and his dishevelled appearance, was intimidating, and he ruined any romantic atmosphere that this filthy, dusty place could possibly contain. Now it was a place where he could…

Well, that was the problem. He had all the time in the world and a private place to live in, but what to do? He was too hungry to do anything at the moment. He had befriended a young girl who brought him food every so often, but she was late. He knew that she was most likely a drugged up street walker, but he didn't care. Well, he hadn't cared at first, but spending so much time alone, he had the chance to think things over. A lot of the Irkens he had seen were drugged up, or selling drugs. How could this have happened to the once-proud Irkens that he and Red ruled over? Were things really that bad back on Irk? He looked up at the sound of knocking on the doors, and crossed the room quickly. With any luck, it would be Tenby, and she would have something for him.

He opened the door a crack, and instantly a gush of freezing wind forced its way through. It wasn't Tenby, but a young boy, holding a scrap of bread and some mashed up pinkfruit.

"Mister? My friend told me to give you this. She… she's very ill… and told me that there was someone in the warehouse that needed food."

Purple took the food and tried to smile at the tiny Irken. He couldn't. The boy nodded and ran off, and Purple closed the door and sank to the floor, eyes swimming. He ate his small meal in silence, suddenly wishing that he hadn't given up his communicator. But it was too late for that. The pinkfruit was making him sick.

---

"Helio! What the hell are you doing here?" Red sounded extremely annoyed.

"I… Have a message for Dib. Flo called, she wanted to know why he hadn't called her," Helio said quickly, sounding flustered and a little hurt at Red's tone.

Dib looked up quickly.

"Oh no! I promised I'd call her… My Tallest? Can I call her now?"

Red sighed and nodded.

"Go to the communications room, then. I think I'll stay here, and then go to bed. Or something."

Dib smiled gratefully and sped off to the door, tripping up as he reached it. Red looked at Helio curiously. If he didn't know better, he'd have said that he'd seen him withdraw an outstretched foot.

Dib picked himself up and hurried off, wondering why Flo had called now. It was really late. But then again, maybe it wasn't back on Earth. He swiped his newly-received pass over the door and started to type in Flo's number. The techies weren't in there, as it was after hours, so he was alone. As the words _Link Established_ scrolled across the screen, Dib saw the empty throne room of Zim's palace. It was dark. A single servant looked back at him.

"Hello?" Dib said, "I'd like to speak to Flo, please."

"Ok, sir, I'll put you through to the lounge communicator screen. Just a second please."

Dib smiled slightly, amused at being called 'sir'. A new room flickered onto the screen, and Dib saw Flo and Zim on a couch, in the middle of an argument of some kind. Flo was nursing her hand, as though it had been crushed.

"…And eventually I got the chopsticks out of my gums, but every full moon I get this intense craving for _noodles_…" Zim said, sounding as though he thought he was being reasonable. Flo glared at him.

"Well, you know what, Zim, you could have just said. You didn't have to crush the chopsticks out of my hands, I'd have just given you them and… You've got a noodle on your antenna."

Zim rolled his eyes upwards and pulled the pasta off. Dib snorted, and they both looked around.

Flo beamed at the screen.

"Hey, Dib! Sorry about that, we were just having… an evening meal. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Look, sorry I didn't call before, I was ill. And Helio only just got round to telling me that you called, so I…"

"Dib!" Flo interrupted, "What are you on about? I never called you. Helio must've got it wrong, or something."

"Oh," Dib said flatly, confused. "So. How've you been?"

"Fine, fine. Well, not now, I need to grow back the bones in my hand before I can use it again because _someone_ likes Chinese food…"

There was a slurping noise as Zim sucked a strand of pasta into his mouth. He looked up.

"Hmm?"

Flo sighed, and Dib started to laugh. The conversation went on for an hour before Dib finally decided to say goodbye.

"Well, I have to go now, Flo."

"Aaw, no! C'mon, you can stay up later than this! It's nearly my birthing anniversary!"

"What's that got to do with anything? Fine, fine. What do you want?"

"…Excuse me?"

"What do you want me to get you? As a birthday present?"

The shocked silence on the other line was, to say the least, worrying. Zim turned around from his seat by the window in horror, and Flo's mouth hung open.

"Y…You're going to give me a gift?" she breathed, and Zim's eyes narrowed.

"_You're_ going to buy Flo a gift? You? H…How _dare_ you?" he gasped. Dib's brow furrowed and he nodded, turning back to Flo. Her face was flushed.

"You? Me? A gift?"

She looked and sounded as though he had proposed. Zim looked as though he had thrown a glass of water in his face. He crossed the room, glancing into Flo's shocked face as he did. He cut the transmission, leaving Dib staring, confused, at the blank screen.

Dib made his way back to the lounge, where he saw Purple, not Red, sitting on the couch.

"Hey, Pur," he said. Purple's eyes narrowed slightly, but he smiled.

"Hey Dib. Red was in here, but he went back to bed. He's ill. Still," he said, chuckling at the rhyme. "Where've you been?"

"I was just talking to Flo… Something weird happened. I just asked what she wanted for her birthing anniversary, and…"

"You're getting her a gift?" Purple gasped, and Dib sighed exasperated.

"What is wrong with me getting her a gift?"

"Oh, nothing," he replied, sounding extremely hurt, "I just presumed that we were enough for you."

"We? What?"

"I meant me. I. But if you want to mate with Flo, then by all means go ahead."

Dib's jaw dropped.

"Hold the phone! Am I missing something here? I don't want to mate with Flo!"

"Oh. Do humans do things differently, then?"

"Well, obviously! What are you on about?"

"Only mates buy each other birthing anniversary gifts. If you're not mates, then getting a gift is like… Humans asking each other to be boychum and girlchum, or whatever it is you call it…"

"Friend. Boy_friend_ and…"

"Whatever. Flo would have to accept the gift, and then you would be lovers. Simple. I wouldn't say anything like that around Zim."

Dib laughed uneasily.

"Too late… Well. That explains why Zim had a face like a slapped arse…"

Purple burst out laughing at the image, and Dib looked up at him fondly.

"Pur? You _are_ enough for me. I wouldn't want this any other way."

An odd expression flickered across Purple's face, and then a rather evil grin replaced it.

"The thing is, Dib? Are you enough for me?"

Dib looked up.

"I'm more than enough."

"Really? I'm gonna need convincing," he said, a half smile on his face.

Dib pounced on him, and they rolled under the coffee table. Whilst he was laughing, Red couldn't help but wonder why he was doing this. But he craved it so much.

5 Minutes Later

"Say my name!"

"Purple!"

"_Say my name!_"

"_Purple!_"

"SAY MY GODDAMN NAME!!!"

"I _said_ Purple, and I… What the hell just happened to your voice?"

Dib looked up and gasped.

"Oh…" he said in a shell shocked voice, scrambling away from Red.

"What?" Red asked, and then he gasped as well. He had stopped using Purple's voice. He tried to disguise it with a coughing fit, but he soon realised that Dib was looking at something. It was then that he realised that his eye was itching. The loose purple contact lens fell out and landed on the floor between them. Dib stared at it in horror, and then looked up at Red, whose watering crimson eye stared back at him defiantly. Red cleared his throat nervously. Dib backed away as Red stood up, and pressed himself up against the wall, looking at the leader with an expression of pure disbelief.

"Well, Dib. I'm ill and out of the picture for five minutes and you start doing Purple behind my back?"

"Oh crap…" Dib said weakly. What else could he say?

**AN**

**Woo! Back at last! Please review, because it will make me happy.**

**You guessed correctly again, LoneHowler. Damn you and your psychic powers… **

**I don't own Invader Zim, but I own Flo, Helio, and Tenby. Thanks to my friend for the prank call idea. I know nothing of such things, 'cause I'm a good girl… hehehe… I'll update soon.**


	17. Inner Peace

Inner Peace

Red glared at Dib and crossed his arms.

"It's nice to see that you respect my relationship with Purple," he said coolly.

"Almost as much as you do, right?" he retaliated, his face flushed, and Red bit his lip.

"I… Is it my fault if I try to stay in disguise? _You_ shouldn't have had sex with me when you arrived."

"What?!? It was _you_ that told me to! You practically ripped my clothes off, and then…" Dib trailed off. He was arguing with Red. Not a good idea. But the leader didn't even notice the faux pas that Dib was committing, carrying on as though he were an equal.

"I had to stay in character, you idiot! And what about now? You forced yourself upon me just then; I couldn't do anything about it! Yeah, it's hard to resist me, but that's no excuse…"

"Why were you dressed as Purple anyway?!?" Dib shouted him down, and Red's eyes flashed.

"Because he's still on the streets, idiot! And I want him back!"

"Whose fault is it he's on the streets?!? Not mine! Why does that involve dressing up as Purple and having sex with me?"

"I needed you back here…"

"Why? You banished me, just like you banished Purple. Why don't you just go and find him?"

"BECAUSE HE WON'T COME BACK FOR ME!!! I NEED HIM SO MUCH AND HE WON'T COME BACK!!!" he roared, and then he sank to the floor sobbing. "I just want him back!"

Dib was appalled by the scene, by everything that had happened. He was confused, and seeing Red, the strong-willed, quick-tempered, self-centred leader crying like a child turned his stomach. It wasn't right. He took a step forwards and cleared his throat, speaking gently.

"What makes you think he'll come back for me?"

Red looked up with teary eyes.

"Because he loves you so much. B…But so do I…" he mumbled, and for a second Dib thought he had misheard Red.

"You what?"

"God, Dib, I don't know. I just don't know. Y…You're so sweet and caring and sexy, and…"

It was then that Dib lost his grip on the situation. He had never been more confused that he had been whilst staying on the Massive; there was too much going on. Everything that Red said washed straight over his head like gentle waves, the few remaining thoughts repeating over and over in his head.

Red loves me.

Red loves me, and I love Purple.

Purple loves Red.

And he loves Purple.

And I love Red.

I love Red.

And Purple.

And Red.

For the third time on the Massive, Dib blacked out.

---

Zim slammed his way out of the lounge, fuming. How _dare_ the Dib-Stink even consider giving Flo a gift for her birthing anniversary? It would totally ruin his plans. Evidently he needed to give Flo a larger gift than a party and an arcade. What could he possibly give her that would distract her from the human, though?

"One night with the Zim…" he muttered angrily, "Would be enough to distract her from anything."

But of course, that was the whole reason he was throwing the party. So that she _would_ spend one night with the Zim.

Flo was a romantic, hopelessly amorous, or at least she had been when she had been with him. She seemed to have turned colder towards the idea of love since. Therefore, he needed to help her reconnect to her original ideas of romance. So far, merely reminding her of the evening they had met had been his plan. Maybe he simply needed to take that plan one step further.

"JHONEN!!!"

His advisor stepped out of the shadows.

"Yes, oh master?"

"Bring me the time-machine."

"But master, you threw away the time machine after the dinosaur incident. We no longer own one."

"Oh yeah," Zim said, with a nervous chuckle, "The dinersaws. Fine. GO! I shall simply have to come up with something even more... _cunning_."

Zim set off to his 'memories room' and looked around at all of the letters and photos. In a lot of the pictures, they were dancing. Flo really did love to dance, be it in a ballroom or a club, and he had often found himself dragged off to spend the night dancing with her. That wasn't to say he hadn't enjoyed himself, but it was bad for his image to be going waltzing every weekend. He would have done anything for her, but then his dream came true. He enrolled in Invader Training Camp. Everything changed then. When he came back to wait for Impending Doom 1, it annoyed him when she bleated about dancing and going out. Couldn't she see that he had more important things to think about? She wasn't around all the time, thank goodness, working for the Massive, but that didn't stop her from constantly demanding attention. What was she, a girlfriend or a smeet? Maybe that was why she broke up with him.

Perhaps to make this party special, he shouldn't simply remind her of their dancing days. Maybe he needed to mimic them exactly. He could recreate the night that they met. It wouldn't be too hard to set up a replica of the Vic; the hall where the dance had taken place. Zim sank into a chair. He had a lot of planning to do.

---

"Computer. Trace this call. I KNOW THE NUMBER'S BLOCKED! Hack into the communications field around Irk and trace the damned call. I need to find out where this communicator is."

Dib opened his eyes to see Red shouting at the computer angrily. He pulled himself off the couch and stood up. The diminutive figure next to Red turned around.

"My Tallest, the large-headed boy has woken up."

"Great. Now go, Helio. I wish to talk to Dib in private."

"Oh. OK, My Tallest…" Helio sounded deflated. He stomped out of the room, leaving Red alone with Dib. Behind him, on a screen, a bar was slowly filling up, marking the computer's progress with tracing the call.

Red sat down on the couch, and Dib slid to the other side of it, avoiding Red's gaze. There was an awkward silence, and Dib slowly turned to face him, before looking away again.

"Dib, I've decided not to let my feelings for you get in the way of getting back Purple."

"Well that's alright then," Dib said sarcastically, and Red's antennas drooped slightly.

"Look, it's not all my fault. Well, maybe it is, but that's why I'm putting a stop to it. I'm not supposed to have feelings for you; this isn't how things are supposed to be. It's supposed to be just me and Pur, together. That's how it was, and if you hadn't showed up, that's how it would be now, too."

"And what about me? When, _if_ Purple gets back, what happens to me? Do I get sent back to Earth and forgotten about?"

"I… no! I wouldn't send you away again."

"And why is that?" Dib asked.

"Because I love… DAMMIT! I _told_ you, I'm not going to think about that. Maybe it would be best if you _did_ get sent back to Earth…"

Dib sighed, and looked down.

"Look, Red, about what happened earlier…"

"No! Look, last time I was being stupid. I wasn't thinking about Purple, I was just thinking about myself. As always. It won't happen again, and you are forbidden to speak about it!"

"But that's just it, Red. I don't want last time to _be_ the last time."

Red froze.

"Me neither," he whispered, and then his eyes narrowed. "Don't do this to me, Dib. All I want is…"

"CALL TRACED!" the computer exclaimed excitedly, and Red leapt up from the couch.

"Excellent! Whose communicator is it?"

"Former Tallest Purple."

"Now track that communicator. I want exact coordinates. We're turning this ship around and going back to Irk. NOW!"

"Of course, My Tallest."

Red turned back to Dib excitedly.

"Looks like we're onto something," he crowed, and Dib nodded. They were going to have to take this one step at a time.

---

There was a pounding on the warehouse doors. Purple opened his eyes and looked up. He had been meditating, something he had spent a lot of time doing, because he found it so easy to clear his mind.

"Who is it?" he called, and a familiar voice shouted back, one that he had dreamt about hearing for so long.

"It's Dib! We've come to rescue you," Dib called, and Purple froze on the spot.

"Rescue me? No! You don't care about me; where were you when Red banished me? I'm not coming out!"

"Please, Pur!" Dib pleaded, "If you remember, I was banished too! We want you back! We _need_ you back!"

Purple sighed. He had longed to see Dib again, but suddenly his return seemed bitter and cold. Like everything else he had seen on the streets of Irk. He longed to hear Red's voice again.

"Dammit, Pur, I'm freezing my tits off out here!" Red hollered, and Purple looked up sharply.

"Red? Is that you?"

"Who else would it be? Let us in right now!"

Purple stood up from his uncomfortable lotus position and strode across the warehouse, standing by the beaten up door.

"Give me one good reason! You banished me here in the first place, and Dib… erm… Dib has a large head!"

Dib shouted back.

"We really want you back! And even if you don't want to come back, we still want to see you! Open up!"

Purple sighed and opened the door slowly, and the two standing outside gasped.

"What?" he asked, and Red was the first to find his voice. Purple noticed that he had a black eye, but didn't say anything about it.

"What happened to you? What's with… the clothes?"

Red gestured to Purple's white robes. He was wearing a white outfit that reminded Dib of a karate uniform, held together with a purple sash round his waist.

"I have found myself, Red," Purple said importantly, "My clothes represent how I have banished all thoughts of material possessions and meaningless relationships. I have achieved complete internal peace."

"What in the name of arse are you talking about?" Red asked, sounding completely baffled and a little scared.

Purple didn't answer, and turned to look around the empty warehouse with a sigh. Dib stepped forwards and touched his arm gently.

"Pur? You're so thin. You look ill. Please come back with us."

"How did you find me, anyway?" Purple snapped, and Red grinned.

"We tracked the prank call your little friends sent me. When we found them, they gave Dib your message. And they gave me this," he said, gesturing at his black eye, "Nice crowd you've been hanging around with. Anyway, they had no idea where you were, so we went off, asking people if they'd seen a tall Irken with Purple eyes. We bumped into this annoying reporter who kept asking for an interview. She said we owed her a new camera, because you broke hers, and she had no idea where you were, but she saw you going in this direction."

Dib nodded and cut in excitedly, to Red's annoyance.

"And we went in this direction, and we met this drugged up girl who was convinced that Red was you. She kept raving on about how she had food for you, and she said your name. She said you'd been staying in a Voot warehouse, so we carried on until we found you. She gave us this, by the way," he added, handing Purple a sandwich, which he ate hungrily.

Red sighed and looked at the sandwich enviously.

"I was gonna eat that, Dib…" he began, and Dib glared at him. "What?!? We've been walking all day and I'm hungry!"

Purple took a step backwards, taking large chomps, evidently an expert at defending his food now. Dib looked at him sadly.

"Seriously, Pur, you look dreadful. You're so skinny…"

"I've learnt to ignore physical needs, Dib. I am at one with myself, I've finally found peace. I can survive without food for my outer shell; I need to feed my immortal soul instead."

Red and Dib exchanged a worried, confused look.

"You've lost it, Pur," Red said in a shaky voice, "You need to come back to the Massive. Don't you remember? The snacks, and the Blondds, and the comfy couch, and the TV…"

"Don't _you_ remember, Red? I said that I no longer cared about material possessions."

"And your music, Pur! Don't you care about your music? And the poems, and me! What about me?" Red continued, shouting him down. Purple looked down for a second, then looked up sadly and shook his head.

"No. I don't care about any of those any more. Especially you."

"Oh. Alright, then," Red said, punching him so hard on the 'nose' that he fell to the floor, unconscious. Dib looked up in shock, and Red picked Purple up, wincing at how light he was. He slung him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and carried him off. "You're coming back with me whether you like it or not," he muttered, and Dib scurried after him, dreading the argument that would happen when Purple woke up.

**AN**

**Please review, an update will be on its way. I've noticed that this chapter is mainly speech, so I'll try to use a little more description in the next one. **

**I don't own Invader Zim, but I do own Flo and Helio. **


	18. Back To Reality

Back To Reality

Purple groaned. His 'nose' throbbed and his head hurt at the back. He tried to remember what had happened, but things were a little hazy. He heard far-off voices, but they faded in and out.

"Red! Red, he's waking up…"

"…turn his head…throws up and chokes…"

"…hope he's ok…"

He tried to open his eyes but his eyelids felt heavy. His head was twisted to the side by gentle hands, and the voices continued on above.

"…want to leave him…get some food…"

"…shall I get…can't feed him that…soup…"

Someone walked out and he tried to piece together what had happened. He remembered meditating, and someone knocking on the door, but that was all. Somebody was stroking the side of his face. His eyes flickered open and slowly things stopped looking fuzzy. Red was kneeling next to him, a worried look in his eyes.

"Pur?" he said gently, "Pur, are you ok?"

"My nose hurts… and my head," he groaned, and he gasped as Red bit his lip guiltily. It all came flooding back to him. "You hit me," he said, touching his nose gingerly. "You _hit_ me!"

"Well, yeah, but that was just because…"

"Are we back on the Massive?"

"Er… Yeah. I guess we are."

"I SAID I WASN'T COMING BACK!"

Red stood up quickly and took a step backwards.

"I… erm… have to go and do… something," he said, hurrying off to the door and slipping out to avoid an argument.

Purple slumped back down in his bed and looked around. He was in the sickbay, judging by the clean white linen and plain yellow walls. He, of course, was in the private room; the servant's bay was in the next room. He looked up as the door opened, and Dib came in with a hovering tray. There was a bowl of steaming soup and some bread on it, with a glass of juice. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and moved the tray so that it floated in front of Purple.

"I brought you some food," he said quietly, but Purple just glared at him. "Do you feel like eating something?"

"No," he said stubbornly, pouting like a little kid.

"Ok," Dib said, "I'll put it here in case you feel hungry."

"I'm not a smeet, Dib, don't use that tone with me."

Dib sighed and started to tug at the bottom of his t-shirt absent-mindedly. Red had, of course, taken the easy way out and just run off. He was stuck trying to look after Purple, and he had never felt more uncomfortable. Well, except for when Red's contact lens fell out. That was a scene he wouldn't like to repeat. Purple was watching him with a bored expression.

"Dib, why did you bring me back here? All the stuff on the Massive just makes me realise how big a jerk I've been. We've both been jerks, me and Red. I've seen some stuff, Dib. On the streets. We've totally screwed up everything on Irk. I don't want to be a part of this any more."

Dib looked at him nervously, tugging harder on his shirt. It started to rip, but he didn't notice.

"I didn't bring you back here, Red did."

"But you didn't stop him."

"I can't stop Red, he's the Tallest. He can do whatever he likes, remember. Anyway, I didn't want to stop him. I wanted you back as well."

Purple sighed sadly.

"What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were banished forever to Earth."

"Red asked me to come back. To help get you back off the streets."

"Oh."

Purple turned over and slid down under the covers, covering his head with the pillow. Dib sat in silence, looking at him for a while, and then he stood up.

"Fine. Be that way," he said, walking to the door, "I'll come back later."

As soon as Dib shut the door Purple sat back up again, grabbed the tray and started shovelling the soup into his mouth as fast as he could, ignoring the fact that it scalded his tongue and burnt the back of his throat. He stood up and looked into the small mirror that was on the wall at his bruised face. It was then that he realised that he had been undressed, washed, and dressed in his old purple pyjamas. They were extremely baggy on him. His old purple teddy, the one that Red had given him when they were little more than smeets, was on a chair at the other side of the room. He and Red had been together for as long as he could remember. He sat at the foot of his bed and started to cry silently.

---

Dib rapped sharply on Red's door.

"It's open," he called, and Dib walked in, looking annoyed.

"Why did you just run off like that? Purple's really depressed, and you just left me to deal with him."

"I don't want to argue with him until he's better. And stopped this 'spiritual guidance' nonsense. If I'd have thought banishing him would have screwed him up this badly, I wouldn't have done it in the first place."

"You probably would, you know. You've got a really bad temper, you just do things and say things without thinking and mess everything up."

"You can't talk to me like that, I'm the Tallest!" Red shouted, and then clapped his hand over his mouth. Dib's smugly raised eyebrow said all that needed to be said. "Fine, I'm a jerk. Happy now? Still, if you want me to argue with him, then I'll go and do it."

He swept out of the room in a huff and Dib sighed. Things were going from bad to worse. He scurried after Red down the corridor and into the sickbay, but Red was too fast for him, reaching the door ages before Dib. He slammed it open and froze in the doorway. Dib caught up with him, panting, and looked past him into the room, where Purple was crying still. Red sat down next to him and tried to put his arm around him, but he pushed him away.

"Go away, Red. I don't want to talk to you." Purple mumbled, turning away and crossing his arms sulkily.

"Hey, look Pur. Look at me. Look at yourself. You look anorexic, you've got dark circles around your eyes, you're all… creepy. This isn't healthy, it isn't even… ugh… _spiritual_. You need to, uh, look after your Irken form so that you can have a healthy… soul." He gritted his teeth. "Dib, help me out here," he said pleadingly.

"I think Red's trying to say that we're really worried about you, and if you keep on like this, your immortal soul is going to be all that's left of you. You need to do a reality check here, Pur. You don't act or talk like this really, do you? You don't really care about your soul or inner peace. At least, the Purple _I_ know doesn't care about any of that. The Purple I know cares about Red, and curly fries. And himself."

"Don't tell me what I care about," Purple sniffed, "Just leave me alone."

Dib stood up and practically dragged Red out of the room, hissing as he did so, "Give him some space."

Red grinned.

"I have an idea. All we need to do is remind him who he is and cheer him up. I'll lock him in with Platinum for an hour or two. If anyone can cheer him up, it's Platinum." Dib nodded, and Red called the Blondd on his wrist communicator. She walked into the sickbay. "In an hour, we'll have Purple back," Red said smugly. "I can feel it in my bones."

One Hour Later

Red and Dib stood outside the sickbay with their antenna and ear to the door.

"Can you hear anything?" Red asked, and Dib shook his head. "Oh, screw this," he sighed, removing a small metal sphere from his PAK and attaching it to the door. At once the conversation inside was amplified.

"…Get it all off your chest…"

Dib raised an eyebrow, and Red grinned.

"What did he put on her chest?" he said in a slightly jealous voice. His face fell when he heard Platinum start to cry.

"…You're absolutely right! My people _are_ oppressed by the rest of society! It isn't fair that I have to spend my days slaving away for that tyrannical idiot!"

Red growled.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" he spat, opening the door. Purple and Platinum sat together at the end of the bed, and Purple had his arm around the sobbing Blondd. He had changed out of his baggy pyjamas, and was wearing the white robes again.

When they entered, Platinum leapt up and ran out of the room, leaving Purple sitting on the end of the bed with a smirk on his face.

"I know what you're trying to do, Red. But it's not going to work. See this?" he asked, gesturing to the large dent in the metal frame of the bed, "I did that. I've been studying an Earth practise known as _karate_. It's more fulfilling than your pathetic slavery."

"As if you actually made that dent," Red smirked, and Purple gave him a pitying look. He closed his eyes, drew his hands up in front of him, then turned and struck out, leaving another dent perfectly parallel to the first on the metal bar. Red backed away slowly, and Dib gave him an admiring look.

"How… How'd you learn to do that? It takes humans years of training; you've only been gone for just over a week!"

"I dunno," Purple said calmly, "Irkens are a lot stronger physically than humans. And it could have something to do with the time differences, and the time warps between galaxies, and…"

"Look, far be it from me to break up this science lesson, but does it really matter?" Red asked waspishly. "If you want to spend your days beating up a bed then that's fine by me, Pur, but I'm off to enjoy myself. Call me if you ever come down from Planet Head-Case."

Red stormed out, kicking the door as he did so and swearing loudly. Dib stood next to Purple worriedly.

"Don't you think this is all a bit extreme, Pur?" he asked quietly. "I miss the old Purple. D'you think you could just go back to being a Tallest again? You could probably clear up all the problems on Irk if you did. I'm sure Red would let you."

Purple looked up.

"I'll think about it," he said, and Dib nodded and left the sick bay. Purple looked over at his old purple teddy, Jimmy. He sighed and got down on the floor in the lotus position. He was going to meditate over this until he came to a decision, no matter how long it took.

Two Days Later

Red opened the door a crack and peered through worriedly. Purple had been sitting in the same place for two days, not eating, not sleeping, just… _meditating_. How long did it take to think something over? He went back off to Purple's room, where he and Dib had been spending a lot of time. Dib's logic had been that the first place Purple would go to would be his own bedroom, so they had sat there to wait for him to come around. He opened the door and saw Dib tapping the walls, listening carefully.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked in Purple's voice, smirking as Dib's head shot up.

"Red, for the love of Pete, just _stop_ doing that! I get really depressed when I realise it isn't him. I'm searching for more hidden rooms. I knocked a wall earlier and it's hollow, so I wondered if there were any more."

"Oh, yeah, a few. Over there is a hidden cupboard where Pur hid stuff that he didn't want me to see. Usually snacks that he thought I might eat. I generally did," he grinned, "And over there is the soundproof studio."

"The what?"

"Well, Purple plays a lot of instruments. He's very musical, actually. He plays the guitar, piano and saxophone. They're basically the same on Irk as on Earth, so that we can play the same sort of music as you."

Dib looked up with a sudden thought.

"How can you play those if you only have two fingers?"

Red smiled.

"When Purple found out that he would have to have his fingers amputated, he nearly refused to be Tallest, as it would mean that he wouldn't be able to play any more. I talked him into it; and he had a special device installed in his wrist cuffs. He has a special finger made of metal that he can use if he wants to. He spent six months getting to grips with using it just so that he could play again."

"Are you being serious?" Dib asked, an admiring look on his face. He had always presumed that both Red and Purple would have leapt at the chance to become Tallest, and that Purple was, or at least had been, extremely materialistic. Thinking of him wanting to give up all of the riches and servants because he wouldn't be able to play the piano… It was odd.

"Yeah, there's more to Pur than meets the eye," Red said, reading Dib's mind. "He also writes poems, but they're not as good as his music. Pur may be a couple of curly fries short of a happy meal, but he _is _good at some things, Dib."

Dib grinned.

"How is he, anyway?"

"Still not moving."

"Seriously?" Dib's face fell. "It's been two days!"

"Tell me something I don't know. He's even thinner than before. He looks like he's gonna collapse, to be honest. I don't want to disturb him, though."

They sighed, totally deflated, and sat in silence for a while.

---

Purple stood up shakily and looked in the mirror. He was skeletal, and hungrier than he thought possible. He had come to his conclusion. He walked slowly out of the sickbay and down the corridor, bumping into Helio as he did so. Literally. Helio looked up angrily and then gasped.

"M…My Tallest? Is it you?"

"Eh? Oh. Helio. Yeah."

He carried on walking, ignoring the incessant jabbering of Helio as he dogged him down the corridors. He found his way to his bedroom and opened the door slowly, his eyes widening slightly when he saw that it was already occupied by Red and Dib. They hadn't noticed him. He listened in.

"So, erm, do you play?" Dib asked. Red laughed.

"Me? I'm not artistic enough to play!"

Purple smiled. He had said that to Red once, in an argument.

"So what do you do?"

"I play the drums, but…"

"I've told you a thousand times, Red, banging a stick around isn't playing an instrument," Purple cut in. Dib didn't even look up.

"And I've told Dib didn't even look up.

"And _I've_ told you a thousand times to quit imitating Pur." Dib snapped, but Red had already leapt to his feet and run to the door.

Dib glanced up and gasped. Purple was standing there, insanely thin, with the look of an anaemic about him. His eyes were dull and lifeless, and he moved listlessly, but he was still smiling.

"I… I've changed my mind," he said, "But there are going to be some changes around here."

Red nodded.

"Anything. As long as I agree with it. And it doesn't involve you throwing me out for a week so that I can see what you've been through."

"C…Can Dib stay?" Purple asked, "Or I don't want to."

Red sighed, but nodded again. Dib beamed.

"Come back down from Planet Head-Case then, Pur?"

Red pulled Purple into a rib cracking hug, and Dib stood on the sideline happily. Now there was just the problem of the love-triangle to deal with. Easy, right?

**AN**

**I can't help but think that this chapter was a lot weaker than some of my previous stuff, but don't worry; I'll improve for the next one. Please review.**

**I only own Helio and Platinum from this chapter. And Jimmy, Purple's teddy. The rest belongs to Vasquez.**


	19. Sugar Rush

Sugar Rush

Red clutched Purple's hand. He was about to go in for a simple operation to return him to a healthy size. The doctors had stressed that it was vital, and Red had agreed. Dib hadn't been quite as thrilled.

"So, what? Pur's going in for _reverse_ liposuction? That's disgusting!"

"Have you seen what Pur looks like at the moment, Dib? I've seen fatter Irkens in morgues."

Dib sighed. Red did have a point. Purple was already unconscious, and he looked disturbingly as though he had starved to death.

"Where are you getting the… ugh… fat from? Hey, why don't you call on Zim? He's gained some weight, right?"

Red smirked.

"Or maybe we could just suck it all out of your head, Dib." Dib fell silent. He hated his head. _Hated_ it. Red continued. "We don't pump him full of fat; that would be disgusting. Picture a load of jello in a plastic bag. No, we pump him full of sugar. He'll be totally hyper for about a day, whilst his PAK converts it to his own body fat. God Dib, what did you think we were going to do, just inject a load of lard under his skin? Just because you humans pump your own bodies full of plastic and cow fat, it doesn't mean Irkens are as crude when it comes to operating!"

Dib nodded with interest. When Red put it that way, it did seem like a stupid thought.

Red went through into the operating theatre with the hovering stretcher, looking around to make sure that the surgeon-bot wasn't in there. It wasn't. He had to act quickly, though, there wasn't much time. He rolled Purple over and gently removed his PAK, carrying the struggling, writhing machine to the computer, where he plugged it in. He watched as Purple's name, personality and status were listed on one screen, and as a lifetime's memories scrolled rapidly down another one. Then he started to type frantically on the virtual keyboard, inserting a new memory into the vast list. He unplugged the PAK and allowed it to reattach itself to Purple. Then, just as the surgeon-bot entered, he slipped out of the other door. He just prayed it had worked, that he hadn't left anything out that would come back to haunt him. He also wished that he hadn't taken the coward's way out, but he wanted to save himself from any more arguments. He went into the observation room and watched as the robot plunged the needle straight into Purple's vein and started to inject the sugar. He shuddered.

Thirty Minutes Later

Dib and Red both looked into the room with identical expressions of horror.

"Remind me to make sure he never eats sugar ever again," Red murmured, and Dib nodded. Purple was completely off his head with sugar rush, quite literally bouncing off the walls. He ran over to the door and started to jabber at them, so quickly they could barely pick out separate words.

"Hey, Red, Hey Dib, did you know how small this room was, it's tiny, absolutely tiny, I keep hitting the walls, but it can't be tiny 'cause we're on the Massive ha-ha, do you get it, the _Massive_, it's a big word, but a small room, whoa, Dib, your head is huge, huge I'm telling you, _that's_ the Massive, right there, wow, I'm funny, really funny, I crack myself up! Ohmigod, I smell donuts!" he gabbled, all in one breath, and suddenly he'd forced his way past them and was gone.

Red gasped.

"We can't have him loose on the Massive! He'll… crash it into a sun or something! And whoever the _hell_ is making donuts had better not give him any!"

They sprinted off, and came across Gem, squashed against the wall.

"M… My Tallest!" he gasped, "I… I was just hit by a strange, purple blur…"

"Which way did it go?" Dib asked, and he pointed a shaking finger down the corridor. Suddenly, the ship jolted and the lights went out.

"Great. He's turned off the power supply. Now the power has to do a re-boot," Red groaned. The emergency lights flickered on, eerie and dim. A shadow flashed past at the end of the corridor, and the sound of manic giggling was heard. Gem cringed in terror.

"What is it? It's… so… scary!"

"That, Gem, is Tallest Purple when his sugar concentration's at one hundred and twenty percent," Red said solemnly, shuddering as he did so. He and Dib ran after the sound, skidding round the corridor and seeing Purple swinging from the ceiling with his spider legs.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!" he squealed. Red reached out, but just as he was about to grab him, the emergency lights went out. The normal ones flicked on and Purple was gone, hurtling down another corridor.

Dib gave a sudden gasp.

"I think he's headed for the communications room!" he moaned, and Red picked up the pace, using his spider legs to go even faster than before. The door to the com room was stuck, sliding back and forth.

"Crap," Red groaned, somehow forcing his way through without getting guillotined, but it was too late. Purple stood before the screen, shaking violently on the spot as though he were being electrocuted. One of his eyes was twitching. Red looked up to see Zim and Flo staring at the screen, mouths hanging open, eyes wide. Flo turned slightly when Red ran on screen.

"Er… With all due respect, my Tallest, what the hell is going on?" she asked. "Why is Tallest Purple so thin? When we saw him a while ago, he seemed fine. And why is he shaking like that?"

Red looked as though he might punch something, or burst into tears.

"Everything's fine, Flo. Cut the transmission, Reg," he said. Nothing happened. "Reg? Reg, where the hell are you?" he looked around. Reg was cowering under his desk with his hands over his head.

"He stole my donuts… I just wanted one… the frosting…" he mumbled incoherently, his eyes squeezed shut. Red cut the transmission and pinned Purple to the wall with his spider legs. Dib walked towards him slowly.

"Pur? Purple. We're gonna race back to your bedroom. The first one there…" Purple had already gone. You could practically see a dust cloud in the shape of him hanging in the air. "…wins…" Dib completed, sprinting off after him.

When he finally got to the room, Purple was bouncing up and down on his bed. He fell off and started to have a laughing fit, tears rolling down his cheeks as he screamed with mirth. Dib grinned and closed the door, and Red locked it.

"There. We'll come back later and see if he's crashed," he said. Dib went off to his own room, and Red sat down in front of Purple's door, hoping like hell that the memory modification had worked.

Five Hours Later

Dib slumped next to Red, bored out of his mind.

"Is he sane yet?" he asked for the fortieth time.

Red gave an exasperated growl. He was worried that his plan hadn't worked and he had screwed Purple up yet again, and Dib was driving him crazy by constantly asking questions.

"No. For the last time, NO!" he shouted, practically foaming at the mouth.

"Didn't think so. You'd have though that he'd have processed it all by now."

"I tell you what: how about I pump your blood to one hundred twenty percent sugar and we'll see how long it takes you to process it."

"Yeah. Slight problem- a human would die."

"All the more reason to do so. You are the most annoying creature I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"Except for Zim, of course," Dib smirked and Red flashed him a warning look.

"I'm starting to wonder."

"Why are you so touchy, Red? Pur's just on a sugar rush, he'll calm down eventually. No need to act as though he's just come out of brain surgery."

Red sighed.

"Look, Dib, I programmed Purple's PAK so he thinks I already told him about you and me. And so that he's not mad at me about it any more. I couldn't tell him face to face."

"You did _what_? But what if you did something wrong? What if you've messed up his brain? Is that why he's still acting like this? Oh, _God_, this is so messed up, Red, you idiot, you might have…"

"Dammit, Dib, I'll reprogram _your_ brain if you don't shut up," he snapped, pulling a pencil out of his pocket and pointing it between Dib's eyes menacingly. Dib shrank backwards slightly and looked into the room. Purple was sitting in a chair with his back to the door. He was twitching slightly, but didn't seem to be hyperactive any more.

"I… think he's ok," he said excitedly and Red opened the door. Purple turned around slowly. He looked tired, and his left eye twitched every so often, but he no longer looked like a skeleton anymore. Dib spoke first.

"Hey, Pur? Do you remember anything that Red might have told you recently?"

"What that he dressed up as me and started screwing you? Sure. Why?"

Dib bit his lip.

"Are you… are you ok with that?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, Dib, no. You both betrayed me. But, as Red is a _total_ hippopotamus now, he can't be mad at me for still loving you. So… I don't care."

Red looked simultaneously relieved and confused.

"Did… Did you just call me a hippopotamus?"

"Yeah, you know, when you do something that you tell other people not to do."

"Don't you mean hypocrite?"

"I say what I mean and I mean what I say, Red."

Dib grinned, and Red sighed.

"I guess all we have to do now is work out what the hell we're going to do about all this," he said, and Purple nodded.

"Well, I've been thinking about that ever since I had that huge argument about it with Red," he began, "And I've come up with something I think might work."

"Ok, shoot," said Dib. Purple turned back to Red.

"Why don't we just… share him?"

"What?!?" Dib gasped.

"Yeah, what?" asked Red, and Purple smiled.

"Well, we've shared everything else so far. The Massive, the Blondds, the power. Why not share Dib as well?"

"Share me? What, like a banana split or a milkshake or a t-shirt? No way!" Dib shouted, but Red was nodding.

"It _does_ make sense," he mused, "I mean… we already are, in a way… and you know, Emperor Minas from Planet Aurum has two wives. That's kinda the same, right? Sure, I'll give this sharing thing a shot. How about it, Dib?" he asked, and he and Purple turned to Dib in unison. He was seething.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! What am I, just another one of your possessions? A toy you kids have decided to play with together?"

"Ooh, sexy," Purple laughed, and Red smirked. Dib carried on furiously.

"I will _not_ go through with this!"

Red sighed.

"I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this, Dib," he said, sounding slightly reluctant as he punched him on the nose. He fell to the floor, unconscious, and Purple looked at him worriedly.

"You are… _scarily_ good at that," he said, and Red nodded, picking up Dib and carrying him to the operating room.

When Dib woke up, all he could remember of the previous conversation was agreeing to everything that had been said. The Tallest were going to share him, and he was ok with that because it was Red and Purple, and he adored them. Strangely enough, he was no longer attracted to Flo. And he had a curious desire to slam Red against a wall and lick him all over. It was almost as though the Tallest had taken control of his brain, but for some reason, the idea of either of them doing that was ridiculous to him. The Tallest were sitting together on a couch, making out. When he walked into the room, they looked up, and said, in creepy unison, "Dib! How are you?"

He laughed. He loved them both so much.

"That's really freaky how you speak together. You should do that at Flo's party tomorrow, it'll creep people out so much!"

"What?!? Flo's party is tomorrow?" Red was in shock. He hadn't been thinking about it; neither he nor Purple had costumes. He voiced the problem, and Dib groaned.

"I'd forgotten it was a costume party! Oh, damn, damn, damn!"

"Flo's having a costume party?" Purple asked.

"Formal dance. Then costume," Red grunted, "What do we wear?"

"Hey, you guys should actually do that unison thing! Like the 'Shining' twins."

Purple laughed, and he and Red said together, "Come play with us, Dibby."

Dib backed away slightly.

"Just never call me that again, ok? What about… Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee?"

"Nah," Red said, "We did at a different party. Hey, Dib, you should go as something really sexy, like a cow-boy!"

Dib snorted.

"A cowboy? And suffer all the 'Brokeback Mountain' jokes? No thanks!"

"Fine. A pirate, then," Purple grinned.

Red started bouncing up and down on the spot.

"Ooh, a pirate! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"Really?" Dib had an eyebrow raised. "A pirate?"

"Ask _any_ Irken, Dib, they'll tell you that pirates are sexy," Purple assured him, and he grinned.

"Fine. You two need to be a duo. Oh, what about a superhero couple! Batman and Robin, or something?"

Red nodded.

"Fine, we'll do that. But not Batman and Robin. Exactly _how_ camp do you want Purple to look here?"

Dib started to laugh, and soon they were all laughing together. Everyone was happy.

---

Well, not everyone. Somebody was watching on a screen, in a darkened room.

"Look at them! Laughing as though everything's fine. Well, it's _not_ fine. It's just _not_. It'll never last, you know."

"Yeah, well. What're you gonna do?" his partner asked, and he growled.

"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna tell the control brains, that's what I'm gonna do. Them and a human; it's just not right."

"Oh, c'mon. What are they gonna do? It's just the Tallest screwing around with some human. What's the worst that could happen?"

"They're _gonna do_ something. Look. I'm gonna go right now and send a message. Watch me; I'll type it and send it now, if you don't believe I've got the guts!"

There was a bored sigh.

"I believe you're gonna do it, I just can't believe you're bothering."

---

Messages Sent To The Control Brains

**Problem: **Citizens won't have homes if the southern complex is destroyed.

**Solution:** Kill them.

**Problem:** Customers outnumber Foodcourtia staff.

**Solution:** Kill them.

**Problem:** Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple are having an affair of a sexual nature with human servant Dib.

**Solution:** Kill them.

---

Dib, Red and Purple all lay awake for different reasons. Red was feeling slightly guilty about modifying both Dib and Purple's brains, but he put this thought aside with the simple fact that they were both back in his arms. Purple was relieved to be back on the Massive. For some reason, he thought that the idea of anything spiritual was absolutely ridiculous, although he still thought vaguely about problems back on Irk. And Dib? Dib was just happy. Happy that he was back with Purple _and_ Red. And that this time, he was pretty sure that nothing could possibly go wrong.

**AN**

**Ooh, the tholt pickens! Or words to that effect. I, too, may be on a sugar rush. Please review!**

**I don't own Invader Zim; that is Jhonen Vasquez's property. I own Flo, and everyone else I've mentioned before that I own. An update will be very quickly on it's way, because I'm writing quickly. The holidays are nearly over, and I want to try and finish this before I go back to school. It's a big goal, but I'll do the best I can.**


	20. Bat Out Of Hell

**This was originally going to be a Beauty and the Beast parody, but I preferred this version. **

Bat Out Of Hell

Zim slid across the couch to sit next to Flo, looking slightly nervous.

"Flo, I came to say congratulations on reaching your birthing anniversary, and also to offer you a gift."

"Oh Zim, I…"

"No, no, no, don't refuse yet! Tallest Red is holding no party, Flo. I've set up a party for you. That was what the costume was for. All the planet leaders are coming. But that's not all!"

"Seriously, Zim, I really don't think…"

"I told you not to refuse! Listen, the arcade; yet another part of the present. But the largest part is what I have here in this box."

He reached down under the couch and pulled out a large, flat box. Flo looked up questioningly, and he opened it. She gasped.

"It's… my dress!"

He nodded.

"An exact copy of the dress you wore to the formal dance. Flo, for your birthing anniversary, I'm turning back the clock to that wonderful night. So. Do you accept?"

Flo looked up into his shining eyes and sighed.

"Zim, you've gone to so much trouble for me. What if I say no? What happens to the planet leaders and the party? What happens then?"

"Are you saying no?" Zim's antennas drooped.

"I… don't know, Zim. It's us. I don't know if I want to go back to us, honey. Not now."

Zim reached out and held her hand gently.

"Why do you do this to Zim, Flo? I reach out, you push me away. You come back to me; you sit with me in the Voot, under the umbrella, the tinsel… You get my hopes up then shoot me down. So I'm asking you now, Flo. Give me another chance. Just… to see. You can break it up later like so many times before, but just for tonight, say yes."

Flo dropped her gaze and looked down at her lap sadly. Zim dropped her hand, and his face fell.

"Fine," she said at last, "Just for tonight. Just to see."

Zim's smile said all that needed to be said. He went off to get changed. The party was in two hours.

---

Dib finished his breakfast quickly and turned to Red and Purple.

"I have to go now, to help set things up for the party," he said, and Red grinned back.

"We have our costumes ready. Thanks for the idea, Dib."

Purple kissed his cheek gently.

"See you in two hours, then," he smiled, and Dib stepped into the teleporter. The numbers counted down, and the bulb turned green. There was a bright flash.

Dib stepped out of the hatch into Zim's palace. The servants were flitting around all over the place, bustling around and setting things up. He went off to Flo's room and knocked on the door.

"It's open!" she called and he stepped inside, looking around. When he saw her, his heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, Flo. You look beautiful," he said, and she turned around from the huge mirror with a smile. She was doing the finishing touches; lipstick, mascara, or whatever the Irken equivalent was. She picked a pink flower from a vase and attached it to her antenna.

"Do you like it?" she asked, twirling in front of him and holding out the long skirt of her dress.

It was a long, deep green ballroom dress, with puffball sleeves and matching long green gloves. There was a pink sash and pink lace trim along the top and the hem. She was wearing small green shoes that were hidden under the long skirt.

"Again. You look beautiful," he said, and suddenly he felt awful. She was going to have an argument with Zim, and her party would be ruined. But thinking about Zim, how he had enslaved his sister along with the whole human race, how he had broken Flo's heart, and how he had stolen his lungs, Dib pushed the thought to the back of his mind. "Be careful, Flo. What if this party's just another excuse to get you on your own?"

Flo glared at him.

"Zim's tried so hard to make this night special, Dib. The planet leaders are coming. He's turned back the clock…"

"What?"

"To the night we met. At a ballroom dance. I was wearing this dress."

Dib looked at her sadly.

"Ok, Flo. I've got to go and… do something now. I'll see you later."

He ran out of the room to the throne room, where Zim had told the planet leaders to meet. When he walked in he stopped, confused. This wasn't the throne room, it was an enormous golden room, but with no throne in sight. A large dance floor took up most of the room, with buffet tables adorning the sides, and a huge bar in one corner. Zim had really gone to town for Flo. Servants were filling the buffet tables, and he saw Gaz among them. He ran over.

"Hey, Gaz! Gaz!"

She turned to him.

"Hi," she said, in a bored tone, "Guess what. Zim said that as Flo's friend, I have to go to this stupid ballroom dance as well as the costume party."

Dib grinned. She did not look pleased.

"Well, if all goes well, you won't have to," he said slyly, and she narrowed her eyes.

"What?"

Dib explained his plan and she beamed; something he had never seen her do before.

"You're evil, Dib. Pure evil. I'm proud of you," she smiled, and she walked off to 'get changed into her stupid dress'.

Evil. Dib sighed. Was he really evil? Helping the servants with the food, the time passed quickly. It was ten minutes to the time that Zim expected the party to start. One hour and ten till the planet leaders arrived. Dib wondered what Zim was going to be wearing, and set off to go and see for himself.

Dib walked into Zim's dressing room brazenly, and his eyes widened. Zim was dancing on his own, arms holding an invisible woman, eyes closed. As he span and opened his eyes, Zim saw him in the mirror and turned to face him with a smug grin.

"How do I look, Dib-Stink?" he asked, and Dib's brain couldn't supply an answer that he liked. Good. Smart. Handsome. Zim looked great. He would never say this aloud, of course. He was wearing his black pants and boots, but he also had a light red shirt and a long crimson blazer. His black gloves poked out from under the long sleeves, and his eyes twinkled smugly. He knew he looked good, and he knew that Dib was thinking this. This complacency made Dib hate him even more. The plan had better work. Dib went out of the room and saw Flo waiting patiently at the top of the stairs. He put his head back around the door.

"Your lady awaits," he smirked, and Zim pushed past him out of the door.

Zim stopped in his tracks when he saw Flo. She still looked as beautiful as night he had first seen her. He offered her his arm, which she took, with a nervous grin.

"I feel like running back to my girlfriends and telling them about all this," she smiled, "Just like I did before."

"What did you say?" Zim asked.

"I believe my exact words were: 'Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, he's _so_ gorgeous! He's in a band, you know!' And then a load of giggling and squealing. Something like that," she laughed, and Zim grinned.

Dib looked up and snorted.

"_Zim_ was in a band?" he spluttered, and Zim gave a dreamy smile.

"We needed monies to fund us getting into Invader Training Camp. So we started a band. The Zim was lead singer," he sighed wistfully, "But we split up. I was the only one to enrol."

"What was the name of the band?" Dib asked, with a smirk.

"The Invaders," Flo laughed, "Original, right?"

"You didn't laugh when I told you, though, did you Flo?" Zim said slyly, and she sighed.

"No, I didn't. I thought you were so cool, Zim. Guess I was wrong, eh?" she smirked, and Zim rolled his eyes.

"We'll see, Flo," he muttered, and they reached the throne room.

Zim cleared his throat importantly and turned to Flo.

"Your magical night of _lurve_ begins now, Flo," he smiled, "Starting with the party."

He flung the doors open and gasped. The room was empty.

"Oh Zim! You recreated the Vic! I can't believe it!" Flo gasped, running inside. She seemed to have forgotten all about Dib's warning. Dib groaned; his plan hadn't worked. But then she turned back. "Where are the planet leaders, Zim?"

Zim moaned angrily and turned to Dib, who, out of sight from Flo, raised his middle finger and smirked. Flo came running back up to the door, where Zim was shaking with fury. He laughed when she came up.

"They're coming, they're coming," he said in a reassuring tone, "In the meantime, we'll turn back the clock properly," he added, and as they turned to go in, he clicked his fingers. Behind his back, mechanical claws came down from the ceiling and grabbed Dib, wrapping him up and covering his mouth so he couldn't cry out. As they dragged him down the corridor, Zim turned back. He spread apart his fore and middle fingers and slipped his serpentine tongue between them with a smug grin. Then he followed Flo into the hall. Dib struggled and kicked, but it was no use. He was stuck.

---

Zim and Flo sat on barstools in the empty room, a gentle waltz tune flooding from invisible speakers.

"A pint," Zim told the barkeeper, "And whatever the beautiful girl on the end wants."

Flo looked up and smiled.

"I'll have whatever he's having."

She slid down the seats to be next to Zim, who downed his pint with the speed of an expert drinker. Flo matched his speed, and he ordered another drink, Flo going pint for pint with him just like she had all those years ago.

"So," Zim asked, "Is your name as pretty as your face?"

"Flo," she smiled.

"Zim. Have you been dragged here too?"

"Yeah. My girlfriends all have dates, but I don't."

"Hmm. Same here. Well, you wouldn't like to help me out, would you?"

"With what?" Flo asked, though she knew what was coming. It had replayed in her head a hundred times since.

"I told my friends that my mate was more beautiful than the setting suns, but I don't have a mate. Could I let them see you with me? Only, they'll believe me that way."

"Sorry, honey, but I generally go for taller guys," she said, blushing all the same. Why, God only knew.

"Taller than you, shortstuff," Zim grinned, and she laughed and nodded.

"I like guys that speak their mind. Fine. I'll pretend to be your mate."

Zim kissed her cheek and ordered another drink. In the corner of his eye, Flo placed her hand over her cheek and gave an amorous sigh. It was working.

The night replayed itself beautifully and it had nearly been an hour, but Flo still refused to dance. Zim sighed. It was going to take more than a sense of déjà vu to win Flo over.

---

Red turned to Purple, who was holding a large bag full of clothes.

"Do you have everything?" he asked.

"Yup. Costumes in here. You look good, Red."

"Same to you, Pur. C'mon, we'll just go over the teleporter. We've only got ten minutes before the party starts. You don't wanna miss the dancing, right?"

"Of course not."

They stepped into the teleporter, along with their dancing partners, and set the destination. They didn't need clearance, because Zim had dropped security to allow all the leaders to arrive. They stepped out into the palace communications room, and saw Dib hanging from the ceiling, held up by pipes and claws.

"What the hell?!?" Purple gasped, and Red found the button for release. As Dib dropped to the floor, Purple rushed over to him, steadying him as he got shakily to his feet, glasses askew and hair messed up. His black jacket was creased.

"I… Zim… He…"

"We'll sort this out later, Pur," Red said, "Dib's ok, this was probably just a mistake."

"No it wasn't!" Dib began, "It was…"

"We're going to be late!" cut in Red, and Dib looked at him and Purple properly.

Red was wearing a crimson tuxedo with a white shirt. Purple was wearing a matching purple tux, and they both carried white flowers. The Blondds stood behind them, resplendent in long, sparkling canary yellow dresses. They each carried a yellow rose.

"It's customary to give a female a flower on her birthing anniversary. Not as a gift; just for good luck," Red explained as they walked down the corridor, and Dib pulled a matching white flower from a nearby vase. They got to the door, and saw a crowd of planet leaders standing in the doorway, staring in.

"What's all the fuss about?" Dib asked. Red and Purple could see over the leader's heads, but Dib forced his way to the front. It was then that he heard the music start up. "This wasn't meant to happen…" he muttered, unable to drag himself away from the scene. It held him captivated like the most beautiful car crash he had ever seen.

---

Zim sighed and stood up.

"Where're you going?" Flo asked, and he walked over to the other side of the room, pushed a button and turned a dial. As he walked back, an electric guitar sounded twice. Flo's head snapped up, and as the piano came in she knew it was the song she was thinking of.

"Oh Zim! Our song; you remembered!"

"How could I forget?" he smiled, "May I have this dance?"

Flo looked up worriedly. Dancing with Zim to their song; the one that was playing when she realised she loved him, was probably not a good idea. But as the first line sounded, she knew that she had to.

_The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling way down in the valley tonight._

She nodded and extended her arm. Zim kissed her hand and reached into a vase, plucking out a rose and putting it in his mouth. He spat it out.

"Son of a…" he muttered, pulling the thorn from his lips whilst Flo laughed and untied the flower from her antenna, handing it to him. It was only now that he realised it was the same as the one he had given her on the Voot ride.

"Here," she smiled, and he placed it between his teeth and held her hand. They walked to the middle of the dance floor and got into position, dancing a sped-up waltz as the bridge played, gazing awkwardly into each other's eyes.

_Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world that's pure and good and right._

_And wherever you are wherever you go, there's always gonna be some light._

_But I've gotta get out, I've gotta break it out now before the final crack of dawn._

_So we've gotta make the most of our one night together,_

_When it's over you know, we'll both be so alone._

As the chorus played they sped up and started to spin around the room, but still nervous and uncomfortable, as though they'd rather not be doing this. Zim sighed. He had wanted this night to be perfect, but Dib had screwed it all up. The last line of the chorus played.

The music slowed and there was a pause. He leant in towards her lips, and she closed her eyes. Then the guitar and drums played quickly, and her eyes shot open again as she felt herself being lifted up. Zim held her close, lifting up on his spider legs and close to the ceiling, moving quickly around the room, rising and falling and spinning. He drew them in and they fell towards the floor, only to be caught as he sent them out of his PAK again. He ran forwards, gaining speed. Then that he lifted two legs up to the ceiling and grabbed on, jumping with the others to spin them upside down, performing a perfect flip in the air and landing on the bar counter. He span Flo out and then in towards his arms again. She could barely breathe, barely believe what was happening. All she was aware of was Zim, and the music that played on. Zim started to run across the bar, jumping off and sprinting to the other side of the room. He was teasing her. If she wanted to carry on dancing, she'd have to come and get him. She chased after him, grabbing his arms and forcing him to continue their hyperactive waltz.

_If I gotta be damned, you know I wanna be damned,_

_Dancing through the night_

_Dancing through the night_

_Dancing through the night with you._

As the bridge came again, they danced as they had never danced before. Flo span in and out of Zim's arms, her long green dress flirting and rippling with every turn. The final chorus drew to a close, slow and dramatic, and they drew closer, dancing slowly.

_Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling home back to you._

"Flo," Zim said, breathing heavily and spitting the flower out of his mouth onto the floor. How he had managed to keep it there for the whole dance was somewhat of a miracle. "I… I love you."

Flo missed a step and collided with him, pressed up against his chest. There; finally, the words she longed to hear and yet despised thinking about. She looked into his eyes and saw it was true; they were shining and earnest.

"About bloody time," she breathed, and they leant in and shared a kiss as passionate as their dance. They broke apart rapidly when a high-pitched squeal sounded at the door.

"My master's in love!!!" GIR exclaimed happily, and a collective 'aaaawww' was heard. Flo and Zim turned slowly to look at the doorway, where the planet leaders stood, misty-eyed and smiling, watching their every move. Dib had never looked colder than he did at that moment.

**AN**

**Please Review!**

**If you've never heard the song 'Bat Out Of Hell', then you really need to use the link on my profile and listen to it. Seriously; it's the best song ever.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Vasquez and the song 'Bat Out Of Hell' belongs to Meatloaf. Flo and the Blondds, however, belong to me.**

**I'll update soon.**


	21. A Night To Remember

A Night To Remember

There was a cold laugh as the message scrolled onto the screen.

"Hey! You! The non-believer! See; the control brains _are_ going to do something about this whole Dib, Red, Purple thing!"

He waved his hand towards the screen, and his partner read it in awe.

"Don't you think that killing them is a little extreme? It's just an affair."

"Well, I did at first. I mean, do they deserve to die over this? And then I thought; yeah. They do."

"So, when are they going to die?"

"The control brains are programming the Massive's computer. When the Tallest get back from their little party, they're going to kill Dib. The Tallest will be killed if they try to prevent it; if they don't then they'll be banished to the far corners of the universe."

"I guess that's fair. When do they come back?"

"Who knows? But when they do, they'll get a big surprise!"

The cold laugh echoed around the cold room again, joined by a slightly nervous affected giggle. This was going to be a night to remember for Irkens everywhere.

---

Flo stood close to Zim in front of the crowd of planet leaders, noting the look of astonishment on Zim's face. Almost as though he hadn't been expecting them. Zim was smirking at Dib's slightly bedraggled appearance, and Dib was glaring back at Zim's smug expression.  
"Erm… Glad to see you could all make it on time," Zim said, an eyebrow raised at Dib.

"Happy Birthing Anniversary, Flo!" Purple called from the back, and soon everyone was congratulating Flo and passing her flowers. Zim scooped the pink flower from the floor and wound it around her antenna. By the time she had received all of the lucky flowers, she looked like a walking bouquet. She piled them all onto the bar counter and sighed.

"Wow. I really am lucky," she smiled, gazing over at Zim, who was starting up the dancing music again. He walked over to Flo and offered her his arm, and they walked over to the dance floor. Soon, everyone was picking partners, and Dib looked over to the Tallest hopefully. A tango started up, and they stood next to each other, each with a Blondd on their arm. Dib stood sulkily by the bar and watched as they danced, mirroring each other perfectly even though they weren't looking at each other. The whole dance went on, and Dib still sat on his own. Finally he saw a girl gesture to him to come over. He grinned; she was pretty. It wasn't until he came up close that he recognised her.

It was Gaz, her long purple hair fixed in a bun at the top of her head. Only her long fringe remained untouched, still covering her eye and half her face. She was wearing a long dress that was made of a silky purple material, a black spider web pattern sewn all over it. Her eyes were, as usual, ringed with liner, but were now accentuated with smoky purple shadow. She also had long, black net gloves that almost reached her elbows.

"Hey, Dib. Lurking on the edge of the dance floor too?"

"Gaz! I didn't recognise you! You look…" Dib pondered on which adjective he could use to complete his sentence that wouldn't result in him getting beaten up. "…nice?"

To his relief, she gave him a half smile.

"Thanks. You too."

The music changed, and many people swapped partners. Dib saw the beautiful Princess Giaré dancing with her brother. He remembered how flustered he had been when he had seen them both. Gaz caught his gaze and looked at the siblings with a raised eyebrow. Dib looked up.

"Hey, Gaz? You want to dance?"

Gaz gave him a death glare, and then her expression softened.

"Sure. I guess that would be… ok."

As the siblings waltzed around the room, Purple's head snapped up.

"Hey! Hey, Red, who's that girl?"

"What?" Red glanced up from Strawberry.

"Dib's dancing with a girl. Who is she? What do you think he's saying to her? She's pretty, Red! Who is she?"

"Does it really matter? It's a dance; he didn't have a partner before. Now he does. Let it lie."

"I _can't_, Red, what if she steals Dib? He might have second thoughts about us; she's the same species as him for a start!"  
Red sighed.

"Pur, you know perfectly well that he _can't_ have second thoughts now that he's had that operation. Leave it!"

"I'm going over there!" Purple stopped dancing and went off, leaving Platinum standing in the middle of the dance floor, looking mildly upset. Red groaned and let go of Strawberry, hurrying after Purple.

Gaz looked up and stopped dancing.

"Dib, who the hell is that?"

Dib turned around and saw Purple weaving clumsily through the dancing couples to reach him.

"Dib! Who the hell is that?" he asked, the second he got to them, and Dib grinned.

"Gaz, I'd like you to meet Tallest Purple and Tallest Red. Pur, this is my sister, Gaz."

"No way! Your sister was that cute little girl with the wavy hair and the feather… duster?" Purple was becoming increasingly nervous of the look on the human girl's face. Red gave her a warm smile, which she did not return. His smile faltered, and he cleared his throat, deciding to try a different approach.

"Erm… Gaz. You look lovely…" she glared and he bit his lip, stumbling over his words. "It's rare to find a creature as gorgeous as Dib, so it only makes sense that you're his sister. Ow! Jeez, Pur, I said rare, not impossible!"

Gaz stared up at them, unimpressed.

"Seriously, Dib, who the hell is this?"

There was something about her raised eyebrow and bored expression that made Dib squirm inside.

"Red and Pur are… Well, we're…" He didn't want to say it. Red waved his hand in the _Go on…_ motion, and Dib sighed, steeling himself. "Gaz, I'm in love with them," he muttered, and the silence that he was met with made him die inside. Recently he had found himself closer to Gaz than they ever had been before, and he actually cared what she thought.

"Which one?"

"Well… both of them."

"Seriously?" she asked, sounding more thoughtful than anything else. Red and Purple nodded fervently, picking up on Dib's discomfort. Gaz's voice had little surprise or emotion in it, and she didn't seem to care. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised, Dib. I always figured that… gay alien threesomes… were your thing. Punch?"

She was walked to the punch bowl with Red and Purple, and he scurried after them, pleasantly surprised by her impassive reaction. He had expected a lot worse. The Tallest talked to Gaz about Dib for a long time, and by the time Zim announced that it was time to change into the costumes, she seemed relieved. She pulled Dib to one side as they went off to change.

"Dib. What am I going to tell Dad about you and those aliens?"

"I don't know. Gaz, are you ok with all of this?"

"Dib, even if I wasn't, you wouldn't do anything about it. What you do with Zim's leaders isn't anything to do with me. Now, get out of my way Dib, I need to get out of this dress. Right now."

Dib stepped aside quickly and let her go off to her room to change, and he set off in the direction of his own room. He wondered dimly who Red and Purple were dressing as, but he was more interested in Zim, as he had passed his room on the way and heard him getting changed inside.

"You look great, your highness."

"The Zim always looks great, Yasmine. But doesn't this look a little… stupid?"

"No, sir. It looks perfect. I _told_ you it would suit you."

"LIES! This costume was the idea of _Zim_…"

"Of course, your highness."

"Now, who am I dressed as again?"

Dib had been forced to carry on then, having seen Flo coming down the corridor. He dressed in his pirate costume, pulling on the loose shirt and long coat, the boots. He dunked his head into a bowl of water, finally flattening the antennas that he had worn for so long. He tied the sopping hair back with a bandana, having braided parts and using some bands to create dreadlocks. Finally he placed on his hat and used the eyeliner he had borrowed from Gaz.

He made sure he had all his weapons and additional props, and made his way back to the throne room, where Zim, Flo and Gaz stood together next to the buffet tables among a crowd of different characters. He approached them, recognising Gaz's large hat, long sword and cloak as the attire of the Vampire Piggy Hunter she had played so many times before. Flo wore a green top and tiny green shorts, a jumble of equipment hung from her belt and a pistol was strapped to each leg. She was wearing huge combat boots and fingerless gloves. Zim stood in profile to Dib, and was staring intently at Flo. Dib didn't blame him; she looked amazing.

"Flo! Who are you?"

"Who am I? Who am I? Dib, I'm Lara Croft! The single greatest videogame character of all time! She inspired a generation of females on your planet!"

"And aroused a generation of males," Gaz said in a bored voice. "Lara Croft is a sex symbol, Flo."

"I'll say," Zim muttered, and then he turned to face Dib, who nearly had a seizure.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" he spluttered, and Zim's face turned a shade darker than normal.

"Tremble before the feet of Lord Oberon, Dib-Stink," he announced, head tilted slightly in a pompous manner.

"Wait, Lord Oberon? Shakespeare's Oberon?"

"I know not of this Shakespeare, Dibling. I know that this Oberon is a King, and only a character of royal blood could be worthy of Zim."

"Isn't Oberon the king of the faeries?"

Zim simply raised an eyebrow as Dib tried to take in his costume. Zim wore a long, loose black robe, patterned with swirling lines of green and gold, which fell to the floor, his usual black pants tied with a colourful sash as a belt, but no shirt. A new crown adorned his head, not dissimilar to a laurel wreath, decorated with colourful feathers and leaves. There was a black mask that covered his eyes and nose, with delicate lines of green spreading out around his eyes in a starburst pattern. He turned away from Dib in a haughty manner, allowing Dib to look at the sleek, shining wings that protruded from his PAK. He had attached the glistening wings to two of his spider legs, and he only allowed the legs to protrude from his PAK up to the first joint. This way, he could move the wings, which he did every so often, fluttering them as he spoke.

Dib smirked and tapped Zim on the shoulder. Zim turned around, glaring at him for this unforgivable act of familiarity, his mouth twisted into an expression of disdain.

"What is it, Dib-Stink?"

"I know who you _should_ have come as, Zim."

"It's still Emperor Zim, Dib-Slime, as you well know. Who should the mighty Zim have come as?"

"The wicked witch of the west."

"The wicked who of the what now?"

"The wicked witch of the west," Dib repeated, turning to the 'human' buffet table as he did so and pouring himself a glass of water. "For many reasons. You have green skin. You're ugly. You're evil. You have a high pitched… squeaky… _annoying_ voice."

"_What? How dare you?_" Zim screeched, and Dib winced at the sound.

"See what I mean? But this is the main reason," he said, throwing his water in Zim's face. He screamed and dropped to the floor, hands over his eyes, smoke rising from his face.

"My face! Melting! MELTING!"

Dib started to laugh, and Gaz sniggered. Zim continued to writhe on the floor, then he looked at the door and froze. Flo turned around and gasped.

"M… My Tallest!"

Red had floated over, clad in a Superman costume that was padded out with fake muscles. Not bad. Dib wondered why Flo had acted so shocked, also trying to think who Superman's sidekick had been, when he heard Purple's voice. He glanced over, and had the curious experience of having a simultaneous stroke and heart attack.

"Oh, sweet Jesus," he gasped.

Purple was wearing a long, curly black wig, adorned with a golden tiara. He wore the red, gold and blue leotard and the tall red and white boots, and the bracelets in place of his normal wrist cuffs.

"Pur! What the hell?!?" Dib squeaked.

Purple looked confused.

"I'm Superman's beautiful sidekick; Wonder Woman. Who else would I be?"

Dib was trying so hard not to laugh that he felt as though his eyes were going to explode from their sockets.

"B… But Wonder Woman wasn't ever with Superman! They're two different superheroes entirely!"

"She wasn't?" Purple asked, looking mildly uncomfortable. He glared at Red, who shrugged.

"How was I to know?"

"It's just any excuse to get me in women's clothes with you, isn't it?"

Red gave a nervous laugh.

"I… I don't know what you're on about…"

"Oh, c'mon, Red, you know! What about that one night when you dressed as James Bond, and I had to wear that white bikini because you said it made you…"

"Pur! Shut up!" Red said urgently, gesturing at Zim, Flo, Dib and Gaz worriedly.

There was an awkward silence where each person cringed internally.

"I… I'm just going… over there," Dib said nervously, sprinting off to the bar.

"I'll… just go join him," Gaz stuttered, equally nervous, sprinting after him.

"Wait for me!" called Flo, running as fast as she could.

"No! Don't leave me!" Zim wailed, looking up at the leaders in embarrassed terror. What he had just heard had filled his head with images that belonged in horror films.

"So… Oberon, huh?" Red said in a cheery voice.

Hours passed and Dib sat, watching Flo in the arcade on the dance machine. As she crushed yet another opponent, she did a neat back flip off the machine, laughing triumphantly.

"Yesss! _UN_-Defeated! Who dares challenge the almighty Flo?"

Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. She had started off simply teasing Zim, but his way of talking was contagious. She didn't want to end up sounding like him altogether. Dib grinned.

"Why doesn't Zim go against you, Flo?"

She laughed, as did the crowd that was watching.

"Yeah! ZIM!" she called and he walked over. "Zim! May I have this dance?"

Zim looked at the machine with a raised eyebrow.

"I think not, Flo."

"Oh, c'mon, you could use a workout," she said, poking him in the stomach playfully and laughing. "See? You're all soft!"

"The Zim could flatten you easily, Flo," he said arrogantly, and she snorted.

"I know you could, Zim, but I'm asking you to dance with me, not sit on me!"

The crowd burst out laughing, and Zim ran his tongue over his lips nervously. Luckily, it was at that moment that Red stepped forwards.

"Hey, Pur! I challenge _you_ to a dance."

Purple looked up with a grin.

"Fine, Red! Wonder Woman could kick Superman's ass at dancing. So, what, you just press the same arrow as the one on screen, right? Hey, Dib, choose a song!"

Dib grinned evilly, and flicked through the song selection until he came across the one he had been looking for. B4U, the B4 ZA Beat Mix, by Naoki. He had only ever seen Flo get all the steps right. He smirked and pressed enter. As the Tallest started to dance desperately, the crowd of leaders cheering, Dib noticed that Zim and Flo were missing. He looked around and saw them slipping out of the room together. His eyes narrowed.

---

Zim took Flo by the hand and dragged her away from the dance machine.

"Hey! Zim! I wanted to watch the Tallest!"

"Flo, do you want to watch the Tallest or do you want to come with the Zim?"

"I just said- I want to watch the Tallest!" she said, trying to turn back. Zim pulled her away.

"Flo! Do you love me?"

"I… yeah, I guess so."

"Then come with the _Zim_…"

She sighed and followed him. They kept walking all the way to Zim's room, and he pushed open the door dramatically. The room was enormous, and a large four poster bed could be seen at one end. Large was an understatement. It seemed to be about the size of four double beds together. She raised her eyebrows, and he smirked at her, placing his hand above his head in the air and lowering it slowly. As he did so, the lights dimmed, and turned pink. He closed the door and ripped off his robe, totally revealing his bare chest. Flo smirked back, her eyes shining cruelly, and for a second, his antennas drooped. But not for long.

"Remember what I said about a magical night of _lurve_, Flo?"

"Zim. Honey. You really think that I want to mate with you? I'm sorry, sweetie, but you're not exactly… sexy."

Zim's eyes narrowed.

"You accepted my gift, Flo. You sign for the delivery and you're accepting the whole package."

She laughed.

"I guess I did. And that dance was pretty… spectacular."

"See? And you want to bear my smeet now, right?"

"Oh, sweet Irk, Zim, just leave it! No, I don't want to bear your smeet! I do love you. You're adorable and sweet. Having a smeet would ruin things, when I've only just started to love you again. I just think…"

Zim silenced her in the most effective way possible; shoving his tongue straight down her throat. She gagged, and then relaxed, wrapping her own serpentine tongue around his. He walked forwards, still kissing her, until they reached the bed, and with a small shove forced her down onto it. He broke free and looked down at her with a superior smirk. She was breathing heavily.

"I suppose you _did_ go to all this trouble for me," she said, "Fine. _But_ I don't want to get pregnant, Zim," she added, and he nodded, pouncing on her before she could say anything else.

---

The music stopped and Red fell off the dance machine, panting. Purple grinned.

"I win! I won! I beat you!" he laughed, and Red glared at him, ever the sore loser.

"Hey, where's Zim?" he asked, and as the other planet leaders looked around, confused, Dib stepped forwards moodily.

"He and Flo slipped out for a moment," he muttered, and Red grinned.

"I see. Hey, where'd the Blondds get to, anyway Pur? We can't let them wander off on their own, bless them."

The Tallest went off in search of them, and Dib set off to the bar, where Gaz sat sulkily.

"Hey, look Dib," she smirked, "It's survival of the sexiest over there."

He looked towards the end of the bar, where Yasmine and the Blondds sat, eyeing each other up disdainfully, each trying to be sexier than the other. Yasmine had chosen to dress up as a playboy bunny, wearing little more than her ears and tail. The Blondds were a belly-dancer and a nurse. As Dib ordered a drink, Gaz couldn't seem to talk about anything else.

"… Why do all male leaders feel the need to have a piece of half-naked blonde ass to decorate their palace anyway? Those three don't have a brain cell between them; they just look pretty and…"

By the time she had finished ranting Dib was beginning to feel woozy. He had been ordering them both drinks all the way through her speech, and she was starting to annoy him. He saw Red and Purple and called them over.

"There they are," he said loudly, pointing at the Blondds, "Just take them away. Gaz's getting all…"

Gaz growled, and he stood up quickly, moving to stand between the Tallest. She glared at him, and he looked up at Red dreamily.

"Hey, Red! You're really, really, really, really, really, really gorgeous, you know? I like looking at you."

Purple looked at Gaz.

"How much has he had to drink?"

"Not much," she said blandly, and Dib fell against Red's side. Red laughed.

"You know what? I reckon we ought to go back to the Massive and get Dib into bed."

Gaz spluttered, choking on her drink, and Red backed away. "N…not like that! I just meant… I… Let's go thank Zim for inviting us, Pur. Quickly."

Purple nodded and they set off. As they walked into the corridor, the sound of Flo shouting angrily made them speed up, not wanting to miss an argument.

---

Flo slowly resurfaced from under the heavy blanket of Zim's bed, her eyes half closed. Zim was already getting changed back into his costume, and she quickly pulled hers on as well.

"You know, I think we ought to get you scanned, Flo," Zim said seriously, and she looked up.

"Why?"

"Well, you know. Just in case. I mean, there's zero chance that anything might have happened, but just to be on the safe side, you know?"

"Fine. Just to be on the safe side," she said uncertainly, and Zim clapped his hands.

"Computer. Full scan on Flo."

The scanners came down from the ceiling and a blue light searched Flo up and down.

"Scanning Object. Identity: Flo. Health: Normal. Fertility Status: Pregnant."

"_What?_" Flo gasped.

"Pregnant. Impregnated. With Smeet. Knocked Up," the computer said helpfully, and Flo rounded on Zim.

"_What?_"

"He said: Pregnant. Impreg…"

"NO! How the_ hell_ did this happen? It can't have, unless you didn't use… oh God."

"I guess I forgot," Zim said apologetically, and she groaned, sinking into a chair.

"How did you forget?" she asked, and then she gasped, seeing the sly grin on his face. "Zim. Zim, sweetheart. Please tell me you forgot. I need to hear you say this. It was just a mistake, right?"

Zim's grin grew.

"The Zim doesn't make mistakes, Flo."

She leapt up.

"You did this on purpose?!? This is unbelievable, this is un-freaking-believable, Zim! How could you, after what I said? This is a whole new low, even for you."

Zim just continued to smirk at her. His smugness was infuriating. She balled her hands into fists and punched him hard.

"You bitch! You gave me a black eye!" he gasped, and she laughed coldly.

"You just got me pregnant, you little tit-arse! And you know what else? I WAS FAKING!"

"SO WAS I!!!" Zim roared back, and Flo gave an angry screech. She stormed over to the door and wrenched it open. Red, Purple and Dib fell through the door at her feet, and judging by their expressions, had been eavesdropping for quite a while.

"Erm… Are we interrupting anything?" Purple asked, with a nonchalant grin.

**AN**

**An update is on the way, don't you worry! And a shiny penny shall be issued to all my reviewers.**

**Thanks for the costume ideas that I was sent. I know they didn't play that much of a part, but I didn't have much inspiration for them myself. I also know I forgot about GIR's costume in the end. But oh well. **

**I don't own Invader Zim, but I do own Flo.**


	22. Three's A Crowd

Three's A Crowd

Flo pushed angrily past the Tallest and fled the room to her own, sobbing hysterically. How could Zim have done this to her, after all that had happened? Everything that he had done, everything that he had said; she had been certain that he loved her. But it was clear now that he hadn't changed at all. He just wanted her to be a mother for his goddamn heir. That thought upset her even more. His heir, her smeet. His successor, her burden. His dream, her nightmare.

And yet, part of her _had_ wanted a smeet. She had never stopped wanting one, and it was only for the complicated relationship that she had with Zim that had made her refuse. But she hadn't wanted to have one this way, against her will, no say in the matter whatsoever. Suddenly, she was curious about it. She cleared her throat nervously.

"Erm… Computer? C…Can you tell me anything about my smeet?"

"I can tell you the genders."

"Go ahead then. Wait!" Flo froze. "Did you just say genders? As in plural?"

"Yes, Mistress. You're pregnant with triplets."

"Three?!? No way!"

"Yes. Admittedly, multiple births are extremely rare in Irkens. In fact, there have only ever been three recorded multiple births, and they were all twins."

"So this is… the first?"

"Affirmative."

Flo lay back on her bed and placed her hands tentatively on her stomach. In her head, the intruding triplets squirmed like maggots in her squeedly-spootch, which acted, along with everything else, as a womb in females. She felt sick.

"Mistress?" Flo sat up. The computer was addressing her. "Do you want me to tell you the genders?"

"Erm… Sure."

The blue lights scanned her again, and Flo clenched her jaw, praying that the scan would reveal that actually, she wasn't pregnant; it had just been a glitch. Unfortunately, it didn't.

"Female. Male. Female."

Yet another surprise- Flo had been expecting all males.

"But, females are really rare, right?" Flo asked, feeling slightly dizzy by the information.

"And yet… So are multiple births. But two out of the three recorded multiple births were both female; the other was one female, one male. It seems that the 'twin gene' is more common in female Irkens."

Somebody hammered on the door, and Flo looked up slowly.

"Who is it?"

"Zim! Can I come in?"

"Only if you kill yourself first!"

"Oh, c'mon, Flo, don't be like this! So you're pregnant, does it matter that much? Any other female would be honoured to carry the smeet of Zim!"

"Honoured? _Honoured?_ Zim, no one could possible feel honoured to have the smeets of some big-headed, pompous, arrogant jackass who only cares about having them as an heir growing inside them!"

"Hey! My head's not big! Now _Dib_… well, that's a different story…"

Two corridors away, Dib's head shot up.

"What is it?" Purple asked.

"I just got the strangest feeling that someone's insulting my head," he muttered.

Zim stopped in mid sentence.

"Wait. Smeets? _Smeets?_ Flo, how many are there?"

"There's…"

"_How many are there?_"

"I said, there's…"

"HOW MANY?"

"THREE!!!" Flo roared, and the silence on the other side of the door was mildly comforting. Zim was shocked as well. He opened the door gently and started to walk in, but she glared up at him. "Not one more step, Zim."

"Oh, c'mon! I just want to see…"

"Computer, how long would it take for you to terminate the smeets?"

"Approximately 1.5 seconds, mistress."

Zim stepped back and closed the door. Flo smirked.

"That's better. Of course, due to the rarity of this birth, I'm not actually planning on terminating them. But plans can be changed. Now, Zim, I'm going to say this one thing, and it'll be the only thing I ever say to you ever again, so you'd better listen. Go fetch Dib."

"What?" Zim didn't know what he had expected her to say, but she hadn't expected it to involve Dib. Flo didn't answer, so he sighed. "Fine. I shall fetch the Dib-Stink. And _then_ we'll talk."

He set off down the corridors, suddenly confused. Why did Flo want to talk to Dib? Terrible thoughts came to him. Flo had, most likely, loved Dib at some point, whether or not the feelings were returned. He knew what the Dib-Stink was like; sleeping with Irkens left, right and centre. What if…? No. Impossible. Or was it? Flo hadn't had a scan before, and she had stopped in mid-sentence whilst trying to figure out how it had happened. Could Dib have been the father? Dib, Red and Purple had gone back to the party, and he burst into the hall angrily.

"DIB-WORM!!!" he yelled, causing silence to fall quickly among the leaders. Red and Purple each took a large step to the side, leaving Dib standing on his own. Zim continued, looking furious. "Did you get my mate pregnant?"

"What?"

"DID YOU?!? ANSWER ME, FILTHY EARTH-PIG!"

A hushed murmuring began to snake its way through the crowd of leaders. Dib looked up at Red and Purple, both of whom looked shocked and worried.

"N…no! You did! You got her pregnant, not me!" Dib bit his lip and continued, more to the Tallest than anyone else, "I never even slept with Flo!"

Zim glared at him, and shouted to the murmuring leaders, "OK! Show's over! Go back to your planets! NOW!"

As the monarchs and dictators left, all gossiping freely now about Dib and Zim and Flo, Zim ran into the room and pushed Dib in the chest. He staggered backwards with a strange _oomph_ sound, almost falling altogether.

"Zim! I promise you, I never touched Flo. Honest to God!"

Zim gave a small, harsh laugh.

"Then why is she _so_ anxious to talk to you?"

"I don't know! Why don't you believe me? I wouldn't sleep with her! I love the Tallest!"

Zim grinned; he had Dib here.

"And yet, you slept with Tallest Red _whilst_ you were with Tallest Purple. And, from what I've heard, Tallest Red and Tallest Purple were together at the time. Why should this be any different, eh, Dib-Slime?"

Dib saw Red give a small nod of agreement, and whirled around to face him.

"You… You both believe me, right?"

Red coughed, shuffling on the spot, and Purple's face flushed.

"Well, you see, Dib, Zim has a point. You do kinda tend to… sleep around a bit," Purple mumbled.

"But not with Flo!"

"Oh. Ok," Red said, looking doubtful. Dib groaned.

"Do a scan! I didn't touch her!"

Flo walked slowly into the room, and her antennas lifted slightly as she heard Dib.

"Of course you didn't!" she gasped, causing them all to whip round, "I just wanted to ask Dib to be the godfather. In case I end up killing you, Zim."

Zim bristled angrily, setting his antennas up high, quivering.

"_Dib?_ How dare you insult my smeets with the idea of _that_ being a substitute father?"

Flo gave him a scornful look.

"I hate your guts, _Emperor_ Zim. But, for the smeets, I'll stay with you."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Red had just cottoned on to what they were saying. "How many?"

"Three," Flo said, and he let out a long, low whistle.

"Nice work, Zim," he laughed, and Flo glared.

"My Tallest, I don't mean to appear rude, but I'd be much obliged if you could shut the hell up."

Red's jaw dropped, and Zim ran forwards in horror.

"Flo! Do you want to survive the whole pregnancy? I need these smeets!"

"Oh, that's right," Flo said in a sarcastic voice, "That's the only important thing about these smeets, isn't it? Never mind that two of them are female, that they're the only siblings of their kind, that they're my _offspring_, oh NO, as long as Zim has a smeet he can brainwash, everything's fine!"

"Look, Flo, try to see this from my point of view," Zim began, and Flo gave him a look of pure contempt.

"I'm sorry, Zim, I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. Try to see things from _my_ point of view. I'm knocked up like some stupid teenager with three smeets, all of whom will end up like their idiotic, annoying, self-centred, _spoilt_ father. I'm never going to have another moment to myself _ever_! I was _used_ by you! This is my life from now on!"

Dib stepped forwards nervously, clearing his throat.

"I'd be happy to be a godfather, Flo. But I think… I think you should give Zim a chance."

The silence was thick in the air, and Purple stared in mild shock at Dib.

"Dib, are you ok? You had too much to drink; are you sure you know what you're saying?"

Flo was speechless, and she looked as though Dib had betrayed her. Zim gave him a quizzical look.

"Listen to the Dib; he speaks sense!" he urged Flo, and gave Dib the _go on_ motion.

"I just think, if you're gonna have his smeets, they should grow up with a mother and father that could show them what love was… My mother died when I was young, but even when she was alive, my dad never had any time for her. I never knew love until Pur…" Dib paused, and Purple beamed. Red sighed, and he continued, "But I think you _do_ love Zim still. I don't know that I like it, but there you go."

Flo looked down, and Zim gave Dib another curious look. Dib was sticking up for him, and it was creepy. He didn't like it. It wasn't natural. When Flo looked up, she was crying.

"I do. That's the trouble. You betrayed me, Zim," she whispered, "But I don't want to lose you again."

Zim put his arm around her, looking uncomfortable, and suddenly she was clinging to him and sobbing. Purple cleared his throat nervously.

"Well… we'll leave you to it," he said, and Zim nodded silently.

The trio stepped into the teleporter to go back to the Massive.

"Hey, Dib," Red said quietly, "That was sweet back there. Real nice of you."  
Dib looked up, embarrassed.

"I wasn't doing it for Zim. Mainly for Flo, actually. She deserves someone too, and she really does love him. Even if he is a jerk."

"Well. Back to the Massive," Purple said to the techie, and then sighed. "Back to the Massive, where nothing ever happens."

"Oh, that's not true," Red said defensively. He liked the Massive. "Loads of stuff happens there. I bet something'll come up when we get back. You'll see."

The bulb flashed, and they stepped out of the teleporter on the other side. As they did so, a laser gun came down from the ceiling, and the computer spoke.

"Welcome back, Tallest Red, Tallest Purple. Dib."

"What the hell is that for?" Purple squeaked, gesturing nervously at the enormous gun.

"What, this?" the computer asked, moving the gun up and down slightly, "This is to kill Dib with."  
"WHAT?!?"

"Orders from the control brains. Kill the human, cut your power."

"That's ridiculous," laughed Red, "What's Dib done?"

"Hey, I like the guy. But I have to obey the control brains."

"Well, what if we order you not to?" Purple asked, and there was a sympathetic sigh that sounded like a rush of static.

"Then I'll have to kill you too."

Red snorted.

"What a load of bullsh…"

The laser gun fired at Dib.

**AN**

**REVIEW! Review and I shall update! I'm all excited about the next chapter, and I want to put it up now!**

**Again, sorry this is basically all speech...**

**I only own Flo, basically. **


	23. Together We Fall

Together We Fall

Dib leapt out of the way, and the laser beam ricocheted off the wall, flying around the room like the deadliest ping-pong ball.

"RUN!" Red yelled, although they didn't need encouraging. They sprinted out of the room and ran down the corridor, but the computer moved its camera and speaker round.

"Dib, I can still see you. Look, I don't want to do this, but I have to, y'know? Just… stay… still…" it said, firing laser beams as Dib dodged them helplessly. He turned around and swore angrily when he realised that neither Red nor Purple were there. They'd run off already. Great.

Dib ran desperately through the ship, the bursts from the lasers shooting past him.

"HELP!" he shrieked, "HELP ME!!!" but none of the servants did. They stood and looked on in awe as Dib somehow outran the shots, trying to save themselves instead of him. He flew round the corners, heart pounding, his limbs flailing spastically as he dodged and ducked. Claws came down from the ceilings and grabbed at him, ripping his shirt and leaving deep scratches in his skin as he tore himself free.

He heard Red call his name and looked around wildly, and suddenly he found himself lifted off his feet and pulled into a room. He yelled angrily, but found the arms that were holding him to be Purple's. He looked around.

"Where am I?" he panted, and Purple sighed.

"The armoury. I forced us in before we were denied access. Dib, the control brains really have cut our power. We can't access the ship controls any more. It's out of our hands. The Massive has a whole load of internal defence mechanisms- lasers, spinning blades, claws, fireballs… You need to get off the ship now, before it destroys you."

Red cleared his throat, and Dib looked up to see him strapping a large belt around his waist.

"What the hell is that?" he asked, and Red grinned.

"Irken grenades, Dib. Extremely powerful."

He plucked one from the belt and lifted one up. It was the size of an egg, with a lightning bolt down the middle. One side was yellow, the other black.

"They have two different explosives in them," he explained.

A metallic clicking noise sounded, and Dib whipped around, terrified. It turned out to be Purple, who was loading up the most enormous rocket launcher Dib had ever seen.

Dib looked from Red to Purple in shock.

"What are you doing? What is all this?"

"Dib, contrary to popular belief, we're not stupid," Red sighed, "The ship _will_ kill us if we stick up for you; its not programmed to take our orders any more. And it's programmed to kill _you_. But the computer can only kill you if it can see you, so we're disabling the cameras for you."

Purple grabbed something from the wall and pulled them onto his feet.

"My old boots," he said, "They'll make dodging fire easier."

"Good idea," Red agreed, pulling on his own pair. "We've been floating so long; it'll be nice to run again. Just one last time."

Dib looked up at them in awe, before leaping upon each of them in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," he said, and that was all he could manage. But it was all that needed to be said.

They ran out into the corridor, and the camera turned to face them, but was instantly hit by a blast from Red's laser gun; the one given to him by Purple.

"One down," he muttered, and they ran along.

"We have to get to the escape shuttles," Purple yelled as they sprinted past the laser beams, "C'mon; I know a short-cut!"

They hurtled through a door and found themselves in the computer control room. All the cameras turned on them.

"Oh, nice going, jackass," Red growled.

"Wrong room!" Purple moaned.

"Oh, y'think?" Dib began sarcastically, but before they could say anything else a new voice blared down the speakers, opening with a cold laugh.

It was Helio.

"Ha! Now, _I'm_ in charge!"

"W...What?" Dib gasped, and there was a chuckle.

"The control brains are allowing _me_ to screw you guys over. Basically, I'm controlling the weapons. It will be my pleasure to see you die, Dib."

"Why? What did I ever do to you? I've barely even seen you in all the time I've been here!"

"You stole the Tallest from me! I loved them both, and you took them away!"

Red laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation.

"_You_ loved us?!? Ha! There wasn't a hope in hell that you would _ever_ get with _either_ of us, Helio. Not a hope."

Helio growled.

"And that's exactly why you guys are gonna pay too. You ignored me for eight years. EIGHT years, and all I ever did was be nice to you guys. Well, you know what? I'M NOT GONNA BE IGNORED _ANY_ LONGER!!!"

Purple switched off the computer at the wall.

"OK, that's bought us some time. But a reboot will take about two minutes, so not much. Dib, we need to get you outta here fast! C'mon!"

They ran out, doors flying past in a blur. Some servants had already been killed by ricocheted laser beams.

"Only two corridors to go," Red exclaimed excitedly, but it was at that moment that the whirring sound of the computer starting up was heard. The cameras started moving.

"DIB! RED! You two go ahead. I'll hold off Helio," Purple said, but Dib shook his head defiantly.

"You're not dying for me, Purple! I wouldn't be able to…"

"Dib," Purple cut in urgently, "if there's one thing that listening to Earth radio has taught me it's… We've gotta hold on to what we've got; it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not…"

Red continued.

"We've got each other, and that's a lot…"

"For love. We'll give it a shot." Dib completed, and Purple nodded.

"See? It all makes sense. Well, maybe that's pushing it, I just really like that song, but this is what I have to do. The last thing I'll do for you. Now go. GO!" he shouted, kissing Dib's forehead and hugging Red, and the two ran off down the corridor.

A screen with Helio's face on it floated into view, and a huge laser gun dropped down from the ceiling, pointing at Purple's head.

"Why the hell did we let Zim send a slave anyway?" Purple moaned to himself.

"Well, well, well, Purple. How valiant, risking your life for Dib and Red. I always liked you for that. It's a shame they're both going to die anyway."

"Shut up," Purple hissed, before shouting, "Just shut the FUCK up!!!"

He pointed his blaster at the screen. Helio's laugh was heard, and a laser beam flew at him. Purple pulled the trigger and jumped.

---

Dib was running faster than he thought possible. Spinning blades flew down from all sides, hacking at his arms and spilling blood everywhere, and lasers barely missed him, some clipping his legs painfully as he zoomed past. Red was running too, a crimson blur, and they skidded to a halt. An explosion shook the ground, and Dib looked up into his eyes.

"Dib," Red panted, "The escape shuttles are round the corner, through those doors. If anyone gets in your way, no matter who, I want you to use this," he said, passing Dib his treasured plasma gun. "This is where I leave you. I have to go back to Purple."

"Red…"

"No. Don't say anything. Purple is my other half, the yin to my yang, the light to my dark. No matter what happens, Dib, I'll never leave him, you got it? Never. If he's out there fighting, I'm out there fighting with him, to the end. I have to go back. Just go. Whatever you hear, whatever happens, just go and don't look back," he said, placing his hands on Dib's shoulders and kissing his forehead in the same place that Purple had done, before muttering, "God, why the hell did we accept that transmission from Zim in the first place?"

Another explosion and a scream. Dib hesitated and looked at the gun. Engraved on it were the words '_You live for the fight when it's all that you've got'_.

"Purple's obsessed…" he muttered. But the words connected with him. He couldn't let Red and Purple die for no reason; he had to keep himself alive for them. He looked up and nodded. Red flew back down the corridors, and Dib could hear him dodging the spinning blades. A jet of flame flew past Dib's head, scorching one side of his face, and he leapt downwards to the floor with a scream. It looked like Helio had a few more tricks up his sleeve. But Red and Purple were keeping him occupied. Helio's voice blared through the speakers.

"Get them! Get the Tallest and get the human!"

Presumably he was talking to the servants. Dib could hear the sound of shots and screams. Ignoring the oozing pain of his burnt face, the raw sting of his wounded arms and the smarting ache of his clipped legs, he turned and ran.

---

Purple jumped, clinging to the ceiling with his spider legs, and the laser bounced away just under his feet. His shot missed too, and Helio laughed yet again.

"Missed me, missed me," he chanted, before growling through the speakers, "Get them! Get the Tallest and get the human!"

Purple gasped as servants began to troop out in front of him, armed with laser guns similar to Red's. He put his hand into his robes and pulled out his own gun, firing wildly and felling many of his previously loyal servants, sending them screaming to the floor. But the rest of them carried on regardless, forming a wall. Purple scowled, pulling himself further up to the ceiling in desperation. It was then that he heard Red's voice.

"Screw off, you bastards!" he shouted, and threw one of his grenades. The explosion dented the walls of the tunnel, and killed so many servants it made a crater in their formation. The rest of the servants drew back in alarm. Red looked up to his partner, shouting over the explosions.

"Hey, Pur! You remember that pact we made?"

"Yeah!" Purple yelled back, "I remember! Looks like my poetic skills didn't fail me! We actually needed it!"

Red gave a small grimace, which Purple returned. He cleared his throat. If they were going down, their last words had to be memorable, and so Purple had composed their last 'pact' in case of a situation like this. The rhymes weren't very good, and Red was certain he could have written a better one, but now that they were using it at last, it seemed like a work of art. The words had never had more meaning than they did now. Red cleared his throat. The servants and Helio were silent, curious, and the only noise was the dull thud of two shots at the escape shuttle bay. The Tallest spoke their famous last words, a line each, starting with Red. Their voices rang clearly through the smoking corridor.

"Together we stand."

"Together we fall."

"Together, forever, through it all."

"Our falling has come."

"There's no time to cry."

They looked at each other, and then spoke the last line simultaneously.

"For together we'll fight, and together we'll die."

It was then that Red threw his grenade and Purple dropped from the ceiling, firing his rocket launcher at it. As the two combined, there was a tremendous explosion. A ball of fire flew from it and hurtled down the corridor, killing all the servants. It rebounded at the end on the flame-proof doors and came rushing towards the Tallest. They looked at the rapidly oncoming flames, and then to each other. Then they locked on to each other in a passionate kiss. The fireball was so close that the heat was singeing their antennas. The last lines of their pact were still ringing in the air, and Helio was screaming on the melting screen. Together they'd fought. Together they'd die.

---

Dib heard the shots and screaming, and then there was a short silence. He could hear Red yelling, and then an explosion and yet more screaming. As he ran, the corridor started to close up. A spinning blade emerged from the floor, and one from the ceiling. He leapt through the closing gap, and the blades nicked the back of his leg, spewing out yet more of his blood. Dib ignored it. He smashed his way through the doors to the escape shuttle bay, and was met with Strawberry and Platinum. They spoke for the first time in Dib's presence. It was hypnotising. They didn't open their mouths, but their ethereal voices echoed in the room and in Dib's very mind, making the air seem thick.

"Dib, I'm sorry, but we can't let you past," Strawberry began.

"Yes. Sorry, Dib. We haven't been told why. But we can't disobey orders," put in Platinum.

Dib grimaced, a jelly-like feeling in the pit of his stomach. Red's words replayed in his head.

"I'm sorry too," he said, and he raised the gun slowly with a shaking hand. Strawberry went down first, falling sluggishly through the caramel air. Platinum looked at her sadly then turned to Dib with a placid look on her face. He hesitated, lowering the gun, but she shook her head. He fired the second shot.

Time slowed, and images flashed past Dib's eyes as he sprinted to the escape shuttle. The dead Blondds sprawled on the floor, their liquid hair falling into their glazed golden eyes. Red turning and running back to Purple. Purple yelling at them to go on without him. Finding Purple, skeletal and dejected on the streets. His first kiss with Red. His first kiss with Purple. Arriving on the Massive.

"Why the hell did I try to sneak into Zim's base in the first place?" he breathed, and he leapt into the shuttle, fired up the engine, and shot from the dock, just as a huge explosion rocked the entire ship. He turned in his seat to see a wall of flame rushing down the corridor, and pushed down on the gas, flying as fast as he could. Normally, flying a spaceship in space would have meant something, but the only thought in his head was to get away. Once the flames hit the shuttles, their fuel tanks would ignite.

As he flew further away from the Massive, Dib turned back pushing auto-pilot as he did so. The Irken symbol was glowing white, and the sides were melting in. The whole ship rippled, and then came the final explosion. A fireball erupted, engulfing the ship for seconds before the vacuum of space could do anything about it. The bright flash made Dib cry out and squeeze his eyes shut. When he opened them, it was too late. Where the Massive had once been, there was a load of debris and smoke, looking like the remains of a deadly fireworks display. Most of the armada had exploded as well, and the rest had been flung far off in all directions.

Dib pressed his face against the windshield.

"Purple… Red…" he croaked, his voice cracked and grating, "No…"

Suddenly, the pain was overwhelming. His burnt face, his shredded arms, the laser wounds and slashes on his legs. His heart ached. Dib had no idea when the tears first started flowing. But they didn't stop.

**AN**

**I will update. But only if you review and tell me what you thought. **

**I know I called Zim a she by accident in the last chapter. Typo. Sorry.**

**Living on a Prayer belongs to Bon Jovi.**

**I don't own Invader Zim, but I own Helio, the Blondds and Flo (though she's not in this chapter).**


	24. Heaven And Hell

Heaven and Hell

It was past midnight when the personal communicator beeped in the room that Flo was sharing with Zim. She was sleeping 'top to tail' in Zim's huge bed, and it took her a lot of energy to pull herself to the other side where the device lay. Zim woke up, blinking sleepily as she crawled past him.

"What now? You know, I had more _interesting_ ideas than this when you said 'top to tail'."

"I know you did. You told me that already. But just 'cause I'm sleeping with you it doesn't mean I've forgiven you. This is your last chance. Look, I've got a call, just a second…"

Zim grinned, his narrowed eyes glittering in the dark.

"It can wait," he said smugly, searching blindly until his hand brushed up against Flo's arm. He pulled her over and she struggled against his clench.

"_Zim!_ I need to take this call!"

He tightened his grip.

"Get… over…here…" he said, pulling harder at her arm.

"No!" she said firmly, stretching over to try and grab the communicator and falling over. "Get off! You can't have sex with a pregnant girl, anyway! That's just wrong!"

Zim grinned and started to tickle her.

"Ha-ha! You are powerless against the almighty Zim!"

"Stop it!" Flo squealed, grabbing the communicator, doubled over in hysterics. She looked at the ID number. It was an Irken escape pod. Strange. She carried on laughing until she pressed the accept button and saw who it was. "Oh crap," she breathed.

"What? Who is it? Show the Zim!" Zim clamoured to see the screen, and she stood up, walking to the other side of the room for some privacy.

"Dib? Oh, God, Dib, what's going on? What happened?"

On-screen, Dib was bloody and tear-stained, his face badly burnt, his hair still smouldering, deeps gashes on his skin. He was still sobbing.

"F…Flo? Can you… Can you come pick me up, please?"

"Computer, get the coordinates for this call. NOW!!!" Flo barked, sounding spookily like Zim.

"Co-ordinates retrieved."

"Right. Send out a retrieval ship to those coordinates. Don't worry, Dib, I'm sending someone out to you."

Dib nodded shakily and Flo cut the transmission. She clapped her hands for the lights, and the room was illuminated, showing an angry looking Zim.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. Something's happened to Dib," she said shakily, sounding scared.

Zim sighed and pulled her close.

"You worry too much, Flo. It's nothing. Now. Where were we?"

He started to tickle her again. Flo laughed. It was so hard to stay mad at Zim, and so hard to worry about Dib when you were in hysterics.

---

All around him was white. It was dazzling, to open quivering eyes and assume you've gone blind. Of course, for Red, the concept of opening his eyes was dazzling enough. He looked down at his hands, and was comforted to see green skin, the only sign that his vision wasn't impaired. He was still wearing his robes and armour, only these were white as well, the shiny, spotless metal and crisp, pure linen confusing him. What was going on? All he remembered was kissing Pur, and the fireball engulfing them both. That was when he realised where he was. It hadn't been an obvious thought as the whole Irken race were atheists, but from listening to what Dib had told him about the beliefs of some humans, he realised that the whole Irken race was, undoubtedly, mistaken.

He was in Heaven. Yet another odd thought; Dib had assured him that, should the 'Christians' be correct, he and Pur would be judged for indulging in the 'seven deadly sins'. He had, of course, told him that he was talking a load of crap, but waking up after certain death in a realm of white can change your mind. If he had been so bad, why wasn't he in Hell? He heard a thin voice behind him and turned quickly, seeing that he wasn't alone.

"Red? Where… _are_ we?"

"I dunno. Heaven?"

"Could be. Oh, Red, your face…"

Red put hit hand up to his face, confused. He was revolted to feel raw, oozing flesh instead of smooth, moisturised skin. Why wasn't he in pain? Could it be the power of Heaven? Purple was wearing a matching white uniform, and he stood closer to Red than before, looking nervously at an opening in mid-air that had appeared far away. Or was it close? It was hard to judge distance when everything was blank. Smoke came through, and a figure approached through it, emerging through the misty white clouds.

"Pur? D'you think that's the one? God? That we've been wrong all this time?"

"I don't know, Red," Purple mumbled apprehensively, and the figure drew close enough for them to see.

"No way," Red gasped, and Purple's jaw dropped.

---

Dib blinked. He could see the ship approaching, distorted and fuzzy through his tear-filled eyes. So, Flo had sent someone out to him. He had been waiting for so long that he was beginning to wonder if she had just left him out here to die as well. Of course, part of him knew that she would never do that, but he couldn't think straight anymore. As Zim's ship towed the Irken shuttle back to Earth, Dib simply curled on the floor, the cold metal pressing against his burnt skin. Hurt like hell, but it took his mind off the Tallest. For about a second. He had never felt more empty. He glanced through the windshield to see Earth looming into view. There was nothing on that planet for him. Everything he had ever had was on the Massive, which had been destroyed.

They entered the force field around the palace. Zim had had it installed so that any unauthorised object entering the field would be fried. A clever security measure, but the huge amount of dead birds that littered the perimeter of the grounds had posed a problem at first. Zim had solved this by adjusting the force field to be like an 'instant cooker'. The birds were roasted upon contact, plucked, prepared and fed to the hungry. Not an act of compassion, of course, but Zim couldn't have his slaves starving to death on his own planet. It only made sense, even Dib could understand that. In fact in some ways, Dib thought bitterly, the things that Zim did were better for the planet, even if Zim didn't mean them to be. The ship landed, and the pilot hopped out, coming around and opening the shuttle. He looked down on Dib and shook his head of thick ginger hair pityingly.

"C'mon out, lad," he said gruffly, and Dib shook his head back, almost mockingly if he hadn't been so upset. After several failed attempts to get Dib to move, including picking him up and dragging him across the shuttle floor (Dib had clung to the doorframe as though he were being sucked out of an aeroplane), the pilot pushed a button on a communicator that hung from his belt with a pudgy finger. He muttered something and then turned back to Dib, who looked up at him defiantly.

"Who did you call?" he mumbled. The man sighed.

"The Empress. Who else? She was the one who sent me out in the first place. You must be important; she's coming down in person. The Empress doesn't go anywhere. It's as though she doesn't want to be here at all. Eh, whatever. Good luck, lad."

He shuffled off and left Dib alone. Soon he heard the familiar clomping of Flo's boots, hurried and urgent across the path. A dark shadow was thrown across the floor, and he looked up slowly. Flo had a look of pure concern on her face.

"Dib," she said softly. He was curled on the floor, bleeding and crying, like a broken toy. "Dib, come here."

He shook his head fervently and she climbed into the ship and tried to sit him up next to her. He refused to move, so she gently unfurled his arms with her spider legs, firmly making him pull his knees away from his chest. She moved him up and put an arm around his shoulders. The sound of heavier footfalls was heard, footfalls that Dib recognised as Zim's. Sure enough, the crimson eyes that he had glared into so often appeared in the doorway, looking at the two in the ship with contempt. They reminded Dib of the gorgeous ruby orbs that he now so longed to see. Zim lifted himself up with his spider legs.

"What's going on, Dib-Stink?"

Dib turned away from him and rammed his hands over his ears, not wanting to hear Zim's spiteful, sneering voice. He basked in the wonderful, fuzzy silence for a while, embracing the emptiness that filled his head. Flo began to stand up, trying to pull him up as well. He refused to cooperate, and Flo gently removed his hands, holding them carefully in her own, as though they were made of glass.

"Dib, please tell me," she said, forcing him to stare blankly into her worried pink eyes and away from Zim. "What happened? What happened to your face? Your arms? Why were you in an escape shuttle? Where are the Tallest?"

"They're… _dead_," he said, in two shuddering gasps. Flo had known the answer even before he opened his mouth. She had seen it, lurking behind his intense golden eyes.

"Oh, Dib," she whispered, and he fell against her side, sobbing. The words seemed to have had a profound effect on Zim, who had instantly dropped down from his spider legs. His antennas lay limp and flat against his head, and his eyes were wide and swimming.

"Dead?" he repeated quietly, hoisting himself into the ship in an ungainly manner and kneeling beside the weeping boy. "_Dead?_"

Dib gave a tiny nod and Zim grabbed his shoulders.

"DEAD?!?" he screeched, shaking Dib violently, and Flo slapped Zim across the face with all her strength. He recoiled with a hiss. "What… What the hell did you do, Dib?" he asked in a low voice.

"ZIM! Get the hell out of here!" Flo shouted, and he growled lowly.

"They… they can't be dead, Flo. Dib… he must have done something somehow…" he said, ignoring Dib's wails. Flo shook her head gently, her eyes half closed, and he walked slowly from the ship, his head hung dejectedly in the moonlight.

---

The figure emerged from the mist and grinned up at the nervous leaders evilly.

"Like the smoke machines, Pur?" he smirked, and Purple clenched his fists.

"You fucked up little bastard! Where the hell are we?"

Helio tutted smugly.

"You're in Heaven, Pur. Although actually, I figured I'd give you the options. The rest of Irk believes you to be dead, but in actual fact, I teleported you out just in time. You see, I want to decide your future personally. You two didn't think I'd simply let you die now, did you?"

"Get to the point," Red spat, and Helio chuckled.

"Ever impatient, Red, even in death. Always to-the-point, down to Irk, rash, hurried, short-tempered. Having listened to that human, I thought I'd play God for a while. You two being judged for your sins on the gates of heaven sounded like too much fun to miss. So, now you're dead, I get my wish."

"Your wish?" Purple asked nervously, standing slightly behind Red for protection.

"Don't sound so scared, Pur," Helio laughed. "But you always were more apprehensive, weren't you? You see, I'm willing to overlook your sins and allow you access to heaven. Here are your options. Heaven: You two live. You get whatever you want _within reason_. Hell: I get to make the punishment suit the crime."

Red took a step forwards, looming over Helio.

"Say I don't like the sound of either of those. Say I decide to snap you like a twig. What happens then?"

Helio didn't flinch. His smile became twisted, psychotic even.

"Straight to hell."

Purple pulled Red back, terrified. The two stood back from the short, squat Irken, huddled together in the corner of the room. Red touched the side of his face again.

"Did… Did I get burnt?" he asked bitterly, and Helio nodded.

"It seems I didn't pull you out fast enough. You're on pain-suppressants at the moment, but _believe_ me, we can soon change that."

Red held his tongue. He didn't want to make this any more painful than it had to be. Purple cleared his throat.

"What happens in Heaven?" he asked, and Helio grinned.

"Well, you see, I kinda figured that the Heaven situation would be you, Red and me. Together. For eternity."

"God, I'm dreading what Hell's gonna be like, then," Red muttered, and Helio reared up on his spider legs and balled his fists.

"Hmm. If that's the case, I guess judgement day has come," he smirked, "And it looks like Red's been a bad little Irken." He punched Red on the nose, and he blacked out. Helio grinned. "I learnt that from you, Red," he said, and Purple leapt at him.

"You monster!" he gasped. Helio sighed and punched him as well.

The next thing they knew, they were coming round, both floating and immobilised, held up by magnetic shackles. The walls were black, and, sure enough, they were wearing black robes and armour. The only illumination came from dim strip lighting on the ceiling, old-fashioned, flickering and eerie. Red brought his hand up to his face and gasped as he touched the raw, oozing burn. Pain was instant and excruciating. Helio was standing on a small hover-platform, grinning maliciously into their faces.

"Welcome to Hell. Please, make yourselves at home, you're gonna be here for the rest of your lives. And I get to decide how long that is."

Red struggled angrily against his bonds, with a sideways glance at Purple. He had already given up, hanging in the air, looking down, his body limp. He was mumbling incoherently to himself, and every so often Red caught words such as "Massive", "killed" and "Dib". Helio gave his cold laugh.

"Dib? The human is gone, Pur. Gone and never coming back. But, on the bright side, you've still got me."

"Way to rub salt on wounds," Red muttered bitterly, and Helio glared.

"Sorry? What was that? Rub salt on your wounds? What an excellent idea," he said smoothly, withdrawing a simple box of salt from his PAK. God only knew why it was in there in the first place. He manoeuvred his platform over to Red and popped the top of the box open. Then, with a swift jerk of his wrist, he emptied the entire packet over Red's burnt face. Salt made contact with raw flesh. Screaming was imminent. Purple started to moan loudly, not looking at either of them.

"Oops! Clumsy me! Here, let me wash that off for you," Helio laughed, tipping water over the wound, rinsing off the salt, but causing more pain than before. However, Red didn't scream this time, though tears formed in the corners of his eyes. Helio seemed disappointed by his reaction, stopping and looking thoughtful.

Red looked over at Purple, who was still moaning. He had his eyes squeezed shut, seemingly more distressed about what Helio had done to him than Red was himself. All the same, it was extremely annoying. Helio also seemed to think so.

"Shut up!" he shouted, and Red spat in his face. He flicked it off disdainfully and cleared his throat. "I said SHUT UP!"

Purple stopped moaning and cracked open one eye.

"Screw you," he said simply, copying Red and spitting in his face.

Again, Helio flicked away the spit and continued.

"Maybe you will, later," the short Irken smirked, "But for now, it's time to recount your sins. Unsurprisingly, Red, you seem to have a lot more than Purple."

The Tallest shared a glance that showed nothing but fear as Helio pushed the button for the lights. They all went out, leaving Red in a crimson spotlight.

"Red…" Purple whimpered, "I'm scared…"

Red shook his head angrily. Now was not the time to show fear. Helio stepped forwards out of the dark, the spotlight throwing his face into a collage of red and black, and Red saw the one thing that was scaring him about his previous servant. It showed in the whole set-up, the attention to detail, the obsessive way in which he did things. It showed in the over-sized grin, the slanted, glinting eyes and the blob of foaming drool in the corner of his mouth. Helio was mad, so unstable that today really _could_ be the day he and Pur met their fates.

"So," Helio smiled, extracting a spider leg from his PAK and tapping it on his own chin, leaving a long scratch, "Let's begin…"

---

By the time Dib had finished his shaky account of what had happened, Flo wasn't sure how many of the tears that soaked her top were Dib's. She held him tightly, and he pressed himself against her, burying his face in her shoulder. His tears burnt her skin; a mixture of salt _and_ water, but she knew that he was in a lot more pain right now.

"Dib, come with me. We need to get you patched up."

"NO! I don't want to! I want to go back to the Massive! I want to be back with Red and Pur, back on the Massive where nothing ever happens, where it's safe and warm and right, not back here on this planet, where nobody believed me, where I was ridiculed, where the ruler is a lazy, idiotic Irken who'd sooner knock up his girlfriend than sort things out properly."

Flo looked into his eyes sadly.

"Dib, if it's any consolation, _I'm_ running things now. Zim's too wrapped up in his own little world to pay any attention, but I'm making the decisions, even if he's the one who voices them. Now, get out of this shuttle or I'll make you."

Dib glared at her. He seemed to have touched a nerve, but he didn't care.

"I killed everyone. _I'm_ the one who killed the Blondds, the servants, the _TALLEST!_ _I'M_ the reason you're pregnant, everything that happened is MY fault!"

"No! No, Dib, that's not true…"

"It is, and you know it. I pulled the trigger on the Blondds, but everything that's happened is my fault. If I hadn't tried sneaking into Zim's base, he wouldn't have sent me to Irk. None of the stuff with the Tallest and Helio would have happened, and Zim wouldn't have taken over Earth and decided he needed an heir. So, Zim's right. This is all my fault."

Flo continued to shake her head.

"Dib, it's only natural to blame yourself. But you can't stay here and hide away. You need to come with me. Come on, sweetheart, I…"

"Don't talk to me like that, Flo; I'm not a smeet… I mean, a baby… I mean, I'm not…"

Flo surveyed him in silence, and his bottom lip started to tremble. He ran forwards and pulled her into a rib-cracking hug, as though he could forget it all by touching her body. She stroked his hair gently, feeling his body shaking violently under her touch.

"It's gonna be ok, Dib. Everything's going to be alright."

"They're gone, Flo," he whispered. "I just can't believe they're gone."

"Neither can I," she said, lifting him up tenderly and walking back to the palace, having to use her spider legs to hold their combined weight, but not daring to put him down. Something told her that his legs wouldn't support him for long. He looked up lethargically, his eyes half-closed, and she knew that he had lost too much blood to stay conscious for much longer. Sure enough, as she entered the palace, he blacked out in her arms.

---

"…Sin number 98. Ignoring me when I brought you a doughnut three years ago," Helio continued, shoving a doughnut down Red's throat, grinning as he gagged and his eyes watered. "Sin number 99. Dripping hot cheese from a nacho on my head and not apologising." Hot cheese erupted from a tube on the ceiling, drenching Red's face, scalding his antennas.

"You really are messed up, aren't you?" Red noted defiantly as he spat out the remains of the doughnut, wincing slightly as the burning liquid dripped down his neck but continuing all the same. "I never thought that it was possible to be bored to death, but this little list of yours sure has proved me wrong."

Helio looked up, moved his platform so that he towered above the broken form of the former Tallest, and removed a thin, sharp piece of wire from his PAK. He coiled it around Red's antenna, and calmly used it to slice the appendage off. Red gave a terrible shriek of agony and, next to him, Purple vomited weakly, horrified beyond belief at this latest method of torture.

"Are you being a smartass, Red?" Helio asked lightly, digging his claw into the bloody stump where his antenna had once been.

"It's better than… being a… dumbass," Red gasped, drawing in shuddering breaths every time Helio twisted his thumb.

"Wrong answer," Helio growled, lowering the platform and moving past Purple, who saw a chance to fight back and took it. He leant as far forwards as the magnets would allow and bit down hard. This, combined with the downwards movement of the platform and the drag-back of the magnets, ripped Helio's own antenna from his head. Purple spat it out, looking nauseated, and Helio's high-pitched, keening scream cut through the air like a razor. Red gave a weak grin of thanks when Purple muttered "An eye for an eye… Or an antenna for an antenna," but the effect was ruined by the blood that trailed thickly down his face, into his eyes and mouth.

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," Helio said in a voice of pure disbelief, muttering then to himself, "_Purple?_ Fight back? Break me… I'll break him…" as he wandered to the other side of the room and pushed a button, which rotated Red so that he hovered in the air as though lying on a bed. Or an autopsy table. Another button released Purple, who fell to the ground heavily and stood up. He ran blindly towards Helio, reaching into black robes for a gun that he couldn't find… and then stopped. His spider legs were sliding from his PAK of their own accord, and nothing he could do could stop them. He turned around and loomed over Red, desperately fighting against his own spider legs as they started to dig into his skin.

"No! No, no, no! Stop!" he gasped, as Red winced in pain. They dug deeper, lacerating Red's thin arms and leaving huge rips in his chest. Red groaned dimly, and Purple started to cry, his tears rolling down his nose and onto Red's bleeding, burnt, bruised body. Helio had fucked everything up so much.

"Red! Red, it's not me! I… He's _controlling_ my PAK! I can't stop him, I'm so, so sorry!"

"You've got to fight it, Pur," Red moaned, wondering how much longer he could last.

"I can't, Red, I'm not as strong as you," Purple sobbed, wishing that the explosion had killed them off, that they had paid more attention to this whack-job, that he wasn't shredding his best friend, lover, partner, to death. Helio laughed, pushing the final button on his control pad. Purple's spider legs came together, forming the laser cutter, which he poised above Red's chest. Then the power went out, Red and Purple dropped to the floor, and the sky opened up in a rain of laser bursts.

---

Dib lay on a bed; only dimly aware of how comfortable it was, staring at the chair by the door, where Gaz sat. She was watching him intently.

"Did you really kill those two blonde slaves?" she asked suddenly. It was the first thing she had said to him since his early return to Earth. He nodded painfully.

"Yeah… I had to. Had to get off the ship, had to stay alive. Had to…"

She gave a small, understanding nod, and silence fell once more. Then, "They would have wanted you to be alive," she said in a low voice.

"Gaz, I…"

"Dib, when I play on my Gameslave, it becomes my life. On Vampire Piggy Hunter…"

"Gaz…"

"Shh! On Vampire Piggy Hunter, I always make sure to get to a checkpoint at every opportunity. Even when I lose, I can start again from there, with a little knowledge of what lies ahead, and experience from past levels. Dib, you might feel like you've lost everything, but _this_ is your checkpoint. Earth. You can start again here, Dib. There's that gun, for a start. And what's that hanging around your neck?"

Dib put his hand to his neck and felt Gaz's skull pendant, remembering it for the first time since he'd put it on.

"It's yours," he mumbled, and she nodded.

"That gun was theirs. That's mine. That gun's your reminder of what lay ahead for you. My pendant… well, that's a little reminder of what was in previous levels. I know I don't talk much, Dib, but I'm still here. For you, I guess. If you want me."

Dib looked at his sister, not knowing whether he felt better about himself, or just confused and a little more knowledgeable about gaming. He tried hard to smile, settling after a while on a twisted grimace. Gaz seemed to understand, though. She stood up and walked to the door.

"They're planning the funeral in the next room," she muttered, before adding, "I'll bet they're in a better place, though."

Dib nodded. Wherever the Tallest were now, he was sure that they were happy.

**AN**

**Sorry this took a while, my computer's been acting a little screwy recently and I haven't been able to upload. Please review, and I'll update again soon. **

**I don't own Invader Zim. It is the property of Jhonen. I own Flo and Helio.**


	25. A Close Shave

A Close Shave

Helio screeched, making in the terrible noise that a trapped rabbit does, high and rasping. The laser bursts were the only source of illumination in the room, causing bright flashes and explosions as they hit the torture machines that Helio had set up. The sound of hundreds of marching footsteps came, ominous and hurried as a racing heartbeat, far above their heads. Evidently troops of some kind were storming the building, and the ones firing were only the tip of the iceberg. The blasts were ricocheting in all directions, one hitting Purple in the chest and bouncing off the shiny black metal of his breastplate. Lucky for him, Helio was a stickler for detail, or he wouldn't have been wearing one at all.

Nonetheless, the shot threw him backwards, and he realised for the first time that he ought to get to cover. The lasers had come as such a shock that his senses had abandoned him, but it was the bursts that flew by now, illuminating Red, sprawled on the floor, that brought him back to Irk. He crouched by Red, who lay there helplessly, limp as a rag doll. He was bleeding badly, and had hit his head hard when he fell to the floor during the power-cut. His eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, having taken on a corpse-like glaze. Jolts of electricity came from his PAK, reactivating him.

"Red! We have to get to cover!" Purple said anxiously and Red tried to get up. His legs crumpled beneath him and he fell to his knees, as though begging for forgiveness.

"I'm gonna _kill_ that bastard," he groaned, and Purple started to drag him across the floor, not daring to stand and run in case he was hit.

Helio was fighting back now, using the gun he had confiscated from Purple against the unseen troops above, shooting into the ceiling. Pathetic, really, thinking that he could have a chance against them. They increased their fire in retaliation, and the ceiling started to crumble, small chunks of metal falling now as well as the laser beams. Purple tugged harder on Red's arm, trying to move faster, and pulled him over a shard of metal that lay on the floor. He gave a weak gasp of pain.

"Pur, go to cover," he said, his face illuminated by another laser shot, "I'm slowing you down. I'll follow, I can use my PAK," he assured him, retracting his spider legs and lifting himself up. The laser shot rebounded on the wall and smashed through the appendages. Purple caught him and shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you, idiot! You'll get killed!"

"So what? It's all my fault we're in this mess; you heard that list that Helio had. I'm a jerk. I saw the other list he had, Pur, the list for you. It only had two sins on it, and they were 'Picked Red over me' and 'Picked Dib over me'. If I'd paid more attention to the little psychopath we wouldn't be in this mess, you didn't do anything wrong. Leave me, I'll follow somehow."

Purple shook his head and tugged harder, pulling Red along and sheltering under the large, heavy metal autopsy table that was in one corner. Barely seconds after he pulled Red under, a large piece of machinery fell, sparking electrical jolts, onto the place he had begged to be left at. They glanced nervously at each other.

"Lucky," Purple muttered, and Red nodded. The troops stormed into the room, sweeping around like a plague of rats. They were wearing plain black jumpsuits, and looked murderous. They parted to allow a fairly tall Irken to walk through, his azure eyes narrowed. Purple drew in a gasp of recognition, as did Helio. Red looked at him through half-closed eyes.

"Isn't that Gem?" he asked quietly, and Purple nodded. Red's eyes were glazing over again, and his PAK reactivated him once more. Then again. He was drifting in and out, and Purple knew that his PAK would only continue to reactivate him for so long. If it was a hopeless case, it would self-destruct. Helio pointed at Gem with a shaking finger.

"Y…YOU!" he screeched, and Gem bowed his head slightly.

"Helio, you've got to look at what you're doing," he said in his low, deep voice. It had certain musical qualities to it that Purple found oh, so attractive. But of course, he would never go for a servant. He smirked. What was he saying? He had gone for Dib, and he was a slave. Or at least, had been.

"What _I'm_ doing? What I'm doing, Gem, is cleansing this universe of scum! I am creating utopia!!! Starting with the Tallest, ending with anyone who doesn't toe the line! Heaven and Hell, Gem, I know which one I'm going to!"

"Heaven and Hell? That's an idea from that human, right?" Gem sounded unimpressed. Helio started raving, pacing in a circle, flailing his arms. He looked demented.

"The human speaks sense, no matter how _filthy_ he is! _So_ many sins, but he's dead. Dead, dead, dead, all of the sinners, I'll kill them all, and nobody can stop me! Nobody _will_ stop me; it's for the greater good…"

Purple drew back slightly from the scene, horrified at how messed up Helio actually was, horrified that he would have done his bidding on him and Red, that their lives had been in the charge of this lunatic. Red's milky eyes were narrowed; he was thinking the same thing.

"No, Helio. _This_," he waved an arm to gesture the troops, "is for the greater good. RACE. The Resistance Against Control of the Empire. We're taking down the control brains. If you make us, we'll take down you."

Helio stopped raving and looked up, shocked by this new piece of information.

"No. Gem. You and me, we're a team, right? You backed me up… You'll back me up now."

Gem shook his head.

"Maybe once I might have agreed with you, Helio. But not now. Can't you see how crazy all of this is?"

Helio's eyes narrowed.

"Well. If you're not with me…" He turned slowly around on the spot, mauve eyes darting around the corners of the room. He spotted what he was looking for, and raised himself on his spider legs, grabbing the back of Gem's jumpsuit and lifting him up as well. "YOU'RE AGAINST ME!" Helio shouted, scuttling across the room. A hundred laser guns clicked, but they held their fire. Helio was holding Gem as a living shield; they couldn't shoot at him in case they killed their leader in the process. He pushed the button to activate the power again, and Purple watched as the shackles that had opened and fallen off when the power went out shot across the room like bullets, floating back where they had been immobilised.

He sprinted from the room, and the troops followed. The terrible whirring of machinery started up, and Helio started to laugh over the long, drawn out screams. Purple looked back to Red. They seemed to have been forgotten, hidden under the table, which was a plus, as they could figure out how to escape. Red's PAK sparked, reactivating him yet again, and Purple bit his lip nervously. Even if they did escape, how long could Red hold out before they got him medical attention? And, more importantly, where could they find medical attention? Who was to say that they were on Irk; Helio could have taken them anywhere. They didn't even know how long it had been since the explosion…

He crawled out from under the table and looked out of the only window in the room. Sure enough, wherever they were, it wasn't Irk. They seemed to be on some remote space station. Of course, there would be escape shuttles, but what if Helio had locked the controls? He went over to the control panel on the wall and attempted to make a command. As he had expected, he was denied access, and so he would be on the shuttles as well. A flash behind him and a buzzing noise told him that Red's PAK was still trying to keep him activated. He ran back over to him.

"Red? Red, we're stuck here! Helio's locked us out from using escape shuttles; we need him to change the controls."

Red lifted his head to look at Purple. It was clearly quite an effort to do so.

"Just… make him then," he said, and Pur shook his head.

"Think, Red! He's dangerous, he's insane, he's not gonna give up without a fight!"

"Exactly," Red said, sounding oddly patient, "Fight him, Pur. You can… do that whole Hong Kong Phooey act on him or something…"

A stray tear rolled off Purple's face, landing on Red's armour.

"Red, you're not making any sense," he said urgently, "You're talking gibberish!"

"_No_," Red said in exasperation, his voice thinning and cracking, "No, that… carroty thing…"

Purple shook his head, confused, and Red sighed. The only way to revive a blocked memory was to tell the Irken that it had been blocked. But that way, he would look like even more of a prick before he died. He could feel his energy ebbing slowly, and swallowed.

"Pur, I modified your PAK. You can do martial arts… _karate_," he added, sounding proud that he had remembered the name. Purple's eyes widened as the memories came flooding back.

"You modified me?" he asking in disbelief, and Red nodded slowly, eyes swimming with tears.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in a quivering voice.

"You should be," said a cold voice from the door. Red looked up painfully, and Purple whipped around. Helio had returned, a thin trail of blood leaking from a thick lip. Purple balled his fists.

---

Gaz narrowed her eyes. She was looking in the cabinet that was in her bathroom. Something was missing. She could always tell when something was missing. Dib had been living with her and Dad again, though he spent most of his time in his bedroom. She didn't disturb him, though, not wanting to have to be confronted with a sobbing boy. She hated emotions, and had been hoping that her father would take charge and be a real parent for once. Of course, the Professor behaved in the opposite way, shunning Dib aside altogether for this latest obsession. How could his son, the son of the great Professor Membrane, have sunk as low as to have had a relationship with two male aliens? Gaz hated him so much for abandoning Dib, but didn't get involved. She went through the cupboard again and finally realised what was missing.

"Oh, he wouldn't," she breathed, turning and walking to Dib's room. Her pace was slightly faster than normal, but that was the only indication that she was worried. She opened the door, and her eyes widened. Dib looked up from where he sat on the floor, blood dripping from the slashes on his wrist. The missing razor blade was on the floor in a scarlet puddle. The house was silent.

"Cut myself shaving," he muttered.

---

Helio laughed.

"Let me get this straight…"

"You heard me the first time," Purple said darkly, "Unlock the escape shuttles."

"How stupid do you think I am?"

Red half-opened his eyes.

"We could be here all night," he mumbled. He didn't know why, but he couldn't help himself retorting. Maybe that was why he was beaten up and bleeding and Purple was fine.

"At the rate you're going, Red, you won't be here all night," Helio spat, turning back to Purple. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Pur, but I'm not letting you escape. You bit my antenna off, if you remember correctly…"

"You _sliced_ off Red's!!! Sliced it off!"

"If you want the key to the control lock, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers."

"You still use keys on this ship?" Purple was surprised.

"It's a little primitive," Helio said in a matter of fact sort of way.

Purple narrowed his eyes.

"Give me the keys, Helio. That's an order."

"Of course my Tallest," Helio said humbly, taking a key from his pocket and dangling it in front of him. Purple snatched out to grab it and he swallowed it, laughing. "You really thought I was gonna give you it? You really are the stupid one."

Purple struck out, hitting Helio in the eye. Helio simply fell over backwards. It was almost comical. He stood up shakily, a look of shock on his face.

"You… You _hit_ me," he gasped, and Purple froze. He remembered saying that to Red before… There was a sudden clang, and white spots popped in front of his vision. Helio grinned smugly, holding a heavy metal bar in his hands. Purple put his hand to the top of his head, where a large bump was forming. He growled, low in his throat, and Helio looked up, his smug grin shrinking and being replaced with an expression of uncertainty.

Purple whipped around, driving his foot into Helio's stomach in a powerful spinning kick. Helio was sent flying across the room, and Purple drew in a gasp when he saw where the short Irken was headed. The fallen machinery from earlier lay on its side, and a panel had come off. A set of rapidly revolving gears span inside, the serrated edges no longer properly interlocking, glinting in the dim strip lighting. It was close to the table where Red was sheltering, and he looked up as Helio flew towards the gears. He went in feet first. The gears slowed down, sucking Helio's body slowly through the sharp, spinning mechanism. Purple bit his quivering lip, looking seriously disturbed, but Red showed no emotion, his jaw tightly clenched as he watched the torture machine's gears processing Helio's body. He was half-way in, and still screaming. It was disturbing. Then there was a clang, the gears ground to a halt, and the top of Helio's corpse flopped over the edge. The key was thrown from the machine and the gears continued to spin, throwing up globs of blood and gore. Red dragged himself across the floor, picking up the bloody key in mild disgust.

"Not so much pried from his cold, dead fingers as sluiced from of his mangled, shredded corpse," he murmured, breaking the horrified silence that had fallen.

Gem walked into the room from the shadows, surveying the mess with cold eyes.

"So," he said, "What did I miss?"

---

Dib allowed himself to be dragged down the corridors of Zim's palace to the lounge where Flo spent most of her time. She hadn't said a word since she'd found him, and he was all too happy to keep up the silence. He looked down at his wrist, suddenly ashamed of what he had done. Gaz rapped smartly on Flo's door with her fist, and they stood together, waiting.

Flo sighed. It had been a week since she had fallen pregnant, and already her stomach was swollen and uncomfortable. She felt ugly and fat, which wasn't helped by the fact that Zim had hardly looked at her since she had started to grow large. But then again, Zim hardly looked at anyone anymore, spending all his time locked away in his room, meaning that she had had to find somewhere else to sleep. Flo understood, though. He was seriously depressed. The loss of the Tallest was always a great blow to any Irken, but Zim, the most loyal, most dedicated, if not most annoying Irken of them all had taken it extremely badly. He had told Flo that it was all his fault, that now he had killed _four_ Tallests, just by sending the Dib-boy over. Flo often thought that Zim and Dib were more alike than they suspected, both blaming themselves for the death of the Tallest.

The rapping at the door came again, louder this time, and she sat up on the chaise lounge.

"Come in," she called, and Gaz stormed into the room, dragging Dib behind her by the arm. She looked pissed off, but she said nothing, and neither did Dib, who was staring determinedly at the floor. "Erm… Gaz? Dib? Everything ok?" Flo asked, and Gaz shook her head angrily.

"Dib's had a very close shave," she growled, storming to the door. She turned back, a look in her eyes that Dib had never seen before. Concern. "I never thought you'd try to take the coward's way out, Dib," she said in a low voice, stomping out of the room and slamming the door behind her. A picture of Zim fell from the wall and the glass frame shattered.

Flo looked up, confused.

"What's she talking about, Dib?" she asked, and Dib sat down next to her. He couldn't meet her eyes, so he stared blankly ahead and extended his arm. She examined the deep cuts on his wrist with dull horror. "Why?" she whispered, and he gulped.

"I… Couldn't take it. Wanted to… to see them again. Wanted Dad to… I wanted Dad to care about me."

Flo shook her head in disbelief.

"Why?" she repeated, "You can't honestly believe your Dad doesn't care! He's just… confused. He probably doesn't know how to approach you about this, Dib. And what about Gaz? What about me? What about _them_? You really think that the Tallest would have died just so that you would kill yourself? You might as well have stayed on the Massive with them if that was the case."

Dib nodded. He'd already thought of all this just after he'd drawn the blade across his wrist for the first time. He'd felt so selfish, so filled with hatred for the fact that he was backing out that he'd done it again. Then again. That was when Gaz had found him, and he was glad she had. A small smile played on his lips at the thought of what Red would say.

"You complete _prick_, Dib, you have any idea how worried I was? You want to be slaughtered; I'll give you a game of laser-tag!"

His voice was clear in his head, so close and yet so far away. Flo put her hand on his shoulder, and her touch was familiar and comforting.

"Dib, please don't do anything like this again. I love you too much, and I don't want to plan another funeral." Then she smiled. "Black is _so_ not my colour."

He grinned, then looked at her in shock.

"Oh my…"

"I know, I know. I'm fat. It's these damned smeets, not…"

"No, Flo, look!"

She looked down at her stomach, equally shocked. A tiny footprint on her stomach was showing, where one of the smeets was stretching. It kicked, and she gasped. Dib put his hand on her swollen abdomen, feeling the smeets turning gently inside. Their eyes met, and they grinned at each other.

"You know… Zim should probably be doing this, not me," Dib said, but she shook her head sadly.

"Not now. He doesn't like to be disturbed at this time; he'll be sleeping."

Dib looked at the clock. It was eleven in the morning. He turned back, and Flo gave a sad smile and a nod. Dib looked back to her stomach, horrified that he could have considered leaving her now for such a selfish reason. She needed him, if Zim was going to be like this. He was the godfather, and these smeets were the only good thing for him to look forwards to. He smiled. Gaz was right. It had been a close shave.

**AN**

**Please review, and an update will be on the way.**

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez, but Flo, Gem and Helio belong to me. **


	26. Resilience Is A Blessing

Resilience Is A Blessing

Zim woke up and groaned, placing his gloved claw to his head and blinking his eyes blearily. He'd been here before. Too much to drink. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he had actually left his room, but what was the point when all that was left outside was this filthy, human-infested lump of rock? He could no longer show his face, so ashamed was he of his failure. Killing _four_ consecutive Tallests had to be some kind of a record. He sighed. He was hungry, but he couldn't be bothered to go down to the dining hall or even just across the corridor to the breakfast lounge, though it was several hours after breakfast time now. He had been like this for a week, and he wasn't feeling any better. He pushed the button by his bed to call for a meal to be brought to him, stating what he wanted in a bored, flat voice. Not even in third person.

"Of course, master, right away," trilled the maid brightly, and he groaned, slamming down on the button to cut off the piercing sound. So happy, so _annoying_…

Ten minutes later, the same maid hurried down the corridor with a tray, not wanting to keep the Emperor waiting for too long. He had been decidedly testy over the past week, and many servants had paid for their lateness. She didn't want to be one of them. In fact, she was in such a rush that she almost collided with the Empress, and came close to tipping the tray over as well. She stopped dead in her tracks, muttering hurried apologies, but the Empress didn't even seem to notice the fact that she had nearly been knocked over, staring at the tray instead. It was piled high with an enormous amount of junk food. Or, as Flo thought more likely, comfort food. She stopped the gushing apologies with a wave of her hand.

"Are you taking that to Zim?"

"Yes, ma'am, it's the Emperor's breakfast," the maid said humbly, "Forgive me, but I was just on my way to give it to him, I didn't mean to…"

Another impatient wave of Flo's hand quietened her.

"I'll take it to him, Flick. You can go on your break now, if you like," Flo smiled, using the maid's nickname in a fond tone. She tried so hard to be friendly to the servants, and she loved nicknames. As most of her friends had monosyllabic names such as hers, she had never been able to employ them before.

"I… thank you, ma'am," she said, passing the tray over and sweeping her black skirt into a curtsey. When she straightened up, the Empress had gone, already at the end of the corridor without a second glance. She had never bothered with all the 'respectful gestures' that the Emperor demanded. Her communicator buzzed, and the Emperor's voice came shrilly through the speaker.

"Felicity! Where's my breakfast? I…" there was the sound of somebody knocking on a door, and his tone softened slightly. "Oh. Fine." He cut the transmission and she turned back down the corridor to take her break.

Flo knocked on Zim's door for a second time and entered without waiting for a reply. It was dark, curtains pulled closed over the enormous window and only one light on, casting dark shadows over Zim's face. The only visible part of him was his eyes, looking tired and dejected in the gloom.

"Zim? I brought your breakfast," she said, picking her way around empty bottles and wrappers and wondering why the maids hadn't cleaned it all up. "God, you must be starving," she added, with a second glance at the large amount of food. She activated the hovering device on the tray, sending it in Zim's direction, and walked over to the window, throwing apart the curtains and letting the light flood the room. She turned to face the bed, where Zim slouched, blinking in the unwelcome light. He had changed almost as much as she had over the past week, and several expressions passed over her face before she settled on a worried look. Zim glanced at her impassively before stuffing as many doughnuts into his mouth as possible, making involuntary 'mmm' noises as he did so. However, Flo did not, as he had expected, say anything, so he was forced to continue eating in awkward silence. When he swallowed, placing his claws in his mouth to suck off any remaining sugar or jelly, he looked up at her.

"You gotta try these doughnuts, they're…"

"Zim, how could you let yourself get like this?" Flo asked almost angrily. He narrowed his eyes, which lacked their usual lustre.

"Well, if you're going to cut in," he muttered, filling up his mouth again, chewing slowly and deliberately. Again, Flo waited patiently until he had finished eating before pouncing.

"Zim, _look_ at yourself!" she demanded, grabbing the tray so that he couldn't delay his answer. "This isn't healthy!"

He glanced down quizzically and raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm?"

Flo sighed in exasperation and sat down on the end of the bed.

"Fine. I'll make it clearer: How much weight have you gained?"

"_What?!?_" Zim looked outraged. "I haven't gained weight!"

Flo poked him in the stomach and raised an eyebrow in response.

"It's five pounds at the most," he said, trying to sound unconcerned.

"Five?" Flo asked, and her eyebrow rose, if it were possible, even higher.

"Five… And ten," he grunted, glowering at her before adding, "And you've gained more weight than me!"

"_Fifteen pounds?_ In a week? How… I _knew_ I shouldn't have left you on your own in here... You can't be trusted not to destroy yourself, Zim! Gods above, the Tallest dump you here, you become an alcoholic. They die and you become Jabba the Hutt. Oh, and by the way, Zim: I'm pregnant!!! With triplets, in case you'd forgotten!"

"How convenient," Zim muttered bitterly, and Flo slid up the bed slightly to get closer to him.

"Zim, I know you're depressed. It's _not_ your fault about the Tallest, Helio was so messed up it'd probably happen anyway."

"Really?" Zim sounded hopeful, in spite of how bleak this statement seemed.

"Really. So please, don't stay locked up in here any more. I've kinda missed you," she smiled, putting her arm around his shoulders. He allowed her to hug him for a while, though his own arms lay limply at his sides, and he had a sullen look on his face. There was a sudden bump, and they sprang apart.

"What on Irk was that?" Zim asked uncertainly, and she beamed.

"That's why I came up here! The smeets are kicking… It shouldn't be more than a week now!"

"Hey, that's… that's pretty neat," Zim said, placing his hands to Flo's stomach, then his whole head, listening for the movements. A smile was spreading across his face for the first time in days, and he started whispering softly. "Yes, my smeets," he crooned, "You're going to grow up to be powerful, strong, _tall_… the universe will be ours for the taking…"

Flo sighed, slumping down on the bed to allow Zim to continue. At least he wasn't depressed anymore.

---

Purple sat on a chair next to the cot that had been set up for Red. Gem was attending to his wounds, bandaging up limbs expertly and swabbing the gashes with a brown ointment that steamed and stung like hell for a while, but knitted the skin back together extremely quickly. Then he put two of his spider legs together at the base of Red's skull and sent an electrical charge across his body, until his eyes opened fully and he stood up, though a little shakily, taking a few uncertain steps across the room and looking at the bodies of the troops with distaste.

"He killed all your troops?" he asked Gem, who shook his head.

"The rest of them are fixing the shuttles. You ok there, my Tallest?"

Red nodded, and Purple flew across the room, hugging him so tightly that his eyes bulged and the newly-healed wounds on his chest nearly burst open.

"Pur…I… can't breathe…" he wheezed, and Purple let go quickly, causing him to fall to the floor. He clambered to his feet, breathing deeply and Purple backhanded him across the face. He stood there, dumbstruck for a second, and then took a large step forwards, almost nose to nose with Purple, his eyes narrowed.

"What the hell was that for?" Red asked angrily, his one lonely antenna standing on end comically. But nobody laughed. Even though they were the same height, he seemed so much taller than Purple at that moment.

"You modified my memory, you jerk!" Purple shouted, and instantly Red shrank down.

"Oh. Yeah," he said, with a nervous laugh, "Sorry about that."

One of the remaining soldiers ran into the room, grinning.

"Gem! The ships are all under our control now! We can go back to Irk!"

Gem grinned back.

"Excellent! Erm… I'm guessing you guys want to come too, right?" he added, glancing at Red and Purple. They nodded, and Red looked confused.

"How did you get here in the first place?"

"By ship! But we crashed here… I'm not very good at parallel parking," Gem said, looking mildly embarrassed as Red muttered into Purple's antenna "I'll drive back".

"You can if you like," he said, gesturing to the escape shuttles, "But we need to get going. You see, we can't be here. We can't stay in any one place for too long. If the control brains find out about us, we'll all be killed."

Gem went on to explain to the Tallest about RACE and their long, underground battle against the control brains. Not comfortable with the thought of the entire empire being controlled by these… things, only able to think logically, never of love or of forgiveness, but cold, hard, logic, a small group joined together. Against the Empire, For the Empire. Soon, other Irkens that had been affected by the control brains joined up too. The little people, ones who couldn't make a difference on their own, but soon the numbers swelled. Forming a resistance against the control brains was the most dangerous thing that they had done so far, but now RACE had gathered enough support to go to the next level. A Civil War, as such. Every single control brain on every single planet belonging to the Empire was to be destroyed. How this was to be achieved Gem would not say.

"Wait a minute… I'm missing something here…" Purple said, and Red smirked.

"We know you are, Pur. But I love you anyway…"

"Oh, HA-HA-HA, _very_ funny, Red. But if you guys are shutting off control of Irk, what happens to me and Red?"

"Oh, yeah!" Red said, suddenly looking rather menacing despite his injuries, "What _will_ happen to us in all of this?"

Gem looked humbled, and cleared his throat.

"That is why I took a job on the Massive, my Tallest. RACE needed to know if you two could be trusted, could be left to lead once the control brains were destroyed. I came to observe you, and I have come to my conclusion. You clearly don't take control because you are so used to the decisions being made for you. I think that you could be good leaders on your own, without the control brains. So you must hide. A planet that Irk has links with, but has no control brain. One where the leader would be happy to let you hide there, one where no other Irkens would go. Do you know of such a planet?"

Red and Purple glanced at each other, and Red groaned.

"Oh, no! No, Pur, I don't want to go live with _Zim_!!! It'll be more torture than this was!"

"But Red, we have to stay alive, Irk is depending on us…"

"And he'll want to show us all his _accomplishments_, and then he'll…" Red continued to mutter, more to himself than anyone else, and Purple continued over the top of him.

"RACE is depending on us; we could go back, start again when all of this is over and…" But Red's voice grew louder, and he started to pace back and forth as he carried on his frenzied monologue.

"And he'll be like, My Tallest? My Tallest? My Tallest? My… Freaking… Tallest, all the freaking time, and then…"

"And Dib! We'll see Dib again and we can…"

"WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF DIB'S ALIVE!!!" Red bellowed, his angry response the only sign that he had been listening to what Purple had been saying, silencing Purple and sending a strangled echo down the corridor.

Purple's bottom lip trembled, and he sank down on the end of the cot, cradling his head in his hands, his eyes covered by his long, spindly fingers. Red had voiced the gnawing doubt that he had been harbouring all this time; that Dib had not survived the explosion, or that, even if he had, he was lost in space, or had been tracked down and killed. That all of this had been for nothing. Red sat down behind him, but did not comfort him.

"Ok. We'll go," he said in a low voice. "We need to send a transmission to Earth."

"I'm sorry, my Tallest, but that's impossible. All communicators are tracked; the control brains could find out our position so easily by doing that. And, another thing. Our ships will only be able to escort you so far. After that, you're on your own."

"That's fine. We can take care of ourselves."

Gem smiled.

"Are you sure? I watched you two on the Massive… You don't do a lot for yourselves if you don't mind me saying so."

"More than capable, Gem," Red said in a dangerous voice, and Gem backed down at once.

"Of course, my Tallest."

"Oh, and Gem? Thanks for… you know. Cleaning me up and stuff. Saving our lives. I guess that's the least I can say under the circumstances, but..."

"For you, my Tallest, it was nothing but an honour."

As Gem herded the troops into the shuttles, Red turned around and went back through the corridors, looking into the scene of Helio's bloody demise. Disgusted though he was, he forced himself to go in, large strides so that he covered more ground. He went over to the place where they had been shackled to the wall, and started to search. It was a while before he found what he was looking for, laying bloody and battered on the ground. He bent down to pick up his antenna, and as he straightened up, the low voice sounded at the doorway.

"We won't be able to reattach it, you know," Gem said, staring at the mangled body of his previous partner, limp and shredded in the gears of his machines.

"I know," Red said, "But I wanted to… take it with me. It's mine."

Gem smiled fractionally.

"Actually, that would be Helio's."

Red dropped it in horror, and saw the smile on Gem's face widen. He picked it back up.

"It… It's not, is it," he asked uncertainly, just to make sure, and Gem shook his head. As Red walked back to the shuttles, Gem walked back across the room and located Helio's own severed antenna. He walked over to his partner's remains and tucked the antenna into Helio's blood-spattered, rainbow-striped waistcoat, gently zipping it up against his cold chest.

"Sorry, old friend," he sighed, as he delicately moved his remains into a more 'comfortable' position. Had his bottom half not been shredded and were his face not contorted into a scream of agony, he could have been sleeping. "I used to understand you. Respect you. Maybe, once, love you. But you're half the Irken you used to be," he whispered. It wasn't until he had shown the Tallest the controls of the shuttle, programmed the coordinates of Earth into their ship and slid behind the controls of his own shuttle that he gave a soft chuckle at the unintentional pun.

---

His heart was pounding, his hands were cold and clammy, and a bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. The approaching fleet of spaceships sped up, and their missiles were blowing his base apart. It wouldn't hold forever, that he knew, his only chance was to move. He got out just as a missile blew up his base, but before he had a chance to work out where to go next, a missile hit him. The words 'GAME OVER' flashed on screen, and Dib sank to his knees, flung his hands ostentatiously above his head and screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Gaz smirked from her seat. Dib had stupidly challenged her to a 'Space Invaders' playoff and so far she had topped every high score he had achieved. However, seemingly spurred on by sheer determination, Dib had come close to beating her score. So close… and yet he had been shot down before this feat could be achieved. She hopped down from her chair and patted him on the back.

"Better luck next time," she said smugly. Dib sank down.

"Well now I'm _really_ depressed," he muttered.

"Heh-heh-heh. Foolish, pitiful Dib-Stink," came a voice from the doorway, "I've seen Irken smeets that could play better than you."

"Well, if you think you're so great, why don't _you_ try and beat Gaz, Zim?" Dib said, without taking his eyes off the scoreboard on the screen. Another chuckle.

"Your second idiotic mistake. Only the greatest Irken military commander would have a chance at beating your sibling at this primitive war game. Or, possibly, Flo."

"Somebody say my name?" Flo's voice came in, and when Zim explained she laughed. "Me? Beat Gaz? Only at Irken games, ones that she'll never have played before. Hey, Dib, you wanna grab a bite to eat? We could… I dunno, pack a 'picnic' and go to the beach or something."

Dib smiled. He had told Flo about the beach, how he had only been five times in his whole life because his dad had been too busy to take him after his mum died, how much he liked it there. Flo had been horrified at the idea of the sea, so the prospect of her choosing to go there with him was nice. Evidently seeing his slit wrists had upset her. He turned around and at once a smirk grew on his face. Flo grinned back; she had been expecting this.

"I don't know about a picnic, Flo. Depends on how much food Zim's left for the rest of us." Zim looked up and glared at him, daring him to continue. He did. "Have you been stealing people's organs again, Zim? Or should I call you 'Jabba' now?"

"Who _is_ this Jabby you all speak of? Tell me!" Zim demanded. A computer screen came down with a picture, and Zim regarded it with fascinated horror. "He is a powerful monarch," he noted, and Flo sighed.

"That's not the point, Zim, he's a repulsive, bloated blob of fat!"

"…And he has a slave-girl in a bikini," Zim added.

"You mean, like Yasmine?" Dib smirked, and Zim looked up from the screen. Dib smiled nastily. "See? You already act like him. Just a step away from looking like him, Emperor Zim."

Zim licked his lips nervously, glancing at the picture again and shuddering. Flo grinned at Dib.

"I'm just off to the kitchens to get a picnic together. You wanna come?"

Dib nodded, and Zim turned around as they walked to the door.

"Hey, Flo? If you're going to the kitchens, you couldn't send up some nachos, could you?" he asked, before adding nonchalantly, "A…And a salad."

"We're all out of nachos, Zim. But I'll send up that salad. You'll be in the gym, right? After all, we can't _both_ look fat," Flo replied, smiling warmly and slipping off before he had a chance to answer. Gaz watched him with a raised eyebrow as he stalked from the room.

---

Flo sat on the towel under a large umbrella, watching Dib thoughtfully. He was sitting next to some rock pools, scooping up water with cupped hands and letting it trickle through his fingers again. She was staying up on dry land, raking her claws through the soft, powdery sand and admiring the dangerous beauty of the ocean. Dib picked something up from a rock-pool; a razor shell. She watched him sadly as he mimed drawing it across his wrists, before snapping it in half and throwing it out for the sea to claim. He turned to watch the sea himself, gazing blankly out at the rolling waves and letting the roar of the water clear his mind. When he turned back, he saw pink eyes reflected in the rock pool. Flo perched on the edge of his rock, looking into his face tentatively.

Suddenly, he plunged his hand into the rock pool and drew out his prize; a small shell. Flo drew closer to look at the swirling patterns and recoiled when a hermit crab poked its eyes, then head, then body from within, scuttling across Dib's hand with its claws raised threateningly.

"What is it?" she asked, and he did not answer straight away. When he did, he looked up, his eyes swimming, like pools of molten gold.

"Resilience is a blessing, Flo. These tiny creatures protect their vulnerable bodies with tough shells. If their shell is damaged, they just scurry off and find a new one, start again. I wish I could do the same."

"You've gotta take this one step at a time, Dib. I know it's tough, losing _two _of the ones you care about most, but you can start again. Your story doesn't have to end as a tragedy. You just need to skip ahead to the next chapter. It can only get better from here."

Dib nodded, holding his hand above the pool. The crab ran to his fingertips and slipped over the edge into the water. He stood up.

"We'd better go back. The tide's coming in."

Before they left the beach, Dib looked up at the cliff that he had gazed upon once before, when he was five. Now, Zim's face was carved into the side of it, proud, haughty and contemptuous. He heaved a sigh of remorse. He wasn't sure if things could get better, but they couldn't get much worse.

**AN**

**As usual, please review and I shall update. **

**I don't own Invader Zim. That's Jhonen Vasquez's. However; Flo, Gem and Helio are mine.**


	27. Heartbeat Pounding To A Funeral March

Heartbeat Pounding To A Funeral March

"If you ask that one more time…" Red began, pointing his claw at Purple threateningly. Purple shrugged.

"What? I just wanted to know if we were there yet!"

Red let out a strangled growl and started to smack his head repeatedly against the dashboard of the ship. Their entourage had left them an hour ago, and they were heading for Earth as fast as possible. However, as Helio had promised, the ships on the space station were very primitive, and to Red's horror, it would take another day to get to Earth.

"Does it look like we're there yet, Pur? DOES IT?"

Purple glanced out of the window and sighed.

"I guess not. Hey, I know! Let's play 'I spy'!"

"Let's play… what?" Red asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a game Dib taught me. I'm really good at it! What you do is, see, you look around and choose something and you say 'I spy with my little eye something beginning with…' and then you say the letter, and your opponent has to guess what you're thinking of."

Red blinked.

"Why? Why would you bother?"

"Cause it's fun, of course," Purple said, in a tone that implied that Red was an idiot.

"You're easily pleased, aren't you, Pur? Fine, fine, we'll play the stupid game. You start."

He grinned and rubbed his hands together.

"Okie dokie! I spy with my little eye something beginning with…" Purple stared out of the window for a while, then his eyes lit up. "Something beginning with S!"

"Hmm. Could it be… star?" Red asked dryly, and Purple nodded reluctantly.

"Aaw. You got me. Your turn."

"Yippee," Red yawned, glancing around indifferently. "Okay, I spy with my little eye something beginning with P."

"Erm… O-kaaay… P… P, P, P, something beginning with P… Ooh! I know! Planet!"

"Nope."

"Hmmm… Is it pizza?" Red shook his head and Purple pouted thoughtfully. "This is a tough one… Can I have a clue?"

Red rolled his eyes and pointed to Purple's reflection in the mirrored surface of the dashboard.

"See?"

"Pencil pot?" Purple suggested, pointing at the small receptacle on the side. "No? Okay, erm, how about… Pink button? Purple button? Pinky-Purpley button? Pretty button? Anything to do with buttons? Planet laser thing? Erm… ship controls… Accelerator!"

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN WITH P!!!" Red exploded, foaming at the mouth. "It's _you_, you idiot! PURPLE!!!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you!"

"Wait… you or me?"

"You."

"You? Red? That starts with R, not P…"

"NO! Fine, _me_!"

"You?"

"AAARGH!" Red screeched, making to slap his forehead and wincing in pain as he brushed the stump of his severed antenna. "Just, _stop_ talking. It was you. _Purple_. Sweet Irk, this is a rubbish game. Let's play… The silent game. Only one rule. Shut the hell up."

Silence fell, smothering the ship, and Red sighed, relishing it. He took hold of the controls, caressing the joystick fondly as he remembered a time when he was a pilot, not Tallest, a time when he controlled ships instead of lived in them. The wonderful daydream lasted a whole five minutes.

"Red? Are we there yet?"

Had it not been for the vacuum of space, the roar that followed would have been heard for miles around.

---

Zim moaned, lying supine on the couch and swigging bright purple liquid from a crystal bottle. When Flo had come back from the beach with Dib, she had put him through the workout of a lifetime. Hobo 13 was nothing compared to what she had subjected him to. Even the fitness tests at Invader Boot Camp seemed less strenuous than the past two hours of laps, weight training and push-ups he had just attempted. His legs had turned to jelly, his head span and his arms felt strangely heavy. What confused him was _why_ he had allowed her to shout at him, why he had forced himself to run another lap merely because she had demanded it. He was the Emperor, for Irk's sake, _she_ should be the one obeying his every whim, but Flo wasn't the kind of female that you argued with. One minute she was a delicate butterfly, the next a praying mantis, and, as with all females, Zim could never be sure which she was.

But it was more than just the fear of Flo's wrath that had spurred Zim on, that was the thing. And it was more than just the fact that he didn't want to look like this Hutt that Flo and Dib had so cruelly compared him to. It was a willing to please that had caused Zim to attempt fifty push-ups instead of twenty, and this strange feeling was extremely puzzling. Whilst always willing to have others please him, Zim rarely wanted to do something for somebody else, unless there was something in it for him. Other than losing weight, he knew that these painful torture sessions bore little reward for him, and yet he had promised Flo that he would continue. Anyway, she looked so hot when she jogged next to him yelling encouragement, clad in black shorts and a pink tank top, a shiny whistle bouncing against her chest. That alone was enough to get him running.

Of course, the situation had not been helped by the appearance of Dib, who had apparently come along to the gym merely to laugh. He had even brought a bowl of popcorn. Flo had shrugged off his appearance by saying that he 'needed cheering up', as the funeral was tomorrow. He was so tired. And hungry. Flo had refused him any snack food whatsoever, and he was beginning to see why the Tallest were so protective of their own snacks. However, Flo didn't know about the bag of potato chips he had stashed on top of the canopy of the four-poster bed. He lifted himself up on his spider legs and peered over the top to where the large box of snacks was, dragging it over to the edge and popping the top off. It was totally empty, apart from a note and a packet of raisins. He read it furiously.

_Zim._

_You really thought I wouldn't find these? I think you're losing your touch, honey. I've put in a snack for you though. Wouldn't want you to get hungry now, would I?_

_Flo xxx _

He groaned and lay back down. He turned slowly to face the other side of the bed and nearly fell off in shock at the sight of GIR sitting on the pillow, gazing adoringly at a taco.

"_GIR!!!_ What are you doing on my bed?"

"I's eating a taco!"

"I can see that, but…" Zim stopped, eyes fixed on the taco. GIR looked at him nervously, pulling the taco slightly closer to his chest. Zim ran his tongue hungrily along his lips and GIR dropped down off the bed. Zim stood up.

"Master?" GIR said curiously, and Zim began to walk towards him. He backed away slowly to the door.

"Give me the taco, GIR," Zim said slowly, and GIR shook his head.

"I's not supposed to! The pretty master told me!"

"Don't listen to Flo, GIR. Listen to Zim," Zim said, taking another step towards the robot.

"B…But it's _mine_," GIR stuttered, and now Zim was looming over him, a hungry grin on his face. GIR's antenna drooped. He turned around and sprinted down the corridor, screaming as Zim pursued, yelling at him.

"GIR!!!! _GIR_!!! THE TACO IS MINE!!! GIVE IT TO ZIM!!!"

As GIR raced through the entrance hall to the palace, Zim in tow, Flo and Dib watched from the top of the impressive staircase. Flo shook her head exasperatedly, and Dib laughed.

"At least he's getting some exercise," he smirked, as Zim and GIR's screams mingled together down the corridor.

---

Gaz looked up as Dib entered the house. It was late, and whilst he had seemed happy during the day, now that the only thing to think about was the funeral, he was downright depressed. He sat on a chair in the kitchen as she made him a cup of cocoa, dropping a marshmallow on top and pressing it into his hands. She sank into the chair opposite him and watched him drink in silence. He slurped the drink noisily, and as he took each sip she clenched her jaw tighter and tighter. It was such an irritating noise, but she said nothing.

"Mom used to make cocoa like this," he muttered, dimly remembering bedtime storied about Bigfoot and aliens, the taste of sweet melted marshmallow and creamy chocolate. Gaz glanced up through her fringe, looking suitably annoyed.

"Dib, why do you always think back? Ghosts from the past are ones you can't exorcise. You just have to look to the present."

"Why does everyone try to say some deep meaningful metaphor and presume it'll make things better?"

"Jeez, Dib, just trying to help."

"Well, it's not working," Dib said sullenly, glaring into his cocoa. "It's the funeral tomorrow."

"So? A chance to put all this to rest. Bring it to a full stop. Start again."

"And if I don't want to?"

Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Then you can start dressing in their clothes, live in a shady motel, start talking to yourself and stab people when they're in the shower. But you can't do that here. You have to move on, Dib, this is pathetic. What if you'd done this when Mom died? What would she have thought?"

"I'm going to bed. Big day tomorrow and all that," Dib said, glaring at his sister, and adding, as a growl, "Bringing this to a full stop," spitting the word 'Stop' as though it left a nasty taste in his mouth.

Gaz waited until he slammed the door before raising her middle finger, knowing he was doing the same on the other side of the wood, as they had done for years. She listened to him stomping up the stairs, wondering how her father could still be asleep after all the slamming, but knowing that he was so used to ignoring his children that he was probably an expert. She lowered her finger and stormed up to her own room, sighing relief as she looked at the dark paint and rock posters that decorated her haven. She knew that Dib's haven had been the Massive. She hoped he would find another one, or his constant depression could prove extremely annoying.

**8:00 AM**

Dib groaned, staring at the digital display of his alarm clock. Eight. That meant that he only had an hour to get ready, the funeral started at nine. He didn't want to get out of bed. He rolled over and buried himself under the duvet, and that was when the world exploded around his head. Rolling straight out of bed, he found that the start of doomsday was actually Gaz clanging a saucepan lid right next to his ear. She continued to do so, even though he was on the floor.

"GAZ!!! WHAT THE HELL?" Dib shouted over the din, but she said nothing and continued the clanging.

He stood up, about to say something, but she turned him around and marched behind him, still clanging, to the bathroom, opening the door and forcing him inside. He groaned and stumbled into the shower, still hearing Gaz rattling the wooden spoon inside the pan. When he was washed, he wrapped a towel around him waist and went out, and Gaz marched him back to the bedroom. The clanging was irritating, but Dib knew what to do. He dressed as quickly as he could, and as he stepped back into Gaz's sightline, the infernal clanging finally ceased. He looked at his alarm clock.

**8:13 AM**

He had never got up so quickly before. Gaz sized him up. He was wearing another top with the Irken symbol on, this one a dull metallic grey with the symbol in purple again. He wore plain black pants, and, on top, his old trench coat. He hadn't worn it since Flo had confiscated it when he was first on the Massive, as a slave. Flo had recently told him that she had liked the coat so much she had saved it, and when Zim had asked for her things to be sent from the Massive, it had been packed in. She had given it back, to try and cheer him up. He didn't look as though he was dressed for a funeral, but Gaz said nothing. She was wearing a plain black dress and nothing else, not wanting to look as though she was making too much fuss for two aliens she had met only once.

The siblings descended the stairs, and Dib trudged into the kitchen. Gaz heard the jar of marmalade being opened; Dib's comfort food. She hated the stuff, but when he had come back she had made sure that there was a jar in the fridge. She took the parcel out from under the couch. Flo had given it to her, to wear to the funeral. She walked into the kitchen and sat down opposite Dib, who was spooning the orange jelly straight into his mouth from the jar with a blank look on his face. She pushed the parcel towards him.

"Flo said that you have to wear this. Apparently Irkens have to wear the Tallest's colours to their funeral. You seem to count as well."

He opened it and found a stripy scarf, red, black and purple. He picked it up, sinking his fingers into the thick, warm wool. He stood up and wrapped it around his neck. It nearly reached the floor. With the striped scarf and long, black coat, he reminded Gaz of Doctor Who, and it was all she could to stop the corners of her mouth perking up. Dib noticed and walked to the mirror in the hall, admiring the latest addition to his outfit. They went back into the kitchen and Dib made pancakes, like he would sometimes do at the weekends when Dad was at work and he and Gaz had the house to themselves. Every weekend. They ate in silence, and he spooned the whole jar of marmalade on his pancakes. They left the house together. The grass was glazed with dew and a crisp chill hung in the air. Dib was glad of the extra warmth from his scarf, and as they drew closer to where Zim and Flo stood, he stroked the wool for comfort. It was 8:45.

---

Red looked out of the window sleepily, and his eyes lit up.

"Pur! PUR! Wake up, I can see Earth!"

Purple's eyes flickered open and he looked out of the windshield excitedly.

"Ooh! It looks like a marble!"

But by this time, Red had noticed something else.

"Oh great," he said angrily, "Just great. Look at all those ships, Pur. The one day we pick to return and Zim's planet's under siege.

Pur looked at the vast army of ships worriedly, and noticed something.

"I don't think it's an army, Red; they're all from different planets!"

Red looked again.

"Oh yeah! So we get to gatecrash a party! Cool!"

A small red button blinked, and Purple stared at it.

"What's this mean, Red?"

"That? That means that the planet's broadcasting a blanket message to all nearby ships…" Red began, pushing the button. The speakers crackled into life, and a looped recording of Zim's voice played.

"… the funeral of the Almighty Tallest. Please park on Africa and make your way to the teleporter to pay your respect. Welcome to the funeral of the Almighty…"

Red glanced at Purple, and a grin passed between them.

"Good turnout," he noted, and Purple nodded.

"Shall we stick around until the end, then leap out from behind a statue and go 'BOO!'" Purple suggested with a grin, and they started to laugh. They parked the shuttle on the large country called 'Africa', and waited until all of the other leaders had gone through the teleporter before following, still laughing uncontrollably at the thought of the prank they were going to play. When they stepped out of the other teleporter, they stopped laughing. Their jaws dropped simultaneously.

---

Zim and Flo stood before the marble statue, looking extremely subdued. Zim wore all black, though his robes were patterned with red and purple. Flo wore, like Gaz, a simple black dress, a crimson sash stretched over her swollen abdomen, and a purple flower at her antenna. She turned at the sound of Dib and Gaz walking towards them, giving Dib a little nod in acknowledgement of his scarf. He nodded back, and looked up at the beautifully carved stone. In the middle was a beautiful sphere, a model of Irk. On pedestals on either side stood the Tallest, life sized so that they towered above the planet, the attention to detail absolute. The eyes were the only thing that weren't made of carved marble. Instead, Red's eyes were made of a thousand rubies, Purple's of amethysts, throwing beautiful spots of light in all directions as the morning sun hit them. Zim continued to stare at the statue, as though the end of the Earth itself could not tear him away. Flo touched his arm gently, and he turned his head. The planet leaders sat in their seats behind the statue, looking upon him as he was looking upon the statue. He turned and took his seat, and Dib walked slowly to the front. He was the only one that was to speak, and for this Zim was glad. He could not betray his pride by crying in front of hundreds. Dib's speech would be more than enough.

"The Almighty Tallest. Red and Purple. There's so much to be said, when so few words can be used to say it." He cleared his throat and reached into his pocket for the poem he had composed. Then he stopped. Suddenly, he didn't need to read it. Each word lay fresh in his mind as though he were simply speaking, not reciting.

_I'll bet you're having fun now_

_Your pain is gone, though mine's still free_

_I'll bet you're standing up there watching_

_And laughing down on me._

_A place of white, a place of peace,_

_A place where dreams come true_

_And no matter how happy you are up there_

_I'll still be calling you._

_So in this place where nachos rain_

_And curly fries grow like trees_

_I hope you both can hear me_

_Above the cooling breeze._

_My perfect world was painted here,_

_The purple rain, the clear red sky_

_But now you're gone, and in their place_

_Are only the tears I cry._

_Each beat of my heart is a funeral march,_

_Each breath I take is a cry of pain_

_Though with each tear, I know you're near_

_I'll be seeing you both again._

_So have fun now, enjoy yourselves_

_And know that this is true._

_There will come a time, though who knows when_

_I'll be coming back for you._

Dib reached into his trench coat and removed Red's gun, which glinted in the sunlight. Purple gasped and tried to lunge forwards from behind their statue, but Red caught hold of him, folding him back towards his chest as Dib placed the gun carefully into the hands of Red's statue. He removed a pendant from around his neck and hung it from the neck of Purple's statue.

"Gone but not forgotten," he concluded, and the piano began to play.

The audience rose as one, standing as Dib sang 'Hallelujah'. Flo turned to Zim and sank against his side, sobbing freely. She was the first to cry, but not the last. As the song went on, she felt Zim shaking slightly, and looked up in astonishment. The golden tears that glistened on his face shocked her, and she stopped crying.

"Zim?" she asked, and he looked at her sadly.

"They hated me, Flo," he whispered, "I always knew it, I always denied it. But they hated me."

She pulled him close, and they stood together, tears mingling and falling to the sodden floor. Even the smeets stopped moving, as though they could sense their parent's grief. When the song drew to a close, the leaders each placed a white petal in front of the statue. Then they left, one by one, back to their own planets where they could cheer up and forget about the Tallest for good. Zim and Flo went back to the palace and Gaz slipped away to the house, leaving Dib alone in front of the statue. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, wringing the scarf in his hands as though it were a set of prayer beads.

"If I could just feel your touch once more, I'd be happy," he whispered.

And suddenly, as though the sheer longing in his voice could raise the dead, he felt a simultaneous kiss on each of his cheeks. His eyes shot open, and he nearly keeled over in shock. There they stood, beaming yet sobbing, and as he fell into their arms he dared not ask himself how this was possible in case it turned out that they weren't real. They stood for an age in their teary embrace, and, as was true with Zim's gaze upon the statue, nothing, not even the end of the Earth could tear them away.

**AN**

**Please review!!! And I shall update. So glad I've finally finished this chapter, it's the one I've been waiting for…**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.**

**The song 'Hallelujah' is the property of Leonard Cohen, though I prefer John Cale's cover.**

**Flo, and the poem belong to me!**


	28. Smeets

Smeets

The wind blew, sending the white petals around them in a swirling cloud, and Dib broke apart from them, finally ready to question their appearance. The first thing he noted was that they were both wearing black robes and armour.

"You're dressed for the occasion," he murmured, gesturing to their outfits, and Red sighed.

"Didn't have time to change," he said, a slight edge to his voice, and Dib looked up properly and gasped.

"What happened to you?" he asked, horrified.

"What? This?" Red replied breezily, gesturing to the many burns and slashes that were visible, and of course, the missing antenna. "Well, you know the nine circles of hell? Turns out there are ten. And Helio's in charge there."

"I… eh?" Dib was, unsurprisingly confused.

"I'll explain later," Red sighed, before adding brightly, "Any chance of something to eat?"

"S…Sure," Dib stuttered, "This way."

He led the two towards the palace, wondering what Zim would say when he saw them. And what they would say when they saw Zim. Purple gave an admiring whistle.

"I've never seen Zim's palace from the outside before," he said in wonder. Dib shrugged. He had become used to the enormous building before, though he had to admit that he had been impressed when he had first seen it. The palace was made entirely of (bullet-proof) glass, the windows clear and the walls tinted, so it sparkled like a diamond in the morning sun.

Dib took them round to the back entrance and walked in the direction of the dining room. He opened the door slowly and the Tallest sprinted over to the table that was loaded with junk food, not bothering with plates, simply stuffing fries and nachos and doughnuts into their mouths as though they thought they would disappear. Evidently wherever they had been, there hadn't been any snacks. Dib heard Zim's voice and turned to see him sitting miserably at a table, glaring at a salad and chasing the lettuce around with a fork.

"I never thought I'd starve to death in a dining hall," he grumbled to Flo, who sighed.

"Fine. _Fine_. I guess you can have some snacks, in memory of the Tallest, or something. But only one plate, d'you hear?"

Zim was up and over to the serving table before the second 'fine'. He was standing right next to the Tallest, so eager to eat the snacks he had craved for two days straight that he hadn't even noticed who they were. As he loaded up his plate, Dib tugged Red's arm and pointed at Zim. Red and Purple turned and looked at him. There was a second of silence, in which they glanced at each other. Then they burst out laughing, Purple spraying the drink that he had been gulping as he did so. Zim whipped around and dropped his plate.

"M… My… How…" he stuttered, and Flo looked up in shock. Red was bent double, and Purple was leaning against Dib's side for support as they laughed themselves silly, unable to control themselves. Flo leapt up and hurried over.

"My Tallest! You're alive? Dib, what's going on?"

Dib shrugged, laughing weakly himself at the mere sound of the Tallest's mirth. Zim was beginning to get a hold of himself.

"My Tallest! I thought you'd died! But… you're alive…"

"Look at him, Pur!!!" Red snorted, tears streaming down his face, shaking violently as he howled with laughter.

"I… Zim… You got _fat_!" Purple giggled, and as Zim's eyed flickered between them as he desperately tried to work out what had happened, how this was possible, Red looked up.

"Zim… Zim, say 'I'm an unstoppable eating machine'," he gasped, breathless from laughing, and Zim gulped.

"I'm… I'm an unstoppable eating machine," he said reluctantly, and Red shook his head impatiently; Zim had not produced the comedic effect he had been hoping for.

"No, Zim, say it like you said 'I'm an unstoppable death machine'. When you were in the bear suit," he snorted, and Zim winced, not wanting to go against the Tallest, but still wondering how they could be standing in front of him when they had died on the Massive.

"I'm an unstoppable eating machine," he repeated, and Purple threw himself down upon the floor and flailed his arms and legs as he whooped with laugher. Zim gave a nervous laugh, and Flo observed the scene in shell-shocked silence.

Zim's face flushed several shades darker as the Tallest continued to splutter uncontrollably, and eventually Dib stepped in.

"It's not _that_ funny, you know," he said gently, touching Red's arm and gasping guiltily as Red recoiled with a wince of pain.

"Hey, hey, hey, that's _tender_," Red said angrily, and it was then that Flo noticed the obvious.

"Oh, my Tallest," she breathed, "What happened to your…"

But Red cut in, with a grin.

"Don't worry, Flo, I got it here," he said, pulling the antenna from his pocket. Flo gasped, and Zim's cheeks swelled with nausea as he looked at the severed appendage. Purple glanced up.

"Yeah, Helio sliced it off," he said, still giggling weakly, and Flo sank into a chair in revolted horror. By the time the Tallest had recounted their tale, however, even Purple had stopped laughing. Flo had her eyes squeezed shut and her antennas flat against her head, and Zim's face was deathly pale and waxy. Dib was speechless, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide.

"That…_filthy_, slimy little water-sucker," Zim gasped, and Red nodded in agreement. Flo groaned, and tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She bent double, and Dib looked at her, puzzled. Nobody else noticed. She straightened up again and cleared her throat.

"C…Can I show you to a room, my Tallest?" she asked in a shaky voice, and Purple nodded. She stood up and her legs crumpled beneath her; she sank to the floor and moaned softly. "Oh crap," she breathed, and Zim raised an eyebrow.

"Flo?"

She whimpered, a strange, high-pitched sound, and opened her mouth, heaving a flood of pink liquid onto the floor. Zim and the Tallest took a step back in disgust, but Dib wasn't fast enough, finding himself standing in a puddle of the thick, sticky goo.

"What is _that_?" he asked, revolted as Flo cringed on the floor, disorientated. When nobody answered, the computer obliged.

"Amniotic serum. When a female is about to give birth, she must flush all the serum from her body, for once the smeet sac is broken, the fluid is toxic to her squeedly-spootch. So, one of you should probably, you know, help her out."

Nobody moved. Dib looked from Flo to Zim to the Tallest expectantly.

"So… erm, who's going to… do it?" he asked, and they turned to face him simultaneously, an identical look of horror on their faces.

"What? I can't!" Purple gasped, and Red shook his head fervently.

"I don't know the first thing about females!"

"Well, I don't know much about Irken anatomy," Dib said urgently, "Well… except for what you've shown me," he muttered to himself.

"Dib, there's only been one natural birth in our lifetime, and I sure as hell wasn't the midwife," Red snapped, "We don't know _how_ to do this! And if anyone, _Zim_ should be helping; he's the father!"

Zim, who had been backing away with a look of revulsion on his face, stopped still.

"_WHAT?_" he exclaimed, horrified, "Why should I have to…"

Flo gave a grunt of pain and dragged herself to her feet, using the table for support. She advanced towards Zim, a menacing look in her eyes, and grabbed his antenna, pulling him to the floor as she collapsed.

"_Now_," she spat, seething, "You are going to listen very, very carefully, Zim. I have made sacrifices for you, I have put up with you and your incessant... living, and I didn't kick up that much of a fuss when you got me pregnant. I kept these smeets inside me, and I can assure you that a female with more sense would have left you at the first opportunity. So now it's _your_ turn, Zim, it's your turn to do something for me, and if you so much as _consider_ backing out I assure you now you'll be bloody glad you got your heir, _capisce?_"

Zim nodded nervously, and Flo loosened her iron grip on his antenna. He stood up quickly, glancing sheepishly at the Tallest to see what they thought of this lapse of control. They were smirking slightly at his humiliation, but they had their eyes fixed on Flo in fascinated disgust, as though watching a car-crash. She was still coughing up the pink serum, spluttering at the presumably revolting taste, and the swelling on her abdomen that sometimes jolted when the smeets moved was squirming; the feet and claws of the smeets could be seen clearly beneath the skin as they pushed against the walls of their prison. She groaned sickly, a trail of the serum oozing from the corner of her mouth, and she pressed her hands to her stomach as it writhed. Zim cleared his throat.

"Computer? What… do we do?" he asked, and a screen came down with a 3D diagram of Flo's body on it.

"The smeets usually exit through the PAK holes here," the computer explained, and the diagram rotated, a red marker appearing on her back, "But there are triplets, which means that the birth will most likely take more than ten minutes. The Empress won't survive. If you don't remove Flo's PAK, you'll need to make another incision for the smeets to exit through, like…"

Flo extracted a spider leg from her PAK and ripped it across her stomach, laying open a huge, clean cut.

"Something like that?" she asked quietly as Dib retched and Red's face turned pale.

"Yeah… something like that," the computer agreed. "Now, Zim, you need to get in there and remove the smeets."

Zim blanched, but steeled himself at the thought of what Flo would say if he abandoned her now. She was just like Tak when it came to holding grudges and a lot more creative when it came to getting her revenge. He took a tentative step towards her and bit his lip, drawing blood. Then he slipped his hands into the incision, groaning at the feel of the pulsing organs.

Something grabbed onto his hand and he gasped, withdrawing at once with the smeet clinging onto his arm, sliming him with pink serum and green blood. He placed it on the table and turned back to Flo. A tiny hand burst through the incision, searching blindly in the air. The tiny claws fastened onto his hand, and he removed the tiny Irken, placing her gently next to her sister. When he turned back, the third was crawling from the slash on his mother's stomach, falling with a wet _smack_ onto the floor. Zim lifted him up and placed him on the table, watching them wriggling slimily with an odd expression of distaste and pride. He turned to see the computer blasting the slash on Flo's stomach with a jet of the same ointment Gem had used on Red. The skin sealed up and she stood to her feet shakily.

Flo rolled the smeets over and clapped her hands. The computer scorched the holes in their backs and inserted the PAKs, and blasted them with cleaning solution to wash them off. The smeets stood together in a line and Zim gave a huge grin.

"I just delivered them! ME! Zim!" he said proudly, but nobody was listening. The smeets didn't move.

Eventually, Flo went over to the females, who stood side by side, their heavily lidded eyes shining limpid and clear. One had red eyes and one had purple. Other than that, the females were identical. The male was a duplicate of Zim, exactly as he had looked when he had been decanted from the hatchery on Irk. Zim strutted in front of them as well, and cleared his throat.

"You three have been birthed on a very special day. The return of the Almighty Tallest."

Flo smiled.

"You ought to have names accordingly," she said softly, her eyes full of adoration. She looked at the twin females and smiled. "My daughters. Scarlet and Violet, for Tallest Red and Tallest Purple." The computer programmed their names into their PAKs, and Red and Purple grinned. Zim stood, watching the male intently. The females started a minor play fight, poking and slapping, and Violet tripped, falling into the male and knocking him over. He opened his mouth and screamed, making a piercing noise that made all but Zim stand back in shock. In fact, the grin on his face simply widened.

"A terrifying roar," he muttered under his breath, before saying aloud, over the din, "ROR! The son of the almighty Zim shall be named Ror, for his fierce cry."

Again the name was programmed into the PAK, and Zim tucked his claw under his son's chin, lifting it so that he closed his mouth and raised his head and stood up straight.

Flo beamed, kissing Ror's head.

"I'll call you Rory," she whispered to him, and Zim groaned.

"There's nothing threatening about _Rory_," he sneered, before standing up straight and clearing his throat importantly. The smeets stood to attention.

"Now, my smeets, you must listen. As your father, and Emperor of this filthy rock-ball, you shall treat me with the respect I deserve. Listen to me, obey me, _worship_ me, and…"

"_Zim!_" Flo gasped, as the Tallest sniggered behind them.

"Oh, very well. This is Flo, your mother. Listen to her, and listen well, for it was she who incubated your developing forms. Obey her, respect her and love her." Red cleared his throat loudly, and Zim's antennas shot up. "Of course!!! The Almighty Tallest, leaders of the _all-powerful_ Irken Empire and, for you two, your name sakes."

Red grinned as the three saluted, and Flo tapped Zim on the shoulder, pointing an antenna at Dib. Zim raised an eyebrow, and she sighed.

"Aren't you going to introduce Dib?" she asked impatiently, and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine, kids, that's the _Dib_-St…" Zim stopped at Flo's glare and started again. "That's Dib. Your godfather."

The smeets saluted again, and Flo wrapped her arms around them and picked them up, hugging them tightly and smiling as they snuggled into her chest. Zim plucked Ror from her grip and, when Ror attempted to hug him, placed him quickly on the floor in front of him, looking down upon the tiny, naked smeet and revelling in being able to look down on another Irken. He smirked and rubbed his hands together, chuckling then bursting out into his evil laugh. Ror mimicked him exactly. Dib turned to look at Red, who was holding Scarlet with a slightly apprehensive expression and admiring her glossy crimson eyes, the long lashes, the tiny claws.

"They're pretty, eh, Pur?" he said, but there was no reply. He nudged his partner with his elbow. "Hey, Pur. PUR!"

"Huh?" Purple didn't break his gaze upon Violet, who sat on his hand and clung like a limpet to his wrist cuff, her eyes squeezed shut and an adorable beam on her face. Her long lashed fluttered, and Dib looked into Purple's face worriedly. His eyes were glossed over, and his mouth was perked into a far-off smile. Red groaned.

"Oh no. No, no, no."

Purple looked up defensively.

"What?" he asked, his voice slightly higher than normal.

"We are not, I repeat, _not_ getting one! No way, nuh-uh, not in a million years, never. Understand?"

Purple's lip quivered slightly.

"But look at her, Red! She's so _tiny_…"

Red shook his head.

"We are not getting a smeet and that is that. Sure, they look sweet now, but give it, oh, about three days and you'll see why I don't want one, Pur."

Three Days Later

Purple sat quivering on the chair. Three days. Of hell. Who knew that three smeets and a dysfunctional SIR unit could burn down so much in so little time? All three smeets had inherited their mother's sense of fun and their father's love of destruction. Thankfully for the siblings, Zim encouraged their behaviour all he could, laughing it off whenever Flo came to him with news of damage, chaos and injury. He was especially proud of Ror, who had blown up more of the statues in the gardens than his sisters combined. Red smirked at him.

"Hate to say 'I told you so'. Oh, who am I kidding, I _love_ to say it. So I will. I. Told. You. So."

Purple glanced up, trembling.

"Why?" he wailed, "Remind me again why you told me we should allow him to be a father, Red." Red shrugged and Purple narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Allow me," he cleared his throat and said, in a mocking, overly deep voice, "I think it was 'Oh, the smeets might not turn out like him, he's Earth's problem now'. Well, they did. And _we're on Earth too!!!_"

Red simply shrugged again, and his antenna perked up.

"Hear that?" he asked, and when Purple shook his head, he grinned. "Silence."

They stood up and walked out of their room, looking curiously down the corridor, empty apart from the odd servant. They ventured down, suddenly nervous. Silence had been unknown these past few days, and its sudden return could only mean that the trio were planning something. As they approached the throne room, the sound of laughter could be heard, and some catchy, bouncy music. They pushed open the door, and the first thing that they noticed was Zim and Flo, sitting on their thrones. Flo was curled gracefully on hers, staring ahead with a smile on her face. Zim slouched miserably in his own throne, propping his head up in his hand with his elbow on the armrest. Dib sat on a chair next to Flo. He was also staring ahead. The Tallest turned to look at the wall-sized communications screen, in front of which sat the triplets, gazing upon it, apparently captivated. The screen showed a small, red creature with spindly legs, singing to a creature that appeared to be a human, but had a long, green tail instead. They appeared to be underwater.

"…Under the sea, under the sea, darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!"

"What the hell?" Red muttered, and they walked in, shooting a questioning look to Dib.

"It's a cartoon film. It was my idea, to calm them down," he explained proudly. Zim groaned.

"When will it end?" he whined. Red sighed and went to sit cross-legged on the floor next to Scarlet. Ror sat in between her and Violet, and Purple sat the other side.

"What's going on?" he whispered, and the smeets were all too happy to explain.

"That girl, Ariel, she's a mermaid, but she wants to be a human 'cause she's in love with a human. But her Dad, the sea-king, won't let her, and that crab, he's called Sebastian, he's trying to get her to see how good life is under the sea!"

"Oh," Red said simply, looking at the screen, unimpressed. Scarlet was dancing to the music, skipping in front of his vision. "Smeets," he sighed to Purple, turning to face him and smacking his forehead. Purple and Violet were also dancing, a little on-the-spot jig, and only he and Ror remained seated. Ror yawned.

"I wanna see the witch again, sir," he whined to Zim, who grinned. The smeets referred to him as 'sir' and Flo as 'mom'. Ror wasn't bothered about the rest of the film, or indeed any of the other 'Disneys' they had watched, simply wanting to see the bad guys over and over again.

"Yes, the evil ones _are_ the best part. But your sisters are dancing," Zim said reasonably, and in the end, Ror joined in, deciding to make the best of it. Scarlet grabbed Red's arm.

"Will you dance with me, Uncle Red?" she asked, her crimson eyes twinkling, and he sighed, picking her up and swooshing her through the air like a rocket ship, spinning around the room. Purple was humming the tune and holding Violet's hands as they did their shake-shake-jiggle-stomp dance. Ror seemed left out, so Dib stood up to dance with him, earning a kick on the shin for his troubles.

Zim and Flo kissed. He'd got his heir, she'd got his family. The Tallest were alive and well. Neither of them cared about anything else at that moment.

**AN**

**As usual, please review. An update will be on the way asap. **

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. **

**The Little Mermaid belongs to Disney.**

**Flo, Ror, Violet and Scarlet are mine!**


	29. Three Tallests, Two Teddies And A Terror

Three Tallests, Two Teddies and a Terror in Training

"Curse you, Violet! CURSE YOU!!!"

"ROR! What have I said about cursing your sister?"

"Sorry, mom…"

The smeets were now three months old, and their games were becoming more dangerous than Flo could have ever imagined. However, Zim refused to punish them for 'simply rending down a couple of filthy worm-babies' or other such things, so she had to content herself with ensuring that they were nice to each other if not to everyone else. They grown considerably, now about half Zim's height, and yet, as it came to their daily measuring, Ror had made a shocking discovery. Violet was taller than him. Only by a centimetre at the most, but still… The same was found of Scarlet, who was the same height as her sister. Ror stood on his tiptoes, stretching up his antennas in a desperate attempt to look taller. Flo sighed and set about smoothing his antennas gently and making him stand normally. Scarlet sneered at him, and Violet giggled. Ror narrowed his eyes.

"_Mom!_ Measure me again! Violet can't be taller than _Ror_, it's not…"

"Ror, sweetie, you know I hate it when you talk in third person," Flo said sternly.

"Father does," Ror muttered bitterly, and Flo sighed, pulling her son into her lap.

"What your dad does is no concern of you. If you keep copying him, you might turn out like him, and then what would we do?"

"But I _want_ to be like father. He's a powerful ruler, and I want to be too! But now even stupid old Violet will be a ruler before me," Ror sniffed, and Violet stretched importantly. He shot her a glare.

"Rory, height doesn't matter when it comes to important issues. I mean, look at your dad. He's not exactly built like a Tallest, is he?"

"But that's _different_. Father was an invader who took over this revolving sphere of filth, so height didn't matter for him…"

"Why do you always call him 'father'? He's your dad, you should call him that."

Ror dropped his gaze.

"He doesn't like it when I call him 'dad'. He says it shows weakness," he whispered, and Flo rolled her eyes. She kissed her claw and tapped him gently on the nose with it.

"And yet you still call me 'mom'."

Ror nodded, wriggling from Flo's hug and running over to his sisters. He didn't like cuddling for too long. Just in case his dad saw him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rapid-fire plasma blaster, an evil grin on his face. He pumped the charger and started to laugh.

"Red eyes against purple!" he shouted, and Violet squealed and started to run. Scarlet grinned and took a grenade from the cute red pouch she hung from her neck. They sprinted after her down the corridor, and soon all manner of explosions could be heard.

Flo sighed and headed off to the gym, where she knew Zim would be running laps. Sure enough, just as she entered, he ran past her, and she groaned, sprinting to catch up with him. He slowed down when she reached him, jogging so she could get her breath back. He had lost a lot of weight over the past three months, working out every day and playing 'Irkens and Humans' with the triplets. In fact, he had gone from one extreme to the other, and was lean, fit and becoming quite muscular to boot.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Ror… has your… plasma blaster," she panted.

Zim raised an eyebrow.

"I know he does. I gave it to him."

"Can I ask why?" she asked dangerously, and Zim grinned.

"Of course. If you can catch me," he said, speeding up and leaving her behind. Flo growled and scuttled up to him on her spider legs, cutting in front of him. He dodged to the side and carried on running. Eventually, Flo launched herself at him, catching his leg and pulling him down. He was laughing.

"Zim, you tell me why you gave Ror a gun. You know what he's like!"

"I figured he could use a little practise with firearms before Hobo 13."

Flo's breath caught in her throat.

"What?" she whispered and he smiled evilly.

"Yes. Hobo 13. He's going today. After all, the son of the Emperor needs military training, and the earlier he learns the better…"

"HE'S THREE MONTHS OLD!!!"

Zim smirked.

"And more dangerous than many an Irken invader. He needs to learn to control his destructive behaviour. And as he's being deported in an hour, there's not much you can do." Zim changed his tone to a gentler one. "He wants to go, Flo. Don't take it away from him. He can come home at any time if he wants to."

Flo's heart sank. She knew that if both Ror and Zim had their minds made up, there was nothing she could do. Zim nodded, stood up and walked from the room slowly, leaving Flo in the middle of the gym. Purple looked out of the steamy window of the sauna at her.

"You think you ought to go comfort her, Dib?"

Red looked up.

"He'll do no such thing," he said sharply. He was lying on the bench, naked but for a towel, beads of sweat trickling across his back as Dib massaged it, running his fingers across the white, raised scars that criss-crossed his skin. Purple glanced again out of the window, but Flo had gone. He sighed. Maybe it was better if Ror went away for a while, anyway. He was a bad influence on his sisters, especially Violet. Although, military training did seem a little extreme at his age. How many battles would there be for him to fight in, anyway?

---

He sprinted down the corridor, pursued by a shouting rabble of guards. His troops had all died at their hands; he was the only survivor. But there was no time to feel remorse now. He had a job to do; else they would all have died for nothing. The laser bursts that flew past him spurred him on, and as he rounded the corner he removed his own gun and shot at the lock-card mechanism on the door. It opened with a click, and he rolled through just as the emergency lock-down was initiated. He could hear the frustrated lasers slamming into the thick metal on the other side, but he knew that they wouldn't get through. The control brains were kept under too much protection for mere lasers to cut through. He ran his tongue along his thin lips and placed the bomb in the dead centre of the room. The control brain, at the other side of the room, began to disengage the emergency lock. There wasn't much time.

He pressed the button that had been strapped to his wrist and unlocked the door. As the troops ran into the room, he threw the bomb into the air and drew himself to the ceiling on his spider legs, scuttling along the walls and out of the room. The troops had forgotten about him in their horror at the falling explosive. They ran in, trying to prevent it from reaching the control brain. He dropped from the ceiling and ran faster. He had been ready to die for the cause until now. Now, all he wanted to do was see the product of their years of hard work. He reached his shuttle and leapt in, shooting off and counting under his breath as he sped to freedom and safety.

_Three_. Irk would be liberated.

_Two_. Free to do what they wanted, build where they wanted, free to live.

_One_. And the Tallest could come back.

As the last number counted down, the bombs exploded. One for every control brain. The 'special agents' had all completed their missions before their demises, all having concealed the bombs at each control brain's station. Tonight had been the final mission for all of the members of RACE. All but one. And it had paid off. As the power went out, and Irk was thrown into darkness, he smirked. The lack of power meant that there was a _total_ lack of power. Not one control brain had survived. Panic erupted on the streets, Irkens running left, right and centre. They all knew what a total power cut meant. The control brains were either shutting off Irk entirely, or something had gone badly wrong. Gem pressed the other button on his wrist, and all Irken communicators turned on. Public screens, personal compacts, they all broadcasted his signal. He cleared his throat.

---

Ror put on his uniform and turned in front of his sisters.

"Well? What do you think?"

"Erm… Why are you wearing that?" Violet asked, her head tilted to one side so she could admire her brother's outfit.

"I'm wearing it because father's sending me to Hobo 13. For military training."

Scarlet's jaw dropped.

"_What?_ Why aren't we going too?"

Ror smirked.

"Because I'm so superior, of course. I guess height isn't everything, Scar."

She glared at him.

"It's not fair. We're taller, we ought to go too!"

Violet, however, seemed happy that they weren't going as well.

"I've heard about Hobo 13, Ror, mommy told me all about it. She said…"

"Whatever _mommy_ said, she only said it to scare you, so you wouldn't feel so bad when I left without you," Ror sneered, "And if it is true, then it just proves that father thinks I'm more capable than you."

"Well, we'll see about that," Scarlet hissed, "C'mon, Vi, I'm gonna ask dad about coming with him."

"Oh but… ok," Violet sighed, as Scarlet dragged her arm. She followed reluctantly, and they soon bumped into Zim. Violet hugged his leg, and Scarlet stood up straight in front of him, drawing herself up to her full height.

"Daddy," she wheedled, "Ror said he's going to Hobo 13. Can we come?"

Zim laughed and shook his head.

"You and Violet have to stay here, to keep Flo company," he began, but when her face fell, he tried a different approach. "Listen to Zim. I have a secret to tell you. You see, as you two are so much taller than Ror you get to stay here and relax whilst he has to do all the work. It's your _own_ special training. Because _you_ two will grow up to be the most _beautiful_, powerful Tallests there ever were. If not of the Irken Empire, then we'll conquer somewhere special just for you."

Scarlet's frown morphed into a self-important sneer, and Violet's eyes lit up.

"I _knew_ it," Scarlet whispered to herself.

"But don't tell Ror," Zim said urgently, and the twins nodded, skipping off down the corridor. Zim heaved a sigh of relief and went off to find the Tallest. The ship had arrived to take Ror. As they left the building, all the communicators started to buzz, unheard by their owners, who had left them inside, out of respect.

Zim, Flo, Scarlet and Violet stood together in front of Ror, who nodded importantly at them. The huge ship from Hobo 13 loomed in the background, ready to take him away. Flo was crying, and Zim looked as though he might burst with pride. Scarlet and Violet beamed at their brother. Flo stooped down to hug him tightly, and he gave a smile that showed just how nervous he was about leaving.

"Goodbye, Mom. Scar, Vi, see you later, losers. Father…"

Ror trailed off, and Zim nodded curtly.

"Do us proud," Zim said, "Do not make a mockery of the name _Zim_."

"Should I tell him it already is?" Red whispered to Purple, who grinned. He looked a little teary.

"Good luck, Ror," Purple sniffed.

"Yeah, good luck," Red agreed, and Ror beamed.

"Thank you, my Tallest."

"You look good, Ror," Dib said.

"Shut up, Dib-Stink," said Ror and Zim simultaneously.

Ror walked into the ship, looked out of the window and saluted. And, as one, the seven that stood before him saluted back. They waved as the ship took off. When they walked back into the palace, they were met with a message on the communicator screen.

---

"Citizens of Irk," Gem rasped, his throat parched and sore from shouting orders to the troops that had not survived, "For months we have mourned the loss of the Tallest. And yet, nobody questioned why we haven't had a measuring for a new one. This is because we weren't allowed to. Irk has been under the power of control brains for a long time, and recently, they were ruling us completely. Those who questioned this system are killed.

"The Tallest never died. They are, at present, in hiding, upon a planet known as Earth. Their return will bring new hope to us all, for their return will mean that all that has happened tonight will have finally worked. A new day has dawned upon our Empire, a day of liberation. The control brains are gone. We are free.

"RACE, the underground resistance many of you will have whispered about, has finally come through. Our struggle is over. And only I remain. I shall restore your power, and with it, our power will be restored. Our power as an Empire free of the cold, unquestioned orders of control brains. The Tallest can make decisions based on love, based on emotions, based on life. The strangling grip of computerised, mechanical, emotionless orders is gone. We have been liberated."

Gem cut the transmission and pressed the button again. As lights flickered back on, a great cheer sounded in the streets. A cheer that echoed, and carried on into the night. Irk was free.

---

They stared at the blank screen for what seemed like an age before Violet broke the silence.

"What does liberated mean?" she asked, and Purple looked at Red.

"Yeah, Red, what does liberated mean?"

"It means that the control brains are gone. They're free," Dib said in a low voice.

"Does that mean you're leaving?" Zim asked, sounding upset. Red nodded enthusiastically, and Dib grinned at Flo.

"I guess this is goodbye," he said, and she groaned.

"Don't start that again, Dib. Go on, get out of here," she sighed, giving him a peck on the cheek. Red grinned at Scarlet.

"See you later, little dudette," he said, and she smiled at him. Violet, however, was crying.

"Don't go, Uncle Purple! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!!"

"Violet!" Zim said, with a nervous laugh, "You're embarrassing me in front of the Tallest!"

Purple scooped her up and hugged her.

"Goodbye, Violet," he said gently, taking a small, purple object from his PAK and pressing it into her hands. "Here. His name is Jimmy. I guess you can keep him."

Violet jumped down from his arms and looked at the purple teddy bear in awe. Scarlet looked up expectantly at Red.

"Hey, I'd give you Jammy," Red said, "Really I would. But, I don't carry teddies around in my PAK. So he got burnt up on the Massive when it exploded."

Scarlet reached into the red pouch that hung round her neck, pulling out a crimson teddy of her own. She held it up above her head and Red took it.

"Her name is Ursula. I guess you can keep her," Scarlet said reluctantly, and Red tucked the bear into his pocket with a grateful smile. Dib looked a little left out. Zim ordered for the finest ship to be prepared for the Tallest, to send them on their journey back to Earth. Dib was still wearing his scarf. He took it off, to give to Flo, but she shook her head and draped it around his shoulders again.

"It suits you," she said simply. Gaz was lurking round a corner, and Dib hugged her goodbye as well.

"I guess the Tallest are your checkpoint, Dib," she said, "You hold on to them, OK?"

He nodded and stepped into the ship where Red and Purple already relaxed. As they set off, leaving the Earth behind, he gave one last wistful sigh, which Purple echoed.

"I'm gonna miss having smeets around," he whined to Red, who rolled his eyes. "And it's gonna be really boring being the Tallest with no control brains. We're gonna have to make all of the decisions now."

"Hmm… Never had to do much of that before," Red mused, and Dib sighed.

"Easy. You guys have to stay on Irk. The Massive was just a way of shielding yourselves from the problems you had there; if you have a palace on Irk there's no ignoring it. You need to sort out the problems on your home planet before trying to conquer the universe."

Red and Purple exchanged a glance, before Red cleared his throat.

"Hey, Dib. You know, you're pretty tall."

Dib raised an eyebrow.

"Your point being?"

"Well… you know, you're practically a Tallest anyway, so…?"

Dib backed away.

"Oh no. I am _not_ going to…"

They pounced at the same time, rolling him off his seat and onto the floor. Red sat on Dib's chest whilst Purple set about pulling off the trench coat and wriggling down the black pants. Dib writhed and kicked, but Red's weight crushing on his chest prevented him from actually doing anything. Purple pulled the black robes and armour that they had been wearing from under a seat (They had long since changed back to red and purple) and pulled them onto Dib, fastening it up expertly. Evidently they had only employed Flo as a dresser because they were too lazy to dress themselves. Red stood up to allow Purple to clip the breastplate of the black armour into place, pulling Dib to his feet and showing him his reflection.

"Oh, they look fine on _him_," Red sighed, and Purple nodded in agreement. Dib grinned.

"They do look… kinda cool," he said, wrapping the scarf around his neck again. The colours matched their robes as they stood in line. "Fine, fine, I'll be a stupid Tallest."

"Hey, there's only room for one stupid Tallest, and that's Pur," Red said slyly, and Purple punched him on the shoulder.

"But… If I'm a Tallest with you, what about all the Irkens that are taller than me?"

"Eh. They'll have to deal with it," Purple said, and Dib sank into a chair. Had he just accepted to co-rule an Empire? Tallest Dib. It was a weird title, and he liked it. A lot. He looked at the clock. It would take a whole day to get to Irk. He could barely wait.

---

It had been a day since Ror had left for Hobo 13, and Flo was getting anxious. Why hadn't her son called? It was a joke, it was all so ridiculous, her little smeet taking part in military training that had torn apart the toughest of adults. She sat rigidly on her throne, staring at the communicator screen. Ror had promised to call at eight. It was five past.

"Why hasn't he called?" she moaned to Zim, who patted her hand sympathetically, though he gave an annoyed growl. Another five minutes, and the screen flickered into life. Zim grinned.

On screen, Ror stood alone at the top of a cliff. He was laughing manically. Behind him, what could be seen of Hobo 13 was a smoking mess of rubble and burning ruins.

"Mom! Father, I…" Ror began, but it was at that moment that Sergeant 687 came running angrily into view. He was blackened and bruised.

"ZIM!!!" he roared, "I have survived the Hogulus, I have survived thirty seven wars, and I even survived your _own_ training on this planet. And in all that time, I have NEVER seen such DESTRUCTION as I have done today. Your son destroyed all our troops, our equipment, OUR BARRACKS! He destroyed the army from inside out! Unless you take him back IMMIDIETALY, I shall be forced to dispose of him personally!"

The grin on Zim's face couldn't have stretched much more if he'd tried. His son, a mere smeet, destroyed an entire army, no! An entire planet.

"I am so proud of you," he said, "Feel honoured, Ror."

Ror beamed.

---

The grin on Red's face widened.

"Okay, Dib, I have a question. Who do you love more, me or Pur?"

Pur sat up straight; he was interested now. Dib shook his head.

"I can't answer that," he said simply, and Purple crossed his arms.

"You have to," he said, "It's the rules! The bottle pointed at you, and you picked truth!"

"I love you equally," Dib said, and Red threw Scarlet's teddy at him.

"Answer properly. It's me, isn't it?"

"Aw, c'mon, Dib, you love me more. I'm more caring than Red. Who was it that held your hand all the way through the operation?" Purple said, and Dib raised an eyebrow.

"What operation?"

Purple explained that all new slaves on the Massive had to have an operation done to fit a translator, so that they could read and speak Irken and other alien languages. Dib had had a tester of tranquiliser on the first night, so that the next morning they could operate.

"Yeah, well I might not go all cutesy on you like Pur, but nobody loves you like I do, right Dib?" Red said, eyes twinkling.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Dib sighed, and Red nodded. "Well, I guess I love… HEY! THERE'S IRK!!!"

They turned to look at the familiar planet, and suddenly the pit of Dib's stomach tightened. What if the Irkens didn't want a human Tallest? What if they didn't want to have _three_ Tallests? What if, what if, what if. But as they approached and identified themselves, the welcome that they received took his mind off his doubts and back to fuzzy disbelief. He stayed in the ship whilst Red and Purple went out to address the Irkens, but Red came running back in a minute later, looking distraught.

"Tactless bastards," he muttered, and Purple walked in, looking exasperated.

"They wiggled their antennas at him," he explained to Dib, "And he got a bit upset."

"I'm half an Irken," Red said in a choked voice, and Dib rolled his eyes.

"Just get them to salute in a different way," he said. Purple grinned and opened the door, muttering something to Gem. Then he and Red went out again. It was a full ten minutes before Red and Purple appeared on the communicator screen in the ship, as they did on all Irken communicators.

"Irkens! As you now know, an alien from another planet has been appointed as co-tallest!"

"Yes, an alien from planet Earth that we have come to trust as an honorary Irken!"

"And here he is!"

Terrible flashbacks of the last time he had been presented to Irk slipped into Dib's head. Shouted insults, a roar of laughter at a horrifying crescendo, and a particularly hideous pair of lime green shorts. The door slid open and Dib stumbled out in front of the crowd, dreading what was to come.

Cheers and whistles erupted, reaching a dizzying crescendo. And Irk fell to its knees.

**AN**

**Please review. Only one more update to come, then it's all over…**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Flo, Ror, Violet, Scarlet and Gem, as well as Ursula, Jimmy and Jammy the teddies belong to me.**


	30. Ten Years On and the Cycle Starts Again

Ten Years On and the Cycle Starts Again 

Dib pulled on the black robes and pressed the armour to his chest. Sometimes it still felt strange, dressing in the Irken clothing, but after a decade, he was used to it. He was twenty eight, although officially he was only twenty five. He had been pumped with anti-aging drugs and hormones, because Red had insisted that if Dib was going to die so many years before he was, they might as well have got a hamster or a cat all those years ago.

Irk was now a prosperous, efficient planet, where homelessness was at an all time low, jobs were plentiful, and the surrounding Empire had profitable trade links with all kinds of planets. All down to Dib's input in the decisions, according to Purple. Red agreed. In fact, there was only one Irken who thought that Dib's position was a terrible idea. No prizes for guessing who.

And yet, Zim had invited the Tallest to Earth for a ten-year reunion. Irk no longer took part in the karaoke party, since it was a 'trivial and unimportant event that was of no benefit to the Empire' (though Dib had a feeling that Red simply didn't want to lose again), but Flo had been adamant that she saw Dib again, other than their daily chats over the communications screen. Dib was getting ready for the reunion now, and was also ensuring that as well as clothes he had packed the gifts that they were bringing for the smeets and Flo. There were to be spending the weekend at Zim's palace, with Gem, the head government official, looking after the Empire.

And so it was that, with the usual rush of happiness that accompanied seeing Flo, Dib came to stepping out of the teleporter into Zim's palace once more. He wondered what the smeets would look like, being baby smeets no longer, as they had rarely shown up on the screens during his conversations with Flo. Red gave a little groan as he exited the teleporter; he still detested Zim with a passion, but Purple seemed pretty bouncy and happy to be back. The two hadn't changed a bit over the past decade, except maybe they took more responsibilities with the Empire, and made sure that they were nice to the servants. Just in case. The first thing that Dib noticed was that there was a large dish of water in the corner of the room. Strange,

They walked through to the throne room, where they knew that Zim would be. The origins of the water dish were made clear instantly by the deep, booming bark that echoed from inside. Purple opened the door, and was bowled over instantly by a Rottweiler that was the approximate size of a lion. It pinned Purple to the floor and licked his face thoroughly, before bounding back into the throne room. Red looked down at Purple, bewildered, and Purple stood up, spluttering, a look of disgust on his face. He slicked off the drool with his fingers.

"Ugh! Don't flick that at me!" Red laughed, and Dib walked into the room curiously. Flo threw a ball as far as she could, and the dog ran after it, catching it in mid-air and bringing it back to her. She laughed as it licked her hand, and called Dib over.

"Dib! My Tallest! It's so great to see you again!" she smiled, hugging him. "Hey, guess what?"

"You got a dog?" Dib asked dryly, and she grinned.

"Yeah! You see, Rory wanted to get a pet a while ago, and I thought that we could call you guys and ask for something small from Irk, like a Hirckle or something, but Violet wanted an animal from here."

Dib patted the dog's head. It panted appreciatively, drooling everywhere.

"What's he called?" he asked.

"Violet named him. He's called Deefur," Flo said, with a twinkle in her eye, and Purple started to laugh. Flo smiled, but Dib and Red looked puzzled.

"What? What's the joke?" Red asked.

"Don't you get it?" Purple sounded very pleased with himself for having worked it out first. "Deefur. Deefur Dog!"

Dib groaned, and Flo smirked. Deefur jumped up at the sound of his name, knocking over Purple again, and Dib looked up to the thrones, where he could hear a loud rumbling noise. Zim was lounging, as he always did, on his throne. A fat black cat occupied his lap, and he was absentmindedly scratching it behind the ear. It purred like an engine, and Dib finally agreed with the saying that pets take after their owners. Flo was laughing and playing with the bouncy, energetic dog, and Zim sat lazily on his cushy throne, the cat comfortable and complacent in his lap.

"Hey, Zim! I never thought _you'd_ get a pet," Dib called, "Especially a cat. Kinda girly, don't you think?"

Zim glared at him. He sank his claws into the thick black fur, listening to the contented purring.

"The feline species that resides on this filthy scum-ball is anything but _girly_," Zim sneered, "Lamia is a cold-blooded killer that rends down any animal foolish enough to get in her way."

"Apart, of course, from Deefur," Dib noted, looking admiringly at the enormous dog.

"Hmm. But Flo's _pathetic_ dog-monster lacks the cold, calculating intelligence that makes Lamia so superior to the other creatures this planet has to offer. Humans included," Zim smirked.

"All humans?" Dib asked dangerously, stepping back to stand closer to the Tallest so that Zim could remember who he was insulting. Sure enough, Zim paled and settled with glaring at Flo's dog instead. Dib becoming a Tallest was the worst thing to happen to him, period. Even worse than finding out the truth about his mission. Which had, of course been the cause of all of this; he would never have sent Dib off had he not found out the truth. And he would never have become the Emperor either. A rainbow for every thundercloud, as Flo often said.

"So… where's Ror?" Red asked, slightly nervously, "You know they _still_ haven't finished rebuilding Hobo 13? Our armies have had to find a temporary training planet, Zim. And I don't think the Hogulus will ever be the same."

Zim simply laughed.

"Ror and the twins will be in their room. You might need to cover your antennas," he added as the three left the room, Dib carrying the presents. He often carried the bags, as Red still sometimes ordered him around like a servant, but he didn't complain. If Red were to change, things wouldn't really be the same. They soon found out why they needed to protect their ears, as once they stepped out of the elevator they felt the floor vibrating, the sound of the drums and electric guitar blasting out from under the poster-covered door with no respect for other people's ear-drums/hearing nodes. Dib recognised the song as one that Gaz used to play, by a band called Nightwish. He couldn't remember the name of the song.

Red opened the door, and they were instantly hit by the wall of sound. Purple walked in, face lit up in wonder. The three 'smeets', now the Irken equivalent of teenagers (though just referred to as 'older smeets') were in the corner of the room, so caught up in playing the song as loudly as possible that they hadn't noticed their audience.

Violet and Scarlet wore matching black corset dresses, cut short to half way up their skinny thighs. Scarlet's corset was laced with red ribbon, Violet's with purple. They wore knee-high boots, and plenty of liner around their heavily-lidded eyes. They were Dib's height; a head shorter than the Tallest. Ror wore black pants and an orange Invader-style shirt, with orange arm warmers and, to Dib's surprise, an extremely familiar black trench coat. Ror was about a head shorter than his sisters, and yet seemed strangely dominant over them despite this. He had, like Zim, a very commanding air about him.

Violet was playing a cordless electric guitar, standing with her legs splayed apart and the instrument held high. Purple's eyes watched the strings and he smiled slightly. Ror was singing in a gravely voice, and Violet sang clear and high. Red's eyes were fixed on Scarlet as she pounded the drums violently, sweat trickling down her forehead. She span the sticks expertly between her fingers, and Red counted the beats with an impressed, slanted grin on his face. Dib looked at the set of drums. Emblazoned on the largest drum was a lighting logo and the words 'THE INVADERS'.

Ror looked up and saw them, stopping at once. Violet glanced at him, caught his gaze and straightened slightly when she saw them. Only Scarlet didn't stop, thrashing the drums malevolently. She finally noticed the lack of music and glanced up. She raised an eyebrow and finished off by pounding the drums one last time and throwing the sticks in the air, catching them expertly. Red raised an eyebrow as well, possibly admiringly, but said nothing.

"My Tallest," Ror said, bowing his head curtly. Violet flashed a smile to Purple with sparkling white teeth, which he returned, and Scarlet simply nodded, breathless from drumming.

"Wow, Violet. Look at you, all grown up," Purple grinned, and she blushed slightly and glanced down at her feet. Dib eyed Ror's coat for a while before Ror said anything.

"It was yours, my Tallest. I was helping Gaz work in the gardens…"

"God, Ror, why don't you just propose to her," Scarlet scoffed, and Ror flushed furiously and narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up, Scar. Anyway, I was helping Gaz, and she said that she had an old trench coat… that you'd grown out of it years ago and wouldn't need it, and it would suit me. I hope you don't mind, my Tallest," he said, in a voice that suggested that he didn't care what Dib thought about the coat; he's wear it either way.

"Eh, whatever," Dib said with a grin, "You look good, Ror."

"Shut up Dib-St…" Ror gulped. "I mean, thanks, my Tallest."

Scarlet sniggered at Ror's face, but Violet seemed dumbstruck and continued to stare at her feet. Dib placed the bag of gifts on a chair and left the room, and Red and Purple followed.

"I have been waiting to say that for ten years," Dib laughed. "What was up with Violet?"

"Eh, who knows?" Red shrugged, "Females can be very temperamental. Dunno about you, but I'm starved."

They had reached their room, and as Dib unpacked the bags, Purple pushed the button that was next to his bed. Zim had, rather pointedly, supplied them with a room between them, but three single beds, which Red set about pushing together at once.

"Hey, is that room-service? Yeah, we'll have bread, cheese, anything that goes well in sandwiches, curly fries, nachos, pizza, tacos, wedges, doughnuts, popcorn…"

Purple continued with his list of food and Dib lay on a bed as Red dragged it across the room. A maid turned up with the trolley of food, which Purple took over to the bed. Dib eyed the junk food with disgust. He had eaten nothing but junk for the past decade, as it seemed to be all the Tallest ate, and he was sick of it. He started to make a sandwich with the bread and cheese whilst Red experimented by making a pizza sandwich, simply shoving a slice of pizza between two slices of bread. He was about to squirt ketchup on it when Purple grabbed the bottle, emptying it onto his curly fries. A squabble quickly broke out, and Dib was dragged in.

Ror walked up to the Tallest's room and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so he knocked again, and that was when he heard laughing, scuffling and bed springs. His eyes widened, and he turned, about to run when Dib opened the door. His hair was tousled.

"Hey, Ror. What do you want?" Dib asked, wondering why Ror looked so pale.

"I just remembered that I was supposed to say that we'll be dining in two hours. I… hope I wasn't interrupting anything." Ror stuttered weakly, and Dib grinned.

"Oh, no, don't worry. We were just making a sandwich."

Ror blanched and his antennas drooped.

"O…Okay. In that case, my Tallest, you got some, uh… mayonnaise on your armour."

Dib looked down at the creamy smear on his breastplate, dipped his finger in it and, to Ror's horror licked it off. From inside the room there was a loud moan, and Purple's voice could be heard.

"Stop it, Red, you're hurting me!"

Ror groaned. His cheeks swelled, as though he were about to be sick, and he turned and fled down the corridor, to Dib's confusion. Dib went back into the room, where Red was bending Purple's fingers back, trying to prise a doughnut from his grip. Purple's eyes watered as Red pulled harder on his fingers, but he didn't relinquish his grip on the doughnut. Sure enough, the mayonnaise had been knocked over and spilt on the bedcovers. Dib sighed and called for the maid.

---

Ror staggered back into the twin's room, with an expression that suggested that he had been force-fed soap. He had his own room, but he spent a lot of time in their room, practising their music. Flo had insisted that they were educated in music and the arts, as well as reading them many Earth children's stories about wolves that blew down houses and giants that lived at the top of beanstalks. Zim insisted that they were educated in killing, destruction and piloting ships. There weren't many teenagers on this planet that were as knowledgeable about Beethoven and Botticelli as they were about calculated killing and blowing things up. All they wanted to do was to have fun. Scarlet glanced up when he entered.

"What's up with you?" she asked indifferently, and he sank into a chair.

"Dib, Red, Purple… making a sandwich…" he muttered. She raised an eyebrow, so he tried again. "The Tallest were mating… all three of them. Together."

Scarlet spluttered in disgust, and Violet looked distraught.

"But… was Purple? Was Purple _definitely_ involved?" she asked, and Ror nodded fervently. Scarlet's jaw had dropped.

"Oh, gods above… D'you _fancy_ Purple?" she gasped, and Violet blushed.

"So what if I do? He's nice, and funny, and gorgeous…"

"He's also your UNCLE!!!" Ror spluttered, and she shook her head.

"Not by blood! He's not related at all."

Scarlet hit her over the head with a pillow.

"You _sicko_! He's still 'Uncle Purple'! And there's the age gap. And by the sound of it he's got enough on his plate without some stupid, lovesick smeet lusting after him as well!"

"He might not love Red and Dib. He might…"

"Love _you_ instead?" Ror sneered cruelly, "You're so naïve, Vi. He thinks of you as a friend. A daughter, even. You embarrass me sometimes."

Violet sniffed and turned away from her brother. Scarlet touched her shoulder lightly, but she pushed her away and fled from the room. She collided with Purple and burst into tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, little Violet! What's wrong?" Purple asked, his brow furrowed. She looked into his calm indigo eyes and began to explain.

---

Dib walked to the throne room, sticking his head around the door. He was about to say something, but he forgot all about it, watching Zim and Flo instead. Zim held a strawberry between his teeth, and leant in towards Flo, who gently took it in her own mouth and chewed it slowly, eyes closed. She slid across the armrest of the throne onto Zim's lap as the cat leapt off and stalked away, affronted. She kissed him gently, and he ran his hands over her body with a hungry gleam in his eyes.

"Sickening, isn't it?" said a low voice behind him, and Dib turned quickly to see Gaz. He smiled at her, and she twitched the corners of her mouth in return. Since Professor Membrane had died in an explosion in the laboratory three years ago, she had grown more withdrawn, more scathing, her hatred for love and compassion almost overwhelming. Dib was the only person she still had a shred of compassion for, her brother, her only family. Ror's constant attention only served to make her even bitterer.

"I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's Zim, but Flo seems happy."

"Wow, it's taken ten years, but you've finally got over it," Gaz said dryly, and Dib sighed.

"Yeah, well. As a Tallest," he began, drawing himself up to his full height, "I've had a lot of other stuff to think about. Oh, before I forget, what's this I hear about Ror?"

Gaz's expression could slice diamonds.

"He's been sniffing around like that dopey dog, but I've told him where to shove it. He doesn't seem to get the message. But I gave him your coat. I don't give a damn if you mind or not."

"Neither does he," Dib laughed, "But I don't mind. How're you doing? Without dad, I mean."

"Just as well as when he was alive and I was without him, Dib."

Dib nodded, and she turned and trudged off down the corridor. He sighed; she looked so small, so alone. But whilst Dib felt sorry for her, he knew she would be alright. In fact, he had a feeling that she cared more about Ror than she was letting on. He could hear Purple down the corridor, and a crying girl. He decided to listen in.

---

Purple swept his claw under Violet's eyes, gently wiping away her tears.

"How long have you felt this way?" he asked quietly.

"Years and years. I'm sorry. You probably think I'm so stupid," she sniffed, and he smiled.

"I don't think you're stupid."

"Really?" Violet sounded surprised. "Everyone else does. See, this is what I mean about you being so nice to me."

"Everyone think's I'm stupid, and they're probably right. But _you_ are definitely not stupid, Violet. Come here," he said, pulling her close and hugging her. "If there's anyone who knows about falling in love with the wrong person, it's me. First I fell in love with Red. Then with Dib. There's only one difference. It turns out I was _meant_ to be with them. You and me, we're not meant to be. You're my niece, my little one, my cute, girly twin. I love you, but not in that way."

Violet's eyes welled up, and once again he swabbed at the tears gently before continuing in a soothing tone.

"If there's one thing I've learnt, it's to take the bad with the good. Thing will sort themselves out in time; even if you need to let things go a full circle before starting again. And when the cycle starts over, your time will come. We're not that different, you and me, Violet, and I know you'll find someone."

Violet nodded.

"I love you, Uncle Purple," she whispered, and he nodded back and kissed her cheek.

"How about we go get you some curly-fries?" he asked gently, and she grinned. They stood up. It was at that moment that there was a clicking noise, and two laser beams came from the ceiling, hitting both Purple and Violet in the eye. They fell to the floor with gasps of pain, and Red and Scarlet came round the corner, laughing hysterically.

"Ha-ha! Awesome," they said in unison, slapping hands in a high-five. Dib rolled his eyes, but was unable to keep the smile from forming on his face.

He had come to the Massive as a slave, forced there with no choice. There he had found love, and friendship, but it had been taken from him after they were found out. Sent away, then summoned back, love had prevailed once more. Now he stood in front of Irk as a ruler, having conquered emotions that had nearly destroyed all three of them.

Zim had come to Earth as an outcast, banished and hated by his race, scorned and despaired over by his love. There he had triumphed, and ruled over all, though alcohol ruled over him. He sent for Flo as a mother to the heir that he so desperately desired, and, though by chance and by accident, love blossomed under the rain clouds of Earth. His desire for an heir and his desire for a family combined, and finally, like a lifted curse, he rediscovered the emotions that he had once destroyed. Now he stood in front of Earth as a father, his rekindled love by his side.

Things had started out terribly for everyone. Things had got worse. But just as there had been three figures in the mirror ten years ago, the red and purple clones and the shorter, black odd-one-out, there were three here now, scarlet and violet twins and a trench-coat-clad brother. Purple had been right. They weren't that different. And it looked like the cycle had come right around at last.

**AN**

**Is this the end? Yes. Yes it is. Please review, especially if you've put it off for the past twenty nine chapters, though I can no longer promise an update… **

**BumbleBees BabyGurl, I hope I didn't screw up your idea too much.**

**Many, many thanks to the reviewers that have cheered me up and kept me writing. A special thanks to LoneHowler, Sasha Marie, Nights in a City and Lemony Leafe, whose regular reviews really helped me to keep the faith in my work…**

**I don't own Invader Zim; all of that belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. However, I do own:**

**Flo**

**Ror**

**Scarlet**

**Violet**

**Gem**

**Helio**

**Strawberry**

**Platinum**

**Yasmine**

**Gort**

**Mal**

**Jif**

**Kikon**

**Joa**

**Tenby**

**Emory**

**Prince Gair and Princess Giaré**

**Thanks for sticking with this to the end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please check out my other work, as I don't want this to be goodbye…**

**Goodbye!**


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